Chapter 14
There Katie stood, bold and fearless in her challenge. Naked from the waist up, breasts
begging to be touched.
Everything slowed as his world narrowed to the progression of Katie’s fingers. Her
hand, barely a brush against her skin, skimmed between her breasts. Then lower down
her stomach. Blood pounded in his head as he watched her fingertips flutter to a stop
on the button of her jeans.
His gaze clouded. One moment they both stood apart, and in the next, his hands were
on the soft denim as he cupped her bottom and lifted her to him. And thank you, Lord,
Katie read his mind because her legs wrapped around his hips and locked him in. And
. . . and he needed a wall. He’d built this barn from the ground up with his dad,
and he couldn’t remember where one damn wall was.
There, finally.
With Katie’s back against the wall and her body flush against him, his mind exploded.
Skin on skin. Mouth against the sweetest satin of her throat. And he was drowning,
but this time he’d gladly give his last breath if only he could stay forever, right
here, right now.
A warning hummed.
Don’t kiss her. Don’t kiss her
.
But his body had trouble catching up with his brain, and it couldn’t find one bloody
reason not to. He wanted a taste, wanted to steal those sweet sighs from her mouth
with his own. Instead, he lifted her higher, putting his mouth level with her breasts.
She was so light, no challenge to his strength, but a primal part of him didn’t want
to remember to be gentle, to be soft.
Cole ached with the need to take her, to make her his once and for all. She was willing.
God knew she was willing.
The graceful curve of her breasts brushed his cheek, and he rasped his whiskers against
her silky skin. Katie’s inhale was as sharp as it was sweet. Her dark nipple puckered
even more, begging to be put in his mouth and loved on. He’d never been so close to
the edge, but his will had been forged in the flames of pain, loss, and hunger. He
reined himself in.
He might’ve been able to still his advancements, but he couldn’t release her, not
yet. So he held her instead, both trembling against a wood-splintered wall, and him
with his lips touching the delicate bone between her breasts. He couldn’t help himself,
and opened his mouth against her hot skin. He tasted her—the saltiness of her damp
skin, and the shiver as it spread across her body like a ripple in a glassy pond.
If he moved, even a little, he’d break. He needed to catch his breath and recall why
he had to let go and step away before it was too late. But Katie would have none of
it. She laced her fingers through his hair, pulling his face upward. “Kiss me, Cole.”
He closed his eyes, breathed in her essence, and tried to remember how to open his
arms and release her.
“Cole, what do you need me to say? That I lie in bed at night and . . . burn.”
“Don’t.” He was damn near crazy, and she was trying to make him forget. Forget things
like honor and respect. Forget how wrong this was. And may God forgive him, he wanted
to forget . . . everything but Katie.
Her breasts were too much of an invitation. Knowing if he allowed himself the pleasure,
he’d gladly go under for the last time, he shifted her body and nuzzled her neck instead.
Her taste mingled with the scent of her skin, clean like sun-dried laundry and night
air. He willed his arms to let her go, but preferred how his hands cupped her bottom
and fitted her more fully against him. She groaned in response and tilted her neck,
permitting him full access. He knew she’d allow him anything and that knowledge fed
the beast inside.
“Do you know what it’s like to burn, Cole?” Her voice rolled thick like sugared moonshine
over a tall glass of ice.
And yet, her whispered words were hot against his ear, melting his resolve. Her legs
wrapped around his hips, and he was white-knuckling it just to stay above water.
“Shh please, honey.” And when had he resorted to begging? Had Katie taken his pride
along with his honor?
“To wait and burn night after night?”
He couldn’t hear about her need. He shook her against the wall. Not hard, but enough
for her to know this was no game. “I swear to God, I’ll take you here and now against
the stable wall if you won’t be quiet.”
Her response was a simple but highly effective bold sweep of tongue along the ridge
of his ear.
Then he claimed her lips. He had to, couldn’t think of a way to silence her and still
that wicked mouth at the same time. There was no tentative exploration, but an open
need that exploded in his brain. Honor crumpled to the wayside as the hungering beast
roared forth. His hand grabbed hold of her hair and held her steady, as he taught
her how a man kissed a woman—his tutelage a harsh one, no gentling, no sweet words.
She had pushed, and he had shattered.
If profanities could be expressed with a kiss, his was vulgar. His mouth claimed what
should’ve always been his. He ground his hips against hers, taking control of the
rhythm, rocketing them both to the next level.
Meowing sobs broke through his lust haze.
Must be Katie, always so damn vocal
. And yet as she quivered in his arms, and clawed at his hair, he knew he had to be
the rational one.
In the back of his mind he’d drawn a line. He wouldn’t take Katie here. Her first
time would be with him, but something special, not in a barn under the cover of secret
and shame. He’d loved her for too long.
He broke the kiss, but he couldn’t leave her like this.
“Katie, you need to listen to me.” He sounded like a man in pain, which he was. “I’ll
help you, but you need to promise you’ll do exactly what I say.”
The heated gaze in her eyes was thick, but she nodded. He rested his forehead on hers,
seeking a cool reprieve, but her body was like liquid fire, all heat and passion.
He pulled air in from between his clenched teeth and prayed for control.
“Keep your hands around my neck. Don’t move.” If she touched him he was a goner, and
even angels wouldn’t be able to drag him away from her piercing heat.
His hand shook as his fingers fumbled with her jeans button. Her breath, quick before,
came in short gasps as her stomach quivered beneath his touch. He eased the zipper
down.
The small murmurs she made in the back of her throat were killing him, but he blocked
them out and moved his hand forward. His mouth went dry as his fingers slipped between
her thighs. He knew she’d be ready, but the hot liquid that surrounded him was a surprise.
She was on the cusp of a climax. It wouldn’t take much.
Katie was so tight he groaned and knew he had to end the torture quick or his control
would snap. Another finger eased inside, and with his thumb, he flicked the sensitive
nub above. In, out, and her body tightened around him. His lips found hers to swallow
her moan as he pushed forward. She broke the kiss and arched her back as she screamed.
The horses neighed, startled by the sound.
He rode the aftershocks of her climax as they pulsed around him. Finally quiet, she
hung like a limp doll around his neck.
A cool wetness dampened his shoulder, but Cole already knew the reason for her tears.
Her need had been bottled for so long. Katie was a passionate woman and needed a strong
man. The time wasn’t ideal, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He’d always known it
would come to this, but he’d thought he could put her off a few more years.
His hand came up and soothed her soft skin, easing her away from the coarse wood.
She wouldn’t feel the scratches now, but later reality had a way of crashing in. Tenderly,
he kissed the side of her head, her face buried in the curve of his neck. “I’ll talk
to your father tomorrow.”
A sigh of relief, then Katie’s whisper, “Thank you.”
Chapter 15
Cole turned the shower knob to the far left. Today was a day to splurge. Today was
a day for a hot shower.
Besides, the heat might do something about defrosting the block of ice in his belly.
He stripped and threw his dirty clothes into the corner and wrapped a threadbare towel
around his waist. He ran his hand under the shower water to check, still cold. Turning,
he caught his reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror. He’d marked himself up pretty
good while shaving, and there was a cut on his chin that still bled.
Damn, he felt sick. If only the rolling of his stomach would calm.
Cranking on the sink faucet, Cole splashed cold water on his face.
Take a deep breath.
He shook his hands to bring feeling back into his tingling fingers.
Another breath.
Then he looked himself dead in the eye. “You can do this. You’ve got this.”
He ran his tongue over his cracked lips and swallowed hard. Then bracing himself with
his hands against the hard edges of the counter, he practiced his speech. “Mr. Harris,
I know this seems sudden, but I was hoping to ask . . . I mean, would you do me the
honor of giving Katie’s hand . . .” No. Cole shook his head. “Stupid.”
Breathing seemed to take twice the normal effort. He rubbed his palm over his chest,
digging at the tightness. “I would like to marry Katie.”
A huge exhale. There, he’d said it out loud, but for some reason it sounded even worse
than in his head.
“I know what you are thinking.” Cole put his hand up to stop the imaginary objections
Katie’s father would have. “You think I don’t have enough money to support a family,
that I’m barely hanging in there myself. But I can make it work. I’ll pick up extra
shifts on the neighboring ranches. And I know college is important to you. I promise
to make sure Katie gets her degree. And yes . . . uh—” Cole swallowed again, rubbing
his palm over the queasiness in his belly. “Katie’s young, but we’re in love, have
been all our lives, and . . .”
His throat was so dry it was like he’d eaten a box full of sand. “If you could give
me—give us—a chance, you’d make me the happiest man in the world.”
He sounded stupid. He knew he did. He’d never been good with words, but all he had
was the truth.
Cole reached for the black felt box resting on the back of the toilet tank. It wasn’t
as if he hadn’t looked at the damn thing about a hundred times since he’d bought the
ring this morning, but he couldn’t help himself and gave the lid a quick flip. A solitary
diamond winked back at him. Mocking.
As if
.
Weakness was
so
not an honorable quality in a man. Disgusted, Cole snapped the lid shut and placed
it back down. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Get a grip, man.”
Splashing another round of cold water on his now hot cheeks, he tried to gather the
tattered remains of his self-respect. The only thing worse than a lovesick fool was
a fool in love.
And his actions had been nothing but foolish starting with last night. Every logical
part of his brain chastised himself for taking it so far with Katie. He should’ve
put her off, tried harder to say no, but of course those thoughts fell stone-cold
dead against the soaring of his heart.
It was like his brain wasn’t even weighing in with any of his decisions, especially
since he’d made a sizable dent in his bank account purchasing the ring. He knew Katie
well enough, and she would’ve been just as happy with something simpler, but some
loser pride had him picking out a larger setting.
Self-delusion was so not cool, but he’d wanted to prove he could take care of his
wife. Even if he had to live on a frayed shoestring budget to do so.
The steam from the shower fogged up the mirror, and with one swipe, he cleared a path.
“Come on, Cole. This is going to work out. Not everything in your life has to turn
to utter crap.”
Besides, James loved him like a son, had told him so numerous times. What more could
a doting father ask than to have his only child marry and live next door?
Cole smiled, and for the first time since waking up, it felt genuine. What was Katie
always telling him?
You are what you think, Cole.
She was right. He could turn his life around. And with Katie by his side, things could
only get better.
“I’m sorry, son, but the answer is no.”
Cole heard a low roar. A pounding surf. Except, there was no ocean in Texas so it
must be inside his head.
Sick. I’m gonna get sick.
Cole closed his eyes. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t look at the older man whose stance
he mirrored. Years of evening talks and morning coffee breaks had each man placing
a booted foot on a peeling wood fence. But this time, both faced forward and stared
down the approaching dawn.
This wasn’t right. This was not happening.
Maybe James hadn’t heard Cole correctly. Maybe when Cole had asked for Katie’s hand
it had come out as something else altogether. In his head it seemed right, but he
still stumbled and groped for words. He’d try again, this time clearer. This time
he’d do the asking right. “Sir, I’m sorry, let me try again. I want to marry Katie,
make her my wife.”
There he’d said it. No stumbling this time.
“Son, I heard you the first time. And I’m sorry, my answer’s still no.”
The roaring in his head grew to deafening levels.
“It’s not . . . as if . . . you’re not . . . my son.”
Fool, such a fool. Like you ever had a chance.
He knew there was more to what James was saying, but he couldn’t hear, not when blood
pounded like a storm in his brain.
Breathe, breathe,
he kept repeating as he watched the early morning sun glisten against the dewy grass
like a meadow full of spent tears.
“Katie . . . wouldn’t . . . money . . . love you.”
His hands tingled. He couldn’t feel the tips.
A blossom tumbled across the toe of his boot, and he was sure the scent of jasmine
lingered in the air, if he could just remember how to inhale again. He couldn’t rest
his gaze, and so it darted from a single-file line of ants to the way the grass grew
tall and uneven around the fence posts.
“It’s . . . money . . . too important.”
Pain. Something sharp was eating at his heart. He wanted to claw at his chest, rip
out the hurt, but instead he laced his fingers together and leaned his forearms against
the rail. How many low blows would it take for him to realize life didn’t change,
especially not for him?
“Cole, are you listening?” James never minced words, never stumbled. He’d long ago
perfected speaking around the unlit cigar that was ever-present in his mouth. Self-control
was James’s trademark, and he’d put a firm one-a-day limit on his habit, the after-dinner
cigar. The rest of the time, he maintained, was to satisfy the pure ritual of the
act.
James was a man who respected actions over words, and so Cole had brought the ring
with him. He’d wanted to show James, prove to him he was serious. Now the weight of
the box grew as if his pocket was loaded with rocks.
“Hell, Cole, I’m sorry.” James shuffled, and caught Cole’s gaze. He watched as the
man who had filled the shoes of his long-dead father took off his Stetson and ran
his fingers along the trimmed brim. “I’ve made a mistake. And now the sins of the
father are passed on to the son.”
Like a tuning fork, the words pierced Cole’s fog, bringing every sound into sharp
clarity. Cole had known his neighbor his whole life, and James rarely talked of the
intangible. Mr. Harris was a man pragmatic in life and wily in business. Pursuits
of a higher nature never plagued him, and so with his talk of sin, a hot chill broke
across Cole’s skin.
“Did I ever tell you about Katie’s mom? She was beautiful, spitting image of Katie,
except less temper. She was something in this small town, pretty, bright, witty. In
high school, you’d have thought she was the only filly around the way we all panted
after her, but she turned up her nose at all of us. Didn’t want to get involved, she
said. Didn’t want the life of a small town, wanted to go to Hollywood, try her hand
as an actress.
“She would’ve made it too, she had that spark, but I was without scruples.” He snorted.
“Some say I still don’t have any. Maybe so, maybe I haven’t learned a damn thing.
But I saw what I wanted, and it was Chelsea Barns.”
Cole could barely keep up the pretense of conversation. He didn’t care about Chelsea
Barns and even less about her acting aspirations. But his legs were shaking, and he
didn’t want to chance falling on his face if he tried to walk away.
“God, I loved her. Wooed her hard. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. I knew what I was
doing. Oh, I told myself that I was looking after her. That I’d make her happy, but
I knew that wasn’t true. Deep down, I knew.”
James placed his hat on his head and grasped the railing with both hands. “Got her
pregnant.” He ripped the cigar from his mouth, and then wiped his lips with the back
of his hand as if tasting something foul.
“It happened in the backseat of my car. Not my proudest moment, but you couldn’t have
convinced me of that back then. I knew she’d marry me. She was Catholic and didn’t
believe in abortion, and well, having a baby on her own wasn’t an option.
“I was so happy, but then Chelsea lost the baby. We never talked about it, but I knew
she blamed me. It wasn’t long after, she was diagnosed with lupus. I thought she’d
forgiven me, but it wasn’t until years later, when she was pregnant with Katie, that
I realized she hadn’t. We didn’t know if Chelsea would make it full term. The lupus
had flared up and she was in a lot of pain.”
James sniffed, then cleared his throat. “You’ve never seen a hurtin’ so bad that it
could drive a person crazy, but Chelsea was strong. She held on ’til Katie was born.”
Cole didn’t want to hear any more. He didn’t care. Didn’t want to care. So he closed
his eyes and tried to find his way back to the crashing surf that blocked all sound.
“She made me promise to send Katie away to college. Give Katie the choice I took from
her. That’s what I did with the life insurance. It went directly to Katie’s college
fund.
“Now Cole, I know my daughter. She’s as bullheaded as they come, and if things have
progressed to this level between the two of you, she ain’t ever gonna leave. Son,
I’ve done you a few good turns. I’ve helped where I could, but now I need something
from you.”
Cole was going to risk it. Risk falling on his face because he couldn’t listen to
the rest. If he didn’t hear it, then it wasn’t true. His hands ice cold, but slicked
with sweat, shook as he pushed off from the fence. Surprisingly steady, he took a
step.
Not quick enough. James’s grip on his arm clamped like the jaw of a pit bull. His
fingers were dry and hot against the clamminess of Cole’s skin.
“The right thing isn’t always the easy thing, son. So I’m begging here, let an old
man keep his promise to his dead wife.”
Move, move. Get the hell away.
James’s brown eyes, wet and unashamed, bore into Cole’s. “Make Katie leave.”