The Absolution of Aidan (The Syndicate Series Book 3) (3 page)

My way of thinking goes right to that night we hooked up. The things she did with her mouth. The way her ass felt in my hands. It felt exactly the way I knew it would. God knows I’ve had my eyes glued to the way it moved the entire time. I wanted her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, and when those words “Fuck you” tumbled out of her mouth, I snapped like a rubber fucking band. Swung her sexy ass around, shoved her against the wall, and did just what she said. I fucked her. Hard. Fast. She took all of me in her tight pussy. Her stunning eyes turned damn near as black as her hair when I dropped my pants and she got her first glimpse of my pierced cock. Four bars underneath the shaft that was angry and ready to stroke her walls, to give her the best fuck of her life.

She looked back up to me, her mouth opening then closing again. Then I sheathed myself, hoisted her up, those toned legs wrapping around my waist, shoved her panties to the side, and slid my dick in her. She screamed my name. My real name. Aidan. No woman has called me by my real name in years. I got lost in that woman. Five times to be exact. And now, fuck. I’d give anything to hear her call me by my name again.

I shake my head. She’s gone. I need to clear my thoughts of her.

I take a quick glance at the clock on my stove. Nine o’clock. “Shit, it’s still early,” I say once again to all these walls in this place.

Shoving my sorry ass away from the counter, I grab my keys out of my pocket, then shove them right back in. I’ve been drinking. I can’t fucking go anywhere. “Goddamn it.” I run my hands through my hair in frustration and head toward the tall windows overlooking New York.

Again I wonder if Deidre is out there somewhere. What the hell she’s doing. If she’s all right.

“Open up, asshole.” A loud bang on my door along with the boisterous sound of Roan fill the hallway and the silence in this place.

“Fuck off,” I say when I swing the door open. I’m agitated as hell. Grateful now that his pompous ass has stopped by. Well, maybe not, once I really get a good look at what a disheveled mess he is.

“What the hell, dude. You look worse than I do.” His hair is all over the place, his brows wrinkled. Ever since the earth has been free of Roan’s wacked out brother, he’s been laid back. The stunned expression on his face tells me he’s anything but laid back right now.

“I’m cool.” He saunters in, heads right for my favorite black recliner, and sits his ass down.

“You just got back. What the hell are you doing here?” I shut the door behind him.

He just sits there and stares at me.

I’m dumbfounded as hell. It isn’t like him to show up at my place out of the blue, especially when he just got home. His dick is bound and fucking gagged to Alina, so what the hell?

“Alina has some shit to do. I’m bored out of my mind. Can’t a guy have a drink with his friend?” He chuckles. Lying ass. Something is up.

“All I have is my Beam, man. You hate that shit.” He pulls his ass up a few inches out of the chair, smiling in a way to annoy the hell out of me, slides his hand behind him, and then starts waving a silver flask in the air. “Fucking hilarious,” I mumble.

“You want some?” he asks after downing probably half of his expensive shit.

“No. What I want is for you to tell me why you’re really here.” I raise my brow in question.

“I told you. She’s busy. Now, sit your ass down. Let’s watch the game.”

The little prick snatches up my remote and turns on the ball game. I eyeball the man I know all too well for the rest of the night, suspicious of his actions. He’s hiding something from me. Why is it that I have a sinking feeling deep in my gut that whatever it is has something to do with me?

DEIDRE

My nerves are tingling, like I’m being tickled all over with a silk-like feather when I pull into a parking lot next to the building where Alina is now living.

Thanks to my parents, I know that she moved in with Roan after Royal was finally killed. I couldn’t be happier for her. She was always the first person I asked about whenever they came to visit me. I’ve missed her more than anything.

Her reaction to seeing me is the only thing I’ve thought about the entire drive over here. My whereabouts for the past year have been tightly sealed. It hasn’t been easy for my mom and dad. They stuck true to their word by not telling anyone until I was ready to tell people myself. They’ve also told me Alina calls them regularly just to check up on me. I can only hope her reaction to seeing me after all this time is the welcoming reply I’m hoping for.

Sitting in my parking spot, my palms are sweaty and the words I’ve wanted to say to her choke me half to death as they claw their way up my throat, only to plummet right back down to the acid building in my stomach. Will she even want to see me? Will she be disappointed in me for up and running? What will she say when she finds out about Diesel?

Anxiety smashes into me, my every thought filled with how any of these people I left behind will react when they find out about my sweet, little baby boy. Especially his father. But I cannot think about Aidan right now. One person and one step at a time.

Surely none of them can deny Diesel isn’t Aidan’s. He looks just like him. Dark hair. Blue eyes. And he’s big for only being three months old.

“You can do this, Deidre. You have to,” I say to myself. I tug the keys out of the ignition after shutting it off. My shaky hands reach for the door handle. With one last deep breath, I open the door and step out, closing it behind me. I smile when I retrieve my sleeping son out of his car seat, sling his diaper bag over my shoulder, and kick the door shut.

“You’re a chunky, little thing,” I’m speaking to his sleeping form, inhaling his sweet baby scent. Call me crazy, but the minute my mom told me I was pregnant, I’ve been completely consumed by his heath as well as my own and the ability to nurture him. For the two of us to adapt to one another. To be the best mom I can be. Love him, soothe him, and be there for him like my parents have always been there for me.

Even though he doesn’t understand a word I say to him, I’ve told him every day how he needs both his parents. Aidan and I aren’t together and we never will be, but that doesn’t mean our child shouldn’t know the both of us. Both Diesel and Aidan deserve to know each other.

Aidan is going to shit a brick, for lack of a better term, but the truth is this little boy is his.

I can hear him now. His mouth denying it. Yes, we used a condom, every time we had sex. Doesn’t mean one didn’t break. Especially with a man the size of him. Oh, and lets not forget those piercings. God, my pussy clenches remembering the way his dick felt the first time he entered me. My mouth nearly hit the floor when I saw those bars. God, I’ve never felt anything like it. The way they scraped against my walls, not in a painful way, but giving me the most pleasurable orgasmic feeling I have ever had.

“You’re losing it, Deidre.” Yes. I chat with myself a lot. Par for the course when you’re lost in your own head for a year. The only things consuming you are your inner demons. Your ability to go from one day to the next. I conquered it for my little man and myself. I’m stronger than I was before I was taken, proud of it too. Most importantly, I’m happy.

“Here we go, bud.” I step into the building, the bright lights stirring my little man in my arms. It’s early evening, the dark clouds in the sky indicating a storm is brewing. I pray to god there won’t be a storm inside this building when Alina sees me.

I stroll across the tiled floor, the heels of my wedge sandals digging into the bottom of my feet. “Mommy needs to wear better shoes when I carry you, Mr. Chunky Man.” I drop my gaze to one of the only men I need in my life, and he’s zonked out again. Figures. All he does is eat, poop, and sleep. I suppose most babies do. I cannot wait until I hear him speak. I tell him every day his first word better be momma or his butt’s in big trouble.

I kiss him once again. Having him near me seems to shove some of my nervousness aside. It’s funny how my big bundle of joy can calm me without saying a word.

I head straight for the security guard sitting behind his stand next to the elevator. I’ve been here a few times before well over a year ago. This man is new. Distinguished looking. I swear I see some sort of appreciation flicker across his face when I approach. Then he glances to the big bundle I’m holding in my arms, and the flicker disappears. I internally roll my eyes at the cute but now a total douche man. I’m a smart enough woman to know most men want nothing to do with a woman who has a child. I say fuck them all, beginning with this asshole. I don’t need him or any man.

“Hi. I’m Deidre La Russo,” I say politely, even though I want to smack his face off his body.

“Yes. I received a call from Salvatore Diamond that you’re here to surprise Roan and Alina. I just need to see your ID and I can let you go up?” the dickhead guard requests. I’m thankful my dad works for the Diamond family. His call earlier to Salvatore, Roan’s dad, must have gone well. He had to call someone in order for me to get upstairs without them knowing I was down here waiting for them. This needs to be done my way. And my way is to just get this all out in the open at once. Salvatore promised his discreetness. I appreciate him for it.

I reach into the diaper bag, which is also my purse, pull out my wallet, and hand him my ID. He scans it over then hands it back to me while his eyes travel up and down my body. Fuck off, dickface. You just turned your nose down on my baby and now you have the nerve to pop your eyeballs out of your head and gawk at my boobs.

“Thank you,” I say casually. My urgency to get upstairs and get this over with outweighing the fact I like being ogled, even if he is a twat. Wait? Isn’t that what all men want? Until they see a woman holding a baby, that is. Jerk.

Diesel decides to fully awaken at this time. He grunts and stretches, his eyes blinking to the light. Lifting his head, he looks at me with his sleepy, little eyes, then lays his head right back down on my shoulder.

I shrug at the guard then walk to the elevator. One thing I haven’t forgotten is how to swing my ass. And it’s a swinging. I know he’s staring too. I can feel it.

I may have a baby, but every part of my body still functions properly. Including my fingers, which would love to flip the fuckface off. Nope, I remind myself again. I definitely do not need a man.

The elevator dings and opens right after I push the button.

Stepping inside with a deep breath, I kiss my boy on the side of his chubby, little face. The doors click shut behind me. My stomach hits the floor the minute we start to climb.

Diesel reaches forward and grabs a chunk of my hair. “Ouch. You decided to wake up, huh?” I wrinkle my nose at him. He lets out a little snort. By the time we come to a stop, I think he’s pulled out half of my hair and shoved it into his mouth.

One step off of the elevator has me coming to a complete halt when I hear a voice I’m not prepared to hear yet.

“You got the name right, sweetheart, now please leave,” I hear him say. I scurry around the corner, my heart playing as fast as a fiddle in my chest. “Christ,” I whisper as I rest my head against the wall. For the first time since Diesel started chewing on my hair, I’m thankful he has his mouth full right now or he’d be babbling away. God, this is so not how I wanted this to happen.

I wait until I hear the ding of the elevator and the slamming of a door. Does he live here? If he does, I have not been informed of that, and I will definitely be asking my parents why the hell they did not tell me.

Curiosity does get the better of me, though. I need to see what she looks like. I peak around the corner. Her back is to me. My examination of her is quick when she steps in and starts to turn around.

Tall, blond. Shortest damn skirt I’ve ever seen. God. Is she a hooker?

I look back to the now closed elevator door, then down to my boy. “If he’s messed up with hookers, then maybe I don’t want you around him at all.” He tilts his head to the side. His little, chubby hand comes up and smacks me in the face. “Ha,” I whisper to him. “You’re never going to date, buddy.”

A few seconds later, I’m standing in front of Alina’s apartment. “You got this.” I reach up with clammy hands, press the doorbell, and wait.

“Oh, my god, Deidre!” Alina exclaims, pleased to see me. At that juncture, she goes silent. She shifts her gaze down to Diesel, then back to me. Her expression turns to shock, then wonder.

“Deidre. I… he’s—”

“Mine. Yes,” I say with excitement.

“Come in.” She moves out of the way so we can step inside.

“You have got to be shitting me?” Roan smirks, glimpsing down at the baby.

“Well, hello to you too, Roan. And no, I’m not shitting you. However, this one,” I point to Diesel, “shit’s a lot.”

“Wow. I’m not sure what to say,” he stresses, then laughs lightly. I’m assuming he finally got my ‘shit’ joke.

“That’s exactly what I said when I first found out I was pregnant.” I move to the couch. My feet are killing me. Not to mention Diesel is now starting to fuss.

“Is this why you disappeared?” Roan points down to Diesel where I’ve laid him down on the couch. I drop the diaper bag on the floor.
Well, let’s get right to the point here, Roan.

“No.” I begin to pull out all the items I need to change his diaper. I’ve pined away for days now about the right way to approach everyone, not only about the baby, about everything. Why I really left. What took me so long to come back. All of it. Now, here I sit, changing my son’s diaper, and my speech is gone, as if it’s floating down the Hudson River. I sigh and fold up the dirty diaper, stuffing it back inside the bag along with everything else.

“May I hold him?” I pause mid-stride from setting him on my lap.

“Of course.” I smile as Alina holds out her arms and slips her hands under his armpits, taking him from me. Silence falls all around us, the only noise coming from Diesel’s baby gibberish.

I swallow and sit further back on the couch, my hands folded on my lap.

“Please listen to everything I have to say before you ask me questions,” I release blatantly, then swipe a wayward tear from my face.