Read The Conflict Online

Authors: Elisabeth Badinter

The Conflict (11 page)

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Mother Love: Myth and Reality—Motherhood in Modern History
FOREWORD
1
Elisabeth Badinter,
Mother Love: Myth and Reality—Motherhood in Modern History
(New York: Macmillan, 1981).
PART ONE: THE STATE OF PLAY
1. THE AMBIVALENCE OF MOTHERHOOD
2
Survey participants were allowed to give more than one answer.
3
A question loosely inspired by Marian Faux's book
Childless by Choice: Choosing Childlessness in the Eighties
(Garden City, NY: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1984), p. 28.
4
Marie Darrieussecq's
Le bébé
(Paris: POL, 2002); Nathalie Azoulai's
Mère agitée
(Paris: Seuil, 2002); Éliette Abécassis's
Un heureux événement
(Paris: Albin Michel, 2005); and Pascale Kramer's
L' implacable brutalité du réveil
(Paris: Mercure de France, 2009).
5
Abécassis,
Un heureux événement
, p. 15.
6
Kramer,
L'implacable brutalité du réveil
, p. 17.
7
Darrieussecq,
Le bébé
, p. 98.
8
Ann Landers, “70 Percent Say: No kids,”
Chicago Sun-Times
, January 23, 1976. See Faux,
Childless by Choice
, p. 2.
9
The experiment was tried again several times in the 1980s by the founder of the Childfree Network, Leslie Lafayette. During radio shows, she asked listeners—who were promised anonymity—to answer the same question. The negative replies varied from 45 to 60 percent. Again, the only significance of these figures is that they give voice to people who are disappointed by the reality of parenthood. The figures give no indication of what percentage this group genuinely represents.
10
An expression borrowed from Jean-Claude Kaufmann,
L'invention de soi
(Paris: Armand Colin, 2004), p. 276.
11
Domestic Injustice
, or
Injustice ménagère
, is the title of a collection published in 2007, edited by the sociologist François de Singly.
12
See Beth Anne Shelton and Daphne John's 1993 survey published by François de Singly in the 2004 afterword of
Fortune et infortune de la femme mariée
(Paris: Presses Universitaires de France, 1987), p. 218. See also the very recent article by Arnaud Régnier-Loilier, “Does the Birth of a Child Change the Division of Household Tasks Between Partners?”
Population and Societies
, no. 461 (November 2009). He stated that “the arrival of a child
widens the gender imbalance in the sharing of household tasks, generally at the expense of women,” which contributes to alienating her from the job market. Today, as in the past, women take on the bulk of household chores, which become incrementally more demanding with successive births. The author emphasized the fact that “women's dissatisfaction [with the sharing of household tasks] increases after the birth of a child.”
13
Singly,
Fortune et infortune de la femme mariée
, p. 215.
14
Ibid., p. 221: Table on the division of work according to gender and qualifications, National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies, Time Use Survey, 1998–1999.
15
Ibid., p. 222.
16
The sources for this table and the one below were Eurostat, various national institutes of statistics, and the United Nations. The tables were compiled by the National Institute for Demographic Studies and can be viewed at
http://www.ined.fr/fr/pop_chiffres/pays_developpes/indicateurs_fecondite/
.
17
Decrees governing the enforcement of relevant laws were published sporadically between 1969 and 1972.
18
Interestingly, demographer France Prioux points out that the birthrate in mixed-race couples has risen, although the rate of this rise has slowed since 2007. See “L'évolution démographique récente en France: l'espérance de vie progresse toujours,”
Population-F
63, no. 3 (2008): 437–76.
19
By “partnership” I mean marriage, common-law marriage, and cohabitation.
20
Laurent Toulemon, “Très peu de couples restent volontaire-ment sans enfant,”
Population
, nos. 4–5 (July–October 1995): 1079–110.
21
See Jean-Paul Sardon, “Evolution démographique récente des pays développés,”
Population-F
57, no. 1 (January–March 2002): 123–70; and Isabelle Robert-Bobée, “Ne pas avoir eu d'enfant: plus fréquent pour les femmes les plus diplômées et les hommes les moins diplômés,”
France, portrait social
, National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies, 2006, p. 182.
22
Australian Bureau of Statistics, “Women in Australia, 2007,” Australian Government, 2007.
23
As the term
maternal instinct
is not always well received, I have chosen this alternative.
24
It is worth noting that the last two categories, women who do not want children and those who want them at any cost, are often both regarded with a degree of contempt.
25
Catherine Hakim,
Work-Lifestyle Choices in the 21st Century
(Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2000), p. 6.
26
Ibid., p. 8.
27
Ibid., p. 9.
28
Ibid., p. 10.
29
Neil Gilbert,
Mother's Work: How Feminism, the Market, and Policy Shape Family Life
(New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2008), pp. 31–32.
30
In the sense given by Max Weber. These categories are not exhaustive and leave out a number of exceptions, cases that fall outside their margins.
31
Gilbert,
A Mother's Work
, pp. 31–32.
32
Ibid., pp. 32–33.
33
Ibid., pp. 33–34. It is worth noting that these women have little help in the home and that domestic services are expensive.
PART TWO: THE ASSAULT OF NATURALISM
1
“The philosophical belief that everything arises from natural properties and causes” (
Oxford English Dictionary
, 6th ed. [Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2006]), p. 632.
2
Complete U-turns in pediatrics in the last hundred years are well documented in Geneviève Delaisi de Parseval and Suzanne Lallemand's book
L'art d'accommoder les bébés
(Paris: Seuil, 1980).
3
This is how pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton introduces himself in
Touchpoints: Birth to Three
(Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2006).
2. THE SACRED ALLIANCE OF REACTIONARIES
1
In its literal sense, as those who respond to an action with an opposite reaction that tends to cancel it out. For this definition, I've relied on linguist Alain Rey's
Dictionnaire historique de la langue française
(Paris: Le Robert, 2006).
2
Ibid.
3
Michel Serres,
Le contrat naturel
(Paris: François Bourin, 1990).
4
See Gérard Vienne's film
The Monkey Folk
, 1989.
5
L'Événement du jeudi
, June 8–14, 1989.
6
See Isabelle Curtet-Poulner, “Ces femmes anti-pilules,”
Le Nouvel Observateur
, January 3, 2008.
7
Ibid., quoting a 2007 survey by the National Institute for Prevention and Health Education-BVA.
8
Éliette Abécassis and Caroline Bongrand,
Le corset invisible
(Paris: Albin Michel, 2007), p. 187;
IARC Monographs on the
Evaluation of Carcinogenic Risks to Humans
, vol. 91,
Combined Estrogen-Progestogen Contraceptives and Combined Estrogen-Progestogen Menopausal Therapy
(Lyon, France: International Agency for Research on Cancer, 2007), p. 91; D. Cibula, A. Gom-pel, A. O. Mueck, C. La Vecchia, P. C. Hannaford, S. O. Skouby, M. Zikan, L. Dusek, “Hormonal Contraception and Risk of Cancer,”
Human Reproduction Update
16, no. 6 (2010): 631–50.
9
Besides the incidence of alcohol in cancer of the pharynx, the oral cavity, the esophagus, and the liver, in March 2007 the IARC announced that it might also be responsible for colorectal and breast cancer.
10
Marc Mennessier, “Alcool: l'abstinence totale n'est pas pré-conisée,”
Le Figaro
, July 28, 2009. The HCSP restated its recommended alcohol consumption for adults: not to exceed two glasses of wine a day for women and three for men. It concluded: “There is not at present any conclusive argument to justify modifying our current recommendations … in favor of total abstinence.”
11
“Environnement chimique et reproduction” colloquium (November 25, 2008), in
Madame Figaro
, December 16, 2008. According to Professor Pierre Jouannet, the danger is presented by “certain phthalates, molecules found in cosmetics, food packaging and plastics,” as suggested by studies on rats.
Elle
magazine sounded the same alarm in its December 1, 2008, issue.
12
An ancient Greek word meaning “female slave.” A doula helps a woman during pregnancy, childbirth, and the first stages of motherhood.
13
Femme actuelle
, February 2008. All for a remuneration of around $750 in 2007.
14
Study published by Marshall H. Klaus, John H. Kennell,
and Phyllis H. Klaus,
The Doula Book: How a Trained Labor Companion Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier, and Healthier Birth
(New York: Perseus Books, 2002), chap. 5. Another study (2003), cited by
Femme actuelle
, February 2008, claims that having a doula present during labor “aids spontaneous birth and reduces the need for pain relief.”
15
Le Figaro
, October 8, 2008. The article points out that, according to the French home birth organization AAD (Accouchement à domicile), 25 percent of women would like to give birth at home but are prevented by the shortage of midwives available (there are only about sixty in France).
16
Report of the Maternity Services Review, Australian Department of Health and Ageing, 2006.
17
On a pain scale of 1 to 10, the pain of childbirth is considered by most people to be 10.
18
Elsbeth Kneuper, “Die Natürliche Geburt. Eine globale Errungenschaft?” in A. Wolf and V. Hörbst, eds.,
Medizin und Globalisierung: Universelle Ansprüche—lokale Antworten
(Berlin: LIT Verlag, 2003), pp. 107–28.
19
Marie Claire
, February 1987. Having seen this anonymous account, an obstetrician consulted by the magazine pointed out that an injection of the morphine-based drug Dorosal bears no comparison to an epidural because it alters consciousness and inhibits the mother's proper involvement.
20
Pascale Pontoreau,
Des enfants, en avoir ou pas
(Montreal: Les Éditions de l'Homme, 2003), p. 53.
21
Ibid.
22
Frédérick Leboyer,
Pour une naissance sans violence
(Paris: Seuil, 1974).
23
Yvonne Knibiehler,
La révolution maternelle: femmes, matér-nité, citoyenneté depuis 1945
(Paris: Perrin, 1999), p. 194.
24
Nevertheless, when a recent self-consciously aesthetic film called
Le premier cri
(2007) aimed to show the beauty of childbirth across the world, from Masai tribes to Ho Chi Minh, from Mexico to Siberia and to the Nigerian desert (where the viewer is subjected to the unbearable pain of a Tuareg mother giving birth to a stillborn baby), an
Elle
magazine journalist (October 29, 2007) was one of very few to react. Incensed by the militant outpourings of a Quebec woman who wanted to give birth naturally in her alternative, eco-friendly community, refusing all medical assistance even if her life was in danger, the journalist reminded readers that somewhere in the world a woman dies every minute giving birth, and that even in developing countries more than ten thousand newborns die every day as a result of complications in childbirth.
25
See next chapter.
26
Although the European Food Safety Authority confirmed that, given the minimal admissible levels of BPA, baby bottles presented no risk, the City of Paris has banned them from municipal day-care centers.
27
“Le bien-être de bébé version écolo,”
Le Monde
, November 7, 2007; and
Le Figaro
, April 21, 2008.
28
Interview with Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet on Europe 1 and i-Télé, September 14 and 15, 2008. Besides proposing this tax, she said she found it “wonderful” scrubbing cloth diapers.
29
“Le bien-être de bébé version écolo.”
30
Letter of July 7, 1981, addressed to Macmillan Publishing, who published
L'Amour en plus: histoire de l'amour maternel
(XVII
e
–XX
e
siècle)
(Paris: Flammarion, 1980) as
Mother Love: Myth and Reality—Motherhood in Modern History
(New York: Macmillan, 1981). This letter did nothing to diminish my admiration for Bruno Bettelheim's extensive work with autistic children, even though I still believe in the virtue of truth. It was partially published by Nina Sutton in 1996 in her biography
Bettelheim: A Life and Legacy
(New York: Basic Books, 1996), pp. 425–26.
31
Diane E. Eyer,
Mother-Infant Bonding: A Scientific Fiction
(New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1992), p. 2.
32
Quoted in D. E. Eyer, M. Klaus, P. Jerauld, N. Kreger, W. McAlpine, M. Steffa, and J. Kennell, “Maternal Attachment: Importance of the First Postpartum Days,”
New England Journal of Medicine
286, no. 9 (March 1972): 460–63.
33
Marshall H. Klaus and John H. Kennell,
Maternal-Infant Bonding: The Impact of Early Separation or Loss on Family Development
(St. Louis, MO: C. V. Mosby, 1976).
34
Eyer,
Mother-Infant Bonding
, p. 3. Eyer also notes that social workers responsible for minimizing child abuse warmly welcomed this theory.
35
Marshall H. Klans and John H. Kennell,
Parent-Infant Bonding,
2nd ed. (St. Louis, MO: C. V. Mosby, 1982).
36
Ibid.
37
In an interview with Bill Moyers on
The World of Ideas
, cited by Eyer,
Mother-Infant Bonding
, pp. 35–36.
38
A few years later T. Berry Brazelton diluted his point. See
Touchpoints: Birth to Three
(Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2006): “Certain childbirth educators, however, took the implications of the bonding research too literally … . Attachment is a long-term process, not a single, magical moment” (p. 37). Similarly, he now
concedes that a young mother can return to work four months after giving birth: “parents need the baby more than she may appear to need them” (p. 80).
39
Jacques Dayan, Gwenaëlle Andro, and Michel Dugnat,
Psychopathologie de la périnalité
(Paris: Masson, Issy les Moulineaux, 2003), p. 13.
40
Various articles by Michael Lamb in the
Journal of Pediatrics
are quoted by Eyer,
Mother-Infant Bonding
, pp. 35–36.
41
“Baby Friendly Hospital” was a label of quality suggested, in 1992, by WHO and UNICEF for hospitals that promoted breast-feeding.
42
Edwige Antier,
Éloge des mères
(Paris: Robert Laffont, 2001), pp. 68–69. My italics. The pointed subtitle of the book is: “Trusting in Maternal Instincts to Ensure That Our Children Flourish.”
43
Ibid., pp. 54–55.
44
Margaret Mead, “Instinct and the Origins of Love,”
Redbook
136, no. 2 (December 1970): 39–40.
45
Sarah Blaffer Hrdy,
Mother Nature: A History of Mothers, Infant, and Natural Selection
(New York: Pantheon Books, 1999). The study, “Delayed Onset of Maternal Affection After Childbirth,” by K. M. Robson and R. Kumpar, was published in the
British Journal of Psychiatry
136 (1980): 347–53.
46
But not of the theory of bonding, which she compares to a “Velcro-style attachment” and to the modern version of the ethological process of imprinting. She challenges the way studies on nanny goats and ewes have been extrapolated to women.
47
My italics. Sarah B. Hrdy frequently uses this expression.
48
Hrdy,
Mother Nature
, pp. 536–38.
49
Éliette Abécassis,
Un heureux événement
(Paris: Albin Michel, 2005), pp. 71, 79.
50
“Small” when compared to the tiger unleashed by Betty Friedan, whose book
The Feminine Mystique
(1963) sold millions of copies worldwide.
51
Alice Rossi, “A Biosocial Perspective on Parenting,”
Daedu-lus
106, no. 2 (Spring 1977): 1–31.
52
Her article was fiercely criticized the following year in a book by Nancy Chodorow, which caused a considerable stir:
The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender
(Berkeley: University of California Press, 1978), pp. 18–20.
53
Maryse Guerlais, “Vers une nouvelle idéologie du droit sta-tutaire: le temps de la différence de Luce Irigaray,”
Nouvelles questions féministes
, nos. 16–18 (1991): 65.
54
Cited by Hrdy,
Mother Nature
, p. 3.
55
Carol Gilligan,
In a Different Voice
(Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1982), p. 29.
56
Sigmund Freud, “Femininity,” in
Freud on Women: A Reader
, ed. Elisabeth Young-Bruehl (New York: W. W. Norton, 1990), pp. 361–62. Freud attributed this moral deficit to penis envy in the female psyche.
57
Antoinette Fouque,
Il y a deux sexes
(Paris: Gallimard, 1995), p. 157.
58
Feminists as indisputable as Erica Jong and Betty Friedan were eventually won over by maternalism, the former in an interview given to
Vanity Fair
in April 1986, the latter in the second edition of
The Second Stage
, reissued in 1998.

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