The Contract (35 page)

“But, what?”

“I couldn’t ignore you. You were everywhere. Without even trying, you were in my head—it was as natural as breathing. The condo became a home with you there. You teased and laughed with me. You took care of me—no one has done that my entire life. Your opinion became paramount. Everything I did, I wanted to share with you. Instead of ignoring you, I wanted more time with you. I wanted to know everything about you.”

She gazed at me, her eyes wide.

“And Penny. I loved spending time with her. Hearing the stories she shared about you. I got to know more of you each time I saw her, and the more I knew, the more I fell, until the moment I realized how deeply I was in love with you.”

I gathered her hands in mine, holding them tight. “None of my cruelness changed you. Instead, your sweetness changed me, Katy. You and Penny brought out that little boy who could still love.”

“What if he forgets again?”

I shook my head. “He won’t. He can’t—not as long as I have you.” I lifted her hand. “You left your wedding rings behind, yet you’re wearing this ring.” I tapped the diamond band on her finger. “You moved it to your left hand. Why?”

“Because you gave it to me. It was the first thing you’d given me that you didn’t have to.” Her voice caught. “I–I put it there because it was closer to my heart.”

I shut my eyes, hoping I understood the meaning behind her words. Pressing her hand to my face, I opened my eyes to look into hers. Tears swam in the depths of her expressive blue gaze. “I gave you my heart, too, Katy. Will you keep it, as well?”

She drew in a breath that stuttered and shook her small frame.

“You gave me your body. I want your heart. I want your love. I need it. I need
you
.”

“Say it, Richard.” A tear slipped down her cheek.

“I love you, Katharine VanRyan. I want you to come home with me. Make my life complete. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you to believe me. To make you believe in me.”

“I already do.”

I cupped her face, my thumbs tracing frantic circles on her skin as my heartbeat sped up. “And?”

“I love you, Richard. I love you so much, it scares me.”

“Why are you scared?”

“You could break me.”

I shook my head. “It’s you who’s broken me, Katy. I’m yours.”

“I’m yours, too.”

That was all I needed. Pulling her to me, I covered her mouth with mine, groaning at the sensation of having her close. Our lips moved, tongues stroked and caressed as we reacquainted ourselves with each other. Her arms wound around my neck, holding me tight as I folded mine around her like a steel cage.

One I didn’t plan to release her from—ever.

RICHARD

I LIFTED MY HEAD, SQUINTING
in the silent darkness. We had been sitting, holding each other, needing the closeness. I didn’t know for how long, but enough for night to have descended. “I need to add some more logs,” I murmured. “The fire is going to die.”

“I like it right here. I’m warm enough.”

I chuckled and pressed a kiss to her head. “We have to move eventually.”

“I should make us something to eat.”

“I need to find a place to stay.”

She froze. “You aren’t staying here?”

Tenderly, I cupped her face, brushing a kiss to her lips. “I want to. But I don’t want to push.”

“It’s a queen-size bed.”

I quirked my eyebrow at her. “Small for us. I suppose I’ll have to snuggle with you. I guess if it’s the sacrifice I have to make—”

Her lips curled into a smile. “I suppose so.”

“I’ve missed snuggling with you. I’ve missed your warmth and your smell.”

“Well then, I guess you better stay.”

“I guess so.” I paused, needing to ask her the question that had been simmering in the back of my mind for days. “I need to ask you something, Katy.”

She drifted her finger over my stubble. “I like hearing you call me that.”

I tweaked her nose. “Good. I like saying it.”

Her expression changed to serious. “Now, what did you want to ask me?”

I shifted, acutely uncomfortable. “The night before you left. The night we made love.”

“Is that what it was?”

“Yes,” I said firmly. “It was.”

“What about it?”

I got straight to the point. “I didn’t wear a condom. Is there any chance you’re pregnant?”

She shook her head, looking embarrassed. “When I was young, I had a lot of trouble with, ah, my periods. They put me on birth control pills to regulate them. I still have trouble, so I’m still on them.”

“Oh.” I sighed in relief.

“Don’t worry, Richard.” She looked away. “I know how you feel about children.”

The sadness in her voice hurt me, and I slipped my hand under her chin, forcing her to look at me.

“You told me once you thought if I loved the mother, I would love the child. I think, perhaps, you were right.”

“So you want children?”

I fidgeted on the sofa, unsure how to answer. “This is all very new to me. I never thought I could love anyone. I’ve barely come to terms with the fact I’m so deeply in love with you, I can’t function without you. You knocked down every idea I held as the truth. I need you. I love you.” I shook my head with a wry smile. “I suppose it’s only natural to assume my thoughts on children could change as well.”

“It’s something we could talk about—later on?”

“Yes. I would ask for a little time, however. I want to have you to myself for a while. I want to know you—all of you—and you to know me.”

“I think that’s smart.”

“You’ll have to help me, sweetheart. I know nothing about kids. Nothing. The thought of screwing one up the way my parents did terrifies the fuck out of me, if I’m being honest.”

She tilted her head, studying me. “Richard VanRyan. You surpass every goal you have ever set for yourself. Do you really think I’d let you fail as a father?”

A grin tugged at my lips. “I suppose not, no.”

“It won’t happen. Knowing you’re willing to discuss it is a huge step.”

“You’re sure you’re not pregnant now?”

“Yep. Sure.”

“Okay, then. I guess we’ll discuss this again—in the future.”

She nodded. “The future.”

I slipped my hand into my pocket and held up her rings. “In the meantime, I want you to have these back. I want them on your finger.” I took her hand. “I know you think they meant nothing, Katy, but they mean everything. They mean you’re mine.” I indicated her finger. “May I?”

She nodded. I tugged the small diamond band off and transferred it to her right hand, sliding her wedding band and the larger diamond back on her left hand. Bending low, I pressed a kiss to the rings.

“That’s where they belong.”

“Yes.”

I grabbed my coat from the chair and withdrew the folded papers from the inside pocket.

“What are those?”

“Our contract—both our copies.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn’t mean anything anymore, Katy. It hasn’t for a long time. It’s time to get rid of it.”

I held them up, tearing them in half. I carried them to the fireplace and dropped them into the flames. I watched as the edges turned black and curled, the flames licking at the pages until they were nothing but ash. Katy stood beside me, watching in silence.

I wrapped my arm around her waist. “The one document between us now is our marriage license. From today onward, it’s what holds us together.”

She looked up, a tender expression on her face. “I like that.”

“Maybe, once things have settled, you’d marry me again?”

Her eyes glowed. “Really?”

“Yes. Maybe somewhere prettier than city hall. I’d like you to have the wedding you deserve.”

“I kind of liked our wedding. I liked dancing with you.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “You were nice.”

“I promise to be far nicer from now on. I want to be the man I should be for you.”

“You are.”

“Be patient with me, Katy. I’m gonna fuck this up sometimes.”

She laughed low, stroking my cheek. “Everyone does. No one is perfect.”

“But you’ll stick with me?”

“Like glue.”

I dropped a kiss to her full mouth. “Then we’re good.”

I peered around her shoulder at the contents of the small refrigerator. The old wire shelves held a small amount of food. Tugging her aside, I picked up the carton of eggs, opening the lid. Only two were missing. The loaf of bread was barely touched, the package of cheese unopened, and the cream was almost full. There were two apples, some unopened yogurt, and on the counter, a few bananas. That was it. My suspicions about her lack of appetite were confirmed.

I shut the door, turning to face her. “This is all the food you have? Have you been eating at all?”

“Not much,” she admitted. “I wasn’t hungry.”

I recalled the small town I drove through on my way to the cottages. There was a little grocery store and I was sure I’d passed a restaurant. “I’ll take you into town for supper. You need to eat.”

She shook her head. “Nothing is open this time of night, Richard. It’s off-season. We’d have to drive farther to get to a bigger town. It’s a good hour away.”

“That’s fine.”

“I can make us some scrambled eggs.”

I relented easily, not really wanting to go anywhere. “All right. I’ll make toast.”

“You can make toast?” She gasped, laying her hand on her heart.

I yanked her close, kissing her teasing mouth. “Yes. My wife taught me. She’s a smart woman.”

Her cheek folded in, and I knew she was chewing on it. I tapped the rounded flesh. “Stop it.”

“I like it when you call me your wife,” she admitted.

“It’s funny how often I found myself thinking of you as such. Never Katharine or Katy, but my wife. I liked the way it sounded, although I never questioned why.” I snorted. “Too stupid to realize how I felt about you, even in my own head.”

“Or too scared.”

The air caught in my throat. As usual, she hit the nail on the head. I had been too scared to admit what I was feeling. To admit an idea I had my entire life was wrong.

“I’m not scared of loving you anymore, Katy. I’m only scared of losing you.”

She curled herself into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I cradled her close, stroking through her hair in long passes.

“I’m here,” she whispered. “You found me.”

“Thank God.”

I set down my plate on the old coffee table, my gaze on Katy. The firelight played over her face, the flames casting a red glow around her head. She pulled her legs to her chest, chin resting on them as she stared into space. She hadn’t eaten much, but she did finish the toast. I polished off all the eggs and ate both her apples. We’d replace them, and more, in the morning. For now, though, I needed to find out how she wanted to proceed together on the road ahead of us.

“What would you like to do, Katy?”

She turned her face toward me. “Hmmm?”

I ran my knuckles down her cheek. “Tomorrow. The next day. The one after. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t know.”

“How long did you want to stay here? Or do you want to go home?” A sudden tightness enveloped my torso, making me breathless. “Are you coming home?”

She slipped her hand into mine, one word easing my worry. “Yes.”

“Okay. Good. When?”