The Bass Wore Scales (42 page)

“
Son of a…” I said suddenly, slapping my hand down on the table and making the silverware jump. “Of course! Dave, call Judge Adams. We need to get a warrant and go make an arrest.”

“
Do we have probable cause? ‘Cause we can’t get one on Kokomo’s say-so,” said Nancy. “You know that, right?”

“
We don’t need it! The answer was right in front of us!” Then I poured myself another cup of coffee and spilled the beans.

Chapter 25

Nancy and Dave met me an hour later with the warrant in their hands.

“
Judge Adams is on vacation. We got this from Judge Minton, but he wasn’t happy about it,” Nancy said.

“
It couldn’t be helped,” I said. “Even if it is a Saturday afternoon, we want this all legal.”

“
Oh, that’s not the reason he wasn’t happy,” said Dave. “He’s a member of New Fellowship Baptist Church. Judge Minton said that he was going to call this guy and give him a chance to turn himself in.”

“
What?”

“
We asked him not to,” said Nancy, “in no uncertain terms. But he is a judge. We couldn’t ask him too hard. Luckily, in the end, he agreed not to.”

“
We’d better get going then. I’ve got Meg’s car. Nancy, you come with me. Dave, you wait here. We’ll call you if we need anything.”

We were on the way out to the house when Nancy got a call from Dave on her cell phone.

“
We’ve gotta go back to town,” said Nancy, as soon as she hung up the phone. “Kokomo was seen outside of Noylene’s Beautifery. Wormy was outside on the sidewalk, putting away his table, when Kokomo came up behind him and hit him in the head with a pipe.”

I was stunned. “That’s not possible.”

“
Well, we didn’t think it was, but Wormy saw him right before he got hit. Noylene saw the gorilla, too. Through the window.”

“
Anyone else see him?”

“
Not that I know of. Dave’s over at Noylene’s now. Wormy’s there too. He says he isn’t going to the hospital.”

“
It wasn’t Kokomo,” I said.

“
How do you know?” Nancy asked. “He ran into the woods at the funeral.”

“
Because Kokomo’s at
my
house.”

* * *

The town square in St. Germaine was empty—typical for a late afternoon on a summer Saturday. The shops were closed and the few cars that dotted the parking places were probably there for the evening. Dave was waiting for us inside Noylene’s Beautifery when we pulled up. Nancy and I walked in and saw Wormy stretched out in Noylene’s beauty chair. He was still dressed in his best black funeral attire, although his tie had been loosened. Noylene was holding a Ziplock bag of ice held to his head.

“
Hi, Wormy,” I said. “Are you okay?”

“
I guess,” grumbled Wormy. “I wish someone would go ahead and shoot that gorilla.”

“
Did you see him?”

“
Yeah. I turned just as I saw him. You know—out of the corner of my eye. I sort of ducked, but he hit me. Hit me with a pipe. It happened real fast.”

“
I saw him, too,” said Noylene. “I saw him right through the window. He hit Wormy and then run off. I ran outside, but he was gone.”

“
Listen, Wormy,” I said. “You’ve got to go to the hospital to get checked. You might have a concussion. Noylene, can you take him over to the emergency room?”

“
Sure.”

“
C’mon then. We’ll help you get him into the car. Then Nancy and I have to run.”

We helped Wormy stand up and walked him outside to Noylene’s car. Nancy opened the passenger door, and Dave and I sat Wormy on the cracked vinyl seat and fastened his seatbelt. Then we heard a shot, and all our heads swung around and our eyes focused in the same direction. The courthouse.

Dave, Nancy and I left Wormy with Noylene, ran across the park and up the courthouse steps. The front doors were open, but they generally stayed open until dark during the summer, even though the offices were closed. Coming down the steps to meet us was Hannah, the pistol-packing grandma.

“
I got him! I got him!” she cheered.

“
Got who?” I asked, knowing the answer, even before I posed the question.

“
I got that dang gorilla, that’s who! I’m gonna be rich!”

“
Where is he?” I said.

“
Inside. I was dropping off my check to the gas company, and there he was. I pulled out my roscoe and let him have it.”

“
Your roscoe?” said Nancy.

“
You know,” said Hannah. “My heater. My rod.”

“
Yeah,” I said. “I know. Now where’s the gorilla?”

“
Inside. He went in the door to the clock tower, but I peeked in and there he was. So I shot him.”

“
What was he doing?”

“
Well,” said Hannah. “He was holding up a pair of pants.” She suddenly looked puzzled. “That’s seems strange, doesn’t it?”

“
C’mon,” I said. “Let’s go see.”

* * *

We followed Hannah as she led us inside and showed us the door to the bell tower.

“
I’ve been up there before,” she said. “A couple of times. Our senior group took a tour of the courthouse a few years ago. Usually it’s locked, but I saw the gorilla go in. So I tried the door and there he was.”

I slowly opened the door and saw him lying on the floor by the narrow steps leading up to the clock, a moaning sound coming from his mouth. Nancy and I were bending over him in a second. I bent down, and lifted his head off the floor. Then Nancy grabbed the hair on the top of his head and pulled. The mask came off.

“
Where are you hit?” I asked.

“
My head.”

“
Well, you were lucky,” I said, looking at his wound. The bullet just grazed your scalp. You’ll need some stitches, but you’ll be fine.

“
I didn’t think anyone was around. The square was empty.”

Dave and Hannah joined us in the small alcove.

“
You mean I shot
you
?” said Hannah. “Oh dear. Oh dear me. I was aiming for the gorilla. I’m so sorry!”

“
That’s okay,” Nancy said. “No harm done.”

“
What do you mean, no harm done,” spat the man. “She shot me in the head!”

“
You shouldn’t have been running around in a gorilla suit,” I said. “We were just on our way over to your house to arrest you anyway.”

Chapter 26

I pulled out my heater and waited for Carpy’s Tommy gun to run out of slugs. I didn’t have to wait long. I heard the tell-tale “click” of the hammer on an empty chamber and jumped up like a Lutheran at a snake revival.

“
Freeze,” I said, pointing my .38 at Carpy. Then Moby Mel got my attention. Moby Mel was a whale of a man and the bazooka looked small in his flippers--small like a toy bazooka, or maybe a miniature bazooka developed by elves so that the Keebler Republic could defend itself. I grabbed Marilyn, slung her across my back and dove behind the fish-freezer like Ben and Jerry on prom night at Harvey Milk High School.

“
Come out, come out wherever you are,” sang Moby,

his voice, the beautiful and timeless song of the Humpback.

“
Blow it out your blowhole!” I called back.

“
Say goodbye, Flatfoot,” sang Moby.

We closed our eyes and waited for the explosion. It never happened. Instead, we heard a grunt, then another grunt; the same, yet different, the first grunt being whale-like and the second grunt being more of a carpish grunt--followed by the Zen-like sound of one fin flopping. Marilyn and I peeked over the top of the freezer.

There they were--Carpy Deeum and Moby Mel, laid out

like a couple of Episcopal handbell players at a Christmas party with an open bar. They both had harpoons sticking out of them and standing in the doorway was Cleamon “Codfish” Downs.

“
Hey there, Codfish,” I said. “We’re glad to see you. But I thought that Toby Taps dropped a piano on your head.”

“
Nah,” said Codfish. “He missed me by two octaves.”

* * *

“
You didn’t wreck my car did you?” asked Meg, when she answered the phone at my cabin.

“
Nope. Listen, can you put Moosey and Kokomo in the back of the truck, throw the tarp over them, and drive them down to the Slab?”

“
Sure,” said Meg. “They’re in the den, but, quite frankly, that ape scares the daylights out of me. One night’s stay in the Hayden Konig Monkey House is enough.”

“
How’s Baxter doing?”

“
He hasn’t barked at all since last night. He and Kokomo are getting along just fine.”

“
It’s been a busy morning,” I said. “We got the arrest warrant, Nancy and Dave went over and served it, and the judge rescinded the warrant on Kokomo. I don’t want to take any chances, though. Those hunters don’t have any way of knowing that his death sentence has been lifted.”

“
Why are we bringing him to the Slab?”

“
Penny Pelicane and Kent are on their way over from Boone. She’ll take him back to the biology department, put him in the motor home, and take him on back to Maryland.”

“
Can Mom come over and meet Kokomo before he goes back?”

“
Absolutely. Tell her to meet us.”

“
So,” asked Meg, “whom did you arrest?”

“
I’ll explain it all when you get here,” I said.

“
Don’t you dare hold out on me! Who did it?”

“
Oh no,” I said. “It’s a surprise. In fact, I have two surprises for you.”

* * *

The Slab Café was full. It was noon on Friday, and there was the walk-in crowd, several hunters taking a break for lunch and the usual customers. Pete had reserved us the big table in the back. Noylene had been commandeered to help with the waitressing chores, and Pauli Girl McCollough, who had taken Collette’s place, was serving coffee.

Nancy and Dave were waiting outside for Meg to arrive. I sat at the table with Billy and Elaine Hixon and Pete. Ruby and Gaylen Weatherall walked in at the same time, and I waved them both over to our table.

“
Have a seat,” I said. “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”

The two women smiled and sat down.

“
It certainly is,” said Ruby.

“
Absolutely,” agreed Gaylen. “I must say, by the way, that y’all certainly know how to put on a funeral in St. Germaine.”