The Boyfriend of the Month Club (10 page)

1.
Ease of scheduling an appointment
. Melanie had certainly made her feel like an idiot when she’d called, cutting Grace off before she could finish a story. But . . . it would be unfair of Grace to give them a low mark on this one. Not when she’d gotten in the same day she’d called. Begrudgingly, she darkened in the circle next to the ten.

2.
Staff Courtesy
. Aha! She began to go for the five, then stopped. Melanie hadn’t been rude to her. Not really. She just hadn’t laughed at any of Grace’s little jokes. Grace had even lied about the pain from her chipped tooth. Melanie had known about the lie, of course, but she’d still worked Grace into the schedule. And Tiffany had been more than pleasant and professional. Well, crud. She’d have to give them a ten here as well.

3.
Satisfaction with work performed
. Grace sighed and marked in the circle next to the ten.

Of course Dr. Joe and his staff were getting all tens. The survey was rigged! She skimmed through the rest of the questions until she got to the bottom.

Please let us know if you have any further comments or suggestions
.

Boy, did she have “further” comments. Her pen began to fly over the paper.

Dear Dr. Joe,

I think you did a good job on my tooth. Thank you for that. And you’re right. It didn’t hurt a bit. Tiffany is a doll. Very pleasant and professional. Melanie has zero sense of humor but she seems to be doing an adequate job at the reception desk and she did work me into your schedule today, so I can’t blast her. However, I wanted you to know that after today, I will no longer be a patient at Sunshine Smiles and I think it’s important for you to know why (I have placed the reasons in bullet form for easier reading).

●
Whose big idea was it to get rid of Tanya? (I can only assume it was yours). When I first came here as a patient (twentysix years ago!) my mother had to drag me through the door. For some reason (gee, I wonder why) I was afraid of the dentist. I sat in the waiting room and listened to the far-off noise of the drill and began to make up all sorts of crazy scenarios in my head (most of which involved some sort of torture). It was Tanya who first put me at ease. She gave me a comic book and although I couldn’t read yet, the pictures made me laugh, which helped take my mind off all those scary noises. Over the years, Tanya was always there with her bright smile, quick wit, and immense patience. Getting rid of Tanya is like getting rid of the heart and soul of Sunshine Smiles. To quote the famous Mr. Knightley, “Badly done,” Dr. Joe!

●
See comments from bullet point number one. Same goes for Connie.

●
Last but not least, your waiting room magazines suck. Dr. Fred understood that nervous patients need mindless distractions such as
People
and
Cosmo
. And the big plasma-screen TV that you’re now raffling off? That needs to go back in the waiting room. Who are you to decide “we” are watching too much television?

Sincerely,

Your ex-patient,

Grace O’Bryan

P.S. Like I said, you did do a good job on my tooth, so once again, thank you for that and for staying late to accommodate me.

There. That ought to do it. She folded the sheet in half and dropped it into the box on the counter.

Melanie handed Grace her receipt. “It looks like you had a lot to say. Dr. Joe personally reads each and every one of those surveys. He really tries to respond to his patients’ needs.”

“Well, that’s great,” Grace said. She walked out to the parking lot and clicked the unlock button on her automatic car door opener. There was no reason to feel guilty about the things she’d written. She’d paid to get her tooth fixed. It wasn’t as if Dr. Joe and his staff had stayed late to do her a personal favor. Plus, she’d given him his perfect tens, hadn’t she?

So maybe he wouldn’t be crazy about her comments in the free text section, but he deserved to know why she wasn’t coming back. As the manager of a business herself, she understood the value of customer relations. It was important to know why a customer wasn’t satisfied. Otherwise, how could you fix the problem?

6

My Good Opinion, Once Lost, Is Probably Lost Forever

“What looks good?” Ellen asked, despite the fact she always ordered the same thing whenever they went to Luigi’s, which was every Wednesday at noon.

The food wasn’t great, but it was inexpensive and the service was quick. Plus it was centrally located so no one had to drive too far from work, which was especially convenient today because it was raining. And not just cats and dogs. It was raining lizards, frogs, and anything else that could creep out from the nearest palmetto bush. Daytona Beach was about to get its first serious cold front of the season. Pasta, in Grace’s opinion, was an excellent comfort food to counteract the foul weather.

“I only have an hour tops,” said Sarah. “I need to meet with my drapery lady this afternoon. The Dragon wants her house done by the holidays.”

“Who is this dragon-woman?” Penny asked, fidgeting in her seat. If she got desperate enough she just might brave the rain to go outside and smoke the cigarette she was obviously craving.

“My newest client. Just moved here from south Florida. Lots of bucks but not a lot of taste.”

“Well, don’t run off before we get a chance to iron out the details of our new club.” Grace plucked a hot crispy breadstick from the basket. The food at Luigi’s might be so-so, but the breadsticks were excellent. “If I ever get stranded on a desert island, I want an unlimited amount of breadsticks from Luigi’s. And chocolate ice cream.” Although how she’d keep the ice cream from melting on a desert island, Grace had no idea. So she’d better not get stranded on one.

“My friend Janine definitely wants to join, and there are at least three other faculty members at the college who are interested,” Ellen said.

“I thought this boyfriend club was a joke,” Sarah said. “We aren’t really going through with it, are we?”

“Of course we are,” Grace said. “It’s going to empower us!”

“At Grace’s request, I’ve started our own private Yahoo! group,” Ellen continued. “I’ll take notes at each of the meetings and place them under the file section. That way we can resource our reviews.”

Penny froze midway to stuffing a breadstick in her mouth. “Reviews?”

Ellen reached into her bag to pull out the familiar yellow legal pad. She flipped through a few pages until she got to the one she wanted. “We only have two so far, but they’re both doozies. See?” She passed the legal pad around the table.

“Why does it have ‘Peter Pan’ in caps next to Felix’s name?” Sarah asked.

“That was my idea,” Grace said. “Since this was originally a book club, I thought it might be fun to give the guys we review an equivalent in the literary world. Felix Barberi is charming, egotistical, and childlike. Classic Peter Pan.”

“Only, Peter Pan is likeable,” Penny said. “And he didn’t cheat on Wendy.”

“Technically, Wendy is more mother figure than lover.” Ellen’s eyes glazed over like they did whenever they discussed a book.

“True,” said Grace. “I’ll have to give it some more thought.”

“What about Brandon? Who’s he?” Sarah asked.

“I haven’t got him matched up yet, but I’m thinking about it,” Grace said.

Ellen made a notation in her pad. “Back to the Yahoo! site. I sent out an invite to each of you, so don’t forget to check your e-mail. We’re going to have a meeting this Saturday. That’s okay, isn’t it?” she asked Grace. “I thought we’d keep meeting at the store like we’ve been doing.”

“But we just met last week,” protested Sarah.

“It’s just for this one time to get things rolling while the idea is still fresh in our heads, then we’ll meet once a month, like we did with the book club.”

“I think that’s a fabulous idea!” Grace said. “And afterward, we can go out for drinks.”

“I’m all for the drinks part,” Penny said.

“Me too,” said Sarah. “But why do we have to set up a Yahoo! site?”

“The Yahoo! site will enable us to access reviews twenty-four seven,” explained Ellen. “We’re providing our members with information that they otherwise might not be able to get until it’s too late.” The waiter came by to refill their breadstick basket. Ellen ordered the vegetarian lasagna; no surprise there. Grace hadn’t had time to look at the menu yet, although she had the thing memorized. The waiter jokingly asked if she just wanted breadsticks for lunch and Grace laughed.

“Hey! You got your tooth fixed.” Ellen leaned across the table. “Open up and let us see.”

Grace smiled big.

“Nice,” Sarah muttered, trying to look delicate while talking with her mouth full of breadstick and somehow succeeding.

“Dr. Fred does good work,” Ellen said.

“Dr. Fred retired last month. There’s a new dentist at Sunshine Smiles.” Grace took a sip of her diet Coke. “He hit on me Saturday night at the Wobbly Duck.”

Ellen looked confused. “Dr. Fred was at the Wobbly Duck?”

“No, dummy, his replacement,
Dr. Joe
. Apparently he and Brandon play on opposing rugby teams.”

Sarah started laughing.

“Shut up! He’s not like a normal dentist. He’s . . . well, he’s pretty hot.”

“Did
Dr. Joe
hit on you before or after you dumped the beer on Brandon’s lap?” Penny asked.

“Before. Besides, I already told you, that was an accident.”

“Maybe it was an accident for Grace. But I think
Mal Genio
knew exactly what was going on,” Penny said.

“Don’t you think talking about Grace like she has a split personality is a little creepy?” Ellen asked.

“Not as creepy as her talking to the alligator,” Penny said.

“You’re still talking to the alligator?” Ellen shook her head. “There are doctors who can help with that, you know.”

“I think it’s cute,” Sarah said. “I wish I had an alligator I could talk to.”

“Sorry,” said Grace. “Gator Claus is all mine.”

“So Dr. Fred’s replacement is a hot rugby player.” Ellen wiggled her jaw from side to side. “I think I feel a toothache coming on.”

“That must have been awkward,” Penny said. “Him working on your tooth after trying to pick you up at a bar.”

“Not for Dr. Joe. He acted like he’d never seen me before. But I
know
he recognized me. He gave an award-winning performance, that’s for sure.”

“So he’s a hot rugby player dentist creep,” Ellen said. “Who should we classify him as?”

“Technically, I’ve never gone out with him, so I don’t think we should do a review.”

“I guess that’s only fair,” Ellen reluctantly agreed.

“Seriously? I just don’t know about this whole boyfriend club,” Sarah said. “It smacks of disgruntlement.”

Ellen turned in her chair to give Sarah her full attention. “You of all people should be totally behind this. What if you’d known that Craig was a philandering two-timer? Would you still have married him? Would you even have gone out with him?”

Grace held her breath. She should have known the subject of Craig’s infidelity would come up. Wasn’t that the purpose of the club? To “out” the losers in the dating community?

Sarah’s face went pale. “We’re not doing a file or whatever you call it on Craig.”

“But—”

“Read my lips, Ellen. I’m not discussing Craig in this boyfriend club. Not now. Not ever. Frankly, I’m not sure that I even want to be a part of it, to tell you the truth.”

“Okay, okay, I didn’t mean to upset you. Whatever you want. We never have to mention Craig at all. But you
have
to come. You just have to, or it won’t be the same.” Ellen looked to Grace for support.

“Sarah, if you don’t want us to do the club, then just say so and we won’t. Not if it makes you this uncomfortable,” Grace said. And she meant it. No amount of empowerment was worth alienating Sarah from their group.

The three of them watched as Sarah struggled to come up with an answer.

“All right,” Sarah said finally. “We can do the club and I’ll come to the meetings. But Craig is off limits. Got it?”

“Sure! No problem. You’ll see, Sarah, it’s going to be great.” Grace’s cell phone went off. She decided to ignore it and let it go to voice mail.

Ten seconds later, Penny’s phone rang.

“Sure, Mr. O. We’ll be right there.” Penny snapped her phone shut. “Your dad needs us back at work. He says . . . He said the shop is about to flood!”