Tempting BAD: VIP Spin Off (53 page)

A month and a half had gone by since I had last seen him. I thought about him everyday… mostly at night. There’s something about the night that made me feel more vulnerable and exposed. I didn’t know if it was the fact that I was alone. Ysabelle stayed at The Cathouse most nights, but sometimes she would stay with me. We had been working diligently together, and so far there hadn’t been any problems.

Madam was in a rehabilitation center. I never brought up the fact that she fucked me over, though I could see it in her eyes.

She knew, I knew.

It was much easier to sweep it under the rug. I worked the business side of VIP, and I hadn’t been with another client since the night with Devon. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and it made me nauseous just thinking about it. The thought of another man’s hands on me… it didn’t matter that the last time
his
hands were on me… I deserved it.

I earned every word, every touch, and every action in that bathroom.

It was my consequence.

And now when I looked in the mirror, I allowed myself to see the broken girl I tried so desperately to hide from for decades.

They say time heals all wounds.

Only the future will tell.

For now…

“He had front row seats to the performance of a lifetime.”

She cried…

I looked deep into her eyes, all the love and adoration was still very much alive. Breathing around her. It surrounded her, it engulfed both of us, and I could see it clear as day. Except mine was gone… I wanted to be her dark cloud.

I wanted to ruin her.

I wanted to hurt her.

I wanted to destroy her.

Every time I grabbed her, and touched her, my body burned with hatred. There was no love. She didn’t deserve it. She would get everything that was coming to her, and it gave me satisfaction that she was crying. That she was crumbling before me.

That I was hurting her.

I needed her on the ground, shattered into millions of pieces, so that she could never be able to put herself back together again.

It was her punishment. For her sins.

The more tears that fell from her beautiful face, the stronger it made me feel. The more empowered and superior my heart grew. She would be nothing after this.

Nothing.

I wouldn’t allow it.

“Taking every last bit of love he had for her with them.” I bit her lip till I tasted blood. It nourished my soul. It made me feel alive.

Keep going… I told myself.

Kill her like she killed you.

Make her feel your pain.

No one hurts you, and gets away with it.

Use her.

Break her.

“Who she belongs to. Except it’s a lie. She’s a VIP. She’s a whore.”

Her skin felt heavenly, but I knew it was a lie. It was always a lie. She was one big lie. Everywhere I caressed her it left behind a bruise. Each bruise symbolized another lie.

“She ran from her prince charming. He cornered her in the bathroom.”

Her body was bleeding, pouring out of her. There was blood everywhere.

Where did that come from?

“And then he fucked her against the wall.”

She bawled, we were drowning in a pool of her tears.

Keep going…

You’re almost there. I heard myself say.

Was that my voice?

“Does that feel good? Hmmm?” He asked her, always the nice guy.

Each thrust, each push…

Fuck her.

Harder, faster…

“Just like the perfect little whore that she is. Her greedy pussy would come for anyone.”

Everything echoed off the walls, her screams, her tears, my pounding into her mercilessly.

“The only thoughts he had were… I hate you.”

She was crumbling, she was breaking; exactly how I wanted her to. She was fucking pathetic.

Now finish her…

“Send me the bill.”

She collapsed down the wall, blood trailed behind her, leaving a stain of hurt and betrayal. I frantically shook my head. “No… no… no… what the fuck?” I shuddered, stepping back, but my eyes caught something shining in my hand.

“Oh my God!” I screamed, the knife falling from my hand onto the floor.

“No… no… no… I didn’t want this, I didn’t do this!” I bawled, getting down to the ground, and pulling her body to me.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… please… please… you have to forgive me. You have to forgive me, Bambi… please… God, forgive me…”

I kissed her all over, wanting to make it go away, but nothing worked.

“Somebody help me! Please somebody help me!” I bawled.

“I have to go… I’ll be back with help…” I softly placed her on the ground, and watched her beautiful body mold to the floor.

Her Bambi eyes staring back at me.

So dilated.

So big.

No more light.

No longer bright.

No longer shining.

Lifeless…

I killed her.

I looked down at my hands; they’re shaking and covered in her blood. I immediately turned to the sink, placing my hands under the water, but nothing helped. It didn’t wash away my sins. It only made it worse.

My father and Brooke, my father and Brooke, my father and Brooke.

I’m a bad person, I have both their blood on my hands.

“What the fuck did I do?” I trembled, my voice breaking as tears poured out of my eyes. I slowly picked my head up, and stared into the mirror.

It wasn’t my reflection.

It was him…

It was my father.

I’m my father.

“Nooooooo!” I screamed out, sitting straight up in my bed with sweat pouring off every inch of me. I instantly jumped out of bed, getting to my feet, and furiously wiping off the wetness. It was her blood; her blood was all over me, just like my dad’s.

I’m not a good person.

His blood runs through my veins.

He made me.

It is who I am.

I couldn’t run away from it any longer.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I repeated, pacing into my bathroom, needing to look in the mirror. I was gasping for air by the time I made it in there; it took me three tries to get the light to turn on; I was shaking that badly. I gazed into the mirror, and I saw myself. I saw the man I am, the man I’ve become.

“Calm down… it was just a dream… calm down, Devon,” I said to myself, trying to govern my breathing. I splashed water all over my face, and it trailed down my neck. “Jesus Christ.” I shook my head again, desperately trying to remove the torrid images from my mind, and then used a towel to dry all over.

I eyed myself one more time, and made sure it was still my reflection staring back at me.  At first I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, but then I heard it a few more times, my doorbell ringing.

What happened next was one giant blur. Ysabelle was standing at my front door, and she looked like Brooke. Her straight hair all over her face, the tight clothes that hugged each curve of petite body; even the goddamn smell of her.

But it wasn’t that… it was the look in her eyes.

A deer in headlights.

Bambi.

She jumped into my arms, and I held her closely to my body, her heart placed securely on top of mine. She felt like silk.

So warm.

So soft.

So beautiful.

This was real.

The feel of her.

The smell of her.

It was all real.

I wanted to take away the pain. I wanted to pretend I didn’t feel like I was dying anymore. I wanted it all to go away, and be swept away with waves on the shoreline. It’s as if the world stopped moving, and everything proceeded in slow, precise, motion.

She pulled away from me and looked profoundly into my eyes. I saw the little girl that came to me when she was sixteen years old. The one I always promised I would protect, no matter what. The woman she grew up to be…

The one I did save.

The one I did help.

The one I did rescue.

Everything I couldn’t do for Brooke was staring me in the fucking face, looking deep into my eyes, and thanking me. She didn’t have to express any words, the gratitude translated through her penetrating stare. The confusion and hurt that I felt for someone that I ended up destroying, and for a moment, I was at peace. The voices, the regret, the pain, the hurt, the images, my regret, it was all gone.

Muted.

Placed on hold.

I pulled her hair away from her face to admire her Bambi eyes, and she leaned in and kissed me. I’m not going to lie; it shocked me.  It started off innocently enough, until her tongue made its way into my mouth, and the taste of her reminded me of Brooke. She moaned into my mouth, and the rest was history.

I didn’t know why she came to me, all I knew was that I wanted to forget, and I had a feeling that she did too.

So we used one another.

We took each other’s clothes off, barely making it into my bedroom. We explored each other’s bodies in a way I never imagined would happen.

She panted, “Please… please… please… make it go away… make it all go away… please…”

It was so desperate.

So dark.

Exactly like my dream.

I could help her.

I could take away her pain.

I could rescue her.

I could save her.

It was so comforting for me, and in that moment it’s what I needed. It may have been wrong, it may have been right. I didn’t think about the consequences. I let myself live in that second, where we each took what the other had to give; to offer. Consoling each other the best way we knew how. I did with each caress, push and pull, kiss, movement, breath, sigh, groan and moan. Every last bit of it was replaced with tender love and care.

I made her safe.

I made her feel loved.

I made her feel wanted.

For an instant, I was so utterly caught up in the moment that I thought I might have loved her.

Was it Ysabelle all along?

She came with her release, and I quickly followed. We locked eyes… it was gone.

I saw Brooke, and I knew she saw Sebastian.

She broke down crying, almost taking me right there with her.