The Chevalier (20 page)

The next thing she knew, Madeline was once again locked into her room. Roland did not come to say goodbye to her, but she knew when he left; she could see him from the window early the next morning. The coachman and footman carried his bags and those of his valet into the carriage and drove away.

Madeline was not sorry to see Roland leave. She immediately began planning how she would escape her captivity. It seemed absurd that her own bedchamber had become a prison cell for her, but she had to face reality, no matter how painful it was.

She could not trust her brother. Although he had promised not to try to kill the life that was growing within her, she could not believe him any longer. She was certain now that her brother was a ruthless man. He would justify his decision by saying that the child she carried was nothing but an unwanted bastard.

No, she could not allow Roland to make her decisions for her, for in spite of what he said; she no longer believed that he had her best interests at heart. Whether the child she carried was to live or die, that decision was not to be made by Roland. Madeline felt strongly that this child was truly a part of her life and must be protected from destruction. There was no question that she had to leave her home. There was no point in seeking out Gareth. He could not really help her now. Probably at this moment, the surgeon was removing the ball from his shoulder. He would be weak and ill for a time. How could she possibly ask his help? And what little pride she had left, she wished to keep intact.

Madeline took a mental inventory. She had Maman’s jewels and some small amount of coin. She could sell the jewels slowly and live off the proceeds. That would keep her for a time. Of course, she would have to find some way in which to support herself and her child. Obviously, she could no longer depend on her brother. There were those in France who would help her if she went to them, but that would shame Roland. She knew he could not bear the disgrace. No, she must stay in this foreign country and make the best of things.

Her only thought was that her Scottish cousins might be able to help her decide what to do. She trusted Anne’s wisdom. Although she hated the thought of having to face Andrew, the Highlands seemed the only place where she might be safe. Perhaps she could have her babe there. Afterwards, there would be plenty of time to think of what she might do with the rest of her life. Surely other women managed to raise children all alone; she must simply be strong – if not for herself then for the new life she carried within her.

The first few days, Madeline found no way out of her room. Each time Marie brought her food, Madeline spoke to the older woman. Marie would not meet her eyes, nor would she engage in any conversation. But Madeline refused to give up. Perhaps it was the Scottish part of her that stubbornly refused to acquiesce and merely accept the fate that her brother had ordained for her, or possibly it was the realization that she had always accepted what other people said was best for her. It was time that she made decisions for herself, and for better or worse, took her fate into her own hands. She knew that persistence was the only chance for her to convince her mother’s maid.

“Marie, I want you to have the coach made ready. I am leaving here. I will not be kept a prisoner in my own home any longer. You know Maman left me this house. She did not like Roland or trust him. He treated her miserably. How can you side with him? I will keep you with me if you like, but do not sell yourself to him. I implore you; do what is right, Marie. Maman would want me to return to her Scottish cousins. That is where I will go. You may come too.”

Suddenly, there were tears in the maid’s eyes. “Mademoiselle, I only did what I thought was right.”

“We all make mistakes, Marie. I believe Maman would have forgiven me mine. You must do so too. I must live my life as best I can.”

Marie’s eyes met her own and the older woman nodded. “I will order them to prepare your coach and I will help you prepare for your journey, but I will not go with you, my child. I think you are making a mistake, yet I agree that it is your right to do so. I see now that you are ready to take charge of your own life.”

Madeline inclined her head toward her mother’s maid. She touched the lined forehead and the graying strands of hair at the older woman’s temples. “You will see, Marie, that this is for the best. I must follow my own instincts in this matter.”

“
Le bon Dieu
protect you.”

Madeline prepared herself for travel. The dress with her mother’s jewelry sewn into it was packed. She selected what she would take with her very carefully. She needed clothing that was warm and serviceable. She took not a single elegant gown, for there would be no dancing for her, nor could she fit into any of her old finery. Her simple sacque dresses, some warm cloaks, serviceable boots, these were what she required. Above all else, she needed money. Her coachman and footman must be given something extra for their services; otherwise, perhaps they would balk at disregarding her brother’s wishes. After all, Roland was her guardian and he was the one paying their wages.

She went down to the study quietly, feeling like an intruder in her own home. She walked purposefully toward the fine oak desk that had belonged to her father. The top drawer of the desk was locked, but Madeline knew where the key was kept. She reached her hand under the gold-edged blotter and smiled when her hand touched a small piece of metal. Quickly, she opened the top drawer, and yes, there was money there. Papa had always kept English pound notes ready in case they were needed in a hurry. That, at least, had not changed. The bills were tucked into a corner, discreetly pressed into a small leather folder. Perhaps Roland had never thought to look in that corner of the desk. He did not know her Papa’s habits, and her mother had changed nothing from the time of her father’s death.

Madeline carefully counted the money. There was well over two hundred pounds. She felt a great sense of relief sweep over her. If she were frugal, as she planned to be, the money could last her quite some time.

Her first test came in dealing with the fish-eyed butler who tried to order her back to her room. Madeline stood her ground. “This is my house,” she told him. “How dare you tell me what to do! I will call the magistrate down upon you if you try to do anything to impede my freedom!” With that, she flounced out of the room, not giving the man time to think about what she was doing.

When the carriage was brought around, Madeline gave her coachman and the footman each five pounds. “For you,” she said. “For your extra trouble. There will be much more when we reach Scotland.”

They both looked pleased and rushed to do her bidding. As the coach made its way out of London, Madeline breathed a deep sigh of relief. She had done it; she had actually freed herself! Maman had said that a woman must have a husband in order to live well, and perhaps that was so. Yet, even if she did not live well alone, she knew that she would manage to survive and take care of her child. She did not need Roland or Andrew or even Gareth Eriksen for that matter.

And yet as the coach rolled along, she thought with a great sigh how wonderful it might have been if Gareth Eriksen had truly been the kind of man she dreamed he was when they had first met. Even now, closing her eyes, she could picture the magnificent physical specimen of manhood that he was: the massive shoulders, the powerful arms, the muscular thighs. She could feel his burning hot kisses, remembering all too well how they made her feel.

What was wrong with her? The man was a rutting swine! It was because of him that she was in this predicament – yet still she desired him. Perhaps he’d been right about her: she was a wanton woman. Certainly, she had no common sense where Gareth Eriksen was concerned for she still yearned for him. Had Roland not prevented it, would she have simply fallen into the man’s arms again if he’d wished. She had no answers to her own questions, and that frightened her.

 
Twenty

“What do you mean, she’s gone!” Gareth rose to face William Havington.

“Careful, man, don’t get so overwrought, you’ll send the fever spiking all over again.”

“I’m fine,” Gareth said. “That surgeon was something of a butcher is all. I’ve had worse than this you may be certain and survived it. Once I was leeched and the blood purified, I began to heal properly. I took a little longer than expected to mend, but I’ve recovered enough to go and make another visit to the de Marnays.”

“One would have thought you’d seen enough of that family,” William drawled; his face betrayed amusement. “I rather would have thought you had the good sense not to compromise the reputation of such a young lady.”

“So would I.” He could not even bring himself to smile.

“A tendency toward self-destruction no doubt,” Havington said, drawling dryly.

Gareth thought of his mother just then. He might have said that a proneness to suicide was obviously an inherited trait, but he could not bring himself to make light of something that was still very painful to him. In the end, Gareth did not bother to respond to his friend’s jibes. “Where’s she gone?”

“How the devil should I know?”

“Constance will know. You might do me the favor of asking. Did Madeline return to the continent with that bandy little cock of a brother?”

At that, William guffawed. “How droll, De Marnay is quite that, isn’t he? Quite a puffed up sort of fellow. Actually, he left for the continent alone a few days before Madeline flew off. I know that for a fact because my curious spouse happened to be watching from her window as he went off. That was when Constance called again, thinking that she would be finally admitted to see Madeline, but she was still refused. Yesterday, she went back once more. Constance is nothing if not persistent. She’s furious at how they’ve treated her. This time, she was told that Madeline had gone away. The whole thing’s got my lady rather perplexed. She thinks of Madeline as a close friend and believes that something is amiss.”

“Your wife may be right. I believe Madeline would have spoken to me if she were allowed to do so. That brother of hers is ruling with a very heavy hand. I must know where she’s gone,” he said, grinding down on his back teeth in determination.

“Why is it so dreadfully important?” William asked, cocking a sandy brow.

Gareth didn’t wish to answer his friend’s question, but Havington was his second in the duel with de Marnay; he owed William that much civility. “I have a responsibility toward her, it would seem.”

“Is it only that?” William’s eyes probed his own.

Gareth turned away uneasily. “What else would it be?”

“You have enjoyed her favors, I gather.”

Gareth gave a curt nod of his head.

“I thought when I saw her that she was altered. I gather that is why you wish to see her.”

“You gather correctly. I will go back to the house tomorrow and one way or another, I will find out where she’s gone.” His jaw jutted with determination.

“Don’t tell me that London’s most notorious rake is actually considering marriage!”

“That is yet to be determined. And I was never London’s worst rake.” Gareth kept his tone of voice cool and dispassionate. “I believe you were.”

Havington smiled broadly. “A matter of opinion, my friend. You actually might succumb? How amusing, you with a wife!” Havington laughed loudly. “Imagine all the women that will cry themselves to sleep when that tidbit of information is made public.”

Gareth bared his pearly teeth. “Friend or no friend, I may decide to beat you into the ground.”

“Sorry, it’s just the idea of you actually considering marriage that amazes me. You, leg-shackled like the rest of us poor devils.”

“Well, if you want the truth, it amazes me just as much,” he responded grimly.

♥ ♥ ♥

It was Marie, who finally told him the truth of Madeline’s whereabouts. He could not believe that he would actually have to chase after her again, back to Scotland; it was unthinkable! He could simply forget about her, of course. She would hardly expect him to come after her. And she had made it quite clear that she hated him – not that he actually blamed her, especially if he were wrong about her and had accused her falsely. He had come to think that his suspicious nature had prompted him to do exactly that.

He also had to admit that it was not only a question of owing her a proper apology. The fact was that he could not stop thinking about her. Often he woke in the night feeling aroused, knowing that he had been dreaming of her, of holding her in his arms and making love to her. He never dreamt of any other woman, only Madeline de Marnay. He thought about her often in his waking moments as well. The passion between them had been so perfect and potent. He felt so much more for her than he had for any other woman. She truly had become an obsession for him. He hardly understood it at all, aware that it was either a form of foolishness or insanity. Surely, if he just had her once more, he would realize the folly of these feelings. It must have been the novelty of her; that was all. Yet why had he completely lost control of himself that way, given in to a fit of rage that was completely unlike him? She did have a very strange effect upon him and he didn’t think he liked it very much at all. Still, he had to concede that the fault lay within him. Could he forget the girl if he really tried?

What was he thinking about? If she were with child, as she appeared to be, he would marry her. He didn’t want to marry any woman, not now, not ever. He was not a man who was meant to be married. He could not easily share his thoughts and feelings with another, and certainly not a woman. True, he had friends, female as well as male, but essentially he was a man who kept his own counsel. A wife would try to infringe upon his privacy and his freedom. He did not want that. After the fiasco with Leandra, he eventually came to understand that he was actually fortunate to have been rejected. But he did not want a child of his to be born a bastard. He had suffered with that shame all his life and did not wish it to fall upon issue of his own. No, he would not permit such a thing to happen.

He resigned himself that there was nothing for it but to again follow Madeline to the Highlands. The thought of facing her relatives once more left him with little sense of comfort. He always prided himself on being a man of good common sense, yet here he was putting himself into the vilest of situations and all for a girl who hated him!

♥ ♥ ♥

All through the trip, Madeline had comforted herself with the thought that she was going back to the only real family she had, the people her Maman would have wanted her to be with. But as Glencarnan Castle came into view, her confidence completely floundered. What if they looked at her the way Roland had? She did not think that she could stand it. She put extra coins into the hands of her coachman and footman, telling them that they should remain nearby, staying at the closest town which sported an inn, and she would send word of what her plans would be.

“I thank you, my lady,” Jim Wenders said, the coachman’s round, beefy face glowing with satisfaction. “We shall be waiting on you, on that you may depend.”

These were good, loyal servants and she felt secure knowing that the two men and her coach would be available if she needed them. In that way, she need not be a burden to anyone. Remaining in the Highlands was contingent upon her welcome by the MacCarnans. Where she would go and what she would do if they did not choose to accept her, she did not know. Perhaps she would arrange to be driven to the nearest large city where she might begin selling her mother’s jewels to support herself. She could not return to London. Roland was her legal guardian until she came of age and that was years away. He controlled her assets, but she would not let him control her life. If it meant hiding from him, then she must do it.

In her entire life, she had never been forced to live alone and the thought frightened her. She knew very well that a female alone, young, pregnant and unprotected was vulnerable, prey to all sorts of danger. She was also a stranger, a foreigner, in a country where she hardly knew the customs.

But what were her alternatives? She was safe from serious threats of robbery so long as no strangers guessed that she had valuable jewelry in her possession. Once that asset was gone, her situation would be dire. Madeline bit her lower lip fearfully wondering what kind of reception she would find at the manor house. It took all of her courage to knock at the door. The look she received from Jenny nearly made her turn right around, but suddenly Elizabeth was there, clasping her hands.

“Oh, Maddy, you’ve come back to us! I’m so glad.” Beth hugged her tightly and Madeline could not prevent tears from welling up in her eyes.

Beth called out for her mother. Anne was there quickly. She was not warmly affectionate, for that was not her nature, but she did welcome Madeline with a smile.

“I hope ‘tis well that I’ve returned. My brother was most unkind and I found that I could not remain with him in London.”

“Happen we missed you – Beth especially.”

“Wasn’t just Beth.” Madeline turned at the sound of the deep, booming voice, trembling slightly.

“Andrew, you’re back!”

“Aye,” he said with a broad grin. “I’m home after all. I’ve cheated the hangman ‘twould seem.”

“Colonel Eriksen promised, but I wasn’t certain that he was to be trusted.”

The MacCarnan’s eyes brightened like a grassy knoll on a sunny day. “A warrior’s word is best. There’s no deceit in it.”

Madeline would have said that Gareth Eriksen’s deceit seemed reserved for women, but thought it best to hold her tongue. After all, Gareth had saved the MacCarnan’s life, just as he promised.

“You must be tired after your long journey,” Anne commented. “We will have a room prepared for you.”

“Oh, let Maddy share with me like before,” Elizabeth said.

“Madeline may want her privacy,” Anne suggested carefully. Taut lines formed around her mouth.

Madeline shook her head. “I would very much like to share Beth’s room with her if she’ll have me.”

Elizabeth clapped her hands together happily. Madeline thought her young cousin looked so sweet and pretty at that moment with her small freckled nose upturned and her large green eyes sparkling like shining emeralds.

“You and I must have a talk a bit later,” Andrew told her. He bent over and kissed her on the forehead.

The way he looked at her, Madeline suddenly realized that no one had as yet told him that she was
enceinte
. She had not gained much weight and the loose gown disguised her changing shape well. Would she have to disillusion Andrew herself? The thought stabbed at her heart like a knife wound.

“I’m feeling very weary,” she said. “Perhaps I might rest for a time?”

Everyone was kind and Madeline found herself being led to Beth’s room. She removed her cloak and set it down on a chest near the bed. Beth came into the room and stood staring at her.

“Maddy, you look different. You look…” her cousin’s voice trailed off.

“Plumper perhaps?”

Beth nodded miserably. Her eyes lowered to the floor.

“I expect to have a child, Beth. I can’t do very much about that. It’s part of the reason I’m here really. Roland wouldn’t allow me to keep my babe after it’s born.”

Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide. “He wouldn’t? That’s terrible!”

“I agree. So I ran away and came here because I hoped that you would understand. But I don’t think that I can face your brother. I hate the thought of bringing him pain.”

“No one told him why you left. He wasn’t in any condition to hear bad news. They didn’t treat him very well in that English prison. His hands and feet were all raw with deep wounds from the chains they kept on him, and he was half-starved. Still, we’re grateful that he’s alive, even if his title and lands have been forfeit to the Crown.”

Madeline bent her head. How selfish she was, only considering her own situation. The MacCarnans were suffering dearly for their support of the Bonnie Prince. Their lives would never be the same. How she wished she could help them! Surely, there were hard times ahead for all the Scots who the English deemed traitors.

Madeline lay down on Elizabeth’s bed and closed her eyes. It was not a lie; she suddenly felt exhausted and was in need of sleep. That other life within her depleted her energy. The fears and stresses of the days drifted away.

♥ ♥ ♥

The following morning, she awoke hungry and rested. She was served a breakfast of hot porridge and accepted the food gratefully. As before, she had been careful to come with staple goods for her relatives, knowing how desperately grain was needed in particular. Madeline resolved not to be any greater burden to them than she needed to be.

It was several days before she actually had a private conversation with Andrew, for which she was much relieved. At the dinner hour, he came and joined the rest of the family. She wore a gray silk sacque that complemented her eyes. He looked at her with warm regard and she realized that he must still not be aware of the alteration in her condition because the gown successfully hid the fullness of her figure. As she looked into the admiring warmth of Andrew’s eyes, Madeline lost her appetite and hardly managed to eat any dinner.