The Friendship Matchmaker (10 page)

I didn’t know how much longer I could stand watching Bethany being patted on the back.

It might seem scary. But it’s not. Trust me. You have to believe in yourself and your ability to talk about random topics.

If you can succeed at Bungee Jump Friend you will never again feel nervous about starting conversations with strangers. Like when your mom runs into an old friend at the mall and you’re stuck beside her wondering what to talk about with the other kid as the moms moan about the days when they had time to brush their hair and read the newspaper.

Practice in front of the mirror. Have a mental list of topics for Bungee Jump situations; for example, what flavor chip is missing from the grocery store? How many more school vacations
do you think we should have? Why are parents so mean and refuse to give us an iPhone/DS/iPod until we’re in high school?

YOU CAN DO THIS!

“I can’t do this,” Tanya moaned, pacing up and down in front of the library.

“Don’t say that! You can talk to
me
for ages.”

“That’s different.”

“No, it’s not. If you want a best friend you have to open up more. Stop being so shy. A couple of weeks ago I would never have thought you could have a telephone conversation or hang out. You’ve surprised me! So now surprise Stephanie.”

“But I’m so nervous.”

She did look a little queasy, but I tried to ignore it.

“Stephanie is a talkaholic so it will be easy. Just follow her lead.”

Tanya took a deep breath.

“Think calm thoughts. Then walk over to her and say hi as you sit down next to her. Ask how her week’s been, what she’s doing on the weekend. The conversation will flow from there.”

Tanya nodded slowly, and I gently nudged her in Stephanie’s direction.

Stephanie was sitting on a bench eating a bag of chips. She didn’t have a lot of friends, because she talked so much most people got fed up trying to compete with her. But I figured that Stephanie and Tanya would be a good balance.

Tanya sat down next to Stephanie.

I made my way over toward them and stood a short distance away.

“Hi, Stephanie. How are you?”

Stephanie looked up and smiled brightly. “I’m good, Tanya. These chips are delicious, although I normally hate spicy flavors, these have a yummy kick to them. Not that I like spicy food, it makes my stomach feel funny, although I like some kinds of curry, and
Mom’s always cooking Mexican but she leaves the chili on the side. How’s your day been?”

I gulped nervously, wondering how Tanya would respond.

“Good.”

I sighed. Belly flop bungee jump.

“That geography quiz was pretty hard yesterday. Chris’s answers were so funny. Bethany sure has guts. I’d never be able to trick him like that. It’s nice you’re hanging out with Lara now. Lucky you, being friends with her. She tried to help me at the beginning of last year, but I could never stick to her conversation topics. I’m hopeless that way. Did you know we have a field trip to the aquarium on Monday? I’m so excited. What are you doing this weekend?”

I felt exhausted listening to Stephanie. Tanya looked bewildered but was about to answer when Stephanie jumped in again.

“We’re going to the circus. It’s near our house, although Dad says it will be boiling hot in the tent but Mom checked the weather and it should be fine and sunny although they said it might reach
over one hundred degrees, which means we’ll have to bring lots of bottles of water because Dad says the circus prices are a big fat rip-off and imagine paying four dollars for a bottle of water when you can bring one from home.”

Tanya stood up. I really didn’t blame her.

“Ah, nice talking to you, Stephanie. I just remembered I have to return a book to the library.”

She hurried off and I followed her to the library.

“Lara, I hope you don’t think I’m cruel, but as lovely as Stephanie is in small doses, I think I’d go crazy if she were my best friend.”

“You’re probably right, Tanya,” I said.

I’d run out of options. All my potential best friends for Tanya had been disasters.

Was it possible that Emily was going to win our competition?

Mom stood in the doorway of my bedroom with the phone in her hand. It was Saturday morning, and I was lying on my bed, working on the final chapters of my Manual.

“Tanya is on the phone,” she said with a grin. Then she placed her hand over the receiver. “I’m so happy you’ve found a friend, darling!”

She passed me the phone and walked out, still grinning.

I was offended by her comment. If she only knew that it was
my
decision not to have a best friend. If she only knew that I was making a sacrifice for the greater good. And anyway, this was probably a professional call. Tanya was my client. Honestly, moms could really miss the obvious at times.

“Hi, Tanya!” I said. “What’s up?”

“I’m at Mom’s today and she’s offered to drop me off at the movies while she does some shopping. Do you want to come? There’s a new movie out about a haunted mansion. I mean, if you’re free and don’t mind breaking your Rules, of course.”

“Sure! I’d love to come.” I stopped, realizing I sounded way too eager. I couldn’t let her think I was so bored at home that I was waiting for a call like this. Being a Friendship Matchmaker had outside duties too. Like
perfecting my glossary. Or stealing Tara’s fashion magazines so I could update my Fashion Rules.

“What time is the movie? I just need to check if I’m free. I’m preparing for a Fashion Rules seminar I’m running with the new fifth-grade kids on Monday.”

“We have the field trip to the aquarium on Monday.”

“Oh, yeah. Tuesday then.”

“Mom wanted to drop me off around eleven.”

“That’s cool. I can work it into my schedule.”

We shared a jumbo box of popcorn and sat at the back of the theater. We kept on talking through the previews and commercials until the movie started. We screamed at the same time, laughed at the same time, and covered our eyes at the same time. When it was over, Tanya’s mom bought us lunch. We were so inspired by the movie that we decided to write our own script for a scary movie, set on a haunted plane. Once Harry Potter’s publishers released my
Manual I’d be famous and Steven Spielberg would probably be interested in our plane movie. But I couldn’t tell Tanya that just yet.

We spent lunch working out the characters and plot while Tanya’s mom smiled at us, a dreamy expression on her face.

It was quite possibly one of the best Saturdays of my year. It felt good to let loose and speak about all kinds of banned topics with Tanya. I made it clear to her though that it was strictly because we were out of school.

“Always remember different Rules apply at school,” I said, then went on to confide that I wished Ms. Pria would set us weekly creative writing exercises so that we could get more practice.

Tanya’s mom dropped me off, and I was walking through the door when Dad said, “Hi, honey. What did you do today?”

“Went to the movies with a friend,” I said automatically.

I went to bed that night and couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned. It hit me that I no longer saw Tanya as just my client.

I sat up in bed and punched the air.

I felt fabulous.

I wanted to jump up and down and do somersaults. We had so much in common. We clicked like seat belts. Who cares if I juggled my Friendship Matchmaker duties with having a best friend? I’d never been happier.

That’s when it occurred to me that Emily hadn’t won.

I’d found Tanya a best friend after all.

Me.

A school field trip is a chance to put most of the Rules I’ve taught you into practice.

1. There is a bus trip (see Bus Trip Rules).

2. There is lunchtime (see Rules on table shapes, smelly food).

3. There is a teacher shouting out orders (see Rules on interacting with teachers).

4. There are potential trio situations (see Rules on Friendship Formations).

5. There are opportunities to talk (study my Rules regarding topics to avoid in conversation).

6. Everyone gets dressed up (follow my Fashion Rules. No one is going to want to hang around a weirdo at school let alone outside school).

In summary, field trips can be lots of fun. But it will all depend on the bus ride. Make sure you plan it right so you’re not left sitting alone or ditched by your friends. Your enjoyment of the rest of the field trip depends on it!

I woke on Monday morning desperately excited about my plan. I was going to:

a) ask Tanya to be my best friend

b) tell Emily that our competition result was a tie

c) make an announcement to my clients that I’d be easing up on my Friendship Matchmaker duties.

From now on all mediation sessions and seminars would take place at recess. After all, a girl needed time with her best friend during lunch.

But I didn’t get a chance. As soon as we arrived at school Ms. Pria ushered us onto the bus waiting to take us to the aquarium. I asked
Tanya to sit next to me and she was thrilled. I noticed Claire and Jemma were deep in conversation while Bethany stood nervously to the side. I was willing to bet she was wondering if they’d get the back row or if she’d be forced to find another seat while they sat together.

Emily skipped up to them looking excited. She was wearing a white top with pictures of dolphins, sharks, and tropical fish all over it. Her shorts were blue. She had dangling shell earrings on and a bag that said in large print: I’ve Been to the Coral Reef.

She caught my eye and pointed to her top.

“In the spirit of our visit to the aquarium,” she said and winked. “Acceptable?”

I nodded yes, trying to fight back a smile.

Tanya and I boarded and sat next to each other toward the back. Emily then leaped ahead of everybody and ran to the back row. “These seats are taken!” she hollered as kids tried to shove past her. When Bethany, Claire, and Jemma hopped on, Emily called out to them. Bethany couldn’t have looked more relieved.

I still had no chance to talk to either Tanya or Emily, because Ms. Pria insisted on working out her lungs.

“Chris and anybody else who feels inclined to act like a hooligan, just remember I will be issuing back-to-back lunchtime detentions plus a year-long ban on all further field trips, including our school carnival day, if I see or hear
any
nonsense!”

She took half the trip to lecture us and the other half to hand out a multiple-choice exercise we had to do when we were at the aquarium.

I put it in my bag, tucking it under my Manual, which I’d brought with me. I didn’t want to risk leaving it in my desk in case somebody got their hands on it.

Because there was no time to talk to Tanya or Emily I decided I’d approach them at the aquarium.

We started out in the reptile section. I was walking along with Emily, reading the information panels and trying to answer our multiple-choice questions. Bethany, Claire,
and Jemma were together too, close behind us. Emily was grouped with Omar, Stephanie, and David. I wasn’t sure how she was coping, what with Stephanie’s rambles and Omar’s rhyming. Luckily David was a pretty normal guy when he wasn’t around his basketball (Ms. Pria had made him leave it on the bus).

Ms. Pria and the two other teachers she’d brought along with her for crowd control were hovering around.

We were trying to answer a question about the diet of a crocodile. The area was jam-packed with kids from other schools and normal visitors. Tanya squeezed between two people to get close to the information display. I dropped my bag on the floor and stared at the crocodile while I waited for her.

That’s when I saw them through the glass on the other side of the huge tank.

My heart skipped a beat.

My hands started to go clammy.

Ellie Solomon and Vicky Zevgolis.

Their eyes locked with mine. To my horror, they started to wave and walk toward me. I
couldn’t let Tanya or anybody from school see. My past would be exposed! I raced to the next section and they followed me.

They planted themselves in my way, cornering me in the amphibian exhibit.

There was no escape from … my two ex–best friends.

From kindergarten to fifth grade, we’d been inseparable. If we had to break into pairs for schoolwork, we took turns so nobody was ever left out. We became experts at cutting lunches or chocolate bars into thirds. We always chose round tables. Our parents enrolled us in ballet lessons after school, and we had matching bags and tutus. We finished each other’s sentences. We had the same dreams, whether it was getting the red crayon in kindergarten or finishing the same book series in fourth grade. We were truly the perfect trio. Each enjoying exactly 33.33 percent of the friendship.

But then Ellie’s family moved to a street near Vicky’s house over spring break, and we returned to school with the percentages truly ruined.

Slowly but surely I was left out. Ellie and Vicky played together on the weekend. They came to school on Monday referring to conversations I hadn’t been a part of. They weren’t so worried about taking turns for group work. And when Ellie’s mom withdrew her from ballet, Vicky followed immediately. I was no longer enough to make her stay.