He wasn’t satisfied. His tongue continued at almost the same rhythm, the same urgent intensity, and my body was too willing to follow. My hips rocked against his mouth, obeying his tune, no longer my own. I was reduced to nothing but moans and sighs, the climb of my arousal and the clench as he withheld. Then his fingers found a place inside me, one that made my back arch up and a high cry fall from my lips. I came again, harder this time, and sweeter.
“Almost there,” he promised.
Oh God, I’d die before he got there, wherever that was. But he wasn’t asking for permission. The cautious, solicitous Drew had been left behind at the beautifully arranged table with its candles and flowers. This was the rest of him, feral and insatiable. He licked and sucked at me like he was desperate for every drop of me. I wasn’t even sure he was aware of my pleasure in this, except that I felt my climax grow again. Impossibly, again. My thighs shook with the strain, my vision went fuzzy. I sobbed something, his name, a plea, and then I felt wetness flow over his fingers and bed as I came again.
My sex was still throbbing with the echoes of my orgasm as he quickly rolled on a condom.
“Hands on the bed,” he said.
At the sternness of his tone, I put my hands at my side.
He softened, but only slightly. “Another time, you can have free rein. Tie me to the bed and do what you want to me. But I need to do this right, need to feel you coming around my cock. Need to feel you wet and hot against my balls. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
My lips were parted…in surprise, in desire. I clenched my hands in the bedspread. He wanted me to stay still and take it. He wanted permission to well and truly fuck me.
I met his gaze. “Please,” I said.
He was on top of me, inside me. I gasped at the fullness, but there wasn’t even time to be properly shocked. He pounded into me so hard I was forced to relinquish my anchor and hold on to him instead. I grasped his shoulders, and he rewarded me with a groan. His body slammed against mine, both cruel and entirely generous. His harsh breaths were a beautiful music in my ear, an aria I could listen to all night if he would play it for me. But he was more thoughtful than I’d given him credit for, more talented too. He shifted slightly, and his cock found a new angle inside me. The same one he’d found with his fingers earlier, the one that made me arch and strangle a cry. He sought out my mouth with his, fusing our lips together while our bodies dueled in a sensual violence below. The tension inside me built. It strung up tight until I couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck, yes,” he groaned. “Come on me. Let me feel it.”
My body helplessly obeyed. I clenched around him, releasing more wetness just as he’d promised. A choked sound escaped him. He held my shoulder with one hand, my waist with the other. Pinned me to the bed and ground against me, rocking through his climax with an agonized groan.
Even after he finished, he remained inside me. His cock flexed, and my sex rippled around him. In my delirium, I imagined a conversation. Body language.
That was fun. Yes, let’s do it again.
As if he’d heard it too, he laughed.
“I’m not ready yet,” he said. “But soon.”
He rolled off and lay beside me, keeping hold of my hand. He tugged my hand to him and kissed my knuckles.
“Come on. You didn’t even get to eat the chocolate torte I planned to seduce you with.”
My stomach rumbled, and I laughed.
“That’s it,” he said. “Dinner first. Then chocolate torte. It can still serve its purpose.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I turned to face him, an irrepressible grin on my face. “But let’s both be underdressed this time. No clothes.”
“Jesus, you’re perfect.”
T
he studio was
nestled in a row of businesses, tucked behind a small courtyard. The area was relatively safe—I had no doubt it would be safer once Philip found out about it. No doubt he would call in favors at the police station for increased patrols, just like he’d done in Colin’s neighborhood.
My real estate agent and I had done a walk-through and signed the lease that afternoon. I stopped by home—well, Philip’s home anyway, which wouldn’t be my home as soon as basic renovations were complete. I filled a canvas tote bag to the brim with paint and fabric swatches, sneaking in basic toiletries in case I decided to spend the night there.
Or at Drew’s condo.
As I drove back to the studio, rain began to fall in fat drops on the windshield. I slowed down once I turned off the highway. Light from the streetlamps and signage bounced off slick surfaces, creating a dark, glittery cavern. I passed the storefronts where the coffee shop next door was spilling over with a mix of college kids gearing up for the night and tired execs grabbing a latte so they could make it through the bedtime routine. Everyone was huddled against the chilly rain, dashing between their cars and the overhang in front of the shops.
I pulled around to the small parking garage behind the building and slid one of the automatic cards into the slot. The gate lifted, and I found a safe, dry spot inside. Smiling, I slipped the spare key into the bag. Maybe I’d give it to Drew when we met. If it didn’t seem too forward, too presumptuous.
Though I didn’t think so. Things were moving fast but right on track. And maybe not so fast if I considered the years he’d spent waiting for me to be ready—when I’d been waiting for that too.
I spent the next hour taking measurements of the walls and the windows for the renovations, big and small, that I would do. The upstairs was mostly unfinished and, I was disheartened to realize, would take more work to turn into a living space than I had thought. Maybe I should snag an apartment nearby and leave this as a break room. And we’d need a staging room for costumes at some point. I’d ask Drew when he showed up.
My phone vibrated on the bare tiled floor, the glow lit with four letters.
“Hey, you.”
“Sorry I’m running late. Work ran over.” I could hear the
swish-swish
of the wipers in the background.
“Tell Philip you get to leave early now that you’re dating his sister.”
“I don’t think that would go over so well, but I’m glad you told him about the studio.”
“He didn’t freak out.”
“He won’t freak out about us either.” At my silence, he amended, “I’d deal with him if he did.”
“I’ll tell him soon, I promise. How far are you?”
“One minute. I already stopped by my place. I wanted to…well, I guess you’ll figure it out at some point. I wanted to pick up a little in case I lured you back there.”
Something warmed inside me that he had planned to ask me to stay the night with him—and that he cared what I thought of his place. “So you’re a bit of a slob, is what you’re telling me.”
“A consummate bachelor,” he confirmed. “You’ll have to beat it out of me, I’m afraid.”
“I know I’ve told you I’m not into the kinky stuff.”
“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. I’ve been told I have an ass that turns a lovely shade of red.”
I laughed, blushing until I was sure my cheeks were a similar color.
“We’ll only do what you’re comfortable with. I can promise you that, Rose.”
“I liked what we did last time. I’m not sure how much further I can really go…or what else is out there.”
He was quiet a moment, and I heard shifting in the car. “I didn’t just mean sex. I mean us. I’m serious about being with you. I’m serious about
you
, Rose.”
My eyes fell shut. I wasn’t sure I could get the words out—but I didn’t know the right ones anyway. There was only a mass of desire that had little to do with physical acts, kinky or otherwise. I wanted him with an intensity that stole my breath and roused a fear that I would somehow lose him. Invisible arms waited in the wings to snatch away the things I wanted most.
“You don’t believe me?” he asked quietly.
“I believe you,” I said slowly. “I guess I can’t believe I actually have you, that I deserve you. It’s all so quick.”
I heard the smile in his voice. “Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting for you to come around for years. If this is your idea of quick, I’d hate to see you take it slow.”
I grinned. “Ah, but that’s all going to change tonight. I only need to spend a few more minutes here, and then we can head out. There’s a cabinet that’s too high for me to reach properly, and I wanted to ask you a question about renovating the upstairs. Then we have the rest of the night to…speed up.”
“Okay, hang tight.” The
tick-tick-tick
sound of a turn signal interrupted him. “I’m just parking, and I’ll be over.”
Curious, I wandered to the window, which was free of blinds or curtains. His silver Lexus was backing into a spot across the street, the red-and-yellow brake lights blurring in the rain. I put my fingers to the cool window as I’d done that first night. Back then, it had seemed like this was as close as we’d ever get, watching through the glass.
Now we had touched, and we would again tonight. All the nights unfolded before us, my newfound lust stretching its legs, a strengthening hope finding its balance. Truthfully, I wanted as long as he would have me, but I knew better than to tell him. Surely that would scare him away—as it would any sane man after a week of pseudo-dating.
I started to turn away from the window, to go downstairs and unlock the front door and let him in, but something caught my eye. A flash of white splashed across the brick-faced wall across the street as a small delivery truck careened around the corner.
It was too slippery for him to stop, he
wouldn’t
stop. I could see it happening. I shouted, but my words were caught by the glass and the storm. Drew crossed the street with his head down, just a blur of black suit jacket and pale, vulnerable flesh.
In a blur of white metal, he was lying in the street. I flew down the stairs, hurtled across the street, and held him, crying for him.
Is he okay
, they asked me, milling around, taking up all the air.
I don’t know, of course not, he can’t be okay after being hit like that, oh God, oh God, I don’t know.
His eyes were closed, the side of his white shirt stained black, but he was breathing. Faintly, barely—I pressed my ear right to his chest and clung there. And then a person was telling me
they’re sending an ambulance
.
Thank you, bless you, oh God.
T
he world was
unnaturally quiet, as if someone had turned the volume down. I could still answer the cop’s questions, I could hear the nurse tell me no, they couldn’t share information with me, but it all came through a misty white haze.
I huddled on a wooden chair, staring blankly at a late-night talk show on the small TV. There was a cup of lukewarm coffee in my hands, though I couldn’t say where I’d gotten it.
If only he pulled through…if only, if only. I prayed to a God I was sure had turned his back on me a long time ago. In the end, I knew it would come down to a handful of luck, a toss of the die that would decide our fates. Easier to believe that than to blame myself.
I couldn’t help but wonder if I could have, should have prevented this. He was coming to see me, after all. If I hadn’t invited him over…if I’d never stripped for him at my window…then I would be trapped in my tower, but he would be safe.
Though I hadn’t examined every possible outcome, my fear had been consuming—and damned certain. Break free and something bad will happen. I just thought it would happen to me instead, and now I wished it had.
People came and went through the waiting room, as if they were on a subway: come sit down, wait awhile, then get up and leave. But I never left, barely ever moved, just went round and round the tracks, a dry and rattling husk.
Jarring footsteps clicked down the hall toward me, and Philip rounded the corner.
“Jesus, are you okay?”
Everyone kept asking that. I wasn’t even sure what okay felt like at the moment.
Luckily, Philip was a force of nature. He didn’t require my input to whip through the hospital wing and tear their official privacy procedures apart with his money and his threats.
In fifteen minutes, we had a doctor standing outside the doors telling us that Drew had come out of surgery in stable condition, that he would likely make a full recovery, that he was a lucky man. Those were his words:
He’s a lucky man.
I sagged with relief even while my empty stomach heaved. Only Philip’s arm around my waist kept me from sinking to the blue speckled floor. Philip thanked the doctor and asked about visitation. When he woke up, and even then it would be severely restricted. One person at a time, thirty minutes each.
When the doctor left, Philip pulled me into a wonderfully painful hug. Tears sprang to my eyes. I threw my arms around his neck.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” He frowned, as if the strangeness of the situation had just dawned on him. “But what…why are you here, anyway?”
Lies flitted through my head, some reasonable, some ridiculous.
I was just asking his advice on the lease. We were planning a surprise party for you.
Whatever.
I didn’t have the heart to lie anymore, and as much as I feared Philip’s reaction, I knew he wouldn’t really harm Drew, especially when he was already laid up in the hospital.
“Philip. There’s something else you should know. That crush you mentioned, it’s…” I searched for the right words, thinking of what he’d said about waiting for me to return those feelings. “Well, it’s reciprocal. In fact, you could say we’re a couple.”
He stared at me with an incredulous expression. “What exactly do you mean?”
I wasn’t about to spell it out for him.
We’ve been having sex in your house.
Never mind that we were both consenting adults. The fact that we’d felt the need to hide it was indictment enough.
Guilt had been a thick, jagged pill all this time, and now that he knew, it burned like acid in my stomach.
“He has feelings for me,” I said as neutrally as I could manage.
“And you return them.”
The flatness of his voice was more worrisome than yelling would have been. His eyes were cold, his jaw set.