The Cowboy and the Angel (33 page)

Angela bit her lip. She’d been so caught up with Derek and her story that she hadn’t even realized her father had been sober. It was the first time he’d gone so long without drinking since she was a child, before her mother died. Tears of shame filled her eyes. She hadn’t even noticed, had barely given him a thought other than making sure he wasn’t causing trouble. She’d been relieved to have someone else take the responsibility from her shoulders.

“I didn’t even realize,” she muttered, swiping at the tears on her cheeks.

“Angie, it’s okay. You aren’t supposed to be watching my every move. I’ve let you take care of me for far too long. I forced you to grow up and be the parent. That wasn’t fair to you.” She saw the tears mist his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Angie-girl. But I’m going to stop drinking and be the man I should have been a long time ago.”

She should have been proud of the change in him, should have been excited for his future, but she felt the anger lodging in her throat, trying to burst forth in a storm of uncontrolled fury at the unfairness of it all.

“You can stop because Mike talked to you?” She rose from the bale of hay. “No amount of begging from me or tears from Mom ever made a difference to you but when a
stranger
says something you can quit?” She pushed him backward with her finger in his chest. “Mom died because you couldn’t stop drinking and stop fighting with her.”

Rage flooded her chest, tears slipping down her cheeks to the dusty concrete floor. She could see the pain her words were causing, but she needed to purge the misery that haunted her childhood. Because of his weakness, she’d been trapped in a life of guilt and shame and loss. “I grew up without a mother or father. I’ve had to fend for myself since I was eight. A child shouldn’t know how to cure a hangover at ten.”

“Angel, I know . . .”

She clenched her teeth together, turning her back on him. “Don’t call me that. Mama called me that.” Her eyes burned with tears that wouldn’t stop falling, even as she willed them to cease. “You don’t get to call me that.”

She felt his hands on her shoulders as he turned her and pulled her into his embrace awkwardly. The fight left her and she realized she was trembling.

“I know I don’t deserve you. I never have.” He smoothed a hand over the back of her head as she gave in to her tears, letting the sobs wrack her body. “I didn’t deserve your mother, either,” he muttered. “It was my fault, all of it. I felt guilty because I couldn’t give her the life she deserved. All she wanted was for me to love her, and I was so blinded by my guilt it drove me to the bar and her into another man’s arms. When I found out, I chased her out of the house. It was all my fault.”

His words broke through the haze of her pain. “What?” Angela pulled away from him. “Are you saying Mom had an affair? How dare you!” She shoved him away from her.

“You don’t remember?” He looked confused. “Craig confessed to me at the bar that night, how he’d been there for her when I wasn’t and how they were in love.” He shook his head with recriminations. “I don’t blame her, I never did. I was never there for her. But I was drunk and so angry when I found out. I went home and made accusations. You came out of your room just as she ran out the front door and . . .” His words trailed off.

“Uncle Craig?” She saw the flash of loathing in his eyes before it was replaced by anguish. “That’s why he . . .” As much as she didn’t want to believe it, the pieces were falling together to form a picture she’d never imagined. She took a step back and ran a hand through her hair, pulling on it in an attempt to clear her head.

“He’s your father, Angie,” her father whispered.

She looked back at him with disbelief, shock robbing her of the ability to speak. Was it possible her mother had an affair? How could he have lied to her all these years? She thought about each time she’d been called by the police to bail him out of jail, the many nights she’d drug him from the bar and put him to bed. “You’re not my father?” she whispered.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. Not after . . .”

“My mother died because of you and I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her because I stayed to take care of
you
,” she accused, reaching for the ring on the chain at her throat. “You think an apology will make it better? I lost everything that night.”

He stared at the ground. “I can never make it right, Angie. I can’t give you back your mother but I can give you the truth and your freedom. You deserve to live your life without worrying about me, to find someone who will love you, who you
can
love. I’m so sorry.”

Tears clouded her vision. Years of wasted time, lies, and desperation. She should have left years ago, lived a life filled with happy memories and hope and love instead of the recriminations and responsibilities that haunted each sunrise. Her breath came in ragged gasps as she curled her fingers around the ring, feeling her nails digging into her palm, the biting pain fueling her anger. “It’s not enough; it will never be enough.”

“Angel.”

Derek’s voice broke through her fury like a bucket of cold water and she spun to face him. Her brow furrowed with worry, and she saw him grimace in pain as he walked toward her.

“You’re not supposed to be . . . You need to be in bed.”

“Don’t say anything you can’t take back.” He reached his hand out, his fingers cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing her jaw. She could read the compassion in his eyes. “Regret is a painful partner.”

She knew all about regret. “You don’t understand what he’s done.” She glared at the man she’d thought was her father.

“I heard.” He glanced over her shoulder at her father—Robert—behind her. He pried her fingers from the ring and twined his fingers through hers. “We all have regrets—you, me, Robert. Come back inside with me.”

“You followed me out here?”

Derek must have stood silently, knowing she would need him, in spite of the pain his injuries must be causing him.

He stepped closer, moving between her and her father, cupping her face between his hands and pressing his forehead against hers so that she could look only into his face. “I promised you we’d talk once we were back here. Let’s go have that talk.”

She felt his breath against her lips, warming her, drawing her back to the present instead of reliving her painful past. She nodded, afraid if she didn’t go with him hate would take over, poisoning her soul.

Chapter Twenty-Two

D
EREK’S RIBS FELT
as if they were being crushed in a vice. He shouldn’t have followed her downstairs, but when he heard her footsteps, he worried she was leaving. He’d known that Mike had offered her father a job and that he’d accepted, but it was supposed to be a blessing in disguise, to keep her close.

Derek ran his fingers through the long red waves that fell over her shoulder as she lay against his left side with her hand on his stomach, away from his injured ribs. He held her while she cried, until her tears were spent and she’d fallen into a deep sleep. He glanced down at her as her lashes fanned over her cheeks, still red from crying. He heard her breath hitch from the sobs that had shaken her small body.

He’d held her wordlessly as she purged the grief she’d never allowed herself to feel over her mother’s death and the betrayal she felt at her father’s hands.
Not her father
, he reminded himself, and wondered if Robert had confessed the truth to Mike.

Now he understood why she’d balked when he called her Angel, knowing it was a reminder of her mother. He didn’t want to cause her more pain, but he didn’t feel he could think of her any other way. She was his Angel. Maybe he should let her leave, move on to a bigger station, and help her put some space between her and Robert, giving her a chance to enjoy her freedom. His heart lurched painfully at the mere thought. He’d never felt the need to protect a woman the way he did this one. Somehow she’d grasped his heart and he couldn’t let her go. This need he felt for her scared him.

Her fingers curled against his abs, and he stifled a groan as desire rushed through his blood. He hated himself for his lack of control and inhaled sharply as she woke slowly, her breasts pressing against his side. Her breathing changed, growing shallow, and he knew she was awake.

“Ready to talk?” His fingertips feathered over her forehead. He saw the tears mist her eyes again as she bit her lip.

“I shouldn’t be here,” she whispered, looking up at him.

“Here on the ranch or with me?” She didn’t answer and he could see the agony in her eyes. “With me,” Derek answered his own question, swallowing the lump forming in his throat and pressing his lips together. Joe’s accusation haunted him, but he didn’t want to face the truth of it.

She sat up on the edge of the bed, pulling away from him, and cool air filled the space between them. He wondered if it was from the air conditioning or the chill in her demeanor. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked backward at him over her shoulder.

“I need to go home.” Her tone was flat and he couldn’t read her thoughts. She’d disappeared behind the cold façade he thought had crumbled already. “Especially now. I can’t stay here with him.”

Derek didn’t have to ask who she meant. “Angel, we both know you can’t turn your back on him that easily. If you didn’t do it already, you won’t do it now.”

She stood quickly. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. For nothing.”

She took a step away from the bed but stopped as his fingers circled her wrist. “He’s your father.”

She laughed bitterly and the sharpness in her voice pained him. “Apparently, he’s not. Didn’t you hear?”

“He’s the man that’s raised you.” Derek struggled to rise from the bed. “Even if he’s done a poor job of it. Everything you’ve gone through has made you the woman you are today. If you’ve stayed and cared for him through all he’s put you through, does knowing any of this really change how you feel about him?”

“No,” she whispered. He ran his thumb over the pulse racing at the inside of her wrist and heard her breath catch, her eyes darkening with slumberous desire. “Derek,” she whispered.

“Please come back here.” He pulled her toward him on the bed. “I can’t stand that long.”

She allowed him to draw her back to his side as she sat on the bed beside him. He slipped an arm around her stiff form. “Relax,” he encouraged. “I’m not going to bite.” He gave her a wicked grin. “Unless you want me to.”

She sighed and started to rise again. “I’m only kidding,” he promised, holding her to his side, ignoring the pain the movement caused. He tucked her head against his chest under his chin, his fingers trailing over her spine. “I know this came as a shock. But you don’t have to hurry off because of Robert. I’ll send him to work over at my place. You won’t have to face him until you’re ready.”

She glanced up at him. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would.” He pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her forehead. He inhaled the sweet scent of her and wanted to do so much more.

She sighed against his throat and he felt white hot desire plunge to his groin.

“I have to go back. Something is going wrong with the story. I’m just not sure who is to blame.”

“Do I get two guesses?” Derek asked. She glanced up at him. “Since he couldn’t get you to give up the story, Joe is going to do whatever it takes to get you away from me.”

She leaned backward and looked up at him. “I told you, there is nothing between us. That was a long time ago and even then . . .” She shook her head before laying it against his chest.

“Angel, you have no idea your power over men,” he said quietly. “Just because you don’t feel anything for him doesn’t mean he feels the same. That man wants you. It’s in his eyes every time he looks at you, and I don’t think he’s planning on giving up easily.”

He heard the jealousy in his voice but couldn’t seem to help himself. He needed to gain some control because if there was any chance that she was still using them, or playing him for a fool, he didn’t want her to know she was taking his heart along for the ride as well.

“I’m sorry I didn’t go to the hospital, Derek. I panicked, and when I came out the ambulance was gone.” Her words spilled from her and he knew she was telling the truth.

His heart clenched, a stab of pain radiating through his chest, and he held his breath, waiting for her to finish. “You have no idea how scared I was.”

As afraid as I am that I’m about to lose you, Angel?

His fingertips grazed her temple and cheek. “Of what?” She shook her head, burying her face into his chest.

“Angel, you interviewed a lot of those cowboys. They all said the same thing. It’s not
if
you’ll get hurt, it’s
when.
”

She pressed her lips together tightly. “I know.”

“That includes us. This was sort of a freak accident, but it’s just a few broken ribs. I’ll be back out there next week.”

She lifted her head to look at him. “You will not.” Derek arched a brow but refrained from arguing with her.

Angela pulled away from him, sitting up on the bed. “You were lucky, Derek. It could have been so much worse. You were lying there so pale, bleeding everywhere.” She ran her fingers near the cut on his cheekbone where he’d needed four stitches. “I don’t think I can watch you kill yourself.”

“Angel,” he whispered, curling his fingers at her neck and pulling her down so their lips met, “I’m not going to kill myself.”

He tried to contain his passion, to kiss her gently, reminding her of their night together, of the shared vulnerability and how they had complemented one another, but once their lips met he couldn’t suppress the longing he felt for her. His tongue swept into her mouth, dancing with hers, igniting a fire within him.

A
NGELA HADN’T EXPECTED
his kiss, although she hadn’t thought about much else since their night together. She’d wanted to explain why she couldn’t stay on the ranch, but once his lips touched hers, all logic and reason was lost. She could barely remember her name as his good arm pulled her against his chest, trapping her arm between them with her free hand on his stomach. She desperately wanted to touch him but was afraid of hurting him. He groaned and shifted, rising above her, leaning on his elbow, and she worried about his ribs. His right hand found her hip and he gripped her, his thumb trailing under the hem of her shirt.