The Fear and Anxiety Solution (8 page)

This brings me to another function of the subconscious mind. Have you ever noticed that most of the time you don’t remember how you drove yourself to work or how you ate that sandwich last night while watching TV? As you were thinking about the daunting to-do list of the day, your hair was somehow washed and your teeth brushed. The subconscious mind
oversees all automatic behavior and patterns
and allows you to occupy your conscious mind with something else. In fact, most daily activities are regulated by the subconscious mind. Consider how much more time you spend thinking about the future or the past without paying attention to the present moment, yet you’re still able to avoid accidents, feed yourself, look presentable, and get most things done. Now you can appreciate the amazing, “mind-blowing” abilities of your subconscious.

The many complex tasks and responsibilities of the subconscious mind make its power and enormous potential apparent. The subconscious has really only one flaw, if you will. It needs our
conscious
guidance to fully utilize its potential and operate in a way that is supportive and harmonious with our entire being. Some compare the subconscious mind to a loyal, extremely talented servant who faithfully continues to perform the same tasks repeatedly until told to do something different. When we learn how to consciously work with our subconscious mind, we can change faster and perform better on all levels—mental, emotional, and physical. It’s through conscious-subconscious collaboration that we are able to access our true potential and gain a deeper understanding of who we truly are.

You’re in a hurry, and of course your keys are hiding again. You look for them everywhere, becoming increasingly anxious. Finally you discover them right where you always put them. Hadn’t you checked there before at least twice?

Or maybe you’re on your way to an interview. You feel good until you notice that mustard stain on your shirt. All your confidence slips away, and you start to panic. You’re sure that you will make a terrible impression, because all the interviewer will notice about you is that stain—just as you do.

Why is it that you can’t see certain things you want to (your keys), whereas other things you want to ignore (the mustard stain) are all you can focus on?

Every second of our lives, we’re surrounded by an incomprehensible amount of information. As I mentioned before, we need to filter out a large portion to make sense of the world and not become completely fried. But how do we distinguish the tiny fraction of information that is relevant from all the remaining input that needs to be ignored? If we tried to make these distinctions consciously, we wouldn’t be able to do anything else. Literally all our focus and energy would be devoted to deciphering and sorting every single detail in and around us. This is where our subconscious mind comes in and employs specific filters to separate what it perceives to be as important to us.

In a study conducted at Columbia University in New York, volunteers were shown pictures of random people with neutral expressions. The researchers also displayed random images of people with fearful expressions. The images with the fearful faces appeared and disappeared so quickly that the volunteers weren’t consciously aware of them. However, functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans—which measure changes in blood flow—clearly demonstrated that the brain had registered the fearful faces, even though the subjects denied seeing them.
¹
This study shows that our subconscious filters and processes information, and is also able to perceive external input much more quickly and in more subtle forms than the conscious mind can.

Subconscious filters consist of memories, emotions, inner conflicts, and beliefs. They delete, distort, and generalize information that passes through them and leave us with a condensed and altered version of all that surrounds us—an
internal interpretation
of reality (see
Figure 2
). Since most people are not consciously aware of their subconscious filters, they’re also unaware that their view of the world is basically just “made up.” Which also means that whatever you think
you are
is just a fraction of the truth.

Figure 2:
How our subconscious creates fear and anxiety

Let’s have another look at the snake/rope example. Say you didn’t sleep well the night before your walk through the woods because your noisy neighbors kept you awake. You’ve been on edge all day and already had an argument with your spouse. From the perspective of your subconscious, you’re already more vulnerable than usual and, therefore, in need of protection. When you spot that thing hanging from the branch, your subconscious quickly cross-references this image with memories of actual events or scenes from a scary snake-filled movie you once watched. As your subconscious filters and processes the external information, it transforms the visual input into an internal interpretation, transforming the rope into a snake. To protect you, the fight-flight-or-freeze response kicks in, preparing you to defend yourself, run away, or become motionless and invisible to this perceived predator. Finally, after a closer and more conscious inspection, you realize that the snake is a rope. You are safe.

Why does your subconscious make you overlook the keys you are desperately searching for and magnify the mustard stain you don’t want to see? Well, in both cases the subconscious mind is on a mission to protect you. By activating the anxiety response, you’re being prepared for the negative consequences of being late, which could be embarrassment, criticism, or rejection. As your subconscious shifts your awareness from the present to a possibly unpleasant future, most of the available information of your surroundings (your keys) gets deleted. The same intention, to keep you safe, is also true for the mustard stain on your shirt. Your subconscious distorts and blows up the stain to get you
ready for the judgment and rejection that might await you. Logically, you need to concentrate on what is right in front of you—finding the keys or focusing on the agenda of your meeting; however, subconsciously, you’re already bracing yourself for the worst.

Your response to situations like these depends on the fabric of your subconscious filters. Your fear and anxiety filters dictate how you interpret the danger or safety of your reality. The more prominent these subconscious anxiety filters are, the faster and stronger you react to potential peril such as misplacing your keys or staining your shirt. Your reaction creates more stress, which in turn increases your chance of overlooking your keys and spilling more food.

Remember the anxiety switch in your brain? On a subconscious level, this switch comprises filters that alter your internal perception of yourself and the world in a way that potentially makes you more susceptible to experiencing fear and anxiety. So it makes sense that to break through these emotions and their ensuing behavioral patterns, you need to consciously remove and replace these subconscious filters.

Removing the filters doesn’t mean you will permanently turn off or even dismantle the anxiety switch. As I said before, fear and anxiety are normal and important parts of life. You don’t want to abolish your ability to create these feelings, because they provide you with valuable information and are powerful catalysts for continuous growth and self-empowerment. But what if you could convert the anxiety switch into a dimmer switch—one you learn how to operate with increasing proficiency?

Now you’re aware that our reality and everything we feel and do is largely determined by our subconscious mind and its filters. Usually, the subconscious mind switches and exchanges filters according to the circumstance. For example, one day you might feel quite optimistic and live in the glass-half-f reality. In this state of mind, you might expect great outcomes and opportunities from every situation. Then there are days when you’re far more pessimistic and the glass looks half empty; if your outlook is really bad, the glass is completely empty or nonexistent. On these days, all you notice are obstacles and shortcomings. The easier it is for your subconscious to switch filters, the greater your emotional and mental flexibility. However, you’ve
probably noticed that the longer you’ve been struggling with fear and anxiety, the less emotionally and mentally flexible you become. This is because these anxiety filters have become more prominent, entangled, and deeply anchored in your subconscious.

Three particular aspects or filters of our subconscious can be regarded as the root causes of fear and anxiety:
inner conflicts, stored emotions,
and
self-limiting beliefs.
To break through fear and anxiety and to shift into an awareness of self-empowerment and emotional freedom, all three root causes need to be addressed.

For people dealing with fear and anxiety, it often seems like there’s an inner battle being waged between two sides of themselves. Most of the time, they feel as though they’re condemned to watching the battle rather than being able to influence it, let alone end it. Have you ever noticed that you are in conflict with yourself? One moment you feel quite confident and optimistic, ready to take on any challenges that may present themselves to you, and then suddenly you find yourself anxious and insecure, seriously doubting that you’re capable of doing anything right. What is this conflict about, and who started it?

Over the natural course of our personal evolution, we develop a variety of personas and identities, which are rooted in our subconscious mind as so-called parts. Depending on the situation and the people we’re with, we automatically slip in and out of these identities. Our identity as a mother or a father differs from the one we inhabit when we visit our parents and step back into the role of daughter or son. The persona we adopt during our job is different from the one that comes forth when we’re with our spouse or friends. Most of these parts or facets of our subconscious coexist and work together without any conflict, thus allowing us to switch hats quickly and easily.

Inner conflicts occur when two parts of our subconscious mind seemingly have opposite agendas and ideas for what is best for us. Let’s say a fearful part of you wants to make sure that you’re safe and avoid pain while a confident, optimistic part of you has pleasure, success, and rewards in mind for you. While one part of you focuses on survival, the opposite one wants you to excel and thrive. Or have you ever listened to an inner argument between a positive, encouraging voice and a judgmental, very pessimistic one? The inner critic—who may sound like a scolding parent or a teacher who is reprimanding
you—forces you to listen to old tapes from your childhood, such as “You’re not good enough,” “Who do you think you are?” or “You will get in trouble for this for sure!”

A conflict between two subconscious parts often shows up as procrastination and inconsistent, even self-sabotaging behavior. You forge one step forward and retreat two steps back; you come up with promising ideas and impactful commitments, but then find yourself never following through. For some, inner conflicts feel like accelerating a car and putting on the brakes at the same time, which uses a lot of energy to make very little progress. For others, these inner conflicts are that little pebble in the shoe that makes moving forward difficult. In either case, they eventually make you feel incongruent, insecure, and stuck. How can you solve these subconscious conflicts?

In the past, you probably just wanted to get rid of the anxious, insecure, or self-bashing side of you. But by eliminating a part of yourself—even if that part is negative, critical, self-sabotaging, or anxious—you would actually cause a fragmentation of your subconscious mind, which is the opposite of healing and wholeness. You probably noticed that the harder you tried to ignore or eliminate that part, the stronger and more obnoxious it seemed to become, until it was impossible for you to mute its voice and feelings. In chapters 6 and 7, you’ll learn how to resolve anxiety- and insecurity-driven inner conflicts by reintegrating the part of you that has been holding onto these emotions, which is one of the most powerful ways to create lasting wholeness and inner peace.

Racing for its life, an antelope is being chased by a hungry lion across the savanna. The lion is set for the final attack when the antelope, through a desperate move, manages to escape. Once the immediate danger is over, the antelope starts shaking vigorously, jumping up and down several times before it calmly trots off. You may have seen your dog launching into a full-body shake after a visit to the vet. I watch my cats doing the same every time I abruptly end their hunt for food by taking them off the kitchen counter. Originally I interpreted the cats’ shaking as an expression of disgust with me. Then I learned that the reason for this behavior is that animals are literally shaking off the anxiety and emotional charge that the previous, stressful situation created. By immediately getting the unwanted energy out of their system, they find closure and resolution with what happened. Once again, nature proves to be very clever.