Authors: Liz Williams
“I thought she would have made amends by now.”
“It has nothing to do with penitence, everything to do with loss of the will to live. Our lives turn in cycles, you understand this.” He was losing patience with me, so I stopped pestering him. It is a belief of the
satahrachin
that when we journey into death we are once again in our youngest days; we wander the fiery land as children do, walking the Long Road. And then, as a child will wake and come home, we pass into another state and consciously apprehend it. I have said that I am neither
satahrach
nor shadowdrinker and my sight—apart from a very few times in my life—is confined to a glimpse when waking and little more in dreams— though I wondered at the time that my lack of ability did not prevent me from seeing ghosts. The
satahrach
made me leave Sereth while he tended to her, and when I returned to my own chamber, Shu Idaan Gho was waiting for me.
Shu waited impatiently for Eleres to return, so that she could speak to him alone. She tried not to think about what might be happening at the camp, but the thought of Mevennen, possibly worsening, and then the generator, was enough to make her fidget uneasily in the window seat until the door opened and Eleres stepped through. His face was drawn and he looked years older.
“Well, ghost,” he said wearily. He tilted his head on one side in his by-now familiar gesture. “More woes to plague us. Sereth's ill. I think it's blood poisoning. Rami's with her now.”
“Oh, Eleres, no. I'm so sorry.”
His head came up sharply.
“How do you know my name?”
Cursing her carelessness, Shu said, “Your sister told me. I remember you said I'd have to earn the right to know it, but—”
“Well, earn it, then. Help my cousin.”
“All right,” Shu said, in relief. “Blood poisoning's easily cured, you know. I've got medical equipment with me. I should be able to cure her.”
The young man stared at her, and she winced at the hope in his face. “Are you sure?”
“I think so. The question is really whether you trust me to try.”
“Whether I trust you,” he echoed. He added, “It crossed my mind that her illness might be something you'd caused in the first place.”
Shu shook her head. “No. I told you, though I don't expect you to believe me. We're not here to cause harm.”
At least not intentionally.
“Will you let me look at your cousin?”
He hesitated. “Very well. But when the
satahrach
'
s
gone. I don't want to have to explain you to him.”
Twenty minutes later, Shu knelt by Sereth's side. The girl tossed and whimpered, crying out a word that the
lingua franca
could not translate.
“Morrac,” Eleres said, in answer to Shu's questioning look. “Her brother. My lover.”
“Is she calling for him to come here, do you think?”
“She'd be better off if he didn't,” Eleres said abruptly.
“Why's that?” Shu asked, but he turned on his heel and went to stare out into the darkness. Shu focused on Sereth, examining the affected arm. It seemed to have come on quickly. Shu tried to remember how long it usually took to come down with the illness, but she was not a doctor. She took the medkit from her pack.
“What's that thing?”
“Eleres, be quiet for a moment.” Rather to her surprise, he complied. The scanner contained within the medkit would, hopefully, confirm the diagnosis and give the dosage. Offering a brief prayer, Shu ran the scan. There was a pause while the device processed the results. Eagerly, Shu examined the readout, and became aware that Eleres was staring
over her shoulder. “Seven milligrams of nanosopalidine. Hold on,” she murmured, more to herself than to him. “I need to check whether the kit can actually deliver this stuff.” She said clearly, “Read for availability.”
Serenely, the medkit replied, “
Kit possesses availability to full capacity.
”
“What's
that?
” Eleres asked. Shu could feel his breath on her ear.
“Young man, do you think you could stop looming over me?”
“Sorry.”
“It's telling me that it knows what's wrong with her and it can generate the medicine which will cure her. I hope. Now all we have to do is apply it.” As gently as she could, she attached the nanofilament probe to Sereth's swollen arm. The girl went rigid, arching her back against the bed. She made a small, strangled noise. Worried, Shu glanced at Eleres and saw to her alarm that he was watching his cousin. His gaze was fixed, and it was as though there were a light behind his eyes.
“Eleres?” she asked sharply, and he looked up with a start. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, I'm all right. It's just—” He broke off. “You wouldn't understand.”
“It's the bloodmind, am I right?” Shu said, more gently. “Like animals, who can't tolerate the weak.” She couldn't help a small, grim smile. “You'd make a terrible doctor.” She wasn't sure how the last word would translate.
“It doesn't affect the
satahrachin
so much,” he murmured. Absently, he reached out and touched Sereth's damp hair.
Gentleness and violence
, Shu thought,
all in the same package …
On the bed, Sereth gave a wordless cry. On the verge of panic, Shu was about to detach the filament, but then Sereth relaxed. Shu watched the readout lights stack up as the medkit delivered the dosage into Sereth's bloodstream.
When it showed that it had done so, she removed the filament and replaced it in the sterilizer.
“Has it worked?” Eleres asked anxiously.
“We won't know just yet. It'll take a while.”
Eleres went to sit by the side of the bed. The light of the lamp reflected behind his eyes, making them gleam. They waited. At last Eleres said, “I thought you might come to the funeral.”
“I tried to tell you. I couldn't leave the house,” Shu said. The memory of that shock wave traveling through her was still unpleasantly fresh, and as she thought of it, her mind seemed to tighten as though someone had screwed her brain deeper into her skull. Wincing, Shu put a hand to her head. “Something stopped me.”
“The defense has been up all day, except briefly when we left for the funeral. I thought a ghost would have little trouble crossing it.”
“The defense?”
“The landline that protects the house.”
Shu was about to ask him what he meant, but at that point Sereth stirred. Eleres drew back the sheet and caught his breath. Already Sereth's arm seemed less shiny, the flesh less swollen.
“It's fast medicine,” Shu said.
Eleres's eyes narrowed. “How does it work?”
“It sends very small particles called nanobiotics through the bloodstream which directly attack the infection.”
“Fast medicine,” Eleres echoed. She did not think he had understood.
“She won't be completely well for a day or so. She'll need to rest.”
After a moment, he said, “If you can cure Sereth so easily, then why not Mevennen?”
“Your sister's illness is more complicated, I'm afraid. Here, we knew what was wrong. But we don't really understand what the problem is with Mevennen.”
“So you need me as—as comparison?”
“That's right.”
He was rolling up his sleeve, and there was a set expression on his face, as one who was about to do something distasteful. It was a moment before Shu realized, with a flood of relief, that she had won something approaching his trust. “Then you can have my blood,” he said.
“Yes, well, let's do this properly,” Shu told him. Relief made her more acerbic than she liked. “I'm going to wrap this around your thumb for a moment …”
The hand was withdrawn. “Not that hand,” Eleres said, with a glance at Sereth.
“Not your named hand, all right,” Shu said soothingly. She slipped the tourniquet over his other thumb and tightened it. “This is going to sting.” His face did not change. Shu unwrapped the tourniquet and fitted it back into the medkit. Data began to flow smoothly across the little screen as the thing processed results.
“Is that all?” Eleres asked abruptly.
He must make an awful patient, Shu thought. She said, “Not quite. Now, this thing is a scanning device, which fits over your forehead. All that this tells us is what's going on in your brain. It can't read your thoughts or imprison you or make you do anything you don't want to.” She held up the narrow band. Eleres gave her an incredulous glance, then bowed his head. A slightly bloodstained hand attached itself firmly to the hilt of his sword. Shu felt as though she were participating in some bizarre coronation. She slipped the scanner over his brow, watched as the display stacked up its small sequence of lights, then removed it.
“That's it?” he asked, surprised. He put a hand to his head, as if to reassure himself that it was still there.
“That's it.” The scanner, straightened out and refitted into its own place in the medkit, had also begun feeding data into the unit: neurological information, all the secrets of an organism. But if something should be missing … “Listen,”
Shu said. “I have to get back to my people. Can you get me out of the house? Over that—that defense?”
He glanced at her, puzzled. “Yes. But not until I'm sure that Sereth's really better.” She could see from his face that he still did not entirely trust her, and she realized then that she'd let him know she was in his power. Without him, she couldn't leave the house.
“All right,” Shu said, with a sigh of frustration. “Listen, you can come with me, if you want. See your sister.” But she had already pushed him a little too far. Alien as he was, she could still see his doubts in his face:
I don
'
t trust you. And I
'
m afraid.
If she tried to force him, she might never get out of here. She thought quickly, wondering whether to tell him about the generator, but she was afraid that it might sound too far-fetched for him to swallow, and she didn't want to break their fragile trust. Even so, the issue was too important to simply leave alone.
“Listen,” she began. “I can't explain how important this is, but I really do have to leave the house. You could come with me, make sure I don't try to vanish before Sereth's better—” But now the young man's face was filled with suspicion.
“You seem most eager to be gone,” he murmured. “What can it matter to a ghost, to wait a day? No, you'll stay here until I judge that she's healed.” He gestured to the sleeping girl on the bed.
“All right,” Shu said, biting back bitter frustration. “I'm not going to insist. We'll wait till then.”
After a moment, he nodded.
“Eleres?”
There was the trace of a smile on his face. Evidently, she'd earned the right to use his name. She went on,” Thank you. We just want to help your sister. You should know that, even if you don't believe it.” She had a sudden longing to be back for what passed as home, among the women of her own kind, where people trusted one another and things
didn't need to be spelled out. Eleres bent over the sleeping form of Sereth and gently brushed her damp hair from her eyes.
“Perhaps after this,” he said, “I may.”
I did not understand why the ghost was unable to cross the house defense, but it seemed she was dependent on me to some extent, and this made me feel more in control. Once Sereth was well, I'd go with her to find my sister, but I wanted proof that Mevennen was actually with the ghosts and that it wasn't just some story or trick. I didn't know what form that proof might take, however.
Wanting to keep Shu out of sight, I had suggested that she occupy my bed while I took the window seat in Sereth's room. Next morning, I went in to watch the ghost as she slept. Asleep, she seemed more real. I could see the fine lines which creased the skin around her eyes, and her mouth was open. But Sereth was peacefully unconscious and I felt that I was stealing the ghost's dignity by watching her sleep, so I went down to the harbor to stretch my legs.
Tetherau slept in the summer heat. Up in the town someone threw the shutters closed, sealing a room somewhere into darkness and privacy. The pellucid sea and light threw me back upon myself: I thought, almost without pain, of Morrac, dark eyed and watching me from the shadows of a room. He was more real to me in memory than in life, in imagination only was he what I wanted him to be, only then did he say what I wanted to hear. Tetherau was drowsing around me, but I felt unsettled: strung suddenly tight with the tension of unfulfilled arousal. I stood with caution on the slippery weedslick wharf and climbed the peaceful streets back to Temmarec. Sereth still dozed, and so did Shu.
Jheru, to whom I had wanted to say so much, was nowhere to be found, and so I followed the town down into sleep.
It was Sereth who woke me. Shaking my shoulder, she drew me up from the depths, where I'd been dreaming of making love to someone faceless and yet familiar. I opened my eyes to see Sereth's countenance, seemingly disembodied, floating above me. The remnants of the illness still possessed her, her eyes were bright and soot rimmed. She cradled her healing hand in front of her.
“Eleres? What happened? I thought I saw someone. I saw a ghost …”
“You were ill,” I said. “Blood poisoning. We thought you were going to die, Ser.”
“And all over my stupid honor,” she said bitterly.
“If Mevennen hadn't fallen ill, if she hadn't strayed out into the high country … where does cause begin?”
She rubbed her hollow eyes with the heel of her good hand. “Where does it all begin, indeed?” She glanced at me. “Your cheek's healing, too.” I put a hand to my face and felt the parallel scabs light in my flesh. I'd hardly given it a thought. She was trying to change the subject.
“Sereth,” I said. “Please. Tell me what's wrong. Once— back at the summer tower—I heard you talking to Morrac. About the bloodmind.” A sidelong look from her made her seem very like her brother. It unnerved me, that familiar glance, as though he'd suddenly stepped into her place.
“Were we? I don't remember …” She lied like her brother, too. But for once I overcame my aversion to uncomfortable facts; I would not let the issue go.
“I think you do,” I said.
She rose from the side of the bed and began to pace the room like something caged. Then she turned to me and said in agitation, “We have to go home—to Aidi Mordha, not to the summer tower. There's going to be a masque here soon; we'll be delayed.” So a masque was coming. That explained my mood. Sereth went on. “My daughter's coming back
from the world any day now; I can sense it. I have to be there.”