Temptation: A Novel (28 page)

83. The Boxcar

A couple of days before Halloween, I decide to head to the barn Jocelyn showed me that used to house Midnight. I’m not sure why I go there. Maybe I’m looking for answers. Or for Jocelyn to show back up in my dreams.

But you sent her away, didn’t you? And that’s not the only one you sent away either. Right, smart guy?

I hate it when my own thoughts mock me.

I’m heading down the tracks and I see the old railroad signal. Then I see something else resting in the shadows of the trees. An old boxcar is just sitting there on the tracks, waiting for the rest of the train to pick it up. It looks old, with a brownish-gray weathered color and no writing on it. The doors are shut and the wheels seem stuck.

I’ve come here a few times, and never once did I notice this boxcar. It’s impossible to miss, even in the fading light of day like now.

Instead of going to the barn, I head over toward the tracks.

As I get closer to the boxcar, I feel something strange. It’s the air around me, the way my skin feels, how something seems unsettled in my stomach. I’m sure it’s just nerves—ominous boxcars suddenly appearing out of nowhere are enough to give anyone the shivers.

But it’s more than that.

My heart races as I approach the freight car. It suddenly seems very dark outside. And I feel very alone standing here. I slowly reach out and touch the side of the car, just to make sure I’m not making this up. But it’s real. It’s made of wood that’s cracking and faded.

I walk alongside it and come to a thick, rusted-over lock. A very simple lock, something that looks as though it was designed a long time ago. Perhaps when they actually ran this train.

It makes me think of the notes I made when I was researching this town and the tracks and the Crag’s Inn for Iris. I still have the laptop she gave me. I still have the notes I was compiling.

A part of me wants to open the door. Out of curiosity. Out of sheer wonder. But another part fears seeing what’s inside.

Something seems to enclose around me. Nothing physical, just a feeling. Like something is smothering me with fear and cold and dread. Like something else is pulling and stretching and clawing at me to get inside and pull me apart. I rub my bare arms, knowing I should’ve worn more than the T-shirt I have on. My muscles ache, and I have no idea why.

I move away from the door and circle the boxcar. On the other side, I make out some kind of marking. It’s the number 1313 in big, bold paint that’s started to fade away. There’s nothing else, just the number in a dark color that is blurring out like the rest of the color of the wood.

As I get to the middle of the car on the other side, I hear sounds.

Moaning.

Not just one voice, but many.

They seem to be coming out of the railroad car.

They grow louder. A sickly, deathly sound. Almost wet and totally warped.

I hear movement.

Maybe it’s all the zombie movies I’ve seen in my life, but this is what it sounds like—a bunch of waking zombies who I know are suddenly awake inside of that boxcar.

Those things are fast, remember.

I don’t just walk away.

I bolt back down the railroad tracks to the town of Solitary.

Soon I can’t hear anything else except the sound of my own gasping for air. I slow down a bit and look back over my shoulder and don’t see anything behind me. Since the tracks have headed left a bit, I can’t see the boxcar anymore.

I stop for a minute and suck in air and look all around me. I’ll go see the old barn another day. Right now I head back to the grill where normally Mom would be.

I can’t help looking back to see whether the boxcar is going to come out of nowhere, this time doused in hellish flames, racing out of control toward me with a doorway opened like some demonic mouth waiting to swallow me whole …

84. A Song and a Dance

What am I doing here?

I thought that this Halloween dance would remind me of last year, being in the gym with Jocelyn, but it doesn’t. Primarily because of the music. I guess the country music and heavy rock DJ got replaced with the hip-hop and teen-bop DJ.

I’m not sure which is worse.

It’s really awful seeing a bunch of white kids trying to dance to a Jay Z song. Doesn’t matter if it’s in Libertyville or Solitary. They’re kinda just swaying at some of the rap songs while going crazy over the Lady Gaga type songs.

Yeah, I should not be here.

But I came with Harris, and he’s fine dancing with half the girls out there. We’re going to a party after this, where maybe the ghost of Jocelyn will show up. Or maybe Poe will come out of nowhere.

A pounding dance track begins with a female singer saying, “Don’t hold your breath.”

I’ve been here for an hour at least when I see her.

The tall girl with the long legs in the black mini-skirt.

And no, I’m not talking about Lily, who I haven’t spoken with for several weeks. I’m talking about my Facebook friend and former art partner and potential cheerleading partner, who seems to have gone on some makeover show and turned into … this.

Kelsey’s hair is straight and long, and she’s wearing a long-sleeved pleated shirt that fits her just right. She’s with her senior friends on the dance floor while the rest of the room, especially the guys, are watching them.

Harris, of course, is right there with them, dancing and smiling.

I take a sneak peek maybe, possibly. I don’t know.

I’m not even bothering to hide my glance. At this point, it doesn’t matter.

Yeah, maybe I’ve blown all my opportunities with Kelsey, and maybe she’d be wise to learn from those times.

But at the end of the song, her glance finds mine.

She smiles. As usual.

This time I smile back, not trying to hide anything.

It’s nice to share a smile in this place.

“Did you, uh, come here with the girls?”

Kelsey looks at me. “No—the college senior brought me.”

She smiles, and I know she’s kidding.

“You look—different.”

Her eyes dart down, and the old Kelsey, the shy and timid one, seems to suddenly resurface.

“Different as in really great. I mean—well, okay, this is going downhill fast.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

I nod. “Sorry, it’s just. I mean, you know—”

“This belongs to Georgia. My Dad would kill me if he saw me.”

I laugh. “You look nice.”

She smiles, and something comes over her face.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing.”

A slow song comes on, and this time I don’t want to wait or wonder or let another second go by not doing anything.

“Do you want to dance?” I ask.

She looks surprised, but the nod is quick and I know she wants to. Not because I’m some magnificent catch here in this gym. No, not at all. I’m like some trout fish caught in a pond. Or maybe a worse kind of fish. I’m not a fisherman, so I’m not sure how to even rank the fish, but trout just seems sorta bland. I’m not cod, that’s Gus. And I’m not shark. That’s someone like Ray.

And why in the world are you thinking about fish as you’re heading out to the dance floor idiot?

Kelsey puts her arms around my shoulders as I put my hands against her sides. I do this slowly because I’m hesitant, not sure how she’s going to react to being this close. I know we’ve danced before and all that, but—

She pulls me closer.

Kelsey—sweet little Kelsey—is pulling me closer to her.

Okay, then.

We dance to a slow but upbeat R & B song, something where the guy talks about being alone at night talking to the moon.

I feel Kelsey against me and she feels right.

I calm down.

Staunch and Marsh and Lily and Jocelyn and Newt and Gus and Jared and Wells all go away for a moment. I’m no longer in this town. No longer in this stinky gym. No longer a teen.

The song seems to end before it even begins. It goes into another slow song by Beyoncé.

Kelsey looks at me for a moment.

“Am I hogging you from the others?” I ask.

“It’s okay. They can wait. They’ve had four years to ask me to dance.”

“You don’t want to dance with any of them,” I whisper close to her ear so she can hear me above the pounding bass.

She smells like some kind of bright fruit, and if I close my eyes I imagine some tropical place. It’s a nice thought. I see us dancing like this at dusk to some Caribbean music.

“Kelsey, I’m sorry,” I say into her ear as the song swells, just like my emotions are doing.

“For what?”

For pressing pause on that last dance and pressing mute on everything this summer and for trying to erase the track before it finished playing.

“For being a guy.”

She looks at me, and I see everything in that look.

Suddenly I discover that I’m not the only one who’s escaped this dreadful place through a song and a dance.

Kelsey’s escaped too, and she’s right by my side.

The dance is over, but the crowd of students doesn’t seem to want to leave. I see that look on Kelsey’s face again, the one I saw right before I asked her to dance.

“What?”

She only smiles.

“Come on—tell me what you’re thinking, ’cause I know you’re thinking something.”

“Georgia was right.”

“Right about what?”

“She told me to wear this outfit tonight. She said I’d be noticed.”

I nod. “Tell Georgia I owe her one.”

Kelsey flips her hair over her shoulder and gives me a playful, teasing sort of look. A flirty look. “She would probably tell you that you owe her a lot more than one.”

I smile, knowing Kelsey is right.

Before I can say anything else, she leaves me there, speechless, breathless, lost for a short while.

It’s a very short while, but at least it’s something.

85. Temptation

I’m not exactly sure who is having this party. Harris thinks it’s a freshman, and I feel sorry for the kid when I get there, because his averaged-sized two-story house on the corner lot is being destroyed. Inside and out. This isn’t like the nice little chaperoned get-togethers that Ray used to have. This is an out-of-control party just waiting for the cops to arrive.

Cops to arrive.

It’s a funny thought.

Somehow I want to stick around to see it happen.

But as it turns out, something else happens.

Someone else arrives on the scene.

I should’ve known that a nice night out would have to be ruined. How in the world could I possibly be granted a good night’s rest after a fun time out?

“Chris, we need to talk.”

It’s Lily, looking stressed and serious and very
un-
made-up for a night out. She’s in jeans and a blouse with a jeans coat over it, her hair up in a ponytail. Of course she still looks striking, as always, but she’s dressed like she just woke up and threw on the first things she could find.

At first I shake my head and try to walk around her. I know Harris told her I’d be here, of course. It’s okay. I figured she’d be here tonight. I just expected her to be a little more like her flashy self.

I feel a tug on my shirt, and I stop and turn.

“Chris, I need to talk to you. Now.”

I sigh. “Maybe you should talk to someone else. Like—I don’t know—the guy you were hanging out with. But I guess he wasn’t really the talkative type, huh?”

She curses at me and then grabs my shirt in the front and jerks me forward.

“Just shut up, okay, and stop with all this. You need to follow me outside right now.”

She’s talking up close to me, but in a manner that I haven’t seen before.

I nod.

Yeah, I’m not messing around with her. Not with
that
look.

I follow her outside of the mayhem that’s not going to last much longer. Several guys run by holding beers in both of their hands. Others are outside on the lawn in costumes. Somewhere back in the house is Harris.

“Did you drive?” she asks.

“No.”

“I parked down the street.”

“What do you—”

“I mean it, Chris, just shut up and come with me.”

We walk down the street past a few houses. I get into her car and she starts it, looking all around us as she does. Then she heads down the street.

We’re in the car for a few minutes before she decides to talk.

“I’m going to drive somewhere—I don’t know where—just far away, okay?”

I nod. I’m suddenly a little worried. I don’t think that it’s just a Chris-Lily thing, not anymore.

She gets on the highway heading toward Asheville. The stillness is like an itch I can’t scratch. I see her turn off on an exit that says Blue Ridge Parkway, then we drive for another five or ten minutes before reaching a small parking lot. She turns off the car and then opens her door, quickly climbing out into the cool night.

I follow, wondering if this is going to be some kind of dramatic, romantic gesture in the dark. Or if she’s a psycho killer who’s finally had enough of me.

We reach a short stone wall about three feet tall. Below it is just darkness that descends. I’m sure on a bright and sunny day the view from here is spectacular.

She breathes in and out as we stand facing each other, the cool breeze blowing against us. I can see the moon shining bright and it makes me think of that song that I danced to with Kelsey.

Maybe I’m a lucky guy who’s really unlucky with girls. I don’t know.

“Chris—this—I just can’t believe how sick I feel,” Lily says. “I haven’t been this nervous about something for a long time.”

Nervous about what? Is she pregnant with our child? Which would be funny since we were never even together.

She sighs and rubs her hands together. My eyes have adjusted to the moonlit parking lot we’re in. I can see her clearly, that face still so beautiful, those eyes still so striking.

“I’m not sure how to say this, but I’m just going to tell you everything, okay?”

“Okay,” I say.

“Just hear me out before you start—saying whatever, okay? Before you start asking questions. Do you understand?”

“Sure.”

She nods and then decides to sit on the stone wall, taking my hands in hers and then guiding me to sit down across from her. She releases my hands even though I don’t want her to.

“Chris—back in May, I was—well, let me back up. Last New Year’s Eve my boyfriend, the guy you saw me with—twice actually—broke up with me. He’s nothing but garbage. Nothing but bad news to me. Everybody around me has told me that, and I know it’s true. But—well, it’s been hard. He left me. Just totally left me with nothing and nobody.”

Already I have questions, but I keep my mouth shut.

“By this springtime, I was pretty desperate. There’s a lot of stuff you don’t need to know about—some of my bad habits that cost a lot of money. Well, come April and May, I was desperate. And I met someone who offered me a job.”

I nod, trying not to think. It’s better when I don’t think.

“The guy’s name was Staunch.
That
Staunch. Yeah. Your neighbor. The guy who owns half of this town.”

“You’re working for Staunch?”

Whatever I might have expected, it’s not
that.

“Just—listen. Okay? Yeah, I’ve been working for him. He hired me to come to summer school, to come to high school. He hired me, Chris, for you.”

“For me? Why?”

“So you could fall for me.”

Blank.

“And just—look, when he met me—it wasn’t even him, it was someone who worked for him, someone looking for someone like me, I was desperate and didn’t know where to turn. And I’m still in that boat, Chris. I didn’t move here with my mom. I don’t even know exactly where my mom is. I have ideas, but it doesn’t matter. My father bailed a long time ago. It’s a long, sad soap opera that you don’t need to hear.”

Still blank.

“They set up this meeting with Mr. Staunch. He comes in here with all this money and with the promise of a better life for me. And all I had to do was make you start liking me. Nothing too serious, that’s what they said. Just something that will ‘keep a teenager’s mind occupied.’ His exact words.”

Raging fire replacing the blankness.

“So you’re not …” but I can’t even complete what I’m saying.

“My name is Lillian, Chris. Lily, Lillian, whatever. I’m twenty-four years old. I look older because, you know what? I
am
older. They chose me because I can act young and fit in.”

She looks older because she is older.

I’m an idiot. And I just—I don’t want to be here anymore.

I want to be back on that dance floor with Kelsey.

No, I take that back. I want to be back in Libertyville, back at school as a junior, back when none of this happened. Back when I was normal.

“Chris—the part of this that makes me sick—the you and me part—that’s real. Everything that’s happened between us—I mean it when I say you’re a great guy. A special guy. And I swear—I expected to find just another guy wanting what all men want. But you—you were different. Even after everything happened. Or
almost
happened.”

I try to swallow, but my throat is so dry and raw. I feel like throwing up.

“They were going to pay me for a year. And with everything happening back in Atlanta—that seemed too good to be true.”

I feel dizzy.

Dizzy with lies and deceit.

“Everything was going great until Kurt came back and I messed up, Chris. I messed up.”

“Messed up?”

My words are slow, just like my brain and heart and soul. Slow to grasp.

“I should have never—I should have been more careful,” Lily says. “But then my ex found me and told me he loved me and all that, and I gave in. Just like I always did. You weren’t supposed to see that, Chris.”

“Sorry I messed up your plans.”

She shakes her head, looking at me. “Listen to me—you can—you deserve to hate my guts for lying to you and messing with your mind. But you have to understand—the stuff I’ve told you, about the rose tattoo and you getting that card. Nobody knows about that. Only Kurt. And he has nothing to do with them, with Staunch. After you got shot and then suddenly seemed fine, I knew that there was something strange and crazy going on here. And now I’m afraid they’re going to do something else. Maybe try and hurt Kurt. Or maybe hurt me.”

“No,” I tell her.

“No what?”

“That’s not going to happen.”

I still have no idea how to wrap my thoughts around this—this lie. But she’s not going to die because of this and because of me.

“Why did Staunch want us together?”

“They didn’t tell me, and I didn’t ask,” Lily says. “They just said to show a teenager some fun. But like I said, keep leading you on. They didn’t want things to get to the next level.”

I laugh. “Of course not. I mean, sure, lie and hire some girl to be with me. But not
really
be with me, because of course that would be far too kind for them, wouldn’t it?”

“Chris—”

“So you’re just like some hooker they got off the street.”

She looks at me as if I’ve just slapped her in the face. Her face grows grim and her lips tighten.

“I guess I deserve that,” she says.

All I can think to do is curse. I shake my head and look around me. “Why’d you bring me out here to tell me this?”

“I don’t want them knowing about this.”

“This is crazy,” I say, laughing, standing up and walking a few steps away from her.

Some of the pieces seem to fall into place.

I told myself I wouldn’t trust someone after Jared and what happens? Huh?

“Chris,” she says, standing and walking up toward me.

“Please don’t touch me. Like, ever again. You got that?”

She nods and waits for me to say something.

“And that other guy? Who you said was your father? Who was that?”

“The guy who first found me, someone who works for Staunch.”

This is beyond ridiculous. Beyond mean. Beyond anything I can think of.

“Why would you do something like this?” I ask.

“Because there are worse things I could do for money,” Lily says. “And I’m not going there.”

“Wow, you deserve a medal.”

This time Lily curses at me.

“But—why?” I ask. That’s all I want to know.

“Why what?”

“Why did they hire you?”

“I told you, they wanted me to—”

“I know that, but why? What’s the point been?”

“They wouldn’t say. They just wanted me to keep you preoccupied. To keep tabs on you. To have you enjoy things.”

“And then what? Were they going to pay you to marry me? Then send you away before the honeymoon?”

“I don’t know.”

I curse and look up at the sky.

This place is just bonkers.

“Listen, if you want answers, I know how we can get them,” Lily tells me.

I shake my head.

“Brick sometimes like to brag about things in front of me. He once told me he had major dirt on Staunch. I asked what it was and how he knew, but he wouldn’t say. But I don’t think he was lying just to impress me. Maybe—maybe he has some kind of info on Staunch that we could use.”

“That ‘we’ could use?”

“That you could use,” she says.

“Why, then? Why were you going to go ahead and, you know. After they said not to. Just to lead me on. Did you feel that sorry for me?”

She grabs one of my hands again and places it in her own. “Chris—Chris! Look at me. Please. I’m not the monster here. I—I think you’re adorable. I really do.”

“Gee, thanks. Where’s my ticket to Disney World?”

“Stop it. I told you—I was in love—I’m still in love. And love doesn’t go away. Sometimes your heart doesn’t stop bleeding, either, once it’s broken. Sometimes your heart just keeps swimming in that dark pool. Unable to see anything. Unable to breathe. But somehow in some way continuing to beat.”

“So then you went and broke mine?”

Lily shakes her head. “No, I didn’t break your heart. I hurt your pride. And ended a flirtatious thing. But love—it’s more than that.”

“And you think you know?”

“Love is allowing someone to come back after they break you. Love is giving everything to someone. Love is being unafraid. Love is not sex. That is part of the greater picture, but never all of it.”

I stare at her.