The Difference a Day Makes (Perfect, Indiana: Book Two) (14 page)

“I wanted to take her horseback riding through the Antelope Hills near our ranch. It’s a wilderness area bordering the Canadian River, and it’s really spectacular. She didn’t want to go.”

His hand gripped hers so tightly it hurt, but she didn’t let go. Instead, she gripped back and waited while he gathered himself.

“I insisted,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. “I pushed her into doing something she didn’t want to do.” His chest heaved, and his Adam’s apple bobbed with each hard swallow. “A storm came up out of nowhere while we were riding. Lightning spooked her horse, and it bolted. I went after her, and another lightning strike hit the ground ahead of us. Theresa was thrown.” His entire body grew rigid beside her. A strangled sob broke free, and he snatched his hand from hers to scrub at his face. “She broke her neck and split her skull on impact. My fault—it was all my fault she died.”

“Oh, Ryan, I’m so sorry.” She ran her hand over his back, stung when he jerked away from her touch.

“Yeah, me too.” He shot to his feet and started pacing.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“You didn’t use force. You persuaded her to go riding. Theresa was an adult. She could’ve said no and stuck with it. You didn’t cause the storm or make the lightning strike, and you didn’t make that horse take off the way it did. It was a tragic accident. Accidents aren’t anybody’s fault. They just are.”

“You about ready to go?” Ryan snatched up the trash from their lunch. His eyes were bright and his voice hoarse.

“Sure.”
Be his friend. Don’t let him face his demons alone.

There were things she wanted to say, but couldn’t—not without driving him further away, and that wouldn’t help. She understood him a little better now. He wanted to punish himself for something entirely out of his control, and if she did nothing else before she left, she meant to convince him he was wrong.

CHAPTER SIX

R
YAN HATED HAVING
P
AIGE SEE
him for the emotional wreck he’d become. He couldn’t be near her, and the hurt in her eyes when he pulled away stabbed at his conscience. It couldn’t be helped. Every ounce of his will turned to the task of keeping himself in the present.

He paced around the perimeter of their picnic spot, his chest heaving and his head pounding as he waged war against the flashback threatening to take him over the edge. Theresa’s broken and bloody body flashed through his mind, chased by the gruesome image of Jackson in pieces across the desert. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, focusing on the park and the scenery surrounding them.

“Are you OK?” Paige shook out their picnic blanket and folded it into a neat square.

A nod was all he could manage, and he concentrated on her actions. If she’d seen the way he kept that old rag stuffed in his tool chest, she wouldn’t have bothered folding the thing. Her efforts almost made him smile, and that helped more than anything. Gulping air into his lungs, he shoved his memories as far back into his consciousness as possible.
Stay in the present. Pull yourself together.

“Do you mind if I ask you a question, Ryan?”

“Go ahead.” Maybe talking would help.

“What made you decide to enlist?”

“After the accident, I had a lot of anger. Enlisting in the army gave me an outlet. Plus, I wanted to do my duty.” His chest eased a bit, and his pulse slowed. He might just make it through this without a complete breakdown. He took another breath, forcing himself back to the here and now.

She stopped fussing with the blanket to study him. “How’s the anger issue now?”

“I guess you could say it’s been replaced with a whole lot of other shit.” He crushed their trash into a compact ball. “Let’s head for the VA center; then we can find the Ford Center for those rodeo tickets. I’ll hit the art supply store on our way out of town.”

“Phone.” Paige tucked the blanket under her arm, slung her purse strap over her shoulder, and came to stand beside him with her face a study in dogged determination. “Don’t forget the phone.”

“No, ma’am. I wouldn’t dare.” A real grin broke free, and his insides finally settled. Once again, she’d helped him find his way back from hell. Reaching for her hand, he led her toward his truck. If only he could keep himself from checking out all the rooftops in town for insurgents, he might get through the rest of the afternoon like a normal human being.
Sure.
Keep dreaming, cowboy.

The rest of the afternoon flew by, and he managed to get everything on his list done. He stowed most of his purchases in the tool chest, made his first appointment with the therapist, and now Paige sat beside him with his new smartphone on her lap. She plugged in the car charger and connected it to the phone
as he pulled into traffic for the trip home. “What are you up to, darlin’?”

“I’m programming a few telephone numbers into your address book.” Her thumbs tapped away on the tiny keyboard.

“Yours?”

“Mine, Noah’s, and Ceejay’s.” One side of her mouth quirked up. “And Ted’s.”

He feigned dismay at the mention of Ted’s name, while warmth flooded his chest. She wanted him to have her number. That had to mean she didn’t find being with him entirely distasteful, right? “Will you put my number in your contacts?” She shot him one of her
You’re an idiot
looks, and he raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I already put you in my contacts while the guy at the store set up your account.” Paige placed his phone beside her on the seat and opened his glove compartment. She brought out the rodeo tickets and held them up in front of her. “Saddle bronc riding champion, eh? So, what does that involve?”

“Riders have to stay on a bucking horse for eight seconds, and they get a score based on their skill, form, and the horse. You have to keep one arm in the air and synchronize your spurring action with the horse’s motions, stuff like that.” Warmth flooded through him at the look of anticipation on her face as she studied the tickets. Friday couldn’t come fast enough. “The bull riding is the biggest draw.”

Paige’s expression turned puzzled. “Why is that?”

He shrugged. “It’s the most dangerous rodeo sport there is. Bulls are two thousand pounds of whoop-ass. A horse will throw you and run off. All they want is to get away. But a bull’s instinct is to gore and trample you to death once you’ve been thrown.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip. “Did you ever ride bulls?”

“Sure. I did it all when I was younger.” How different things had been back then. His life had been filled with family, laughter, and a sense of security and optimism. He’d had Theresa by his side.
Theresa.
He kept his gaze on the road, and his grip on the wheel tightened. Paige had helped him break the downward spiral he’d been in after spilling his guts, and the load he carried on his shoulders had lightened a bit. “I haven’t…Other than family, I’ve never shared what happened to Theresa with anyone. Thanks for listening. I’m glad we did this today.”

Plus, Paige had confided in him—not her brother, her sister-in-law, or Ted. She’d trusted him enough to share her secret, and he sat a little straighter because of that confidence. At least he knew what had brought her to Perfect. He wanted to have a few words with the guy who’d set her up. Words involving his fists.

“Same here. If you ever want to talk about her or about what happened, I hope you know you can come to me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Not going to happen.
Talking about it today had been hard enough. “Even though we spent most of the day running errands, I had a nice time.” He glanced at her for a reaction, pleased by the dreamy smile she turned his way.

“Me too. I’m looking forward to the rodeo.”

“And after that, you’re leaving.” Why did saying the words make his insides go hollow and achy? He’d only known her for a week, not to mention the fact that he was in no shape to get serious about pursuing her. He wanted to, though. Man, he wanted her in the worst way.

“I have a condo in Philadelphia. I need to find a job and get back to my life.” Paige studied the passing scenery. “I can’t hide out at my brother’s forever.”

“Course not.”
Stay. Look for a job in Evansville, or hire on with Langford & Lovejoy.
The words got stuck somewhere between his
heart and his head. He had no right to ask anything of her, but that didn’t make the longing go away.

A companionable silence settled between them, and Paige fiddled with his radio until she found something to her taste. He liked hearing her hum along to the music, and having her near kept him centered and in the present. What would it be like to have a regular life, one where he allowed himself to get close enough to love again? Did he have it in him to open up like that anymore?

For the rest of the ride home, he pretended Paige belonged to him. Memories of Theresa threatened to steal the fantasy away, but he pushed them back and indulged in a few moments of make-believe happiness. What was the harm? Paige wouldn’t be in Perfect long enough for the fantasy to turn to shit. He pulled into the Langfords’ driveway and brought his truck up next to Noah’s.

“I’ll help bring your stuff to the carriage house.” Paige unplugged his phone and tucked it back into its box.

“Thanks.”
Hoh, boy
. They’d be alone in his apartment, and maybe he could maneuver her into more kissing. He grabbed the box with his phone, climbed out, and gathered his purchases from the back.

Paige carried his new quilt, and he took the sack of books from behind his seat. He led the way to his door. “Let’s see how that quilt looks on my bed.”

“Sure.” She hung back as he unlocked the dead bolt and swung it open. “You do know no one else in this entire town locks their doors, right?” Flashing him a wry look, she walked past him inside.

“I know.” How could he explain? He needed to lock up, just like he needed to have a weapon nearby. She’d tossed his .357 into
the river, but he still had his knives, and they were always within easy reach when he went to bed—if he went to bed at all. It had taken a lot of effort not to perform his usual rooftop surveillance in Evansville today, but he didn’t want her to see that piece of crazy. She would’ve made him talk about it, and he’d done all the talking he could handle for one day. Paige took the phone from him, bringing him back to the present.

They laid his purchases in a heap on the coffee table, and Paige plugged his new cell into an outlet next to the recliner. Unwrapping the quilt on the way down the short hall, he admired the bold combination of colors. The jewel tones and pattern appealed to him. Shaking it out, he let it settle over the bed. It had to be for a queen-size mattress, because the spread hung over the sides almost to the floor. “Come tell me what you think,” he called.

“Hmm.” She came to stand beside him. “It’s impressive. I love the colors, but they kind of overwhelm this little room.”

“Yeah.” Ideas for a larger room with a bed he designed crowded into his brain. “It’ll do for now.” She sighed softly beside him, drawing all of his attention. Here they were in his bedroom next to his bed. All the erotic dreams he’d had about her came back in a rush. His heart took off at a gallop, and his mouth went dry. “I think I could use a little of that one-size-fits-all remedy about now.”

“Do you think it’s wise for us to keep doing that?” She worked her lower lip between her teeth. “I’m only staying for a little while, and—”

“We’re adults, and I’m only asking for a kiss. What guy wouldn’t want to kiss you after a date?”

“Were we on a date?” Her head canted to the side as she thought it over. “Couldn’t we be friends who just hang out together?” She glanced at him through her lashes.

He caught the breathlessness in her tone and the quick rise and fall of her chest. No doubt about it. He got to her like she got to him. His gaze fixed on that chest, and he wondered if her nipples were rose colored or peaches and cream. He could practically feel the soft, warm weight of them in his hands. How would her skin taste? Sweet.

“A friendly kiss, then.” Ryan slid his arm around her waist and drew her close. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted up her face, gratified to see her eyes already had that dreamy, sexy look he loved so much. The moment his lips touched hers, an explosion of sensual heat scorched through him. Her arms came around him, and she kissed him back with an urgency that made him weak in the knees. Oh, yeah. He got to her.

Good thing they were right next to a bed. Running his fingers through her hair, he cradled her head and plundered her sweet mouth, losing himself in the soft press of her curves. She let out a moan, and he lost all control. Ryan scooped her up into his arms without breaking the kiss, lowered her onto his mattress, and stretched out beside her.

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” she murmured against his mouth as she kicked off her shoes.

“Oh, it is, sweetheart.” He trailed kisses down her throat to her collarbone, eliciting a gasp that turned him inside out. “It’s a real good idea. One of the best I’ve ever had.” Throbbing with need, Ryan tucked her under him. Skin. He wanted to feel her skin. “You don’t need this jacket on in here, do you?” He peeled it off, his heart soaring when she helped.