The Darkest Dream (The Darkest Trilogy) (6 page)

Thinking her name sent a fresh wave of pain through my system and I again had to struggle not to cry out.
 
I clenched my teeth and blinked back the tears that had immediately formed in my eyes, trying my hardest to contain myself.
 

After several moments, I felt the pain, worse than any sense of physical pain I’d ever experienced, begin to ebb, and the breath I’d been holding in my lungs screamed for escape.
 
I exhaled slowly, suddenly aware that Darren was watching me, and I carefully avoided his gaze.
 
I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking, denying myself the urge to ask.

Sighing, I walked over to the door he had gestured to and opened it, pausing briefly before turning around.
 

“Thank you,
”
 
I
told him.

It was something I said mostly out of habit, as I had always tried to do since I was younger—an act of courtesy for a kind gesture—but as soon as I said the words, I knew that I meant it for many reasons more than just his kindness in allowing me to use the bathroom.

Darren looked up and I could see that he was, once again, stunned.
 
I met his eyes then, trying to tell him just how much I was thankful for—because I knew that I would never be able to find the words to sufficiently express myself.
 
How could I thank someone for saving my life?

When I finally felt somewhat satisfied, or at the very least, thoroughly embarrassed for my own lameness, I shut the bathroom door quickly behind me and flipped on the light, ignoring the way my cheeks burned.
 

The bathroom was big, spacious, and very clean.
 
There was hardly anything to prove that it was being used—just the bare essentials—and I wondered briefly how long he’d lived here, comparing it to my own bathroom—which was just as stark.
 
I avoided the mirror and quickly undressed, realizing for the first time since the night at the diner that I was still in my uniform.
 
I then wrapped myself in the large towel I found hanging on the shower door.
 

I spent a few minutes hand washing the underwear and bra I had been wearing, scrubbing numbly at the bra strap that had grown hard with dried blood.
 
After several minutes, I wrung the delicates out and placed them over the air vent, hoping they would dry.
 
Finally ready to feel the relief I knew a shower would bring, I turned on the water and dropped the towel to the floor before opening the door and climbing into the glass enclosure.
 
 

I stood there for what seemed like hours, letting the hot spray beat on my back, watching the blood-tainted water go down the drain.
 
Fighting tears, I finished with my shower and wrapped the big soft towel around me, stepping out.
 
I dried myself and dressed in the still slightly damp underclothes I’d washed and the very oversized t-shirt and sweat pants Darren had provided before turning to the mirror with great trepidation.

With a deep breath, I ran my hand over the surface to clear the fog and stared at my reflection.
 

My shoulder-length blond hair was tangled badly and I vaguely recalled the ponytail it had been in before shaking my head, forcing the thought away.
 
My green eyes were bloodshot, red and puffy from all the tears I’d shed recently.
 
My lips were pale and cracked.
 
My face was sallow, almost ashen.
 

I felt my hands rise of their own accord and I swallowed hard as I reached back and pulled my hair off of my neck, holding it up with one hand while the other slowly crept to the torn punctures there.
 
My fingers passed gently over the matted flesh and I shuddered, turning my neck to get a view of it in the mirror.
 
As I did so, I gasped.

Suddenly, a flood of memories of the previous night washed over me—the way I had felt the tearing in my heart as I watched
Phe
fall to the floor, as I watched her eyes close for the last time.
 
The way the blood had still been so warm and fresh on my fingertips; the murderous rage that swept through me; the pain I felt as that
thing
—the vampire—bit into my own neck; the cloudy sensation I had been left with; the way my body had felt so murky, so slow.

It washed over me—all of the pain, both physical and emotional, ripping through me like a hurricane—tearing at my heart, tugging at my lungs, pulling me inside myself as I struggled against it.

Before I could stop myself, I had sunk to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as I sobbed into them.
 
I cried for my lost friend, I cried at the thoughts of
Phe’s
parents—the only family I had left.
 
I cried for myself—because I’d lost her, the last connection I’d had to this life.

I cried, and I cried, lost in my grief.

“Lucinda…?”
 
His voice was muffled behind the door and I
came
flying back to reality, nearly choking on a sob.
 
I sniffed, wiping my tears with my hand while reaching up for some toilet paper so that I could blow my nose.

“I’m…I’m fine.”
 
I shook my head and tossed the tissue in the garbage, rising shakily to my feet.
 
I couldn’t even risk another glance in the mirror, knowing exactly what I would see staring back at me.

That sad, broken little girl—the one I’d been all those years ago, that night in the alley.
 
The one I’d vowed never to see again.
 

I hated feeling vulnerable.
 
I hated people knowing my weaknesses, and here I was, crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor of a man—no, a
vampire
—I didn’t even know.
 

I couldn’t stand the thought of pity, and I knew from experience that he was sitting on the other side of that door feeling sorry for me.
 
I decided it best to act as if nothing had happened.
 
“Do you have a brush in here or…?”
 
I cleared my throat, waiting for him to say something.
 
It took him a few seconds to respond.

“There’s one in the cabinet.”
 

I braced myself against the sink, forcing myself to meet my own eyes in the mirror.
 
I stood there for several minutes, chasing away any remnants of that girl I never wanted to see again.
 
I was different now—I was stronger.
 

I closed my eyes, digging deep within myself for that quiet numbness I’d discovered so many years ago.

Finally feeling more stable, I reached up to open the mirror, removing a barely used brush.
 
I ran it through my hair quickly, not noticing the pain as the tangles were worked out, barely even flinching.
 
I placed the brush back where I had gotten it from and walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom.
 
“Feel better?”
 
Physically,
I thought.

“A little bit,
”
 
I
nodded, standing awkwardly with my arms crossed over my chest.
 
I was certain he must have heard my breakdown and I was trying very hard not to acknowledge it.

“Are you hungry?”
 
I realized I didn’t actually know.
 
“Thirsty?”
 
I shrugged then, again uncertain, and thought back to my earlier quandary about how long I had been asleep.
 
“I don’t really have much…”

“Understandably so,
”
 
I
supplied, nodding my head.
 
It was completely logical that a vampire wouldn’t have much in the way of human sustenance, wasn’t it?
 
I had a feeling Darren would have smiled had the words not reminded him of who he really was.
 
“What time is it?”
 
I asked finally.
 

“It’s nearly seven.
 
You were sleeping for quite awhile.”
 
I nodded again, doing the math in my head.
 
Quite awhile translated to nearly twenty hours—
which wasn’t possible.
 
Never in my life had I slept so long, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d somehow
made
me sleep.

I added that to the ever-growing list of questions waiting to be asked and answered.

Yet another uncomfortable silence resided over us then and I cleared my throat.
 
An aching for the life I’d had nearly twenty-four hours ago suddenly broke through the surface of my carefully constructed state of numbness and seeped through me.

“I…I want to go home,
”
 
I
finally told him, the longing obvious in my voice.
 
His jaw clenched and I looked at the floor, almost feeling guilty for asking.
 
“I know you said I can’t—”

“And when I said that, I meant it.”
 
I looked up, confusion filling my eyes. I just wanted to go home—I wanted to be alone with my grief and to forget all of this.
  
To apologize to Ellie and Ryan for the loss of their daughter, to tell them how badly I wished I could trade places with her.

Everything had all happened so fast, I longed for the familiarity of my old life:
 
my apartment, my job, school.
 
I longed for the comfort I knew it would provide.
  

Something inside me told me that this would never again be possible, but I couldn’t fight the desire.
 

“I can’t let you leave, Lucinda.
 
So many things are going on here—so much that you know nothing about.
 
It isn’t safe.”
 
Darren found my eyes, and I could see the firm resolve staring back at me.
 
“I have to keep you here.”

“You’re holding me hostage?”
 
I said, incredulous—though some part of me almost seemed to understand.
 
It was the same part of me that knew that nothing would ever be the same again—the same part of me that began to question exactly what I would tell Ellie and Ryan, because the truth was completely out of the question.
 
Still, I had to fight—I had to try.
 
Darren exhaled, shaking his head.
 
“Because keeping me here against my will—I think that’s the definition of ‘hostage’.”

“You have no idea—”

“You haven’t told me!”
 
I briefly remembered yelling at my father after my mother’s death before I pushed the memory away, bringing myself back to the present.
 
Darren looked at me, his eyes hard, not revealing anything.
 

But I held my ground, showing no weakness.
 
I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know, but I
had
to.
 
What had I stumbled into?
 
What was going on in this world I knew nothing about?
 
Who had killed my friend?
 
And
why
?
 

I squared my shoulders and held his eyes, demanding with my gaze that he give me what I wanted.

For a moment, I wondered why I would stand up to him.
 
He was a vampire—and though I might trust him, I didn’t even know what he could do to me.

“You really want to know?”
 
I almost jumped at the harshness of his voice and a shiver worked down my spine as I realized his words somehow seemed to reply to the question in my mind.
 
“Are you sure you really want to get that involved—to know that much?”
  

I shifted my gaze to the floor, reluctant to look at him as I nodded my head.
 
If he was keeping me here, then I deserved to know why.
 
Besides, hadn’t I earned that right?
 
Hadn’t I already sacrificed?
 

“There are things at work that you have no idea about.
 
While you sleep cozily in your bed, there are people—
things
—at work.
 
Evil
things.
 
They kill, they torture—they do anything they want and they get away with it.
 
Nothing can stop them.”

“Vampires, you mean.”
 
I felt so naïve—I really had no clue about what was going on in the world, though it was, strangely, a comfort that I wasn’t exactly surprised by it.
 
He shrugged casually.

“Yes, vampires.
 
There are things in existence that you couldn’t even begin to comprehend.”
 
The faintest trickle of fear began in the pit of my stomach.
 
“This is a dark world, Lucinda.
 
It’s not meant for humans.”

He exhaled a rough breath and walked out of the room.
 
I followed him down the hall and into the kitchen, where he sat at a table and covered his face with his hands.
 
I crossed my arms over my chest as I stood there, waiting for him to continue.
 

“The man that killed your friend—normally, he would have done much worse than that.
 
He would have maimed her, tortured her—and he would have made sure she stayed alive long enough to feel it all.
 
And
then
he would have killed her.
 
We were lucky last night.
 
He didn’t play any games—just went straight to the point.”

“What point?”
 
My voice was angry—the mention of my friend in such a cold manner tugged at my heart.
 
My eyes filled with tears and I longed to push them away—longed for the ability to turn my emotions off.