Tale of Raw Head and Bloody Bones (9781101614631) (48 page)

“The D-evil?” Simmins said.

“Be easy, Lieutenant Simmins,” I said, taking him by the Shoulders and pushing him backwards into the Room. “I mean you no Harm. I would speak with you, now, in private.”

I closed the Door behind me, and made Simmins put his Candle with mine upon the Mantel and sit upon his Bed, whilst I took up the only Chair, wrapping my Frock tight against the springtime Chill. Simmins’ Face was a pale Lamp in the midnight Darkness. The Chamber seemed to spin slowly about me.

I had intended to reveal almost everything to Simmins: mine uncommon Proclivities, and how my pressing Need to inflict Pain upon another Human Being had led me, before my Marriage, into Vice. I had planned to tell him how the repeated Satisfaction of my vicious Lust had caused it not to slacken, but to grow beyond mine Ability to contain it; of the horrible Operation upon Lady B.—— and
my Mortification at Dr Oliver’s Suggestion, as we had walked together afterwards across Covent Garden, that I needed to fuck. I do not know why I had intended this; perhaps I was hoping that to have confesst, to have baptised Simmins into my Darkness, would have brought me a preliminary Form of Absolution. I could never, after all, have spoken of these Horrours to Katherine. But as things fell out, I could not bring My Self to Scratch. I told him only, and in much truncated Form, of the Abuse I had inflicted upon Annie.

“This,” I said, when my Narrative had reached this Point, “is what you must do for me, and ’tis a Charge I would entrust to none other. When you return to London, you shall seek out Miss Annie Moon, otherwise called Antoinette, and present her with this Purse, which contains one hundred Sovereigns, with which, you are to tell her, she is to pay off her Debt to Mrs Haywood. Once she is free, she is not to return to the Whoring, but is to take up an honest Profession.”

Simmins took my proffered Purse, but his Expression was one of unquiet Perplexity. “Mr H-art,” he said, slowly, turning the kid-leather Pouch this Way and that several Times in his Hands. “F-orgive me, but I cannot see why you should shew such G-enerosity toward a common Pr-ostitute, who hath done naught to deserve it.”

I watched my candle-Shaddowe flicker up and down the plastered Wall. “We may call it Purgatory,” I said, at last. “I would pay for the Insult I inflicted upon her Person.”

“S-urely the P-urgation of Guilt,” Simmins ventured tentatively, “is G-od’s Affair; and I do not believe that He—” he flushed, and swallowed, and his Voice droppt until it was barely above a Whisper, “would j-udge you with any great Degree of H-arshness, Mr Hart.”

“My dear Simmins,” I said. “I care naught for how I may appear to any God; what matters is how I appear to My Self; and I am not—I will not be—any Kind of Monster.”

“B-ut you are not,” Simmins said. “I do not kn-ow, in Truth, whether it is possible to r-ape an Whore; and even if it is, you did n-ot. I do not u-nderstand, Sir.” He held out the Purse to me, as if desirous that I take it back.

I pushed his Hand away. “I do not require your Understanding,” I said gently. “Merely your Compliance. Will you give me that?”

Little Simmins looked up at me, his brown Eyes those of my most faithful Hound. At last he gave that little Shrug, so familiar to us both, and put the small leather Bag beneath his Pillow. “I shall, Sir,” he said.

I leaned forward, and taking hold of his Shoulders with mine Hands, softly bussed his Forehead, like an Emperor with his darling Slave, or a Father his beloved Son. “Thank you, Isaac,” I said.

*   *   *

When I joined Katherine in our marital Bed, some little while later, it was to find her still awake. “Where the Devil have you been?” she demanded, as I slippt beneath the Counterpane, and prepared to snuff out my Candle, which had burned extreamly low.

Surprized by the Vehemence of her Question, I sate up. Her Face had upon it the same Expression it had worn when I had made false Love to Sophy. “With Mr Simmins,” I said.

“Oh.”

“Art jealous?” I exclaimed.

Katherine glared at me. I felt mine Heart wither, like a Violet transplanted all on a Sudden from an English Bank unto the scorching Desert-lands of Araby.

“Tristan,” she said. “Put out the Light.”

“Oh, banish me!” I cried. “But kill me not! I am not so unworthy!”

“You are hideously drunk,” Katherine said. She turned her Back toward me, and pulled the Counterpane up to her Chin. “For God’s Sake put out the Light, and let me go to Sleep.”

Three Mornings after Lt. Simmins’ Visitation, I was busy about my Work when Katherine came unexpectedly to speak with me. I had decided that the Time was right to draft mine Epistle to Dr Hunter requesting his Support, even tho’—in fact, largely because—mine Efforts to reproduce the Effects of Stroake upon a living Animal had proved inconclusive. I could see no Way forward now for mine Endeavour unless I performed the Human Dissections I had previously considered, and proved thereby that a significant Injury to the nervous Tissue of the Brain was, at least, consistently present in these Cases.

I had begun to compose a Letter to the good Doctor detailing
my small Successes, when there came Katherine’s soft Rap upon my Door, and it opened, and she steppt within, holding a lavender scented Handkerchief up to her small, straight Nose.

Instantly she gagged; my Study reeked with the Odour of a fox Cub, the Dissection of whose Spinal Cord I had been out of simple Curiosity engaged upon the previous Night. This Cub had been trapped by my Father’s Gamekeeper, and had been dead a Sennight; but nevertheless, the Corpse was in a fair Condition, despite the Decay that had already set in, and I was confident of being able to set up the Skeleton in my Display Case when I had compleated mine Investigation, after mine old Habit: Bloody Bones, Collector of the Dead. My Study was quiet, the Fire low in the Grate; the spring Aire remained cold, and was still. Of all my Creatures, only my Goldfinch now remained to me, and he, toward whom I harboured no experimental Intent, fluttered freely about my Study, perching oft-times on my Shoulder as I worked, and twittering his pretty Melodies into mine Ear. I found this mildly annoying, but I could not bring My Self to cage him for it.

I was somewhat surprized; it was not Katherine’s Habit ever to intrude upon me during mine Investigations, for she found the Sights and Smells of a Vivisection or an Anatomy greatly distressing, and on the only Occasion when she had caught me thus, she had run away at once to vomit.

“Tristan,” she said, in the Voice of one who hath a great Secret. “I have Newes.”

I pushed back mine Hair from my Forehead. “Wil’t not wait?” I asked.

She tosst her Head. “No,” she answered. “No; it hath waited too long, already.”

Her Determination was, it appeared, greater than mine. Curious, I put down my Quill. Her Expression was not at all grave, and from this I deduced her Newes to be of a profound, but not terrible Nature. In respect of her Sensibilities, I drew a white Shroud, the which I kept solely for the Purpose, over my open dissecting Board and came out from behind my Table, in order to attend her properly. She looked me over in Silence for perhaps ten Seconds, biting her Lip, her grey Eyes sparkling; then she smiled, and the Words came spilling forth.

“Tristan,” Katherine said. “I am with Child!”

Not terrible? Not? I had been wrong!

I had hoped for such Newes; I had expected them. But, to my immense Dismay, I discovered, now, when it was too late, that I was wholly unprepared to hear it. My World reeled about me and I clutched the Corner of my long Table for Support. My Goldfinch, alarmed, gave one sharp Whistle and fluttered to the very Top of my Bookcase. My Thoughts ran wild, incoherent in mine Horrour. “Alas!” I cried. “’Tis too soon! How long hast known? Oh, when was it conceived? At Christmas?”

“What?” Katherine exclaimed. Her Jaw droppt, and began to quiver. She crosst the Room, and put her slender Arms about my Ribcage, pressing her Cheek against my Sternum. “No, no; I do not think so; no.”

Her Answer did not signify. I knew that there had been neither Time nor sufficient Occasion for the Child to have been conceived, and for Katherine to have confirmed its Existence, unless it had been during that relentless Week. Yet, had not that been what I had wanted? I did not know; verily, I did not. Still shivering somewhat, I relaxed mine Arms and folded Katherine in against my Chest. At least, I told My Self, if it were so, the Child would be born healthy; my Vigour had at that Time been so singular in its
Intent, and so relentless in its Force, that there could have been no Dissipation of the animal Spirits involved in its Conception, and if anything, it would be born under a lucky Star.

Lucky? Lucky? Mine Heart felt hollow. How could any Child of mine be lucky? The very Violence, I thought, of that Sennight’s Passion must surely have begot a Freak. Such was the Condition, after all, of my poor little Bat.

“It will be dark!” I cried.

“You are dark, and I love you for it.”

“The World doth not, and will not!”

Katherine put her Hands about my Face, and with some surprizing Violence turned my Chin, so that I was forced to look her in her Eye. “Then,” she said fiercely. “I shall despise the World, if it love not you, my Bloody Bones, my Dear; and if our Child prove black as a very Bear, I shall not love it any less than if’t were fairer than a Swan. Nay, I shall love it more. I did not choose a Man who was white, and fair. I chose you, Tristan; you; and I am truly happy for our Child. I want you to be happy for it, too.”

But my Thought was: the World will call it Jew.

I wrote to Dr Hunter that Afternoon, and I did my best to put before him the Details of the Case: mine Hypothesis, mine Experiments, my Findings, and the Frustration which I currently faced. I begged him, in Tones that I considered suitably respectful and yet cautionary of the Implications to Science of his Refusal, for his Aid in procuring for me both appropriate Cadavers and Time within his anatomical Rooms. I suggested to him that, if he would see fit to assist me in my Research, we might together identify and isolate the physiological Cause of Stroake. I suggested, too, that I had already formed a Notion regarding its Treatment which might open up the Possibility of a Cure.

Having concluded this Epistle to my Satisfaction, and dispatched it, I then returned to my long Table to compleat the Dissection of my fox Cub.

*   *   *

I waited eagerly for a Reply to my Letter, but to my Surprize and Disappointment none arrived. I could not easily credit that Dr Hunter judged mine Hypothesis to be of such little scientific Worth that it deserved not even the merest Consideration; moreover, I thought it most unlike that he would not, if that had been the Event, at least have written to have told me so. But dampe March turned into damper April, and April progressed onwards, and still I had received no Word from him.

I began, in mine Anxiety, to have some Difficulty in sleeping; and out of Compassion for Katherine—or thus I perswaded My Self—who was otherwise kept awake, I began spending Nights alone in my Study upon my Sopha. I felt that this occasioned no great Loss to her; since she had disclosed her Condition to me I had not dared to be intimate with her in any Way for Fear of causing Injury to her increasing Body, or the Infant within. Sometimes it seemed to me that I perceived upon her Face an heart-sore Plea for the Sensation of sweet Pain that in our first Dayes would have sent me scrambling for my Knife; but I did not respond, and she did not provoke. Every Time I closed mine Eyes, I seemed with Horrour to see before me the Series of Sketches Dr Hunter had produced depicting the Foetus nestling within the pregnant Womb; the expanding Muscle of the Uterus, the stretching Ligaments, the thickening Veins.
Uteri humani gravidi.
Little Questions, peremptorily dismisst.

So it was an immense Relief to me when I received, out of the
Blue, a Letter that appeared to throw the Initiative squarely back into mine own Hands. It was from the newly gazetted Captain Simmins, acquainting me with his Address in London and issuing an open Invitation to visit him at my Convenience. Within the Sennight I had written back to accept his Invitation, and despite both mine own Misgivings at the Thought that I must leave my Katherine, and those expresst by the various Members of mine Household, I began to make Preparations for my Departure.

“I wish,” burst forth Katherine one Evening, as we ate, the two of us alone, in the panelled dining Room, below the ever ticking Eye of the mantel Clock. “I wish that you would not go, Tristan!”

“’Twill not require of me a Stay of any lengthy Duration; but I must somehow speak with Dr Hunter. Perhaps he hath not had my Letter.”

I had no Desire to be parted from her; and yet I had, I had.

The stiffest Resistance to my going was, however, and to my considerable Surprize, put up by my Father. I wondered greatly at this; for though it was still mine Intention to take over his Care once I had the Workings of a Cure for his Condition, I had not of late been overmuch in his Society.

“Doth he think I intend to fail?” I said to Erasmus, as we departed his sick Room. “If I come back having identified the Method by which he shall be made whole, he will be grateful for my going.”

“Even so,” Erasmus said. “But consider, Tristan, that you have not heard from Dr Hunter. You must allow the Possibility that he will not help. He is a busy Man, who hath his own Practice and School to run, and tho’ he may yet wish to assist, be unable. I am concerned for the Effect on your Nerves, should you find that to be the Case.”

“Erasmus,” I said, looking him square in the Eye. “Dost consider me well, or no? Because if, as you have previously agreed, I am truly
recovered from the nervous Fit, then I may suffer and overcome such Setbacks as masterfully as any Man. Tell me, am I sane, or no?”

“You are sane enough,” Erasmus said, “to know that I have no Power to compel you to stay or to do otherwise. But you would be wise to listen to mine Advice. I offer it in Friendship, and not as your Physician.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I shall not attend it, but I appreciate its Sentiment.”