The Cowboy's Summer Love (22 page)

Nodding his head, he walked to his truck and got in the passenger side. 

Trey decided to drive him home while Cady took their pickup and Cass back to the ranch. Sensing Travis’ need to crawl into himself for a while, Trey was silent for most of the trip. As they turned off the freeway and headed south, Trey put his hand on Travis’ shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Trav, I know you’ve got some things you are trying to work through, but I really think the time has come for you to get some help. You can’t do this by yourself. We can find you a counselor, you can talk to the pastor, you can talk to us, but you can’t keep on like this. It’s going to kill you or you’re going to kill someone,” Trey said, trying not to let the fear he felt for his brother gain evidence in his voice. “What would have happened tonight if we hadn’t been there to keep you from beating Rick to a pulp?”

“I don’t know,” Travis said. It was the first time he’d gotten violent and he hoped it would be the last. He didn’t really want to hurt Rick. It wasn’t Rick he had punched. It was the unrecognizable face of an enemy, not a nice guy who just happened to lean over too close to a man who was losing his mind.

Admitting to himself Rick was one of the good guys, Travis knew if Tess had any sense at all, she’d forget he existed and make plans for a future with the stable, kind-hearted doctor. “I’m sorry, Trey. More sorry than you can know.”

“Sorry enough to get some help?”

Travis sighed. He didn’t want to need help. He didn’t want to talk about the past, what had happened in Iraq, what was bothering him. But, even more than that, he didn’t want to hurt anyone. What if it had been Cass that he’d punched? Or Cady? Or Tess?

He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

“Maybe,” Travis said, staring out the window. “Maybe it’s time.”

Chapter Thirteen

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

I Cor. 13:4 NIV

After yesterday’s episode at the fireworks display, Travis spent the morning working alone in the machine shed. He was a good mechanic and fixing the equipment helped him think. Pounding out the bent and broken pieces on the swather’s sickle bar also helped him work off some frustration.

Going in for lunch, the atmosphere in the house was quiet and subdued. Even Cass seemed to sense the need to cut back her usual chatter and ended up sitting on Cady’s lap, studying the men on the other end of the table with trepidation.

Trey filled Trent in on what had happened the previous night, and his discussion with Travis.

Trent, the easy going peacemaker of the bunch, knew things would probably get worse before they got better. Part of the reason he felt like he was constantly refereeing between Travis and Trey was because they were too much alike. Trent knew he inherited his mother’s easy going temperament while his two brothers were more like their dad. All of them liked to joke and laugh, but there was a serious, sometimes sullen, side in the other two that skipped right over Trent.

“So, Travis, what do you have planned for this afternoon?” Trey asked, hoping to broach a subject he knew was going to be touchy.

“Thought I’d finish fixing the swather then service the second baler,” he said, not looking up from his lunch. “Why?”

“Well, the pastor is dropping by for a visit later and I thought maybe…” Trey didn’t get to finish whatever he was going to say.

Travis got up from the table so fast his chair tipped over and his face flushed a bright shade of red. The muscles in his neck clenched and his jaw was squared, hard and tight.

“What did you think, Trey? That your crazy brother needed some help? Maybe the good pastor could talk me out of being a freak. Is that what you thought?”

Trey stood, the vein throbbing in his neck, a sure sign he was angry. “What I thought was that it might help you to visit with someone who isn’t a family member. Someone you felt safe talking to about your problem.”

“What problem is that? A bossy older brother who can’t mind his own business? Cause that is da…”

“Mama, make them stop yelling!” Cass cried, burying her face against Cady’s chest. Cady jumped up from the table and carried Cass outside.

Trey moved toward Travis. Trent, ever the pacifier, stepped between them.

“Travis, you’ve got to get a handle on this. Go do something, anything, to work off some of that tension,” Trent said, putting a restraining hand on Travis’ arm, eyeing his clenched fist. If Travis decided to start swinging, Trent knew he and Trey didn’t stand a chance. Besides the military training, Travis was driven by anger and demons none of them could even begin to comprehend. “We aren’t going to get anywhere like this.”

“Fine,” Travis yelled and stalked back to his bedroom. Grabbing a few things, he ran out the door to his truck, not even seeing Cady and Cass sitting in the shade of the oak tree as he peeled out of the driveway and roared off.

Driving to The Dalles, he rented wind surfing equipment and decided to spend some time on the water.

Travis hated the man he’d become, but he didn’t know what to change or even how to change. As miserable as he felt now, he thought about re-enlisting. He had done nothing but be a surly burden to his family and friends. Now that he’d added flashbacks and violence to the mix, he had to make some choices.

But today was not the day to make any life-altering decisions.

Looking up at the beautiful blue summer sky and the sparkling water of the Columbia River as it ran through the gorge, Travis decided not to think about anything except having a little fun. He wished Brice could join him, although Brice never really liked windsurfing and even if he did, he couldn’t ditch work.

Hood River generally had the best water for windsurfing, but Travis decided to start at The Dalles Riverfront Park. There was just enough wind blowing to make the water worth riding and Travis was looking forward to the feel of jumping over the waves, being carried by the air and water. He hadn’t been windsurfing for several weeks in his efforts to cut down on activities his family deemed dangerous.

He felt guilty about not doing his fair share on the ranch. Summer was the busiest season out at the Triple T and on top of the usual work load, there was Trent and Lindsay’s wedding along with the adjustment of having Cass and Cady in the family.

Cady was worth her weight in gold and then some and Cass really wasn’t a bother, but it was definitely different having a young bride and a small child in the house. Travis felt bad about upsetting them both at lunch and decided he’d pick up something for them on his way home as a means of apology. He needed to apologize to Trey as well. Travis knew he was only trying to help. He was pretty lucky to have family that loved him as much as his did.

Travis realized he should have called his mother to let her know he was fine and also gotten Rick’s phone number from Tess so he could apologize to him as well. What did you say to someone whose jaw you nearly broke?

Unable to think about Tess without his stomach tightening into a hard knot, Travis paddled the board out into the water, adjusted the sail and put his feet in the stirrups. The wind was perfect for what Travis had in mind.

Heading out into the middle of the river, it didn’t take long for the wind to hit the sail and the real fun to begin. Travis felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as his board began to hydroplane, skimming along the surface of the water, gaining speed. By transferring his weight from where his feet rode in the straps at the back of the board, he controlled his direction on the water.

He didn’t think the conditions had ever been quite as perfect when he’d been out on the water as they were today.

Picking up a strong gust of air, Travis flipped a few turns, relishing the blast of adrenaline that shot through him. Trey was right, it had become like a drug for him and he had to find a way to overcome it. But for today, he was going to milk out every drop of it he could.

Travis knew a few people were watching him from boats. There were only a couple of other people out on boards, which was fine with him. The beginners got in the way and never watched where they were going, creating a constant hazard.

Today, he wanted to have fun and not have to worry about steering around a novice or being hit from behind by someone who didn’t know what they were doing.

Catching another big gust, Travis felt himself flying through the air. It was a liberating and freeing experience to be gliding across the water so fast. The scenery in the gorge was beautiful on any given day and with the sun shining brightly, today it was exceptional.

Travis remembered a boat trip he and his brothers took with the Morgan kids down the river. He couldn’t remember why they went, or even which set of parents took them. He just remembered standing between Brice and Tess, holding both their hands and staring at the water and the sky, thinking how huge the world seemed. Big and bright and so full of wonder.

Some days, he’d give anything to recapture that innocence and sense of security he lost somewhere along the way in the last several years.

Thinking back over his life, especially his childhood, he had so many happy, wonderful memories and a big part of them revolved around Tess. She had always been a playmate and friend.

Letting her go was the one thing Travis couldn’t quite prepare himself to face. He knew he had to, but the pain of that was more than he thought he could bear.

Lost in his thoughts of Tess, Travis didn’t notice the wind had picked up another notch until he was high up in the air. Flipping himself around, he landed perfectly and grinned. He loved the feeling of power and control he had on the board, even if it did leave him too much time to be alone with his thoughts.

Looking around, Travis noticed a man on a board trying to catch up to a younger boy, probably about nine or ten.

For a moment Travis wondered why in the world anyone would let a child get this far out in the river alone. If they were beginners, they might not have known the wind could quickly carry them out farther than they wanted to go. The boy was light enough that the wind was whipping him along at a breakneck speed. As he neared Travis, he could see the look of terror on the child’s face. The man behind him was waving his arm and yelling something, but Travis didn’t need to hear the words to know he was panicked.

Evaluating the situation, Travis glanced around to see what resources were available. There were a couple of guys in a fishing boat floating along not too far away. If necessary, Travis thought he could get their attention to provide some assistance.

The main thing that needed to happen now was to reach the boy and get him off the wildly flying board. Steering his board in a direction he hoped would intersect with the child, Travis sent up a prayer for help. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to make a rescue on his own.

Realizing his chance for a peaceful afternoon was totally shot, Travis visualized his quickly forming plan. As he neared the boy, Travis felt adrenaline surging through him with a force that nearly staggered him.

He started to think back to another small boy who needed rescued, one he carried bleeding and terrified in his arms. Instead of dwelling on that image, Travis brought his focus back to the rapidly approaching child.

Seeing one chance to grab the board and the kid, Travis waited until the boy hit a wave and bounced back up high in the sky before he bent his knees and lunged his board upward, hoping to catch the same gust of air. Stretching as far as he could reach once he was in the air, he grasped the boy’s ankle and toppled him to his chest at the same time he heard a loud pop and felt horrendous pain rip through the backs of both his thighs.

So intense was the pain, Travis slipped off his own board into the choppy water, still holding onto the frightened child. Swimming up to the surface, Travis pushed the boy onto his board and held onto it while the boat that was nearby hurried their direction. Dragging them both out of the water, Travis tried to stand, but crumpled to the floor of the boat and passed out into a darkness filled with crippling pain.