Tani's Destiny (Hearts of ICARUS Book 2) (8 page)

“I know this is not my business, and after what just happened in the galley I suspect I may be way off track, but um…I got the feeling last night that you and Steel had a bit of a…connection.”

Tani stopped wiping and turned around, frowning slightly.  “And?”

“And, well, is it true?” Astra asked, feeling extremely uncomfortable for asking such a personal question, but determined to do what she thought was right.

Tani saw no reason to answer the question because, as Astra herself had said, it wasn’t her business.  But she did have a question of her own.  “Would you like to tell me why you seem to have a problem with the idea?”

“Steel is my cousin, Tani, and I love him.  We have enough trouble right now.  Please don’t be offended, I just don’t want to see him hurt.”

“What makes you think I’d hurt him?” Tani asked, dumbfounded.

Astra frowned as she looked into Tani’s eyes.  She thought of all she knew of the young woman who’d befriended her on her first day of college four years earlier, and wondered how she could be so foolish.  “Oh Tani,” she said, her face burning with embarrassment.  “I’m so sorry.  I’m such an idiot.  Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?” Tani asked at a complete loss.

“I can’t even tell you,” Astra said.  “It’s just so…wrong of me.”

Tani crossed the room to where Astra stood and wrapped her arms around her.  She rubbed Astra’s back while she cried, waiting patiently for her to collect herself.  When she calmed, Tani stepped back, then looked up into Astra’s eyes for a long moment. 

“Ah,” she whispered.  “I see.”

“I’m so sorry, Tani,” Astra said, but Tani shook her head. 

“It’s all right, Astra,” she said.  “The truth is that if I were any other Clan Jasani female, you’d be right.”

“No,” Astra said.  “
You’d
never do anything dishonorable, and I know that.  There’s no excuse for me thinking such a thing of you for even a moment.  Especially since it’s because of me that you’re even here to begin with.”

“Well, since you never actually said it, then I don’t have to be hurt and defensive, right?” Tani said.  “Besides, in your place, I’d have had the same concern.  So let it go, Astra.  Okay?” 

“I’ll try,” Astra said.  Then sighed deeply.  “I’m so ashamed of myself.”

“You didn’t do or say anything to be ashamed of, Astra,” Tani insisted.  “Please, please let it go.”

At that moment, Steel entered the infirmary with Marbic, but Tani kept her eyes on Astra, waiting for an answer.

“I will, Tani,” she said.  “Thank you.”

“How’s your wound?” Steel asked Astra after shooting a quick glance at Tani who moved to the far side of the room to put the last few supplies away and stayed there.

“Nearly healed,” Astra replied. 

“How is that possible?”  She glanced over at Tani, then shrugged. 

“Tani,” Marbic said, “if you aren’t too upset, which I wouldn’t blame you for, would you mind telling us how you got a message out, and what you were able to say?  And no, I do not believe for a moment that you sent a transmission.  Neither does Khurda.”

“Nor do I,” Steel said.  “I apologize for calling you a liar, and making assumptions without giving you a chance to explain.”

Tani dipped her chin a fraction of an inch, accepting his apology in silence, but she didn’t look at him.  She kept her eyes on Marbic instead while she explained about her Aunt Glory, and Dream Walking.

“I’ve never heard of Dream Walking, but I sure do wish I could do it,” Marbic said when she was finished.  “I’ll give you the coordinates for Garza, and the exact coordinates for a landing party.  The Nomen have installed a new Blind Sight on the planet, making it invisible again, so without the coordinates, no one will ever find it.”

“Will the coordinates be enough for a ship to land?” Tani asked, carefully not looking directly at Steel who was standing beside Astra.

“Yes, we do it all the time,” Marbic said.  “Khurda has found their Blind Sight twice and we’ve shut it down twice, but now it’s shielded and guarded so we just work around it.”

“All right,” Tani said.  “I warn you, I’m really bad with numbers, but I’ll do my best to remember them.”

“Thanks for the warning,” Marbic said.  “I’ll do what I can to simplify directions.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“We appreciate your aid, Tani,” Marbic said.  “This alone, sending information and requesting help in a manner that cannot be traced or intercepted, is priceless to us.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Marbic,” Tani said, suddenly feeling wrung out and tired though it was still early morning. 

Marbic left, and an uncomfortable silence fell in the infirmary.  Tani was just about to excuse herself and go to her room.  It was bare and cold, but at least she could be alone in it.  Before she opened her mouth, Steel spoke.

“Are you a healer, Tani?”

Tani shook her head.  “Not in the sense you mean, no.  As I just told Astra, I do not wield magic.”

“What is it that you shift into?” he asked.

 “I don’t shift.”

Steel frowned in confusion.  “I’ve no wish to question your word or risk insulting you again, Tani, but in the galley, earlier, it looked as though you were about to shift.  I…recognized some of the…signs.”

“Such as?”

“Excuse me,” Astra said, interrupting suddenly.  “I just thought of something I need to do.  See you later, Tani.” 

“All right,” Tani said as she and Steel watched Astra leave the infirmary with matching frowns.  As soon as the door closed behind her, Steel turned his attention back to Tani and answered her question.

“Your eyes changed, your voice changed, your demeanor changed, even your manner of speech was different.”

Tani nodded slowly.  “Astra said my voice changed and my eyes glowed.”

“You don’t remember?”

“No,” she said, looking up at him with stark fear in her eyes.  She hid it quickly, but seeing fear in Tani Dracon’s eyes tore at him.  He crossed the room without giving himself time to think about what he was doing, and took her into his arms.  Tani stiffened for a moment, then relaxed against him with a soft sigh.

They stood that way for long moments, neither of them speaking, just giving and receiving comfort from one another.  When he felt the warm dampness of tears soaking through his shirt he thought his heart would break.  He tightened his hold on her for a moment, then he picked her up and set her on the edge of the exam table.  He reached up and wiped the tears from her face with gentle fingers.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?”

“Crying like a child,” she said.

He smiled.  “You are by far the strongest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure to know, Tani Dracon.  You’ve been through a lot in the past few days.  Releasing a little emotion is perfectly natural.”

“Thanks, Steel,” she said, trying to smile for his sake.  He wasn’t fooled though.  He went to the sink and filled a disposable cup with water, then carried it back to her.  When she was finished drinking he disposed of the cup, then stood in front of her, as close as he could, and looked into her eyes.

“Now, tell me what it is that has you so worried,” he said very softly.  “I swear that whatever you say will remain between us.”

Tani returned his steady stare and nodded.  She’d been fortunate to have a lot of good people around her when she was a child.  People she knew and loved as family.  But outside of that carefully protected sphere, she’d never trusted anyone.  Until now.  She barely knew Steel, knew next to nothing about him.  But that didn’t change the fact that she trusted him absolutely and completely.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” she said. 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t remember all of what happened in the galley, Steel,” she admitted.  “I remember you being angry, and then I got angry which, all by itself scares me.”

“Why does getting angry scare you?”

“Because I’ve never been angry before.”

He stared at her in shock, but he didn’t disbelieve her.  He couldn’t.  The truth was right there in front of him, in her eyes and the expression on her face.  “How is that even possible?” he asked.  “Or is that normal for Clan Jasani?”

“No, it’s not normal at all,” Tani said.  “I’ve been annoyed, and I’ve been irritated, and I wake up on the wrong side of the bed now and then like everyone else.  But I’ve never been really and truly angry.  I’ve never lost my temper.  Not like that.”

“What about your sisters?”

“Salene has a quick temper, but cools off fast.  Rayne is slow to anger, but stays angry longer.  My younger brothers used to try to make me angry, but I knew what they were up to and didn’t let it bother me much.  Everyone used to make fun of me because I was always happy, or at least content.”

“So, no one but me has ever made you angry?” he asked, his mouth twitching.  She smiled as she shook her head. 

“No, and I don’t know why.  There’ve been many times when people have insulted me far worse than you did, or done cruel things that should’ve infuriated me, but somehow, I always managed to keep my temper in check.”

Steel cocked his head to one side.  “That’s an interesting way to put it.”

Tani frowned and started to ask what he meant.  Then she repeated her own words in her mind, and nodded.  “Yes, it is,” she agreed.  “How odd.”

“Are you afraid of being angry?”

“I don’t know, but that’s what it sounds like, doesn’t it?”

Steel smiled.  She was so honest, even with herself.  How he could have imagined for even a moment that this woman had lied was beyond him.  “I want to try something,” he said.

“All right,” she agreed.

“Close your eyes and go back to this morning in your mind.  Think about each detail, say it out loud if you want, whatever you need to do to make it real.  If you can remember what happened within yourself, maybe you’ll find answers.”

“All right,” Tani said, nodding.  “It’s worth a shot.”  She closed her eyes and tried to do as Steel described, but couldn’t.  Something was missing.  Without thinking, she raised her hands and reached for Steel.  He took her hands in his, squeezing them gently, and she relaxed.  After that, it was easy to relive the incident in her mind. 

She saw Steel, heard his angry words, watched herself as though from a distance as she stood up, then listened to her speak in a voice not her own, with words she would never have used.  Her eyes flew open, so shocked that her face went white and she felt dizzy. 

“Tani?” Steel asked.  “What’s wrong?”

Tani swallowed hard, realized that she was panting and made herself take deep, controlled breaths.  A few moments later the dizziness passed enough for her to realize that she was squeezing Steel’s fingers so hard that her hands hurt.  She relaxed her grip and looked up apologetically.

“Steel?” she asked, surprised by how pale he was.  “What’s the matter?”

“I’m an idiot,” he said.  “I’m so sorry, Tani.  I shouldn’t have suggested you try that.”

“No, don’t say that,” she said.  “It worked.”

“It did?”

“Yes.  It just scared the nine hells out of me.”

“Why?”

Tani bit her lip as tried to figure out how to tell him without sending him running from the room.  “If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” Steel said.  “I’ll understand, I promise.”

“No, I want to tell you.  I’m just…worried…about your reaction,” she said, changing the word
scared
to
worried
at the last moment.

“I promise not to get angry, if that helps,” he said.

“I wasn’t worried about that,” Tani said.  “How much do you know about Clan Jasani?”

“Some,” he said slowly.  “I know that you’re shifters.  I know you wield magic.  I’m not sure exactly what you want to know.”  He deliberately left out what was, to him, the most important aspect of the Jasani, because he couldn’t quite make himself bring it up.

“Up until about twenty years ago, women were not shifters until they found their male-set and went through a ritual.  Only after the ritual did they become shifters.”

“And now?”

“Now some females are born shifters,” she replied.  “Here’s the important thing…either a female is born a shifter, in which case she’s able to shift from birth, or she’s changed into a shifter by her male-set when she’s an adult.  There’s no in between.  At least, not that I’ve ever heard of.”

“In between?”

“I don’t know what else to call it,” she said.  “When I got angry this morning, something inside of me…woke up.”

“Something?” he asked.  “You don’t know what it is?”

“I’m guessing it’s a dracon, but it could just as easily be a Taurian tree frog for all I know.”

Steel’s mouth twitched but he very wisely chose not to smile.  Or laugh.  He cleared his throat instead.  “Are you saying that you’ve been a shifter all your life and never known it?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head.  “I can’t shift, Steel.  I know that absolutely.  Whatever’s inside of me, it’s trapped there.  Maybe I’ve always known on some level that getting angry would awaken it.”