That Summer (Part Two) (14 page)

“Serena,
I didn’t know you had finished.” He says, spinning around to face me.

“Am
I allowed down here?”

“Of
course you are. This is
your
house.” He reminds me, smiling weakly.

“Forgive
me for not feeling at home here.” I say contemptuously, scowling at in disgust.

He
doesn’t reply, wringing his hands together as he bites his lower lip. He’s
extremely uneasy and his anxiety just doesn’t make any sense to me, not after
the way he’s behaved up until now.

“You
must be starving. What can I get you to eat?”

“I
don’t think I can face anything.”

“Green,
please… I’m begging you to eat something.”

“D-do
you have any cereal?”

“Is
that all you want?”

“For
now.”

He
disappears into another room and starts slamming several cupboards and drawers
in his urgent quest to get me some food. I take a seat on the sofa, hardly
surprised that the décor down here is just as luxurious as the bedroom
upstairs.

There’s
a gigantic TV right opposite the corner sofa where I’m sitting and an oval
coffee table within reach. Two large speakers stand on either side of the
enormous plasma screen and a lavish rug adds the finishing touch to the
magnificent design.

I
can’t believe he just expects me to move in here with him. Cole must be out of
his mind if he really thinks I’m going to just forget about everything he’s put
me through these past few days as though nothing happened.

“Here
you go.”

Cole
places a bowl in front of me and hands me a spoon.

“Thanks.”
I reply curtly.

“Do
you want me to sit at the table with you or are you ok where you are?”

“I’m
ok here.”

“That’s
fine.”

He
joins me on the sofa but leaves plenty of room between us, allowing me the
space I need from him right now. It doesn’t take me long to finish my cereal
and I follow that with three slices of toast and a large glass of milk.

Cole
continues to be extraordinarily polite, rushing around after me like I’m an
invalid and waiting on me hand and foot. I’m somewhat frustrated by the sudden
switch in his behaviour but decide to keep quiet and say nothing, delighting in
the comfort of being full for the first time in days.

“Now
that I’ve had something to eat, I need you to answer me a few questions.”

I
turn to face him on the sofa, trying to ignore the fact that I’m completely
naked underneath my dressing gown.

“Of
course, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” He assures me.

“Is
this really your house?”

“Yes
and it’s also yours if you want it. We don’t have to live here if you don’t
like it, we can always move.” He adds hastily.

“Cole,
there is no
us
.” I tell him, speaking firmly. “After what you’ve done to
me over the past couple of days… I don’t even want to look at you, let alone
live with you.”

“I
swear to God I can explain it all. I can explain everything if you just give me
one chance.”

“I
don’t see how any of your explanations will be able to erase everything you’ve
done.” I snap bitterly.

“Let
me try and make you understand.” He begs me. “Please?”

“Fine.”
I concede begrudgingly.

He
takes a deep breath, preparing himself for his next revelation. He’s still
sitting on the sofa, wringing his hands together as be exhales slowly.

“Serena,
when I was in prison they made me see a psychiatrist.” He confesses, glancing
at me for a moment. “It really helped me and I was eventually diagnosed with
something they call a personality disorder.”

“
What
?”

“It’s
true.” He sighs wearily, raking his fingers through his hair. “I had no idea what
it meant at first and it terrified me when I found out that there would be
medication involved. My therapist told me that the reason for my inexplicable
mood swings and the rage which has been controlling me for years all comes down
to this disorder and the fact that I have bio-polar.”

He
pauses, granting me a few seconds of silence so I can try and process
everything he just told me.

“I…
I can’t believe this.”

“Serena,
I stopped taking my medication for a few days right before I broke into your apartment.
It was stupid and reckless of me but I really wanted to find out if I still
needed my meds. I didn’t tell my doctor or anything beforehand, I just did it.
That’s the reason I’ve been acting so crazy and it’s also the reason why I went
straight back on them as soon as I brought you back here with me. It can take a
couple of days for the pills to kick in but they’re working now and I feel much
calmer.”

“That’s
great.” I reply sarcastically. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”

“Serena…”

“Cole,
I’m sorry about your diagnosis but all I care about right now is getting back
home. I will not be your prisoner and that’s exactly what you’ve made me. You
kidnapped me and no amount of pills you should have been taking is going to
change your actions.”

I
stand up and make my way towards the stairs which lead up to the bedroom, I
place my hand on the banister when Cole reaches out and grabs it, stopping me
in my tracks.

“How
can I make this up to you? How can I convince you to stay here with me? Tell
me, Green… I’ll do anything.”

His
body is so close to mine, I can feel the warmth of him radiating from his
chest. His brown eyes implore me to believe him and I waver on the stairs, in
two minds whether I should listen to him or not.

“Nothing
you say or do is going to fix this.” I say decidedly. “I have a life I need to
get back to, Cole. I have a home, a job and friends who will be worried about
me.”

“Like
Kevin?” He demands harshly, tightening the hold he has on my wrist.

“Forget
Kevin!” I yell, sick of his accusations. “I need to get back.”

“Was
your life so perfect before I brought you here? Were you happy?”

“Yes!”
I lie, throwing my arms in the air in exasperation.

“You’re
lying. I watched you for several days before I broke into your apartment and I
saw how miserable you were. You don’t know what joy is and I want to show you
how happy we could still be together.”

“You’ve
missed out one significant detail.” I remind him, taking a deep breath before I
speak again.

“And
what’s that?”

“You’re
still my brother… no amount of space or time is going to change that, Cole.
It’s still illegal for us to be together and the police said you’re not allowed
to be in contact with me. If they find out we’re living together, they’ll come
and arrest us both.”

“Have
you not seen where we are?” He asks, taking hold of my hand so he can show me
the window on the opposite side of the living room. “I chose this location
because we get to live far away from everyone. We can stay here and keep our
privacy at the same time. I spent the past year organising everything which had
to be in place for us to move in here because I thought you would love it.”

“I’m
not denying that it’s a beautiful home but how could you manage all of this
when you were still in prison?”

“I
hired some people who I trust to come and get it ready for me. I even employed
some interior designer to pick out all the colour schemes and the furniture for
you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and I know you feel the same way… just let me
give it to you.”

“None
of this changes anything. You still hit me.”

“I
know I did! I know I fucking did, Serena! But what I don’t know now is how the
hell am I going to live with that for the rest of my life? I can’t believe the
things I said to you or what I did but I swear to you right now, I will
dedicate the rest of my life and make it up to you if you give me a chance to
do so.”

He
cradles my face in his hands, brushing his lips so gently against my own.

“I
can’t just leave.” I whisper softly. “What about my job?”

“You
only work part time and it’s in an office.” He soothes me, tucking a strand of
my hair back behind my ear. “We both know you could do a whole lot better than
that.”

“And
what about Lisa? She’ll be worried if I don’t get in touch with her.”

“Call
her. Tell her you’ve got a new job and moved to another city. She might think
it a bit strange at first but so long as you convince her you’re alright, it
will be fine.”

“And
Natalie?”

“Who?”

“She’s
a detective inspector who dealt with your case. She’s the first one that
interviewed me and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“How
nice for you.” He replies scornfully.

“She’s
a good person and has helped me a lot.” I reprimand him firmly. “She’s been a
great friend to me over the past three years and I’ll always be grateful.”

“I
see.”

I
can tell he’s not exactly happy about me befriending someone who came to arrest
him but he’s willing to let it go… for now.

“Are
we quite far from my apartment?” I ask, glancing out the window onto the fields
beneath us. “Is it too late for us to drive back there?”

It’s
getting quite dark already and it will soon be dusk. The green meadows are
illuminated by the pink hues from the sunset which will soon disappear and the
isolation is strangely calming.

“We’re
about two hundred miles away from your apartment.” He answers brusquely,
clearly not happy that I’m showing a desire to leave.

“Really?”

“It’s
far too late for me to take you back now, you will have to stay the night.”

“Fine.”
I acquiesce reluctantly. “But I’m still leaving first thing in the morning.”

“As
you wish… I won’t try and stop you.” He murmurs, slumping against the wall
behind him in defeat.

“I’m
going back upstairs.” I notify him coldly “And don’t even
think
about
following me.”

“Serena,
wait.” He runs ahead of me so he can prevent me from walking away. “I’ll get
down on my knees and beg you if I have to.
Please
don’t walk away from
me. I can’t do this without you and I need you in my life.”

“Cole,
if you ever find yourself in trouble or really need someone then I want you to
know I’ll always be there for you… but that’s as far as it goes.”

“And
that’s it?!” He exclaims loudly in objection. “You’ll be there for me but you
don’t want to be with me? You’re willing to walk away and forget all about me?”

“You
don’t know me at all, do you?”

I
speak quietly, saddened by the statement Cole just made.

“I
know you still feel this.” He whispers, closing the distance between us.

“I
don’t feel anything.” I tell him, taking a step back.

He
places his hand against my chest, no doubt feeling my accelerated heartbeat.

“I
know you still want me despite… you still want this despite
everything
and the knowledge of that is what you’re relying on to keep yourself from me.
Stop fighting it.”

“I’ll
never stop fighting you.”

I
shove him away from me and race up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door closed
behind me.

Chapter Nine

I
have no idea what time it is when I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m not
even sure what woke me until I hear the soft click of the bedroom door being
closed. I sit up in bed, breathing heavily as I try and figure out where I am.

It
only takes me a few moments for my memories to come rushing back to me,
recalling the terrifying days I spent in the basement before I was brought up
into this magnificent house. The house which Cole intended for us to live in
together.

“Cole?”

My
voice is shaky and unsure as I tremble with fear. There’s nothing within reach
which I can use to protect myself and the thought of there being an intruder inside
the same room of me is petrifying. 

“Shh,
it’s just me.” Cole assures me, speaking softly.

“What
are you doing?” I demand sharply, trying to figure out where he’s standing in
the dark.

“It’s
just not possible for me to sleep downstairs knowing you’re up here alone. I
can’t do it, Serena. I have to be with you, even if that does mean it’s just
for one night.”

I
feel the weight of him as he sits down on the bed, causing me to scramble away
from him at once.

“Don’t
touch me.” I warn him, clutching the bed’s cover against my chest.

“Look,
that’s not what I meant.” He assures me, speaking calmly. “God, I… I would
never do that and you know it.”

“You
came pretty damn close when you broke into my apartment.” I remind him
bitterly.

“That
was me off my meds, that wasn’t the real me and you know it.”

“I
don’t know anything anymore. I don’t even know who
I
am.”

“Then
let me remind you.” He pleads desperately. “Just let me hold you, I swear
that’s all I want.”

“Why
should I let you near me after what you’ve done?” I challenge him fiercely.

“Because
if this
really
is our final night together then I don’t want to spend it
like this… do you?”

I
think about what he just said, weighing up the pros and cons of spending my
last night with Cole like this. Do I really want this horrifying experience to
be my one and only memory of us together? It doesn’t take me long to determine
that the answer is no.

“Fine.”
I concede begrudgingly, allowing him to climb in beside me.

“You’re
sure?”

“Just
get in.” I snap, turning over onto my side.

The
warmth from Cole’s body as he settles underneath the covers is remarkably
alluring. I can’t believe how tempted I almost am to snuggle up to him and the
knowledge of this is exceedingly disconcerting.

How
can I allow myself to still feel something for him after everything he’s done
to me? How can I let the man who hurt me so badly sleep beside me and not feel
repulsed or angry? None of it makes any sense and if I’m being completely
honest with myself, I think I’m done with trying to figure it out.

“Is…
is this ok?” He asks me, sounding timid.

“I
guess.”

A
couple of minutes pass before he speaks again, breaking out silence with a
weary sigh.

“How
am I going to do it, Green? How am I going to get through every single day of
my Godforsaken life without you?”

“You’ve
managed it for three years now.” I point out, staring up at the bedroom ceiling
in deep contemplation. “The next few decades should be easy.”

“You
think I managed?” He says incredulously, turning over in bed so he can look at
me directly.

“Well,
didn’t you?”

“Let’s
see… I woke up every morning when the alarm bell went off. I ate breakfast,
went to the gym, took some classes, got into a few fights, avoided a few more,
wrote in my journal which was supposed to be therapeutic, saw my therapist
twice a week and took as many drugs as I could get my hands on. I spent the
majority of my time in prison drugged up to the eyeballs so I didn’t have to
think about anyone or anything… especially you. It’s the only way I could get
through each day but I can’t live like that anymore. I know I don’t have the
strength to get through a single week without you now I’m in the outside
world.”

“You
seem to think I’ve had it easy when I haven’t.” I respond quietly, refusing to
look at him. “You don’t know what it was like having to back to school after
everything that happened or how these past three years have been without you.
I’ve been crying myself to sleep for as long as I can remember and I know the
sadness which lives on inside of me won’t ever leave me. I made peace with that
a long time ago and it’s a price I have to pay if I choose a life which is
separate from you.”

“Wait
a minute, you went back to school? The same school which made you’re life a
living hell before you even met me?”

“Yes.”

“Why
the hell would you go back there? Did they force you?”

“The
police automatically thought I would go back and live with my mum but she made
it clear she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and I can’t say I was
disappointed. Lisa’s family took me in and because I was in my final year, it
just made sense that I go back there.”

“I
had no idea… I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.” He says sincerely,
sounding sympathetic and full of remorse or what happened.

“I
got through it somehow.”

“What
did they do? Did they target you?”

I
inhale deeply, remembering every single day I had to spend at that school and
all the things which took place throughout my time there. There was no one who
could protect me anymore and their cruelty had no limits.

Some
days I would open my locker and find bloody tampons had been thrown in there,
another day I was followed home by a group of bitchy girls who beat me up and
left me at the side of the road in tears. The worst day was when Jonathan and a
few of his friends forced me to remove all my clothes before they allowed me to
leave school. I knew I couldn’t walk home naked but that’s how they left me,
taking several photos as evidence to add to my humiliation. In the end a
teacher who had been working late found me in the school car park. I was hiding
behind her vehicle and she escorted me back inside so I could wear something
from the lost property cupboard.

I
consider telling Cole about some of these experiences but know it will only
enrage him. However, I don’t want there to be any more lies between us and
decided to be truthful with everyone in my life a long time ago.   

I
take a deep breath and reveal what happened, starting with my first day back at
school after his arrest and concluding with the day of my graduation. The day I
finally got to walk away from that wretched place and leave everyone behind.

“I
should have been there to protect you.” Cole growls, jumping out of bed as his
rage becomes too powerful for him to handle.

“Cole,
we both know that wasn’t possible.” I placate him kindly, sitting up as I watch
him pace back and forth.

“I’m
so fucking sorry.” He groans, kneeling down in front of me as he takes my small
hands in his. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry I couldn’t take care of you
the way I should have and I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through over
the past couple of days.”

“It
wasn’t really you.” I remind him. “Like you said, you were off your
medication.”

“It’s
no excuse.”

“I’m
not saying it is.” I chastise him, smiling weakly.

He
moistens his lips and sighs deeply, raking his fingers through his hair before
he sits beside me on the bed.

“What
makes you think you don’t have the right to be happy? Why choose misery when
you know that you and I could have so much more than that if we’re together?”

“It’s
illegal for us to love each other how we want to and the police would throw you
right back in prison if they found out we were in a relationship.”

“Not
if they don’t know about it.” He adds, glancing up at me.

“They
would
find out eventually, they’re bound to.”

“How?”

“I
don’t know! They just would.” I wail loudly, covering my face with my hands.

“Serena,
you underestimate me. You really think I haven’t though any of this through? I
might have spent three years inside but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about
our future. I always knew that we would face these problems and that’s why I
came up with a solution to every single one of them before I came out.”

“Cole,
I don’t know… so much has happened. The things we’ve said and done to one
another can’t be erased and I don’t know how we’re supposed to move forward
from that.”

“We’ll
take it one day at a time and see how it goes.” He concludes decidedly. “We
don’t need to rush into anything or even try and go back to how things used to
be between us. We can start afresh and decide to forgive.”

I
consider everything he’s saying and take a deep breath, realising I have to say
something before I give my consent to anything that Cole is proposing.

“If
you ever raise your hand to me again, I swear to God I will walk out that door
and I won’t come back.” I threaten him, making sure he knows I’m being serious.

“I’d
rather cut my own hand off than hurt you like that. I know you might not
believe me when I say that but it’s the truth. My anger is under control now
that I’m on these pills and I promise you that I won’t stop taking them.”

“God,
we must be mad. This can only end in disaster…” I complain bitterly, struggling
to believe I’m actually contemplating something so wrong.

“Is…
is that a yes? You’ll give us a chance?” He asks, widening his eyes in
disbelief.

“I
guess so.” I murmur, fighting against my overwhelming fear.

“You
won’t regret this, I promise you.” He assures me, pulling me into a warm
embrace.

“I
hope not.” I whisper, glancing out of the large window behind him.

There’s
a full moon outside, peeking through a small gap in the curtains. It reminds me
that there’s still a gigantic world outside these brick walls, a world that is
intent on keeping us apart. It won’t rest until it succeeds and I don’t know if
either one of us has the strength to even try and beat it…

I
guess we’re about to find out.