Read The Arrangement Anthology Online
Authors: H. M. Ward
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The Arrangement Anthology (23 page)
Sean’s hands tug up the dress, revealing my naked bottom. Without warning, Sean thrusts into me. I cry out, not ready for it. I can’t move. I can’t do anything. Sean pushes in hard at first, gripping my hips and pushing frantically. After a few minutes, maybe more, he slows down. I’m not wet enough. What he does hurts. I whimper even though I try not to make a sound. Sean stills. It doesn’t feel good. Having him inside me doesn’t feel like anything. He pulls out slowly. I want to scream.
This is what it’s going to feel like with the other clients. I press my eyes closed, waiting to feel Sean pushing into me again, but I don’t. Opening my eyes, I look for him, but can’t see him. I hear his jagged breathing somewhere behind me.
A tear escapes from my eye and rolls down my cheek. I feel his eyes on my face. I know he sees it. My stomach clenches tight. I close my eyes willing my tears away. No more fall. No more will come. It doesn’t matter what he does to me.
But Sean doesn’t touch me again. I hear him sit down hard behind me. I struggle with the ties, hoping to free myself, but I can’t. Before I realize what’s happening, Sean’s there and he unties me. I watch his face as he unties his belt from my wrists. He won’t look at me.
I stand and rub my wrists and fix my dress. My heart is pounding. “You didn’t have to stop.”
“It felt wrong,” is his only reply. Sean sits in a chair and hides his face from me. The way he leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his forehead on his hands makes it impossible to see him.
“Why?” I know I shouldn’t ask that question, but I do.
Sean looks up at me with such sorrow in his eyes. He doesn’t answer me. Instead he tells me more things that I don’t want to hear. “Before, when we were in that elevator, when you made that noise—I knew you were afraid. I sensed it. It turned me on faster than anything else. You know why I don’t want to do this right now? Because it’s not enough, it’s not pushing you all the way into your darkest fears. Tiny space with no light terrifies you. All I can think about is fucking you in there, making you so frightened that you scream while I fill you with come.” Sean’s breathing hard, like the idea is too appealing to resist. My heart beats harder, faster. “I was like you, once. I felt things by touching and tasting, but not now. I can do those things, but I crave the other so much more. We’re a bad match, Avery. I’ll break what’s left of you. There’s very little holding you together. I don’t want to be the guy that turns you into this.” He presses his fingers to his chest.
I’m stunned. I don’t know what to say. Sean is messed up beyond belief. Fear surges through me. I want to run, but I need to stay. “So, you need to hurt me to get off?”
Sean shakes his head after a moment. “No. I need to feel your heart racing and feel you trembling. It’s the fear. I need your fear.” Sean doesn’t look at me. His confession weighs on his shoulders like he can’t stand.
I don’t know what to think of him or his needs. I can’t fathom his life or this. The only thing I can think to say is the thought that keeps popping up in my mind. “But I’m afraid of you anyway.” Sean’s eyes cut to mine. I feel the world shift.
The words that I’m never supposed to say come pouring out of my mouth in a flood too fast to stop. “It doesn’t matter what you do or what you say, I’m desperately afraid of you, Sean. Everything about you seems to bring me back to life. You’re voice, your words, your face…I can’t think when you’re there and when you’re gone, it’s worse.
“When I saw you this morning, I was torn apart. I’d found your note, the one in your pocket. I thought you were cheating, that you had a wife and a baby. When you showed me her grave, I almost wished you were cheating. I could have walked away from that, but not from this. And that’s what frightens me more than a dark elevator or a tiny closet.” I hold my breath and try to stop the flow of words, but they don’t stop.
I step toward him, almost afraid to touch him. The moment feels so brittle, like it could snap. “You evoke things in me that I’ve never felt, that I never thought I’d feel. And that’s just it—I feel around you, and it’s amazing. I’ve been numb for so long, wishing that I could seal off the pain that’s seeping into my soul. Then you came along and I fell for you. I love you, Sean. I can’t help it. And it terrifies me.” Wide-eyed with a pounding pulse, I watch him react to my words.
Sean’s eyes lock with mine, but he says nothing. He just looks at me. It’s the worst thing he could have possibly done. A moment later, he turns and pinches the bridge of his nose. Sean doesn’t look at me when he says it. “I’m going to tell Black to send me a different girl. You can go.” His words feel like a knife to my gut.
I stare at him with a million thoughts racing through my mind.
He doesn’t love me
. The thought beats me down into a bloody pulp. I can’t stand to look at him. Saying nothing, I cross the room and grab my purse. I take the stack of bills that Miss Black gave me. I don’t think about it. I just act on my feelings. This whole fucking charade can stop. I don’t want his money. I don’t want him. I want every trace of his existence scrubbed clean from my life. Anger builds inside of me. I need this money, but I need my sanity more. I fling the stack of bills across the room. The money flutters through the room like a gust of oversized snowflakes. Before Sean looks up, I’m gone.
My eyes sting horribly, but I won’t cry. I take the elevator to the lobby. He doesn’t come after me, chasing me like this is a movie. No, Sean is calling Black now, telling her that he wants someone else. I leave the hotel grounds, not concerned about my bracelet. Nothing can protect me from this. I obliterated what was left of my heart. I feel it dying inside my chest.
I stand at the curb for a second, too hurt to think. The limo isn’t here. I’m freezing in this tiny little dress with no coat. I know that feeling, but now instead of providing comfort, it makes me feel sick. I walk, not going anywhere in particular. I pass people on the sidewalks and wish that I was someone else. I have nothing. No one. I spilled my heart, telling Sean exactly how I felt and he returned me. My cell rings a moment later. It’s Black. I don’t answer. I walk on, going nowhere, thinking nothing.
The frigid air numbs my skin and I welcome it into my heart. The numbness over takes me, and I hope that I never feel anything ever again.
THE ARRANGEMENT SERIES
This story unfolds over the course of multiple short novels. Each one follows the continuing story of Avery Stanz and Sean Ferro.
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MORE ROMANCE BOOKS BY H.M. WARD
SCANDALOUS
SCANDALOUS 2
SECRETS
THE SECRET LIFE OF TRYSTAN SCOTT
And more.
To see a full book list, please visit:
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CAN’T WAIT FOR H.M WARD’S NEXT STEAMY BOOK?
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2013 by H.M. Ward
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in
any
printed or electronic form.
Laree Bailey Press
Fi
rst Edition: March 2013
The Arrangement
Vol. 4
Thank you so much to all the awesome fans who love THE ARRANGEMENT
series! As requested, volume 4 is
NOT
the final book in this series. Hooray!
Volume 5 will be out in a few weeks
and you’ll get more Sean and Avery, and have the chance to delve deeper into their lives.
Thank you so much for reading!
-Holly
CHAPTER 1
The city has that scent in the air, like it’s going to snow. I walk down the street and wrap my arms tighter around my middle. The sidewalks have an inky sheen. It’s been misting. Car horns blare as I breathe in the exhaust and try to fathom what happened, but I don’t know. I can’t grasp it. The look on Sean’s face, the way his voice sounded…
My stomach twists like I’m going to be sick. I gave him my heart and he fucking returned me—like I was broken.
Like he didn’t want me. Maybe throwing all the cash at Sean was stupid, but I had to do it. I don’t turn back. I don’t look behind me. I already know Sean isn’t there. He doesn’t love me.
As I walk along the sidewalk in a daze
, a car rolls up next to me. It’s late. I don’t notice at first. It isn’t until the window rolls down and I hear a voice that I turn and glance at the car. The wind whips my hair, sending the strands flying every which way. My heels are in my hand. I’m walking along wearing nothing on my feet but stockings. The cold ground burns through the silk. It’s one of the only things I can feel in the storm of pain. It’s consuming me, swallowing me whole.
This is why I had no relationshi
ps. I lied to myself and said I avoided relationships because my schedule didn’t permit it, but that wasn’t true. I dodged relationships, because my heart couldn’t take it. I’ve lost enough people to make anyone lose their freaking mind, but somehow I manage to keep going.
“Miss
Stanz,” a male voice calls from the car.
I can see his face through the open window.
He’s one of the guys that were with Miss Black the first time Sean set off my bracelet.
I stare at him. The wind stings my eyes, making them water, but I don’t blink. The car stops rolling and the man steps out
a moment later. He’s enormous, all muscle and strength. I say nothing.
His eyes sweep over my face like he knows what made me like this.
“Are you hurt?” I shake my head. He reaches forward for my shoes. I hand them over. Then, he extends his elbow like a gentleman and escorts me to the car.
As we slip into the backseat, he reminds me, “You can’t leave the
premises without notifying our employer. You were lucky last time.” His tone changes and I know that I’m in trouble.
One time is forgivable, but two times
is not. I just nod and stare out the window.
The man doesn’t say much until we’re approaching
Miss Black’s building. “Listen, I don’t know what your story is or why you did what you did, but this job isn’t for people who can’t hold their shit together. It’s an act. The women who understand that survive. The ones who don’t learn that lesson get crippled. There’s no such thing as ‘just sex,’ Miss Stanz. At the same time, that’s what you need to think in order to excel at this job.”
I blink at him. Surprise flashes across my face. Why is he telling me this? “Am I that transparent?”
The corner of his mouth pulls up.
Apparently so
. He tells me, “You can’t fall in love with them. You won’t make it. Figure out a way to harden your heart. Don’t let them in, ever.”
The car has stopped.
Taking a deep breath, I lean forward to get out. I look at the guy and say, “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asks. The expression on his face says that the other girls don’t talk to him much. He seems surprised that I said anything.
I shrug. “For finding me and helping me out. I’m not cut out for this, but there’s no other way.”
His dark eyes seem too gentle for someone so thuggish looking. He glances at the building and then back at me.
I get the feeling that he shouldn’t be talking to me at all, never mind telling me what he’s about to say. “When you go inside, Black is going to reprimand you. Take it. Don’t blubber or give her any backtalk and she’ll keep you around. Make excuses and she’ll kick you to the curb.” He doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he pulls the car door open and exits to the sidewalk.
I slip out after him and give a subtle nod of thanks. I can’t lose this job. He hands me my heels and I slip them back on.
My stockings are ruined. There are runs up the legs from walking around barefoot.
Taking a deep breath, I walk
into the building and head to the elevator. I steel myself. Black’s going to be pissed. I decide to follow the guard’s instructions. I can’t get fired. I can’t. My nerves are beyond shot. I feel numb, like I’ve been slapped one too many times. Life keeps bitch-slapping me, but I keep getting up.
The
elevator takes me up and stops at the seventeenth floor. I step off and walk into the office. There are hardly any lights on. I make my way to the back, to Miss Black’s desk. I turn to walk into her office, but no one is there.
Someone clears their throat behind me. I whirl around and see Black sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hands. Her slender legs are crossed at the knee. She looks regal
, and pissed. “Never—and I mean never—has a client called and requested a different girl. What did you do, Avery? What could you have possibly done that upset the client so much that he tossed you out in the middle of your appointment?” Her dark eyes are hard. They bore into me as if I’m the most irritating person she’s ever met. She works her jaw. I can tell Miss Black wants to scream, but she restrains herself.
Apathy.
I need to not care. I need to say it’s my fault and convince her that I won’t mess up anything else. My gaze is on the carpet. I don’t look up as I speak. “It was my fault. I did something that reminded Mr. Ferro of someone. It unnerved him. There’s no excuse for it. I take full responsibility for my actions.”
This isn’t what she expected to hear. Black puts down her mug and sits up straight,
unfolding her legs as she does so. “You remind him of someone?” I nod. “How do you know?”
“He told me the night before.”
Black is quiet for a moment. Her eyes sweep over me as she thinks. I can tell she still wants to chew me out. “Why didn’t you wait at the hotel for the car? After Mr. Ferro called me, I hung up and called you. You didn’t answer your phone and you left the grounds. I had to send Gabe to find you.”
I swallow hard.
I don’t know what to say, so I tell her the truth. “I didn’t know what to do. It’s my fault. I didn’t answer my phone, because I was afraid you were going to fire me.” Black stares at me. I feel her gaze on my face. Her anger is palpable. It hangs in the air, thick as the evening fog. I finally look up at her. “I need this job.”
Miss Black stands and walks up to me. H
er arms are folded across her chest. Her eyes narrow to slits, so that I can barely see her eyes. She’s a tiger waiting to rip me to shreds, but I don’t cower. I don’t back down. Her voice is level when she asks, “Why should I keep you?”
Desperation climbs up my throat and chokes me
. This is it. She’s going to fire my ass and there’s nothing that I can do about it. I’ll be living in a cardboard box with a broken heart for the rest of my life. I can’t process this. I can’t grasp the size of my mistake, my mistake of trusting Sean, of telling how I felt. I poured out my soul and he acted as if I puked on his shoes. My mouth goes dry. I lick my lips and form an answer in my mind.
When I speak,
I sound like I’m begging, probably because I am. My voice comes out in a rush. “Because I’ll do anything. Because I won’t remind everyone of someone they loved. Because—”
Miss Black
cuts me off, “Oh Avery, shut up.” Black pinches the bridge of her nose as though she has the world’s worst headache.
My heart pounds harder. Could this get more fucked up than it already is? I can’t get fired, I just can’t. I se
e my life ending and everything I worked so hard for fluttering away. I swallow hard.
Her dark eyes are narrowed. S
he wants to rip my head off. She stares at me like that for a few moments. Then she unfolds her arms that were plastered tightly to her chest. Taking my chin in her hands, Black tilts my face up so that our gazes connect. “I should fire you for this. I should let you go without a penny and not feel one bit of remorse.”
I look into her eyes wondering how she got to where she is now.
I wonder about the guy that got away. I wonder if she’s alone because she wants to be or if it’s because this job fucked with her mind and not just her body. It’s a price that I didn’t consider. I never thought I’d fall in love. I never thought things could come to this.
I in
hale slowly and resist the urge to ball my fingers into fists. My world is falling apart. I need this job, but I won’t beg again. We stare each other down. I don’t look away and neither does she. Neither of us speaks. It’s like a showdown and I know that at any second, Black will draw and I’ll be dead. There are no more chances. I blew it. I messed up and this is the price. Miss Black presses her eyes shut and sighs. When she looks at me again, her livid expression softens. She shakes her head and her arms fall to her sides. The fight spills from her body and I can finally breathe again.
Miss
Black paces away from me and pours herself more coffee. Without looking up, she says, “It would be a pity to throw you away. There’s such potential. I see it in your eyes.” She turns, stirring the hot liquid and regards me. “But, you’re a hollow shell. The only thing keeping your neck above water is your defiance, your utter refusal to give up. If you gave that last piece of resistance to me, I could turn your life into a dream, but you’re insolent, Avery. I told you to keep your personal life out of this.” Black takes a sip of the coffee in her hands and then sets it down. She paces, thinking.
Every inch of my body is fighting me. I want to scream that it isn’t my fault. I want to say that Sean duped me, that he made me think he cared, but he doesn’t. All those words are toxic. If I say them, I’ll never work for Miss Black again, so
I work my jaw and try not to react. I wonder if she knows the extent of my stupidity—I wonder if Sean told her what I said. Panic races through my veins, but I stay still. I keep the fear from clouding my eyes with tears. I lock it down and bite my tongue before I can do any more damage.
Miss
Black’s frustrated gaze cuts to mine, and she stops in her tracks. Pointing a perfectly manicured finger at me, she says, “You will do exactly what I tell you. You will take the clients that I give you and thank me for it. You have no say in anything anymore. Do you understand?” I nod, even though I’m not sure what she intends to do with me. I know I’m lucky, though.
Something in
Miss Black’s gaze changes and I know she’s decided to keep me around. She extends her hand to me. “Give back the money from tonight, and let’s move on.”
Damn
. She can’t be serious.
My face pinches in confusion. “Give it back?”
Black
snaps her fingers and thrusts her hand at me. “Yes. You didn’t finish your job. You can’t honestly tell me that you think you should be paid as if you did?” She arches an eyebrow at me and wiggles her fingers impatiently, waiting for me to slap the cash in her hand.
I need this job, but I can’t fathom not getting paid. I mean to control my temper, but I can’t. I
step toward her and look down at her palm, and then up into her face. “Yes, I think I should be paid and the reason is really simple—he fucked me. He used me more than once. I was with him for two nights, letting him have his way with me. To reiterate—he had sex with me and yes, I want to be paid for that.” My muscles tense. It’s everything I can do to maintain an ounce of composure and not scream in her face.
This is Sean’s fault. If he didn’t send me back, this wouldn’t have happened.
Miss Black looks irritated. She folds her arms back over her chest as I speak. Her neck is gracefully tipped to the side. Black lets me speak, never blinking. The muscle in her jaw twitches, like she wants to yell. She holds up a single finger and responds. “You were with him one night. Tonight, he threw you out and asked for a refund.”
I try so hard to contain my anger. It wants to burst from my lips and spew horrible things everywhere. I’m so mad that I’m shaking. I counter,
“I’m not a virgin anymore and it’s his fault. I can’t demand that price again. And I can’t help that I reminded Mr. Ferro of the person he was trying to forget. I deserve at least half of my payment.”
Black
steps toward me with fury in her eyes, but I don’t back down. Her nose is a fraction of an inch from mine. “You don’t deserve a damn thing. You work here because I say you can. You fuck who I say you will. You have no rights, no recourse. If I don’t think you should be paid, you won’t be… However, some of your arguments are reasonable. I will let you keep a third of your fee. That’s it. Which means the money I gave you tonight needs to be given back.”
My heart sinks. The hollow spot in my chest aches.
This whole thing makes Sean’s rejection so much worse. It hammers in the fact that I’m a whore and I totally pissed off my pimp. What do I do? I glance away, but Black doesn’t back off. Sensing that I’ll lose this job completely, I give in. I take a breath and let the tension roll out of my shoulders.
I
look up at her. “Fine, but I spent the money you gave me. It’s already gone.”