The Dom With the Perfect Brats (28 page)

Izzy

She’d invited Gemma back here because she feared, in an awful, gut-tearing way, that if she let both her
and
Cross out of her sight, if they walked away tonight, she’d never see them again. This whole relationship seemed to be teetering in a hair-fine balance. The vehemence, the anger, Gemma unleashed back at the creepy house of Jude’s had driven panic deep into her.

Life was full of uncertainty. She’d learned that lesson early at the hands of her parents and so-called friends. Was it all going to blow apart in one argument?

Her fingers trembled and the key shook as she searched for the lock, but she managed, and turned the knob, then kicked the door at the bottom corner when it stuck. The rain did that.

Stupid fucking door
... But doors were doable. Now she had to sort this out with Gemma.

Her b
reasts swelled above her bodice as she took a breath through her nose. They both still wore Cross’s clothes.

Cross. Poor man. He might know how to turn her to mush with one growl or stern look, but
the last Izzy had seen of him he’d been sitting in the truck, his shoulders sagging uncharacteristically. Only small movements around his eyes and mouth betrayed tension – a hardness radiated, too much so to be normal. In that glimpse, she’d seen he was holding back from showing emotion. What emotion though? Anger? Confusion? Or maybe, and she hoped like fuck it was true, he was also panicking?

Surely she wasn’t the only one of the three who wanted desperately to keep them together?

Panic was far better than indifference.

She stepped in and turned, wedging
on a smile to, hopefully, dispense the dark mood. “Welcome back to my Den of Depravity.”

Gemma’s answering smile was weak
. “Thanks for letting me stay the night.

“It’s nothing. I have a place. We both needed company.
It’s nothing.” Then she ran out of words. Nothing except she’d be lost if she couldn’t fix this. Yet her history of talking her way out of bad situations was terrible. As always, that night she’d returned from Anna’s house loomed in her memory. She’d tried to talk her way out of that and the world had fallen on her head, or so it had seemed to her seventeen-year-old self.

Izzy bustled to the kitchen, wrenched open the fridge and paused. “Liquor time
. We have... Umm.” Emptiness greeted her. Alcohol was needed but she was fresh out of soda and wine and pre-mixed drinks and damn, how could they get shit-faced with this?

Gemma smirked even if her eyes looked teary. She massaged her forehead while peering across Izzy into the depths of the fridge. “Do I get it by IV drip or something?”

“Poor girl. You probably need it.” She grabbed the chocolate milk. “Here we go! My specialty. Chocolate milk, ice, and whisky.”

“Seriously? Chocolate milk and whisky?”

“Yep. The milk will slow us down.” She clutched the milk container to her chest, squeezing it in hands like talons, as if the plastic bottle might escape.

“
Great. I’ll get drunk and think of my childhood at the same time.”

“
Just try it. It’ll loosen your tongue. You need to talk. We both do.”

“Talk?” For a second, Gemma’s mouth writhed
then she sighed. “I so fucked things up, didn’t I?”

Izzy put a hand over hers. “Drinks first then we’ll talk.
”

“Okay.”

In silence, except for the slam of the door, unscrewing of bottles, and the liquid pouring sounds, she mixed up a whole jug of chocolate milk, ice cubes, and whisky, grabbed two tall glasses and beckoned. “Come on. Let’s get comfy on the bed. It’ll be like a girl slumber party. Remember those?”

Gemma chuckled. “Yeah but I always snuck boys in through the window.”

“Funny. I never did.” Izzy winked. Even though Gemma’s eyes were still sad, it was good to see her smile just a bit. If they couldn’t solve the problem tonight, maybe she could at least distract her. And, if they absolutely had to split up, Gemma’s pretty smile was a good memory to go on.

“Sounds good b
ut I want to get these off.” She plucked at her bustier. “I left my top at –” Her voice trailed off.

Yeah, at Cross’s apartment. “Sure.” As she turned to follow Gemma down the short hall to her bedroom, she added, “You can borrow some
pajamas.”

They stripped and dressed in the
PJs before climbing on the bed. The cover under her bare legs felt smooth and cool. Izzy pressed her palm to the comforter. The thing deserved its name. “I love the way a bed can calm you down. Or it does me. The smell of linen, the softness...you know?”

Gemma had sat at the other end, up against the headboard. Any other time, Izzy would’ve admired those long legs but not tonight. “Never thought of it like that, but yeah. They do, don’t they?” She took a big gulp of her drink, the ice cubes tinkling. “Wow. You’re right. This does taste good. Aussie recipe?”

“Umm.” Izzy nodded and tried hard to look extremely wise. “Yes. It’s an old traditional Australian remedy for spider bite. Drink ten of these.” She raised her glass. “And you don’t notice the pain.”

“You are so full of it.”

She grinned, but let it fade from her lips. They had to say it sometime. “You know, he’s not as hard and loveless inside as you said.”

Gemma frowned and sighed
.

“We’ve seen what he’s like around that bitch of a mother of his. How anyone could turn out as loving as he has with her for an example –”

“What? Loving? He is the most unreachable man I have ever met...dated...fucked.” She shook her head dismissively.

“Maybe that’s how you see him but he loves his dad so much he braves
her
to bring him stuff. Hell.” She thought back. “He even cooks for them and takes money, food... That’s just amazing to me. I’d have run far away. It’d make me sick to my stomach to put up with that abuse. But Christ, he takes his dad books. The man has love inside him.” She had to make Gemma understand.
Had
to. “Can’t you see that?”

Gemma wiped her eyes. “No. Right now I don’t see
it. I see a man so wrapped up in his stupid fucking rules that he’d rather mold me into some kind of sex robot than actually get to know me.” At that, she dissolved into one sob and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“
Hey, girl. It’s not so bad.” Izzy frowned and revolved the glass in her hand, her own eyes prickling. She desperately wanted to hug Gemma but this seemed the wrong moment. “Tell me, please? I need to understand. It wasn’t just about the spanking? It didn’t even look like it hurt.”

“Of course it didn’t. It was silly
...to freak out like that. But between him cutting me off earlier then...his effect on me in the hallway...”

“What happened in the hallway?”

She sucked back the tears though her voice was still shaky. “He...he just makes me feel things...” She stared down at the ice tinkling in the half-empty glass. “It scares me. It scares me how I’m changing...for him. But even that’s not enough. I’d need a personality transplant to make him happy.”

That sounded so terribly final and awful.
How to get across what she needed to? “Gemma, please. He’ll listen. You need to talk some more, that’s all.”

“I don’t think Cross will. I really don’t. I think that’s where he and I part ways.”

“You don’t know that. He might relax his rules. I know he’s not supposed to be into brats but he’s definitely been getting a bit of fun out of what we do and say to him.”

“Not very often though
. I’ll admit Cross is definitely hot. More than hot, he’s sex on a stick...”

She couldn’t resist. “With a stick.”

“Yeah, that too, but that’s not enough for me. It can’t just be about sex. I want to be with a man who loves me for who I am, imperfections and all. ’Cause those imperfections...my bad mouth, my poor manners, my outspoken opinions...those make up who I am. If he wants to change that about me then how could he ever love me? And what’s the point of being together if love isn’t in our future?”

“Uh-huh.” Her heart sank. Right then she didn’t have the answers. How could she? If Gemma needed anyone to talk to, it was Cross.

But what about them? Her and Gemma. Could she be Gemma’s girlfriend and be happy? Would Gemma still want her? Because she was pretty fucking in love with her right now.

Gemma sucked in a deep breath, wavering a little from leftover sobs. A moment later she placed her glass on the side table and scooted down the bed. Izzy wished she could hold her but it was hard to know what was best to do when it came to Gemma. She thought she knew where they’d stood but now
...

A warm body snuggled up against hers. Gemma placed her head on Izzy’s thigh and sighed. Despite her girl’s unhappiness, she couldn’t stop a smile from forming. Gently, she combed through Gemma’s soft hair with her fingers
– so beautifully scented, with a hint of Cross’s cologne.

“How long have you known you were bi?”
Gemma asked.

“Since forever.”

“So you’ve had lots of girlfriends?”

She contemplated Gemma
– her openness, her non-judgmental acceptance. She owed her the truth. “No. Not lots. I only had one girlfriend. We were teenagers. Her parents caught us kissing.”

Gemma frowned. “That’s not so bad.”

“Naked. In her bed.”

“Oh. A bit worse.”

“Yes. It was. Anna’s parents freaked and told my parents. My parents were horrified. They didn’t know how to handle it. Her parents moved her to a different school and she wouldn’t return my calls. Somehow everyone at my school found out. I was bullied. My friends ditched me. My parents divorced not long after that.” She shrugged again. “I fucked up.”

Gemma turned to look up at her.
“Oh, Izzy. I’m so sorry! But you have to know that’s not your fault.”

The anguish on Gemma’s face tore
open the wound again and she had to strain so as not to tear up. This was not fair to Gemma. The woman needed space to think. Being sad in front of her was stupid, and unfair. She smiled crookedly and went on.

“
To me, women have always been like desirable works of art. I wanted to touch them, caress them, make love...” ...
to you. Tell you how beautiful you are.
“A man though is like a colossus – a big strong and hairy colossus.”

Gemma giggled. “You got that right.”
A few moments passed in silence and she wondered what Gemma was thinking. “Izzy, what am I going to do?”

Good question. Now was when she should maybe put forward her argument for the two of them together, even without Cross. It was a betrayal of sorts though. She couldn’t do it. Hell, she couldn’t even imagine it. Cross was like the sun and she and Gemma had been the little planets, circling him. She
liked
being a dumbass stupid fucking planet.

And she hated the idea of deserting Cross. That left her feeling hollow – thinking of him alone.
She wanted to be able to snuggle up to both of them at once, to feel his arm under her shoulders while she looked across his chest at Gemma. He was big and safe and...and one of only two people on this planet she would turn to if everything went ass-up and blew to smithereens. They’d been a team.
Been
... She gulped.

“I don’t know, Gemma.” Then she wrapped a lock of Gemma’s hair round her finger, let it spring loose again. “I don’t want us to give up though. Before this, I was so alone, just I didn’t know it. I don’t want to be alone again. I don’t want Cross to be either. We were good together.”

Silence. She played with Gemma’s hair some more, dreading her reply more with every passing second.

“
I don’t know. Maybe we were. I’m just not sure we have a future together.”

That statement near stopped her heart, until she felt the little shakes against her body. Was Gemma crying
again? If she was, then this meant something to her. Meant there was hope.

“
Look, we’ll figure this out in the morning. Okay?” She bent and kissed the top of Gemma’s head.

“Okay.” The reply was soft and whispered, but it happened, and that was important. So important.

For a few minutes, she concentrated on the feel of Gemma’s silky hair through her fingers. She’d miss this, miss her, too much to let her go without a fight. And Cross... She’d drag them all to a fucking counselor to make this work if she had to. Wasn’t that what couples did in America? She chuckled to herself. Or were they a triple like Jude and his girls?

“Izzy?”

“Yes?”

“We’re still girlfriends, right?”

The vulnerability in her voice made Izzy want to wrap her body around this girl and never let anything hurt her again. “Of course we are, gorgeous.”

There was a pause of half a second. “
I’m not like Anna.”

“
I never thought you were.” No, her beautiful Gemma had too kind a heart. She grinned then tugged a lock of her hair. “And if you ever betray me, I’ll spank you myself.”