The Difference a Day Makes (Perfect, Indiana: Book Two) (8 page)

“All right. I’ll do my best.” Paige rinsed her hands, dried them on a kitchen towel, and took off her apron, draping it over a kitchen chair. “Wish me luck.”

Ceejay gave her a thumbs-up, and Paige slid the patio door open. Sweet Pea sat by the grill, a hopeful expression on his big wrinkled face. She patted him on the head and grinned at her brother. “Ceejay sent me to fetch Ryan.”

“If he gives you any trouble, tell him I’ll come drag him out by the hair of his chinny-chin-chin.”

“Read to the kids much?” She crossed the backyard and around the corner to the carriage house door. She knocked and stepped back. Nothing. She rapped louder. “Ryan, answer the door.”

“What?” The door swung open. He glared down at her.

He wore nothing but a pair of cutoff sweatpants, and her eyes were immediately drawn to his bare chest. Not an ounce of fat on the guy, and the sparse, golden chest hair led her on a path straight down to the scar visible above the elastic waistband on his right hip. She stuffed her hands into her back pockets to keep from reaching out to trace that scar to wherever it might lead. “I’m supposed to bring you to the big house for grilled burgers.”

“Not interested.” He started to shut the door.

She jammed the door open with her foot. “Come anyway.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

He huffed out a breath. “It’s a one-syllable word, darlin’. Not too hard to understand if you try real hard.
No.
”

She could smell alcohol on his breath from where she stood. Not good. “This too has only one syllable.
Yes.
” She glared back.
“I’m to inform you that if you don’t come to dinner, Ceejay is bringing the whole clan into your living room to eat here.” She raised an eyebrow. “If that doesn’t sway you, Noah says if you give me any trouble, he’s going to come down here and drag you out by your beard.”

He threw his head back and let out a growling sound. “What is it with you people? I just want to be left alone.”

“No, you don’t. Not really.”

“What do you know about it?” His head snapped down. His brow furrowed, and his expression turned inward. “What do you know about anything?”

“It doesn’t matter what you think I know or don’t know. You’re going to go put on a shirt and a real pair of pants, and then you’re coming to share a meal with us.” She flashed him her best haughty look. “And tomorrow you’re going to get yourself a cell phone.”

She could see she’d gotten to him. He fought hard, but the flicker of a smile broke free.

“Is that so, little girl?”

“It is. I’m going to help you pick it out.” She gestured toward the interior of his apartment. “Go. Get dressed. I’ll be right here waiting.” She took her foot away from the door, expecting him to close it. Jenny was right. Ryan Malloy was in a world of pain. Isolating. Drinking alone. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Some instinct she didn’t even know she had kicked in. She knew if Ryan didn’t turn a corner soon, he’d be lost for good.

“I can’t.” His face, what she could see of it, had gone pale, and sweat covered his forehead. “Tell them I already ate.”

“Ryan—”

“Please, Paige.” His tone was desperate, and his jaw muscle twitched. “Not tonight. I promise to let you help me pick out a
cell phone real soon, only…I…I just can’t be around a bunch of people right now.”

He shut the door, and she stared at it for several seconds, wondering what to do. Her mind flew back to when Noah first came home from the VA hospital. She’d seen her brother get shaky like that. It had been more than two years, though, and Noah had come so far. Why hadn’t Ryan? She wanted to pound on his door until he let her in. Not just into his apartment, but into his head, and maybe even his heart.

Whoa! No, no, no
. She had a promising career ahead of her. She had goals. Ryan brought out her nurturing instinct the same way an injured stray would. That was all.

Sure. Keep telling yourself that.

One thing for certain, she had to tell Noah. She made her way back to the patio, where he was dropping burgers and brats on the grill. “Ryan isn’t doing too well. He won’t come.”

“Hmmm. Here, you take over, and I’ll go talk to him.”

“He’s been drinking, Noah. He broke out into a sweat and got all shaky at the thought of being around people.”

“Damn.”

“Right. Damn.” Something about Ryan got to her, made her want to drag him kicking and screaming back to the world of the living. “How come you’ve gotten so much better, and he hasn’t?” She had to swallow the unexpected constriction in her throat.

“It’s the isolation. You can’t get better in a vacuum.” Noah’s brow lowered. “Let’s let him be tonight, and I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

“Toby really does make a mess, doesn’t he?” Paige picked up his cup off the kitchen floor for the fifth time and set it back on his high chair. He threw a banana-smooshed Cheerio at her, and it stuck in her hair. “Hey, little man.” She sent him a mock frown, eliciting a giggle.

“He sure does.” Ceejay wiped down the counter and grinned. “That’s my boy.” At his mom’s words, Toby started to squirm.

“Mama, Mama, down.” He slapped both hands into the mess he’d made on the tray.

“I guess he’s done with breakfast. I’m going to let in Sweet Pea to pick up the rest of the cereal from the floor.” Ceejay headed for her son with a washcloth in hand. She wiped him off, and then the tray. “Lucinda’s school bus drops her off at three twenty. Would you mind meeting her at the end of the driveway? I know she can manage to walk by herself, but I worry.”

“I don’t mind at all. Me and the squirt here will have a nice little walk together.” She tousled Toby’s downy-soft hair. “Where are you and Noah heading this afternoon?”

A dreamy expression filled her sister-in-law’s face, and a twinge of jealousy tugged at Paige, taking her by surprise.
What the hell?
What was going on with her, anyway? She was nothing but happy for Noah and Ceejay.

“We’re having dinner where we had our first real date. We’ll be at the Red Geranium, and we also reserved a room at the New Harmony Inn. Don’t worry, though, we’ll be home before the kids wake up tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t rush. Stay and have breakfast.” Paige reached down and lifted Toby onto her lap. “We’ll be fine. Won’t we, Toby?” She clapped his chubby hands together and kissed his cheek. “Ted is bringing pizza and movies over tonight.”

Ceejay’s brow rose. “You know he has a crush on you, right?”

“He does not. He’s more like a kid brother.”

“Not to him. Ted doesn’t look at you like a sister, believe me.”

Paige’s cell vibrated in her back pocket. She put Toby down to toddle around the kitchen and grabbed her phone. Noah’s number showed on the screen. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Ryan is a no-show again. Can you go wake him up and tell him to get his butt to work?”

She bit her lip. How much had Ryan drunk last night?

“Paige?” Noah said.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get right on it.” She stood, stuffing her phone back in her pocket, and headed for her purse, resting on the counter. “Can you stick around for a little while longer, Ceejay?” She fished the carriage house key out of her bag. “I have to go deal with a Ryan situation.”

“Sure. I don’t have to leave for another hour and a half.” She lifted Toby to her hip. “Send Sweet Pea in for cleanup on your way out.”

Paige nodded and let the dog in as she slipped out the back. Her heart was in her throat by the time she reached Ryan’s door. Was he passed out, or had he overslept? She knocked, suspecting he wouldn’t answer. He didn’t. Knocking harder the second time, she waited. Nothing.

Sucking in a breath for courage, she put the key in the door and opened it as quietly as possible. The window blinds were closed, but she could see Ryan’s inert form on the couch. She crossed to a window and opened the blinds. Morning light flooded the room. Turning slowly, she took it all in.

He lay on his side with an empty whisky bottle clutched to his bare chest. He didn’t stir. The coffee table drew her attention. A folded piece of stationery, two pictures, and a gun had been laid out in a military-precision-straight row. She crept closer and
looked down at the items. One of the pictures she’d seen before. Noah had the same one of Task Force Iron, the heavy-combat platoon under her brother’s command. It had been taken right after their first deployment to Iraq.

She looked at the next picture, that of a very pretty young woman with wavy brown hair and dark-brown eyes. The photo had been laminated. Obvious signs of frequent handling curled the corners. Who was she? Someone who meant a lot to Ryan, that’s who. Another one of those annoying pangs of jealousy gave her a pinch.

Paige reached for the folded paper, opened it, and started reading. She gasped and covered her mouth to stifle the cry already on its way out of her mouth. Hot tears of helplessness and rage filled her eyes.
Damn him.

Folding up the letter, she returned it to the table and took a few steps back. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket, hit the camera icon, took careful aim so that everything would be clear, and snapped the picture. She sent the image to her brother and texted:
Ryan is suicidal. Come. Home. Now.

She didn’t know what to do with herself. Should she wake him? Leave? Stay? No. She should stay until her brother arrived. Best not to leave Ryan alone. She moved into the kitchen and started going through his cabinets until she found coffee. She fussed with the coffee machine and got a pot started. He’d be hungover. Coffee would be good.

Her insides twisted with turmoil as empathy warred with anger. Ryan was lucky he was still out, otherwise he’d be getting an earful right now. She wanted to smack him upside the head and hold him in her arms all at the same time, and she didn’t know how to handle either feeling.

“What are you doing here?” Ryan rasped from his place on the couch. The whisky bottle thunked to the floor.

“I’m making coffee. What does it look like I’m doing?” She couldn’t face him, couldn’t face the haunted look in his eyes now that she knew what it meant. “Noah is on his way. You’re late for work. Again.”

“You coulda just woke me up, you know. You didn’t have to call your brother.”

“Oh, yeah, I did.” She kept her back to him while the battle between her heart and head waged on. Pissed. Mostly, she was just pissed.

“Nobody asked you to come into my place.”

His surly tone grated on her last nerve. She whipped around and stomped over to him. “Actually, your employer asked me to check on you. You remember him? The man who placed his faith in you? The man who gave you a job in the hopes that you’d make something of yourself?”

He averted his gaze, but she didn’t miss the rapid bob of his Adam’s apple or the brightness in his eyes. All her anger dissipated, and the vacuum left in its wake filled with heartbreak. What kind of pain did you have to be in to contemplate ending your own life?

Thank God she heard footsteps outside, because she had no idea what to do next. Noah walked into the room and surveyed everything, including the empty whisky bottle. He picked up the suicide letter, skimmed it, and faced Ryan with a grim expression.

Paige grabbed the gun from the coffee table and headed for the door. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk.”

“Hey, where do you think you’re going with my gun?”

Without another word, Paige kept right on walking—all the way down the sloped lawn to the Ohio River. Standing still as stone on the bank, she watched the spring-swollen muddy
water flow by while visions of Noah in the VA burn unit flashed through her mind.

The second- and third-degree burns blistering along her brother’s left side, along with his gauze-wrapped stump, caused him so much agony. For months, he wouldn’t talk to any of them unless he was lashing out in explosive anger. Her invincible brother had always been her hero. His withdrawal and uncharacteristic hostility had frightened her. Had he ever considered ending it all?

She stared at the gun in her hand, then brought her arm back and flung the revolver as far as she could, gratified to see she’d managed to get it all the way to the middle of the river. It landed with a plop and a splash and sank into the murky depths.

She’d only known Ryan for a handful of days, but she’d glimpsed the suffering in his eyes and heard the pain in his voice. He isolated and drank himself into a stupor every night. He saw ending his life as the only way out of the pain and despair he suffered, and that tore her apart.

Paige remained fixed to the spot, watching the river as her tears formed their own currents down her cheeks. How petty and selfish could she be? She’d lost a job. Big deal. Her situation hardly registered when compared to what Noah and Ryan faced every day of their lives. No more pity-party for her. For as long as she remained in Perfect, she’d do her best to see that Ryan didn’t face his demons alone.

CHAPTER FOUR