The Fire In My Eyes (12 page)

“Miss Wainwright. I realize you want to speak with Mr. Parker as well.” Ripley's tone sharpened. “I assure you, we will not be long, but I must ask you to leave until I am finished.”

She didn't say anything. I saw the door close out of the corner of my eye. As soon as it latched, my chair sizzled and the seat of my pants became uncomfortably warm. “On your feet,” Ripley snapped. I jumped out of the chair, double time. The metal frame of the chair was red hot and melting, radiating heat like a furnace. Plastic and metal crumpled and ran together, but not a single drop touched the floor. I took a step away and stared at Ripley. His eyes were glowing bright green, but his expression was calm. Too calm.

“Stop. Touch it.” I didn't dare disobey the old man, not when he was turning school property into slag. The chair was no longer radiating heat, but I still hesitated. I tapped it with the little finger on my left hand. It was still warm, much warmer than room temperature. “You understand, I am rather upset with you at the moment,” he said.

“I think I picked up on that,” I said.

He didn't even crack a smile. “You do not seem to understand the gravity of your situation, Mr. Parker. Your abilities are strong, absurdly so. However, as you have realized, you lack discipline. It is not uncommon for the newly awakened to have difficulty controlling their power. What is uncommon is for one to turn down the opportunity to learn how to do so. You present me with a difficult situation. Your strength makes you dangerous, both to yourself and to others.”

“I realize that-”

Ripley's cane slammed down. The hardwood floor cracked. “I did not give you permission to speak.” I shut up. His expression was still calm, but now he was radiating fury. This was not the time to be a smart ass. “You nearly killed that young woman. You. No one but you. Your failings also reflect on me. I failed to teach you. I failed to protect her. The only reason that young lady is alive right now is because I prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best. That is the one source of solace I have in this situation, that our agents were nearby, watching for just this sort of situation. If they had arrived a minute later? If they had made a single mistake? Nicole Wainwright would be dead.”

I looked at the floor and couldn't find anything to say, smart ass or not. I had been powerless to help her. They had told me there was nothing I could do, because I had refused the training. I had hurt her, because I had refused the training. I had to take responsibility for my actions.

Ripley grunted and tapped his cane on the floor. “It's never too late to learn, Mr. Parker. Control and discipline are the first lessons we give to the awakened. Perhaps now you understand why.”

“Why was I awakened?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Why did you do this to me? Why did you change my life like this?” I tried to keep my voice under control, but couldn't keep a quaver from my words. “This wasn't what I wanted. I didn't ask for this.” No, it wasn't just my fault. If they had never awakened the freak within me, I wouldn't have hurt her.

“Because you are needed,” he told me.

I waited, but he didn't explain any further. “Needed?” I asked. “What do you mean, needed? This wasn't my choice!”

“You're right. I took that choice from you.” Ripley's expression was even calmer than it was before. His serenity frustrated me. “I specifically chose you, Kevin Parker. I chose you because it was necessary.”

“Necessary for what?” He said nothing. My frustration hit its limit. “Why won't you give me a straight reason for this? You throw my life into chaos, threaten me, and now tell me that you need me? After what happened last night? What sort of fucked up bullshit is this?”

He slammed the cane down on the floor again, all serenity broken. “Mr. Parker. Your situation does not allow you this sort of leeway in speaking with me!”

“What situation is that?” I shot back.

I could see his jaw moving, as if he was grinding his teeth. “Involuntary manslaughter,” he said. “A preventable accident that you did not take steps to prevent.”

I shook my head. “That's not what I'm trying to-”

“You were not trying to kill her, were you? Your refusal of training, of learning discipline and control, that is what almost killed her. I say it again and again, but you do not seem to understand that you nearly ended a life.” His eyes shone brightly and he pointed his cane directly at my face.

I held my hands up in front of my face. “Bullshit! You awakened me! If you hadn't, this shit wouldn't have happened! I'm not going to take all the blame. You forced this on me!”

Ripley's eyes glittered with green sparks. “Bullshit, Mr. Parker. You were on the cusp of awakening on your own. We awakened you in a controlled situation so that we could teach you and avoid the sort of accident that just happened. You are the one who refused to learn.”

“You never told me what you'd teach me!”

“And would you have believed me, with your skepticism?”

“No, but-”

He prodded my hands with the cane. “But what?”

I batted the cane away from my face and leaned in toward him. “I'm sick of this. If you're going to kill me for this, fucking kill me. What do you want me to do? Fall on my knees and cry? Go insane? What's going to make you believe me?”

“Remorse,” he said.

“Remorse? Who the hell are you to say that? I had nightmares all night. I couldn't sleep. All I saw is what I did to her. All I could think about is how if I had accepted your offer, I would have been able to do something. I could have helped her. It wouldn't have happened. I made a mistake from the very beginning.” I reached out toward him, then stopped and let my hands fall to my sides. I wanted to grab him by the collar and shake until something fell out, but I no longer had the strength. My eyes stung.

Ripley fell silent and lowered the cane. His eyes were no longer glowing, but he looked no happier. “Perhaps I have misjudged you,” he said. “Understand, Mr. Parker, that our organization is not involved in small, petty things. The stakes are high and death is always a possibility. Forgive me. I must be certain of your motivation.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I accept responsibility for what I did. I don't want it to happen again. Your people told me that training would teach me how to control those abilities. I don't want to hurt anyone like that again. So part of accepting my responsibility, is accepting your training.”

Ripley's eyes glittered. “So that's what it takes to convince you. You cloak your idealism with cynicism. Is that what you want to use your powers for? To help people, to protect people?”

“I won't know what I want to do with my power until I learn what's possible,” I said.

“So you don't trust me enough to tell me what your motivation is?”

“I don't trust you at all,” I said. “You stole my future from me. No matter what I want, I have this power. I don't trust that you have my best interests in mind, only your own. You've given me the choice of joining you or dying, maybe not at your hands, but dying all the same. I don't want to die. There's my motivation.”

“I see. I understand.” Ripley folded his hands on his cane and gave me a crooked smile.

I started to relax. “I'm glad we're reaching an understanding. So, where do I sign up?”

“Sign up?” he asked.

“To join your organization.”

“You have made one slight error,” he said. “Your only option is to take us, as you said. However, that does not mean that I will accept you.”

“What?”

My muscles froze again, just like on Valentine's Day. Ripley prodded me with his cane and sighed. “You try my patience. I allowed you an open-ended invitation to reconsider. My advisors protested vehemently, yet I believed that you would grow to understand over time. You did, but only due to this disaster. I find your motivation questionable.”

“Questionable?” The grip had relaxed enough to let me talk. “You think it's questionable that I don't want to die? What other motivation could I have?”

“An excellent question. Perhaps you have ulterior motives.”

“Are you accusing me of using you? You want to use me, too, remember. I don't trust you. You don't trust me either. Big surprise.”

“I trust your given motivation,” he said. “But I don't trust that it's your only motivation. Perhaps you'll seek revenge someday, for the loss of your future. Perhaps, as you said at our first meeting, that your idea of how the world needs saving differs from mine. You have given me no reason to trust you.”

“And you haven't given me reason to trust you either,” I pointed out. “We don't trust each other, but we don't need to, to make use of what the other offers. You'll have my word on a contract, won't you? My word is good.”

“Is it?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “It's a business relationship. You use me, and I'll use you. What's wrong with that?”

He clicked his tongue. “Nothing is wrong with that. However, not everyone feels the same way. There are some who believe that you are being accorded special treatment.”

“Special treatment?”

“The recent incident did not go unnoticed. While I am the leader of this organization, I do have opposition. What I have done for you, they find abhorrent, undeserved special treatment. They seek to use this incident as justification to deny you membership, and to undermine my authority.” Alistair peered into my eyes. I couldn't pull away, no matter how close he came. “Some go further and demand your termination. Some demand the permanent revocation of your powers. You are fortunate that they cannot come to a consensus.”

“You can remove someone's powers without killing them?” I asked.

“Is that what you're most concerned about?”

“If you were planning on killing me, I'm sure I'd already be dead. If you can switch this power off, it would solve everyone's problems, wouldn't it? So is it possible?”

The corners of his lips twitched. “While I'm sure you are willing to give up your powers, I doubt you're willing to live the rest of your life as an invalid. Correct?” I tried to nod. “However, temporary impairment of your power is possible, without risk of permanent damage. Therefore, I shall take advantage of the lack of consensus amongst the opposition. As you are not a member of our organization, prosecuting you under our charter would be a ridiculous precedent to set. Since what happened was, in fact, an accident, I find it necessary to review your suitability for our organization. For the duration of the review, your powers will be impaired. At the beginning of next trimester, you will report to my office, at which time we will discuss the results of the review.”

“Wait, I haven't agreed-”

“It does not matter if you agree or not,” he said. “Whether or not you join us, the punishment will be carried out. We will resume our discussion at a later time. Are you prepared?”

“I guess so,” I said.

“Try to relax. Resistance will make it harder.”

It was almost a relief, knowing that I would return to being normal, even if just temporarily. Even when Alistair's eyes glowed, I didn't flinch away. He reached out and touched my forehead with his fingertips.

I found myself on the floor, ears ringing and vision blurred. Someone rolled me onto my back. Three Ripleys loomed over me, waving their hands in front of my face. “Mr. Parker. Can you hear me?” His voice sounded distant, echoing from the bottom of the ocean.

“Yes.” My tongue felt thick, but he seemed to understand me. “What did you do?”

“It is an unnatural state,” he said. “Your mind is used to certain patterns, certain methods of thought. It is now twisted, a different sort of mental balance. It will take some time for you to adjust.”

“Feels like everything is tilted,” I said. I felt slightly off-balance, even when I was sitting on the floor, as if the world was sliding sideways under me. Ripley finally resolved to a single concerned face and I started to stand. He offered me a hand and helped me to my feet. His grip was stronger than I expected.

“You will recover in time. The worst passes quickly.” He leaned on the desk at the front of the room. “You may leave when you feel you are ready. Good evening, Mr. Parker.”

I couldn't walk a straight line. I practiced walking back and forth until I felt I could pass a field sobriety test. Ripley watched me fumble around in silence. When I could finally walk across the room without staggering, I headed for the door.

I pushed the door open harder than I thought I would. Nikki gasped as I burst out of the room. “Kevin? What happened?” I stared at her. She must have been waiting. Why? Did she remember? Blood drained from my face and I looked away. I had to get away from her. I walked down the hall as quickly as I could, staggering as the world seemed to spin around me. “Wait! Kevin, wait!”

She grabbed my arm. I pulled away and turned my back to her. “What?”

“What's wrong with you?” she demanded, spinning me around to look me in the eye. I barely kept my balance and forced myself to look away. Her eyes were bright again and her face was flushed, not pale and vacant. “You're walking like a drunk, you’ve been avoiding me, and now when you do look at me, you look like you're seeing a ghost. Are you sick? What happened?”

“A lot of things happened,” I said, turning away again. “A lot of things that have nothing to do with you.” She didn't remember. I wouldn't tell her. As far as I was concerned, I'd never tell her.

“Stop it! Don't hide things from me, tell me what's wrong!” She grabbed my arm again.

I looked back at her. “Funny, hearing that from you.” I pulled away from her grip, walked into the elevator, and mashed the button for the first floor. She was still standing there, right where I had left her, staring at me as the doors closed.

I stomped through the snow on the way back to the dorm. Cold flakes brushed my face and melted. As my sense of balance returned, my outrage bled away. She hadn't deserved what I had said, but who the hell was she to call me out for hiding things? She was just as bad as I was. Hiding her boyfriend, hiding her affection.

No, she wasn't as bad as I was. That was bullshit.

I reached the spot where the mystery car had nearly flattened me and Drew, about halfway between the dorm and the main campus. I looked over at where I had pushed him. The marks were gone due to fresh snowfall, but I remembered where they had been. The woman had said that extreme emotional reactions were probably to blame for my abilities going out of control. That explained how hard I had pushed both Drew and Nikki. However, it didn't explain how the bottle of aspirin had come floating out of the drawer that night when I had the odd dream.