Sydney Harbour Hospital: Evie's Bombshell (14 page)

Evie was breathing hard as she finished and she’d just scraped the surface of the things she wanted to know about the man she loved. ‘That’s what I want,’ she said, ramming her hands onto her hips, pulling her shirt taut across her bump. ‘Anything less is asking me to debase myself. And I deserve better than that.’

Finn reeled from her list.
She wanted too much
. She wanted stuff he’d never given to anyone. Not to Lydia. Not even to Isaac.

Finn steeled himself to be the practical one. Obviously the pregnancy was making level-headed Evie a trace emotional.

‘None of those things are open to negotiation,’ he said, his voice steely. ‘Neither are they required to make a life together. I’m sure if we’re both practical we can make it work, Evie.’

Evie’s temper flared at his condescension. He truly thought he could just wear her down. She’d swallowed a lot of pride where Finn was concerned because she loved him and she’d known he’d been hurting and she’d seen the injured soul under the gruff and bluff but she drew the line here. She would not become his wife—give him her all—and end up married to a stranger.

‘Okay, then,’ she snapped. ‘Tell me how it will work, Finn. How? We get married and have a committed normal relationship where you take out the rubbish and I hang out the washing and we argue over the TV remote and snuggle in bed on the weekends with the newspapers?’

She glared at him as she drew breath. ‘Or is it just a name-only thing? Do we sleep in the same bed to keep up the ruse for our son? Or apart? Do we have some kind of open marriage where we discreetly see other people? Or do we just go without sex for the next twenty-ish years and you spend a lot of time in the shower and I run up an account at the sex shop we just passed?’

Finn blinked at her vehemence, lost for words, but she seemed to have paused for a moment and was looking at him like it was his turn to add to the conversation. ‘I haven’t really thought about the nitty-gritty, Evie.’

‘
Bum-bah
!’ she snorted. ‘Wrong answer. Try again. You want me to accept this proposal?’ She folded her arms. ‘Convince me.’

Finn picked carefully through words and phrases in his head, hoping that he found the right ones to convince her. ‘I assumed we’d be sharing the same bed. In the …’ he searched around for a delicate way to put it ‘… fullest sense of the word.’

‘Well, I just bet you did, didn’t you? Works well for you, doesn’t it, to have sex on tap. No need for all those showers then.’

Finn wondered if Evie was maybe becoming a little hysterical but he was damned if he was going to be made out to be the bad guy here because he wanted to have sex with his wife. ‘No need for you to take out shares in sex-toy companies either,’ he pointed out, his jaw aching from trying to stay rational.

‘Well, I wouldn’t count on that.’

It was Finn’s turn to snort. ‘You know well enough, Evie Lockheart, that I can make you come loud enough to scare nesting birds on the other side of the harbour.’

She shrugged. ‘So can a little imagination.’

He quirked an eyebrow. ‘It can’t hold you afterwards.’

‘Maybe not. But at least it’s not going to break my heart a little more each time and slowly erode my self-respect.’

‘Damn it, Evie,’ he fumed as his control started to slip. ‘
This
is not what I wanted
. I didn’t want to be a father but it’s happening and I’m here. Do you think you could at least meet me halfway?’

Evie grappled with her escalating temper. He was right. He was here. Even if he was being a total idiot about it. She took a calm, steadying breath.

‘
This
,’ she said, repeating his open-armed action from earlier as she indicated the house and yard, ‘isn’t halfway, Finn.
This
is full throttle. Halfway is agreeing to a parenting schedule. Talking about how it’s going to affect our jobs and what we can do to lessen the impact on two households. It’s talking about what schools he should go to and getting our wills in order.’

Finn shook his head. She seemed much calmer now but he could feel it all slipping away. This was not how he’d planned today would go. ‘What about the house?’ he demanded.

‘It’s fabulous,’ she said gently. God knew, she’d move in tomorrow if things were different between them. ‘And our son is going to love being here with you. But I’m not going to marry you, Finn. Not when you don’t love me.’

‘I don’t want some modern rubbish arrangement for my kid,’ he said stubbornly. He didn’t want his son to be bouncing between houses—his whole childhood had been like that and he’d hated it. ‘It’ll be confusing for him.’

‘He won’t have known anything else,’ she murmured, and then she shook her head. ‘It’s funny, I never picked you as a traditionalist.’

‘Kids should be raised by their parents. Together.’

‘Sure. In an ideal world. But what we’ve got here isn’t ideal, is it, Finn? And I’m pretty sure I’m capable of doing my bit to raise our son.’

Her calmness was getting on his nerves. He knew for sure he wasn’t capable of raising a child by himself. He needed her. He needed her to provide the love and comfort stuff. The nurturing. He could teach him to build a fire and climb a tree and how to fish. He needed Evie there to make up for the stuff he wasn’t capable of in all the quiet, in-between times.

‘Well, you haven’t exactly done such a stellar job so far,’ he lashed out. ‘You’ve got yourself electrocuted, almost drowned and followed that up by a case of hypothermia.’

Evie gasped, her hand automatically going to her belly, as if to shield the baby from the insult. If she’d been a more demonstrative woman, she might just have slapped him. ‘The baby is perfectly fit and healthy and completely unharmed,’ she said, her voice vibrating with hurt.

His gaze dropped to where her hand cradled her belly and he felt the irrational surge of anger from the day she’d been caught up in the rip break over him again. ‘Well, that was sheer luck, wasn’t it?’ he snapped.

Evie wanted to scream and rant and stomp her foot but it was useless and exhausting and getting them nowhere. Finn was being his usual pig-headed self and she should know better than to try and reason with him in this mood.

She shook her head at him, swallowing down all the rage and fury and sucking up his bad temper like she always did. The only thing she had was the high ground. And now seemed like a very good time to take it.

‘Goodbye, Finn,’ she said, turning on her heel and marching through the house.

He followed her, calling out to her about being reasonable and driving her back, but a taxi came along just as she was opening the gate and it pulled in when she waved, and she didn’t look back as Finn told her to stop being ridiculous. She just opened the door and told the driver to go, go, go.

A week later Evie was lying in bed on her day off after five day shifts, too exhausted to get up to relieve her full bladder, which the baby was taking great delight in using as a trampoline. She hadn’t heard boo from Finn all week. In fact, she’d only glimpsed him once, and she didn’t know whether that had been his passive-aggressive way of agreeing to do it her way or if he was just off plotting his next grand gesture.

She suspected the latter, although right now she was too tired to care.

Another five minutes of baby gymnastics and she could ignore the need to go no longer. She rolled out of bed and did her business. She was heading back again when there was a knock on her door. She wistfully eyed the corner of her bed, which she could see through the open door.

It was probably just Bella, who had taken to dropping in all the time to check on her. She could probably just ignore it but the knock came again and she didn’t have the heart to leave her sister on the doorstep.

Except it wasn’t Bella when she opened the door. It was Lydia.

Evie blinked, feeling like an Amazon next to the tiny redhead. She tried to suck in her belly but that was no longer possible. ‘Oh … Hi … Lydia?’

Lydia smiled at her as she checked out Evie’s belly. ‘Well, he’s right,’ she said. ‘You’re definitely pregnant.’

‘Er … yes,’ Evie said, struck by how truly bizarre this moment was. Not knowing Lydia’s exact relationship with Finn made this meeting kind of awkward. For her anyway. Lydia didn’t seem ready to scratch her eyes out—in fact, she seemed friendly—so maybe they didn’t have that kind of history?

‘Do you think I could come in?’ Lydia asked. ‘I’ve come on behalf of Finn.’

Evie groaned—Finn had sent an emissary? She was too tired for this. ‘Look, Lydia, if Finn’s sent you to offer me some crazy incentive—money or diamonds or the goose that lays the golden eggs—I really need to let you know right off the bat that you’re wasting your breath.’

Lydia pursed her lips. ‘Oh, dear … the house,’ she tutted. ‘It’s worse than I thought.’

Evie frowned. ‘Huh?’

‘Can I, please, just come in and explain?’ Evie hesitated and Lydia dived in to reassure her. ‘I’ve come on behalf of Finn but he doesn’t know I’m here.
He’d be furious if he did
. But I haven’t seen him this … bleak in a very long time and I can’t bear it any longer.’

Evie could hear the woman’s genuine concern and worry as she had that day Lydia had told her Finn’s whereabouts. She got the sense that Lydia loved Finn and the spike of jealousy that drove into her chest almost knocked Evie flat. She reached for the door to steady herself, the overwhelming urge to slam it in Lydia’s face warring with her curiosity.

Curiosity won out.

Part of Evie needed to know where Lydia fitted into Finn’s life.

Evie fell back and ushered her inside. She played the perfect hostess, fixing Lydia a cup of coffee and some green tea for herself. They sat on opposite sides of the coffee table, sipping at their drinks for a moment or two, and then Evie voiced what she’d sensed from the beginning.

‘You love him?’

Lydia nodded. ‘Yes.’

Evie gripped the cup at the other woman’s calm response, her pulse pounding in her ears. What must Lydia think of her? Carrying Finn’s baby. Did Finn love her back? Was that why he couldn’t love her?

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know …’ She put a hand on her belly. ‘I would never have … if I had known he was with you.’

Lydia frowned. ‘What?’ She made an annoyed little noise at the back of her throat. ‘He hasn’t told you about me, has he?’ She reached across the coffee table and patted Evie’s hand. ‘Finn’s my brother-in-law. I’m Isaac’s wife. Widow, to be precise.’

Evie felt a rush of relief like a slug of Finn’s whisky to her system. She let out a pent-up breath in a loud rush. ‘His sister-in-law?’

Lydia grinned again. ‘Yes.’

‘Oh,’ Evie said, lost for words as the high robbed her of her ability to form a complex sentence. ‘That’s good.’ She smiled. ‘That’s good.’

Lydia nodded. ‘Although in the interests of full disclosure we did have a … relationship. A very messed-up one for a few years after Isaac’s death. I was a complete wreck … it was a very dark time … I think we both held on for much longer than we should have because we were each other’s link to Isaac.’

‘Oh,’ Evie said again, still having trouble with sentences but this time because of Lydia’s frankness. Finn and Isaac’s widow had been lovers? ‘Did he … did he love you?’

Lydia shook her head. ‘Not in that way, no. I wanted him to … needed him to at the time … but he’s been through a lot … seen a lot … he’s a complex man. He doesn’t love easily.’

Evie nodded slowly. ‘Tell me about it.’

‘You love him?’

‘Yes.’

‘And yet you won’t marry him.’ Lydia smiled. ‘You have him quite riled up.’

Evie shrugged, looking into the bottom of her cup. ‘He doesn’t love me. And I’m not settling for anything less.’

‘Good for you.’ Lydia laughed. ‘If it’s any consolation, though, I think he does love you.’

She looked up at Lydia sharply, expecting to find her looking as flippant as the remark, but she seemed deadly serious. ‘Well, I think he does too,’ she said. ‘But he has to say it. He has to admit it. To himself more than anything.’

Lydia nodded. ‘Yes. For a man so bloody intelligent he can be exceedingly dim-witted.’

Evie laughed and Lydia joined her. When their laughter died Lydia suddenly sat forward and grabbed Evie’s hand. ‘Don’t give up on him, Evie, please. He needs you.’

Evie was reminded of Ethan’s words. It spoke volumes that Finn had people who loved and cared about him.

‘I need him too,’ she said. ‘But I need all of him.’

Lydia let her hand go. ‘Of course you do.’ She sipped at her coffee. ‘He showed me the house,’ she said after a while.

‘Ah,’ Evie murmured. ‘The house.’

‘You don’t like the house?’ Lydia asked, her brow crinkling.

‘I freaking love the house,’ Evie muttered. ‘But I don’t want grand gestures from him.’

Lydia gave her a sad smile. ‘You have to understand what that house means to Finn.’

‘Oh, yes?’ Evie asked, trying to keep the jealousy out of her voice. ‘And what’s that? Believe me, I’d love to know. But he doesn’t tell me anything. He just wants to install me there like bloody Miss Haversham.’

Lydia pursed her lips again as if deciding what to say next. Evie hoped and prayed she’d say something, anything, that would give her some insight into the man she loved.

‘Finn and Isaac grew up in the system,’ Lydia said. ‘Their mother abandoned them when Finn was eight. Isaac was six. It was … tough. They got passed around a lot. Finn fought to keep them together, which was hard when most families only wanted one troubled child and that was usually the much sunnier Isaac. There was a lot of rejection. A lot of … bouncing around. Finn would tell Isaac stories about their dad coming to take them away to Luna Park for the day and a ride on a ferry then bringing them back to his home by the sea.’