The phone rang for a long time and Sophie was on the verge of hanging up when Louis finally answered.
“Hi,” he said, sounding tired.
“Are you okay? What’s happening? Where
are
you?”
“I’m …” Louis paused, probably while he looked around. “I’m in a café in Tottenham. I’ve been here for hours, just waiting.”
“Waiting? What for? Did you find Seth?”
“Yes, we tracked him down late last night.”
“So what happened? Did you sort anything out?” There was a long silence on the other end of the line and for a while Sophie thought Louis had hung up.
“Are you still there?” she asked.
“Yes.” Louis sighed. “It was pretty bad. Seth was drunk and on something when we found him, and he was very agitated. He got angry with Wendy for springing this—me—on him. He kept asking her what she was playing at, what she wanted this time …I
don’t really know what he meant by that …” Louis paused as he collected his thoughts. “And he’s angry with me for existing, for even trying to be part of his life. There was a lot of shouting and then he …well, he tried to punch me. The last thing I wanted was a fistfight with my own kid, so I left Wendy with him to try and talk to him, calm him down. I told her I’d wait for her to call me, and I’ve been hanging around in Tottenham all day waiting, but I haven’t heard. I’m knackered, Soph, and I miss you and the girls.”
Sophie caught her breath. It was the first time he had said anything to indicate that he’d thought about her since she left St. Ives. She clung to the throwaway sentence like a life raft.
“Well then, get on a bus or in a cab and come over here,” Sophie pleaded with him. “It’s barely half an hour away, and if Wendy calls and she needs you, you can be back there in no time.” Louis was silent. “Please, Louis, come back here, have a hot bath and some food and a hug from all your girls, because it sounds as if you need it.”
“Can I include you in that description?” he asked her. “Are you still one of my girls?”
Sophie paused as she struggled to suppress the sob that suddenly constricted her throat.
“Of course I am. Of course I am your girl. Come over here and let me hold you, please.”
“I’m on my way,” Louis told her.
Sophie had to wait for several minutes while Louis was overwhelmed by a pile of happy girls and welcoming dogs, all keen to get a piece of him, quite literally in some of the dogs’ cases.
“Daddy, we missed you!” Izzy cried. “I’m glad you’re back even though you smell funny. Where have you been?”
“Did you find him?” Bella asked. “Did you find Seth? Is he okay?”
“Yes, we found him and he’s okay,” Louis said as Sophie dragged Scooby off him and then ushered the big dog, plus a few others, out into the hallway.
“So can we go home now?” Bella asked. “Because it’s fun in London, but I don’t want to miss school. We are studying the past. I like the past, especially the Romans.”
“Um …” Louis looked at Sophie.
“I’ll take you back home tomorrow, okay, girls?” she said. “I think Daddy might need to stay and help Wendy for a bit longer.”
“Ohhh,” Bella moaned. “Daddy, I wish you would hurry up and stop helping that Wendy woman—we’re never going to get married in time if you don’t
focus
.”
“I know, I know, darling, I’m sorry.” Louis hugged her. “That’s what I want more than anything too.” He looked at Sophie over the tops of the girls’ heads, his eyes asking a silent question.
Sophie sat down next to him and found his hand among the tangle of children.
“It’s what we all want,” she said, feeling the tears of relief sting her eyes as he squeezed her fingers in return.
It seemed to take an age to get the girls to bed and settled. There had to be the Petal the Fairy Pony Princess and her Adventures in the Land of the Mermaids story from Sophie, then another story from Louis, then a brief discussion as to why the adults didn’t go to bed at the same time as the children, and then a certain amount of to-ing and fro-ing concerning glasses of water, lights to be left on, and the exact way that the bedroom door should be left ajar.
Finally, when they were settled, Sophie and Louis waited downstairs, sitting on opposite armchairs as Iris did her makeup in the mirror over the mantelpiece.
“Sorry,” she said to both of them through lips puckered to receive a second coat of red lipstick. “It’s just that the light in the
bathroom is terrible and I want to look nice for Trevor.” She spun round. “Will I do?”
“You look great, Mum,” Sophie said, having to concede that despite what she considered to be a rather inappropriate shade of red lipstick for a woman of a certain age, which she included herself in, Iris did look good. Trevor had certainly set her glowing.
“Are you sure you don’t mind me going out?” Iris asked.
“We’re sure,” Louis and Sophie said together, catching each other’s eyes and smiling as they spoke.
“It’s nice to know when you’re wanted,” Iris said and smiled at them, turning to Louis. “And I am very, very glad to see you here, young man. Don’t go dashing off now for a bit until you and Sophie have talked properly. You’ve got a lot to talk about. A lot of very important things—”
“Good-bye, Mum,” Sophie said firmly.
“Right, yes, well, good-bye. And good luck.”
Once Iris was gone they sat for a few moments just looking at each other.
“Are you okay?” Sophie asked him eventually.
He nodded. “I’m a bit shell shocked I suppose. I don’t know what I expected when I found out about Seth. So much has happened so quickly that I still haven’t really had time to think about what it means. Maybe I expected some big reunion and some sort of father-and-son bonding. Perhaps I thought I’d take him down to the pub and we’d have a few beers and get to know each other. But I didn’t expect him to hate me simply for existing. And I didn’t expect my turning up to send him off the rails quite so spectacularly.”
“Don’t forget, you don’t know him, you don’t really know Wendy anymore,” Sophie said softly, tentatively. “I haven’t had much to do with Seth, but from what I can tell I think he’s had a
pretty hard time of it, he seems fragile and unsure. Yes, he’s a great, big, hulking man, but he’s still very young,” Sophie said. “Did you know who you were or what you wanted when you were twenty? It’s a lot for him to deal with, a father figure in his life just when he’s working out for himself what it means to be a man.”
“You know what, you’re probably right.” Louis looked at his hand for a moment. “I don’t know why I haven’t talked this through with you more—I’ve cut you out of everything that’s been happening, and I don’t really understand why—maybe it’s because I can’t get used to having someone who will always be by my side. But I do know that it was stupid of me. I need you.” Louis’s eyes met hers. “Please can I come over there, I really want to hold you.”
“Please do,” Sophie said, holding out her arms, and then once Louis was beside her Sophie was exactly where she wanted to be—in his arms, inhaling his smells, listening to the sound of his heartbeat slowing and relaxing.
“This has been the most stupid, awful week of my life,” Louis whispered into her hair. “Remind me to never, ever let you go again. Nothing is right when you aren’t around. I can’t think, I can’t do anything without you. I don’t want to do anything without you, ever again.”
He bent his head, searching out Sophie’s mouth and kissing her as she wound her arms around his neck, pressing her body into his, sighing as she felt the heat rise in her veins. And then she remembered that she had something really quite important to tell him.
“God, Sophie, I love you,” Louis told her, his hands finding their way under her top as he ran them down her back, reaching for her bra strap.
“Hang on,” Sophie said, pushing him away from her a few millimeters with the palm of her hand.
“Am I going too fast?” Louis asked her, his finger stroking her
back. “I’m sorry, I just want you so much. And we’re together, alone …on a sofa. It seemed like old times.”
“No, it’s not that, I want you too, but there are things we still haven’t talked about, things I need to say—”
“Everything you’ve said to me since this happened is right.” Louis sat back, pushing the hair out of his eyes. “I’m so sorry if I’ve let this business with Seth get in the way of us getting married. I’ve been talking utter rubbish and Bella’s right, I need to focus. I don’t want a break from you, I need you. You’re the person who can help me get through this and, more than that, you’re the person I long to be with. I just need you, babe. I just need you.”
“I know.” Sophie smiled. “I don’t need a break from you either; if anything, I need you more now than I ever have. I love you. I want to marry you. So who cares if we don’t know what the future holds? It doesn’t matter because I can’t wait to be married to you and living with you and the girls.”
“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” Louis whispered, brushing back a strand of hair from her face.
“I’m glad,” Sophie said. “Because, Louis, there’s something else I need to tell you …”
Sophie paused; now was the moment, now was the time for her news and she wanted to make sure she chose exactly the right words to convey it.
“I know what you’re going to say and I think you’re right,” Louis said, stopping Sophie in her tracks.
“Really?” she asked him, catching her breath. “What about?”
“About telling the girls the whole truth about Seth. I need to talk to them. I need to explain that he’s not just some random boy I’m helping. I need to tell them that I’m his father and he’s their half brother.”
There was an audible gasp from the other side of the living room door and the sound of glass smashing on the hall tiles.
“Oh no,” Sophie whispered as the living room door slammed open, sending Scooby scrambling to his feet and racing up the stairs.
“You LIAR!” Bella shouted at the top of her voice, broken glass all around her bare feet, her face red with rage, her eyes molten with fury and betrayal. “You liar, you liar, you liar—you said Seth was just a lost, grown-up boy. You liar!”
“Bella, darling, don’t move,” Sophie said, but it was too late, Bella ran into the room across the glass without seeming to feel anything. Louis jumped to his feet and tried to catch her, but she flew at him, beating him with her balled-up fists, causing both of them to sink to the floor.
“Why didn’t you tell us, why?” Bella howled as she attacked him. “Are you going to leave us again? Are you going to live with that Wendy woman and Seth now? Are you going to leave us again, like you did before?”
Bella screamed, kicking and hitting as Louis tried to restrain her. Seeing that the soles of the child’s feet were bleeding, Sophie knelt down, trying to reach out to soothe her, but the child’s blows caught her arms and chest.
“Come on now,” Sophie said softly. “Come on, baby, calm down. Come to me and let me look at your feet. I think you may have cut them.”
Her fury burning out as suddenly as it had flared up, Bella turned to Sophie, flinging her arms around her neck and sobbing, her expression as she watched Louis one of pure hurt and disbelief.
Carefully Sophie lifted her off the floor and carried her over to the sofa. It had been a long time since she had seen Bella like this, months ago, when Bella was first readjusting to having her father back in her life. Sophie and Louis had taken them to the London Zoo and Bella had got mad at Izzy because Izzy had naively looked
forward to their daddy taking care of them now that their mummy was gone. Bella’s hurt and fury had shocked Sophie then, it had been a terrifying glimpse into how the little girl was really handling her grief and the upheaval in her life. In the intervening months Sophie had hoped that Bella had come to feel safe and secure, certain in the knowledge that she was cared for and loved. She knew how obsessed the seven-year-old was with knowing all the facts and she understood why. But even she was stunned by how insecure and precarious Bella must still feel. At how much pain and fear she had been hiding all this time. The poor child still wasn’t certain that her world was a safe place, and perhaps after losing her mother so suddenly, she would never feel certain of that.
As Sophie stroked her back, Bella stopped trembling, her breathing evening out into regular sobs. Sophie met Louis’s eyes over Bella’s head as he knelt on the floor looking at his daughter in despair.
“I knew it, I knew it,” Bella said, turning from Louis and weeping into Sophie’s hair. “I knew he was going to go again. I knew he’d leave us again.”
“I’m not, Bellarina, I’m not leaving you—I’d never leave you.”
“You did before,” Bella said accusingly, half turning her head to look at him. “And now you’re going again, and I don’t want you to. It’s not fair, Daddy!”
“No, no, sweetheart—it’s not that way. I’m not leaving. I’m going to marry Sophie and we’re going to all live together forever.”
“Don’t lie,” Bella shrieked at him. “I don’t care. I don’t want you. And Izzy doesn’t want you. You …you don’t care that we were on our own in places we didn’t like for weeks until Aunty Sophie found us, and you didn’t care that you left us with Mummy, and you didn’t care that Mummy was dead, and there was no one …and you’re a liar and I don’t want you. I want …I want my
mummy
. I want my mummy back.”
“Oh, darling,” Sophie whispered into her hair, rocking her against her shoulder. “Poor, poor baby.”
“I want to go home,” Bella sobbed, the words broken up on each ragged breath. “Please take me home.”
“Of course I will, first thing tomorrow we’ll go straight back home.”
“Bella, listen,” Louis tried again. “Let me explain.”
Bella burrowed even deeper into Sophie’s body as Louis gingerly sat down next to her. “I didn’t know anything about Seth. I didn’t know I had another child, a grown-up son, until just a little while ago. The only reason I didn’t tell you about him was because I was finding out about him myself. Not because I wanted to leave you or live with him or anything like that. I love you and Izzy and Sophie. I’m never going to leave you.”
Bella was unresponsive, her face hidden in Sophie’s hair. Sophie looked at Louis and shook her head, signaling that he should wait before he said anything else. Louis nodded and sat back on the sofa, looking shell shocked.