Take What You Want (65 page)

Alex
closed his eyes and pressed his thumb and index finger into the
sockets. “That is so far from the truth, Chase,” Alex
said. “I'm in love with her; same as you, but I haven't felt
the same level of emotion from her, yet. I was waiting to tell her
until I was certain she was feeling it, too.”

“
You
love her?” Chase asked in a soft voice.

“
Yeah,
I do, but she always seems to keep me at arms length, you know, like
she's afraid to let herself completely go with me.”

“
She's
afraid to get hurt,” Chase said.

Alex lifted Chase's hand to
his mouth. “I'd never purposefully hurt either of you.”

“
We
need to have another talk – all three of us,” Chase said.

“
Call
her again and tell her that,” Alex said. “We need to get
this sorted out before it becomes a serious problem.”

“
I
have a feeling it already is,” Chase said.

Danni
didn't come home after work. Chase finally tracked her down at
Jayson's house. It took Chase an hour to get her to start talking to
him and when she did, she simply said she wanted out. She couldn't
see a future working with the three of them when it was obvious Alex
wanted Chase – more so than her.

“
He's
in love with you, too,” Chase said to Danni.

“
I
sincerely doubt that,” Danni said.

“
He
is, I know he is.”

“
And,
how do you know this?” Danni asked.

“
Because
he told me,” Chase said. “He said he was holding off
telling you until he felt more secure with your feelings for him.”

“
He
was waiting to tell me? Is that so?”

“
Yes,
babe,” Chase said. “That's the truth. He said you
seemed to want to keep him at arms length and I told him you were
afraid to get hurt.”

“
And,
that's exactly what ended up happening,” Danni said.

“
It
didn't need to be that way,” Chase said.

“
He
loves you, not me,” Danni said. “And, I can't believe
you did that without me! That's not what we agreed to, Chase!”

“
You
fucked Alex without me, Danni!”

Danni paused, carefully
considering her words. “Look, this really isn't about Alex
fucking you without me being there. It's about the intimacy you two
share. That's what I don't feel a part of; it's like you two have
this whole other relationship that I'm on the outside looking in on
and it makes me feel left out.”

“
Baby,
Alex wants that intimacy with you, too, but you have to let him in.”

“
Too
late,” she said. “It's done.”

Chase
tried to convince her they could make it work, but Danni held firm,
saying she needed a break from all of it. The relationship was just
too much for her to handle. She said good-bye to him, explaining
them splitting up made more sense, because now Chase could be with
Alex.

Having
Alex without Danni isn't what he wanted. He wanted them both, but
maybe that just made him a selfish prick. He drove away without
Danni and a shattered heart. What he had feared most had actually
happened; his actions had torn them all apart.

-0-

“
Jesus,
Chase! There you are,” Alex said, walking across the beach to
the spot of sand Chase sat alone. “I've been looking all over
hell for you.”

The
sun had already set and without it, the beach was cold with the
oncoming Autumn. Alex shivered at the chill on his bare feet as he
trekked across the sand on his way toward Chase.

“
Well,
you found me,” Chase said flatly.

The
moonlight reflected off the wet tracks on Chase's face. Alex saw the
evidence and his stomach clenched. “What happened?” Alex
asked, then he dropped to his knees in the sand beside Chase. “Did
you talk to Danni?”

“
She's
gone,” was all Chase offered.

“
What
are you talking about?”

“
Danni
left. She's moving out. Gone. Do you need any more clarification?”

Alex
nervously ran his hands down his jean clad thighs. “I don't
understand,” he said. “Why would she do that now?”

Chase
wiped at his face. “I was right,” Chase said. “She
overheard us this morning admitting how we felt, and apparently it
freaked her out.”

“
Chase,
I …”

“
She
said hearing us say it out loud made this very real for her and she
doesn't think she can handle it – long term,” Chase said.

“
Chase
…”

“
After
everything we've been through with this, and hearing me say 'I love
you' – to your face, that's what sends her into a tailspin.”

“
She's
scared,” Alex said. “We'll talk to her.”

Chase
scoffed at the idea. “She's done talking. She thinks I want
to be with you more than her, so she left, figuring that would pave
the way for you and I to be together.” Chase grabbed at his
head. “I can't lose her, Alex.”

Alex
draped an arm around Chase's shoulders and pulled him against him for
a hug, but Chase felt stiff in the embrace; the usual connection he
felt with Chase completely lacking. Alex pulled back from the hug,
but didn't let go of Chase. Instead he cupped Chase's face with both
his hands. “I'm really sorry Danni left, Chase, but I'm not
sorry for loving you.”

“
I
need to fix this,” Chase said, trying to separate himself from
Alex.

“
We'll
fix it together,” Alex said. “We'll get her back.”

Chase shook his head. “She
won't talk to you,” he said. “I'm not even sure she'll
talk to me.”

“
She
will, Chase, because she loves you, and deep down she doesn't want to
lose you.”

Chase
stood up and rubbed at the dull ache in his head and began pacing in
the cool sand. “We shouldn't have pushed her into this.”

“
Is
that what you think we did?” Alex asked. He slowly came to his
feet and brushed the sand off his pant legs.

Chase
nodded. “I wanted you and I pushed her to want you, too,”
he said. “And, you … Christ! You were relentless in
your pursuit of having me in your bed – even if it meant
dragging Danni into it, too.”

His words punched Alex in
the stomach. He couldn't possibly mean it, Alex thought. He did his
best to tamp down the anger. It made so sense to allow that to get
the better of him. His hands curled into fists at his sides and his
blood begin to boil.

“
Do
you seriously think that's what I did?” Alex asked, his voice
rising a pitch.

“
Yeah,
that's what I think,” Chase said, his chest puffing out. “I
think you'd have done just about anything to have us both. Well, you
won, Alex. You got what you wanted and fucked us both. Only problem
is, Danni's gone – or maybe that's what you planned all along;
get rid of her so you could have me to yourself? Is that how this
was supposed to play out for you?”

Alex
stepped closer to Chase, their chests nearly touching. His green
eyes turned turbulent as they held Chase's gaze.

“
That
is
not
what happened and you fucking well know it!” Alex spat the
words like it was poison in his mouth, then he turned and started
walking back toward the path to the estate.

Chase watched him for a long
moment, the retreating visual tearing out another piece of his heart.
How much more loss could he take?

“
Didn't
think you were the type to run, Alex,” Chase yelled at his
departing figure.

Alex stopped and spun to
face Chase. “I told you in the beginning, I'd leave before I
came between you and Danni.”

“
News
flash, Alex. You're too late! It already happened.”

“
No
matter what you think, I didn't mean for that to happen,” Alex
said. “My intentions were always good.”

“
Your
intentions
?”
Chase asked. His voice was now shouting the words at Alex. “What
the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“
Look,
I don't want to fight,” Alex said. He slid his hands into the
front pockets of his worn jeans.

“
Why
not?” Chase asked. “You created this mess!”

“
Because
fighting won't fix this,” Alex said. “Fighting will only
cause us to say things we don't truly mean and do nothing but inflict
more pain. I don't want to do that.”

Chase
shook his head. “I meant every word I just said,” Chase
said. “You fucked this all up and now you want to run away and
leave me holding the bag of shit. Thanks for that.”

“
You
can't fix things with Danni if I'm hanging around, Chase,” Alex
said. “You know that. We both knew from the beginning, I was
disposable
.”

Alex
nearly choked on that last word; the bitter taste bubbling in his
throat like bile. Jesus! He was a self-destructive idiot. After
all these years he hadn't learned a damn thing about giving away his
heart or how to avoid watching as it was rejected and tossed into the
trash. The difference this time, was Chase also owned his soul.
Walking away would leave a gaping void in his chest that would never
heal, but he'd promised Chase that's what he'd do to spare Chase from
losing Danni. But, if this was the right thing to do, why'd it have
to hurt so fucking much?

Chase
looked at a piece of driftwood at the water line, watching as it
rolled back and forth on the beach with the receding tide. His heart
ached for Danni, but it also ached for Alex. He was about to lose
the two loves of his life – both in the same day. Surely
they'd be no coming back from this kind of emotional torture.

“
Fine.
Leave. It was nice knowing, you
Zander,
”
Chase said snidely.
“
It
was probably about time you went back to your old life anyway.”

“
Chase
…”

“
Fucking
leave, Metcalf! It's what you want, isn't it?” Chase didn't
dare look at Alex, even though his heart begged for one last glimpse.
Instead he focused on the surf in front of him and held his breath,
waiting for Alex to walk away.

“
I
love you,” Alex said. “I meant it when I said it this
morning, and I mean it even more now.”

“
Get
the fuck out of here!” Chase screamed the words so loud, he
could hear it echo around the dunes.