The Bakery Sisters (56 page)

“And go sell them somewhere else? I don't think so. If you leave, the brownie recipes stay, but I'll pay you for them.”

Jesse didn't like that, but she understood Nicole's concerns. She wouldn't want to sell something in the bakery for six months only to lose it and possibly customers.

Before Jesse could respond, Nicole said, “Or I could just buy you out. You're over twenty-five now. I could get a loan and you'd get cash for half what the bakery is worth.”

It would be a lot of money, Jesse thought. Enough for her to start her own business. But that wasn't what she wanted.

“I want to make this work,” she told her sister. “That's why I'm here.”

“I have trouble believing that,” Nicole admitted. “But you're different. That's obvious.”

“I don't care what I do at the bakery. You always need extra help. I'll provide that. I'm not saying I have to be in charge. You're still the boss.”

Nicole shifted in her seat. “An interesting statement. Since having the twins, it's been really hard for me to get into the bakery much. We're stretched pretty thin. What I need is someone to help run the place. You have any management experience?”

“I've been running a bar.”

Nicole's eyes widened. “You're kidding.”

“No. I worked my way up from server. I would bartend and run the place a few nights a week. I've managed employees and drunk customers. A few businesspeople buying donuts and coffee will be easy. I also have my associates' degree in business.”

“You went to college?”

“In the morning. I worked at night and did homework when I could.”

“What about Gabe?”

“I raised him, too.”

“You've been busy.”

Jesse nodded. She felt a little pride and took pleasure in the fact that Nicole seemed impressed. Despite what Nicole believed, Jesse cared about what her sister thought of her. Which was why she was willing to shatter the moment of connection between them by saying, “We have to talk about Drew.”

It was like a wall came down. “No, we don't,” Nicole snapped.

“Fine. You can just listen. I didn't sleep with him. I never slept with him or had anything close to an inappropriate relationship with him.” Jesse spoke quickly, afraid Nicole might bolt. “We used to talk, nothing more. He listened and I had a lot to say. One night…” She drew in a breath.

“That night I was upset. I'd found an engagement ring while I was helping Matt unpack. I knew he was going to propose. I loved him so much, but I was terrified, too. Terrified of blowing it. I'd never had a real relationship before. Could I have one with Matt? I wanted to, but I'd always managed to mess up everything good in my life. I didn't want to screw up with him.”

Nicole started to stand. Jesse put her hand on her arm.

“You have to listen.”

“I don't want to hear this.”

“I need to tell you.”

Nicole sank back in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “Go on.”

“I was crying,” Jesse said, thinking that not talking about this was so much easier. She hated the feelings that rushed up in her, the sense of being swept back into the past. “He sat on the bed and told me I couldn't change who I was. I would never settle for one guy. Girls like me didn't settle down.”

She swallowed against the tightness in her throat. “I was stunned. Was he right? Was I going to hurt Matt? Worse, maybe I didn't deserve him.”

She closed her eyes. Shame filled her. Shame that someone would think she was worth so little. “Drew kissed me. He kissed me and I let him because I'd always used guys to make myself feel better. Why should this be different? Then he pulled off my T-shirt and touched my bare skin and I lost it. I knew I didn't want anyone but Matt. That I had changed. I started to push him away.”

There was more. There was how sick she'd felt inside. How she'd thought she was going to throw up. There was her terror that Nicole would hear them and come in, which was what had happened anyway. There was the rapid pounding of her heart and the knowledge that the very last piece of innocence buried deep inside had been shattered.

“That's when you came in,” she whispered. “Drew jumped up and shouted that I'd been coming on to him. I knew you were going to believe him.”

She opened her eyes. Nicole stared at her, but she couldn't read her expression. Did her sister believe her? Did she still hate her?

There was so much more she wanted to explain. She wanted to say that it had hurt so much to have Nicole turn her back on her. It had hurt to be shut out of her only family.

“I didn't sleep with him,” Jesse repeated. “Nothing happened and not because we were interrupted.”

“I want to believe you,” Nicole told her. “For a lot of reasons.”

Jesse's chest tightened. “But you don't.”

“I'm not sure.”

Why was she even surprised? “I can't give you proof.” She wasn't sure what Drew had said about that night. “Sometimes you just have to have faith. I screwed up a lot when I was growing up, Nicole. I know that. But I never did anything to deliberately hurt you.”

Nicole looked at her without speaking.

Jesse had tried and she would keep trying, but right now she was just plain tired.

“I'll be at the bakery on Monday morning,” she said as she stood. “You know how to get in touch with me if you need anything before then.”

Nicole nodded.

Jesse walked out without looking back.

She'd come home with high hopes and a lot of dreams. So far none of them had come true, but she wasn't giving up. She'd come a long way already. She was going to keep moving forward until everything worked out. The past five years had taught her to be strong and to dig deep for what was needed. She wasn't afraid of hard work or challenges. She was a survivor.

 

J
ESSE'S CELL PHONE RANG
a little after three that afternoon. The number displayed was unfamiliar.

“Hello?”

“It's Matt.”

Funny how, despite everything, her body still reacted to the sound of his voice.

“Hi.”

“You're probably wondering why I'm calling,” he said.

“I'm sure it's to yell at me about something.”

There was a pause, then he surprised her by chuckling. “Okay, I earned that. Maybe I'm calling to say I'm sorry. That our meeting yesterday was too much, too soon. Maybe I have regrets.”

Was she going to get that lucky? “When will you know for sure?” she asked.

“By tonight. I could tell you all about it over dinner.”

“You could.”

“Is that a yes?” he asked.

Was it? Did she want to see Matt again?

She was feeling raw from their last encounter—hurt and confused and a little sad about the changes she saw in him. But he was also Gabe's father, so she had to reestablish a relationship with him. If she were in the mood to be honest, she had some personal interest in getting to know him. He was still the only man she had ever loved.

“I could meet you for dinner,” she said, grateful that she was staying with Paula and wouldn't have to worry about finding a sitter. Gabe adored his grandmother and the feeling was mutual.

“I know a quiet Italian place close to you,” he said. “Grazies.” He gave her the address and simple directions. “Seven?”

“That's fine. I'll be there.”

 

J
ESSE PULLED INTO THE
parking lot a couple of minutes early, which gave her a chance to check her makeup in the rearview mirror and try to get her breathing under control. She was beyond nervous and telling herself to get a grip wasn't helping.

Too much had happened too fast. Coming home, dealing with family, seeing Matt, knowing everyone in Seattle she cared about hated her. The irony with Matt was she hadn't done anything wrong. She'd fallen in love with him, nothing more. Yet he blamed her for so much.

“Deep breaths,” she told herself as she climbed out of her car and walked toward the restaurant.

Matt was waiting by the front desk, looking tall and handsome in a long-sleeved shirt and slacks. He'd come a long way from that geeky computer nerd she'd first met in a Starbucks years ago. But were all the changes on the outside or had he transformed who he was inside as well?

They were led to a booth by a window overlooking the patio. Jesse slid in then took the offered menu. Despite how great everything sounded, she didn't know if she was going to be able to eat. Not sitting across from Matt.

He thanked their server and studied the wine list. “They have a nice selection of Italian wines,” he told her. “Any preferences?”

“No. Whatever looks good to you is fine.”

He nodded, still studying the wines.

She remembered the first time they'd gone to dinner at the Olive Garden. She'd thought he was adorable. She still remembered the flash of his smile and how she'd realized he was someone she might have to worry about.

“What are you thinking?” Matt asked.

“Nothing much.”

“It was something. You had an interesting look on your face.”

She didn't feel that telling him the truth was a good idea. “I saw Nicole today. We had a tasting for the brownies I've been working on and she liked them. We're going to start selling them in the bakery.”

“That's good. Things are going well with her?”

Jesse thought about her sister's determination to think the worst of her. “We're making progress.”

“You're still staying with my mother?”

“Yes.” Did he want to hear about the woman who'd raised him? Did he miss her? “She's been wonderful. Gabe thinks she's fabulous and she can't get enough of him. They play and watch movies and go for walks. I kind of feel guilty for having so much free time. It's been nice.”

Matt's expression was impossible to read. She searched his dark eyes, but he wasn't giving anything away.

She hesitated, then said, “She's changed. Before she didn't want anything to do with me. I think she would have been happy if I'd been run over by a truck and left on the side of the road.”

“Probably,” Matt told her.

Ouch. Not that it wasn't true. “But she's different now. Open. She wants a relationship with me and Gabe.” Jesse touched her water glass but didn't pick it up. “She misses you.”

The server appeared. Jesse sighed at the timing. They placed their orders. When they were alone again, she said, “What happened between the two of you? You used to be so close. I know I got caught in the middle.”

He stared at her for a long time. “I never forgave her for telling me about you and Drew.”

His voice was low and flat. Despite her innocence, she flushed. The humiliation was hard to escape.

Paula had come to the house to do whatever she could to break up Jesse and Matt. Nicole had told her that Jesse no longer lived there and had gone into detail as to why. Paula hadn't wasted any time in rushing to tell her son about Jesse's supposed affair with her sister's husband.

Jesse still ached with the unfairness of what had happened. She'd gotten away with so much when she'd been a teenager, then she'd been damned by something that hadn't happened at all.

“I never forgave her for that,” Matt said. “Not for telling me, but for being so happy about it.”

“She's sorry,” Jesse said, feeling that the Paula issue was more easily fixed than her own situation. “She misses you.”

“You're taking her side?” He sounded surprised.

“Yes. I told you, she's changed. She's been great to me and Gabe. I wish she and I could have become friends five years ago. We both had you in common.”

“You're giving her too much credit.”

“I don't think so. We all make mistakes.”

He looked at her. “Including you?”

“My list is long and impressive, but it doesn't include sleeping with Drew.”

“Jesse,” he began.

She shook her head. “No, Matt. I have to say this. I have to explain.” For the second time that day, she told the story of that horrible night. When Drew had sat on the edge of her bed and she'd poured out her heart and he'd told her she wasn't a one-guy woman. She left out the part about finding the engagement ring, saying instead that she knew she was in love with him and terrified of messing up. An equal truth, she thought.

“I never slept with him,” she concluded. “I never wanted to. He was wrong about me. You were the one I was in love with. Just you.”

She couldn't tell what he was thinking, if he believed her or not. She wished there were better words to convince him.