Sweaters & Cigarettes (36 page)

"Because I love you,"
Theo says softly, without hesitation. "Plain and simple."

Max emits a muffled sound that's
halfway between a groan and a sob, and he grips Theo even tighter.

"But I'm a wreck," he
says, sounding more emotional than Theo has ever really heard him, before.
"I can barely function, and you make it better, and that scares me, okay?
It fucking scares me."

Max exhales heavily, almost
shakily, face still burrowed against Theo's neck.

"I'm a complete fuck-up,"
he says, voice muffled, and Theo sighs softly.

"But you're mine," he
says, pulling his fingers through that black, messy hair, stroking it softly.
"And you're not a fuck-up. You're not. And if nothing else, I'm not
exactly perfect."

"Yes, you are." Max's
reply is immediate, tired and sincere, and Theo feels like contradicting him.
He knows that he's not perfect, even Max isn't perfect, just like
no one
is
perfect, and that's the beauty of it. Loving someone and being loved in return,
despite such an array of imperfections; that's what makes it beautiful. And he
knows that Max would normally agree with him, being the rational, cynical
person that he is.

But right now, Max isn't being
rational. He's baring his heart to Theo, along with its deepest insecurities,
and even if Theo somehow managed to get over how emotional and intimate that makes
all of this, and how emotional and downright moved it makes
him
, he
wouldn't contradict Max. Not right now. Instead, he sighs softly, again wishing
that he could somehow wrap Max up and keep him safe from everything, forever,
and make him realize how amazing he really is.

"Let's get you home,
okay?" he says after a few moments, softly pulling away from Max so that
he can look at him. Those blue eyes are still glossy, but it doesn't look like
there will be any actual crying involved, at the moment.

Max groans, both looking and
sounding positively exhausted, and oddly sad.

"I don't wanna go home,"
he says, shaking his head, still holding on to Theo. "I wanna be with
you."

"Max―"

"Don't make me go home."
Max looks at Theo, almost pleadingly. "Please."

And immediately, Theo decides to
obey his wish. Because if he can, he wants Max with him always, all the time,
and tonight is no exception.

"Okay," he says, pushing
Max's hair back in an affectionate gesture, giving him a small smile.
"Come on."

Theo's house is empty, when they get to it. With Riley
at a friend's house, and with Theo's parents both away for the night, it's
oddly quiet, especially in contrast to the celebrations outside, and in
neighboring houses.

Max has sobered up a bit by the
time they step into the hallway and out of the cold, and he seems to be mostly
exhausted, now. Theo makes a point to get them both a big glass of water,
before they make their way upstairs, to Theo's room.

"We left too early," Max
murmurs tiredly, as he flops down onto Theo's bed, fully clothed. "It's
not right."

"You can barely stand,"
Theo retorts, nudging Max slightly so he can get to the blanket that covers his
bed. He tugs on it, making Max groan as he has to shift his weight. "And
we're not missing anything."

Max sighs heavily, eyes closed.

"Guess not," he nearly
slurs, and Theo watches him for a moment, deliberating, before he quirks a
small smile, and lies down beside him. He pulls the blanket over both of them,
and as Max notices, he cracks those blue eyes open a little bit. He moves in
closer, putting his arm around Theo and making Theo shift slightly, so that
he's lying more comfortably. He glances down at his boyfriend, whose eyes are
closed again, his face nuzzled against the crook of Theo's neck. Theo just looks
at him for a few moments, tightening his arm a bit around Max, using his other
hand to smooth over his hair.

It's oddly quiet, and they just lie
like that for a few minutes, until Theo hears a loud bang, and looks up.

There's a window to side of his
bed, a few feet away, and through it, he can see that the black night sky is
suddenly lit up with fireworks, sparks of green and red and gold scattering
among the stars. He glances at the alarm clock on his nightstand; sure enough,
it reads midnight.

Several more fireworks go off, and
Theo hears loud voices in the street, whooping and shouting in celebration. His
room is dark, apart from the light of the lamp beside his bed, so the bright
sparks of the fireworks outside are projected on the walls, just slightly.

Max stirs then, a little bit, no
doubt disturbed by the cacophony outside the window.

"'Sit midnight?" he
slurs, not opening his eyes, and Theo nods.

"Yeah," he says softly,
and Max hums in reply, before another few seconds pass.

"Happy new year, Theo,"
he eventually murmurs, cracking his eyes open again just the slightest bit,
only to lean in and plant a soft, clumsy kiss on Theo's mouth. And Theo nearly
chuckles, as Max pulls away and puts his head back on Theo's shoulder, closing
his eyes and nuzzling against the crook of his neck. Theo just looks at him,
pulls back a stray tuft of black hair from his face, and smiles.

"Happy new year, Max," he
says, and kisses his forehead, Max's presumably sleeping form warm and relaxed
against him.

Theo settles against the pillows
with a sigh, arms around Max, eyes on the window, watching the fireworks. The
whole thing is oddly peaceful, and he's pleasantly aware of his boyfriend,
sleeping soundly and breathing deeply, right next to him.

It may not have been the New Year's
Eve he imagined, he thinks, definitely not, with far too much drinking and
incoherent talking and hooking up in weird places. It's not what he had in
mind.

But it's still the best New Year's Eve he has ever
had.

Chapter 23

Build

The next morning, Theo is awake before Max.

It's not surprising, really,
considering what shape Max was in when he pretty much passed out last night,
and Theo yawns tiredly, as he blinks against the harsh light of the winter
morning.

It seems that both of them slept
this way, fully clothed, cuddled up together underneath a blanket on Theo's
bed, and although Theo's limbs are stiff from staying in pretty much the same
position all night, he's happy. He's happy, because this is the first time in weeks
that he has woken up with Max by his side, and he can't help but smile as he
notices it. He can't help but smile, as he notices that black, messy bedhead,
resting against the pillows, Max's face nuzzled against the crook of Theo's
neck, one hand softly gripping the fabric of Theo's t-shirt.

Theo just stares at Max's sleeping
form for a few moments, before his stiff joints get the best of him, and he
squirms slightly, shifting onto his side. Max barely seems to notice, and Theo
makes sure the blanket doesn't slide off him completely, tugging it up over
Max's shoulders, making Max curl up just a little bit, in his sleep. And Theo
keeps looking at him, too blissful to even bother feeling weird about it.

Will he ever get tired of just
looking at Max? Regardless of the circumstances, Theo can't seem to help it,
his eyes searching every part of Max's face, from those cheekbones to those
gorgeous, blue―at the moment, closed―eyes. That lip piercing, the
metal stud in his left eyebrow, and that smooth skin that's really only coarse
when there's dark stubble scattered across those cheeks and that jaw. The way
he looks so sweet and safe, when he sleeps, his expression devoid of any kind
of cynical sarcasm.

Theo barely wants to blink, because
he can't stop looking at Max.

He can't, because good god, he is
just
so beautiful
. He's so beautiful, and Theo can hardly believe that
this wonderful, amazing person is
his
.

Theo is slightly surprised when he
suddenly hears Max speak, and he blinks a little.

"Theo," Max murmurs, barely
moving his lips, eyes still closed.

"Yeah?" Theo says, his
voice soft.

"Are you staring at me?"

Theo hesitates for a moment.

"Maybe," he gets out, and
Max cracks open one stunningly blue eye.

"Should I be creeped
out?" he asks, voice cracked from sleep, and Theo quirks a tiny, almost
shy smile.

"Up to you, I guess," he
says, and Max seems to consider that for a moment, before smiling sleepily.

"Well, to be fair," he
says, "I've done it, too."

Theo feels a faint sense of
surprise, but still somehow accepts it, right away. He does, because he loves
the idea of Max being unable to stop staring, too. And no, he doesn't care
about how creepy that sounds, at least not right now.

Max opens both eyes then, just
squinting, really, and reaches out to pull Theo closer. Theo lets him, and
soon, they're tangled together under the blanket, foreheads touching. Max gives
Theo the smallest kiss, and Theo reciprocates, too happy to even care about the
morning breath, Max sighing contentedly, as he nuzzles up closer.

It's amazing, really, how Max never
would have done this, only a few months ago. Back then, just the prospect of
being this close seemed to terrify him, and Theo is immensely happy that that
has changed.

"How you feeling today?"
Theo asks, with the slightest, teasing hint in his voice, and Max groans.

"Hungover," he mumbles.
"Not to mention, embarrassed."

"Why?"

Max pulls back a little, just far
enough to give Theo a tired, pointed stare that says
seriously?
 Theo
gives him a small smile.

"It wasn't that bad," he
says, but Max doesn't seem to believe him.

"Really?" he says,
doubtfully. "'Cause I vaguely remember being a bit of a pain."

He frowns then, running his tongue
over his teeth, behind his lips. He looks thoughtful, and then stops.

"I threw up, didn't I?"
he says, sounding somehow bored, and Theo presses his lips together, which is
answer enough for Max, who sighs. "Awesome."

He thinks about it for another
moment, remembering.

"And you were there that whole
time?"

Theo nods, and Max groans, lowering
his head and shimmying down along the bed, just far enough to allow him to bury
his face against the hollow of Theo's throat.

"I'm sorry you had to see
that," he says, his voice muffled against Theo's skin. "And I said
some stuff, too."

"Yeah, I know," Theo
says, moving one hand up to stroke Max's hair. "I was there."

"I can't believe you heard all
that," Max continues, as though Theo hasn't said anything. "Fuck, I
was such an idiot."

"I wouldn't say that,"
Theo says. "You were just... unusually honest."

Max doesn't reply for a few
moments, moving his hand up along Theo's back and softly gripping his t-shirt.

"I know what I said," he
says quietly. "I remember everything."

Theo stays silent.

"And I meant it," Max
continues. "All of it. I just..."

He sighs heavily, his warm breath
pleasant against Theo's neck.

"I just don't usually talk
like that," he says, and Theo kisses his hair.

"I know," he says.
"Do you remember what
I
said?"

Max seems to think about it for a
moment, before he nods.

"I meant it, too," Theo
says. "And you really don't have to feel embarrassed."

It's after several seconds of
silence, that Max lifts his head and looks up at Theo, their eyes meeting. He
looks tired, exhausted really, but most of all, he somehow looks small. Vulnerable.
It's enough to make Theo pull him closer and nuzzle against his skin, for once
not the least bit eager to get the clothes off either of them. He doesn't want
that, not right now, and neither does Max. Right now, Theo just wants to lie
here, and hold him, and feel Max's steady breathing, matching his own.

By the time they actually get up,
it's almost noon. They both clean up and brush their teeth (Max, especially,
borrowing an unopened, spare toothbrush of Theo's), and from what Theo can
tell, neither Riley nor his parents are home yet. And sure enough, when he and
Max get downstairs, there's no one around.

Max goes outside for a quick smoke,
before the two of them fry up some eggs, with a side of soda and painkillers,
and Theo is hit by just how good this feels, for some reason. It's so easy, so
comfortable, like they wake up together every day, and he can't resist the urge
to give Max a kiss every chance he gets. And Max smiles, scoffing at him, but
does nothing, really, to stop him.

Later on, Theo is sitting on the
couch in the living room, watching an old episode of
Torchwood,
when Max
shuffles in, looking exhausted. He has made a cup of coffee, Theo sticking to
his glass of water.

"I don't deserve this,"
Max grumbles, rubbing his temple with his free hand, coffee in the other, as he
makes his way over to the couch. Theo just smiles at him.

"Sorry, babe," he says.
"Karma."

Max just glares at him, before
putting his mug down on the coffee table. He sits down with a huff.

"I don't care," he says,
squinting slightly, as he lies down on his back, head in Theo's lap. "I
should not be so vehemently punished for drinking alcohol. The embarrassment
that comes with it should be enough."

Theo hums in agreement, moving his
hand down to pull his fingers through Max's mussed, black hair. Max looks up at
him, blue eyes still framed by last night's eyeliner. It's barely even smudged,
just a bit smoky, as usual.

"I've had worse hangovers,
though," he says, moving his hand up over his head to gently take Theo's,
and Theo lazily laces their fingers together. "This isn't half-bad."

Theo gives him a small smile,
before Max rolls over onto his side, his head still in Theo's lap. Theo's
fingers keep carding through his hair, slowly, softly.

"Any New Year's resolutions?"
Theo asks after a little while, and Max sighs.

"Not really," he finally
says, before letting out a small chuckle. "Quit smoking, maybe?"

He glances up at Theo.

"How about that?"

Theo thinks about it. Honestly, he
hasn't even thought about that, before. Somehow, smoking just feels like such a
big part of who Max is, and it has been from the moment they met, so Theo kind
of has a hard time imagining him without it. But still...

Max cuts off his train of thought.

"A little unoriginal, I
guess," he says, settling back against Theo's lap, and Theo looks down at
him.

"Well," he says.
"I'm not a exactly a big fan of you shortening your lifespan,
anyway."

Max grunts.

"Yeah," he says. "It
is a nasty habit."

He looks up at Theo, a small smile
on his face.

"I look hot, though," he
says, and Theo smiles.

"Maybe less so," he says,
"when you're so aware of it."

Max laughs, clearly picking up on
Theo's teasing tone.

"Hard not to be," he says
cockily, lowering his gaze again, and he lets out a content sigh, as he settles
back against Theo.

"How about you?" he asks
after a little while, and Theo thinks about it, before shaking his head.

"Nope, can't really think of
anything," he says. "Can't really think of anything else I
want
."

Max pauses.

"Anything
else
?"
he asks, to clarify, and Theo can't help but smile softly at him, even though
Max is looking away, and can't see.

"Yeah," he says, his hand
still pulling through Max's hair, and he can practically feel Max leaning into
his touch. "I have everything I want."

Max seems to hesitate then, as
though scared to hope what Theo might be referring to, before he slowly looks
up again. He swallows.

"I don't think I want anything
else, either," he says after a moment, and Theo smiles, as if to give Max
the confirmation he needs, that he indeed
is
what Theo is referring to.
And he can feel Max relaxing a bit, as though put to ease.

"Good," Theo says
quietly, before Max looks away again, and Theo turns his attention back to the
TV.

They stay like that for a while,
Theo's fingers in Max's hair, and Theo feels himself relax, as Max moves one
hand up along his knee, to his thigh, where Max is resting his head. He does is
slowly, his fingertips brushing lightly against the fabric of Theo's jeans,
trailing up along his leg. It feels nice, but when the pressure of Max's hand
becomes just slightly harder, and starts sliding up the inside of his thigh,
Theo takes a deep breath. His free hand, the one not in Max's hair, curls into
a loose fist, against the couch.

He's not entirely sure what happens
then, but soon, his muscles are tensing up a bit, as Max's hand softly starts
rubbing his leg, slowly, moving further up. And when Max actually plants a soft
kiss there, Theo swallows hard. It's a very light kiss, he can barely feel it
through his jeans, but just the knowledge of it is enough to make him close his
eyes for a moment, and take a deep breath.

Max doesn't say anything, and
neither does Theo, as Theo's hand slowly tightens its grip on that black hair,
before moving down along Max's neck, his shoulder, down over his chest. Max
only lets out a soft groan, as Theo slips his hand underneath his shirt, moving
down, tracing the hem of his underwear with his fingers; it's just visible
above the waistline of those jeans.

This is stupid. Sure, they tend to
get pretty physical with each other, whenever they get the chance, but this is
ridiculous. It might be due to their lack of personal time, lately, or the fact
that they're just so comfortable with each other now (not to mention, practically
addicted
to each other), but somehow, Theo barely even hesitates to do
this. It doesn't matter that they're on the couch, in his living room, in the
middle of the day, because
damn it
, he just really
wants
this.

Theo is suddenly reminded of last
night, when Max pulled him into the bathroom and pressed him up against the
wall, hands all over him and those wonderful lips against his mouth, touching
and stroking him until he saw stars, and he grits his teeth. It doesn't take
much. It doesn't take more than that memory to make him hard, and he leans his
head back against the couch. He swallows, absently trailing his fingers along
the hem of Max's jeans, before simply moving down to his crotch, and he feels,
with so much more satisfaction than he should, that Max is hard, as well.

This seems to distract Max. He lets
out a surprised, soft moan, and Theo looks down at him, as Max's hand stops
moving and starts absently gripping Theo's thigh, instead. Theo increases the
pressure of his hand, and soon, Max rolls over onto his back again, giving Theo
easier access. And
god
, he looks so hot right now, spread out like this,
head in Theo's lap, breathing heavily, as Theo touches him. His eyes are
closed, and Theo keeps massaging him through his jeans, absently wanting to
unbutton them so that he can get underneath, but Max is already moaning and
grinding against the pressure of Theo's hand, making Theo even harder.