Sweaters & Cigarettes (2 page)

Chapter 2

Smoke

Max is everywhere.

It was fine before, when he still didn’t
really seem to know that Theo existed, when he never even shot him a glance, as
they passed each other in the halls. It was fine when Theo would walk with his
friends, and he would glance over at Max, hanging with his friends, the two of
them never interacting. It was fine.

Now, however, Max sees him. Now, he
definitely knows that Theo exists, and he no longer ignores him as they pass
each other in the halls. He’ll catch Theo’s eye, just for a moment, and smirk
in that trademark way of his, looking gorgeous and slightly intimidating, all
at once. And Theo will feel a slight jolt and look away, but then glance over
his shoulder when Max has passed him by. And almost every time, he wonders what
Max is thinking, what’s going through his mind.

He wonders if he’s thinking about that
kiss, like Theo is.

Kiss
probably isn’t the right word, though. It
happened over and over again after that first one, the two of them eventually
ending up nearly pressed against the brick wall of the school building, hands
practically all over each other (well, Max’s hands, at least, seeing as how
Theo isn’t exactly used to that kind of thing). It was amazing and hot and
spontaneous and completely unexpected, and they only stopped when they heard
someone coming, pulling apart and quickly stepping away from each other. They
didn’t say anything, only exchanged a look, before going their separate ways;
it was more about getting caught skipping class than getting caught kissing,
the latter something that Theo has the distinct feeling that at least Max
wouldn’t have the slightest problem with.

Theo, for one, has never done something
like that before, which just makes it all the more surreal, and all the more
amazing, as well as slightly terrifying.

But either way, that was how it ended. And
that was three days ago.

Theo still can’t quite wrap his head
around it. He still can’t quite believe that he and Max actually made out
behind the school, and the only thing keeping him convinced that it actually
happened is the way Max looks at him now. The way he catches his eye now and
then, and the way he gives him just the slightest, teasing smirk, like they
share a secret no one else knows about. Which, as far as Theo knows, is the
case. God knows, he hasn’t told a soul.

Theo has lost count of how many times in
the last three days Max has looked at him like that. He has lost count of how
many times he has shyly looked away from that dark blue gaze, how many times he
has had to pretend that he has paid complete attention to what his friends are
saying, even though his thoughts are completely and utterly wrapped up in Max.
Wrapped up in the way he ruffles his black hair with his fingers sometimes, and
the way he rolls his tongue piercing between his teeth when he’s thinking. Theo
has seen him do it in class, every now and then, and he suddenly finds it oddly
endearing. He’s not sure why.

Today, though, during lunch, Theo doesn’t
look away from Max. Not this time. Because this time, there’s something else
about that look, something more than just simple, albeit teasing,
acknowledgement.

As Theo steps out of the classroom and
stuffs his bag into his locker, he spots Max through the crowd milling through
the hall, everyone hurrying to the cafeteria. He’s standing at the end of the
hallway, by the school’s entrance, completely still, head slightly tilted,
hands in his pockets. Theo stops dead, and they just look at each other, until
Max smirks at him and backs away a bit. And he keeps his eyes on Theo, before
turning around and exiting the building.

No one else seems to have noticed their
exchange, but Theo glances around anyway, deliberating. And then, he closes his
locker and makes his way down the crowded hallway and out through the big,
double doors. His friends are already at lunch; they won’t miss him.

The schoolyard is practically empty, apart
from a few students here and there, hanging out on the grass. It’s already
autumn, so the air is crisp and just a bit too chilly to be out in for too
long, sitting on the ground. But they seem to insist on it, and Theo shoves his
hands in his pockets as he passes them by. Max is out of sight, but he has a
pretty good idea of where he has gone.

As usual, there’s no one around here, and
Theo is barely surprised when he rounds the corner of that particular school
building to find the area deserted. Deserted, except for Max, that is, who’s
standing there, hands in his pockets, waiting for him.

Max gives him a wicked smile.

“Hi,” he says. It’s odd how every word out
of his mouth sounds as though it’s made of pure corruption and charismatic persuasion,
drawing you in and making you want to do bad things. At least, that’s how it
makes Theo feel.

“Hey,” he says, taking a step forward, so
that the two of them are only a few feet apart. He eyes Max up and down
quickly, he can’t help it; despite the sheer simplicity of that long-sleeved,
black t-shirt, those black skinny jeans and black Dr. Martens, it suits him
better than anything Theo could ever think of. He can’t help but wonder what he
looks like, in comparison. Probably boring and utterly ordinary, in his
long-sleeved, brown Henley shirt, washed-out jeans and Converse sneakers.

“So,” Max says, pulling a cigarette out
from behind his ear. Theo didn't even notice it until now. “How you been?”

He asks the question with a joking glint
in his eyes, and Theo doesn’t answer. He has wanted to talk to Max again ever
since last time, wanted to be alone with him. He just never really thought of
what he would say, if he got the chance.

Max quirks a small smile at Theo’s
silence, putting the cigarette in his mouth. It stays loosely secured between
his lips, as he gets a lighter from his pocket and flicks it on, cupping his
hand around the small flame, pulling on the cigarette to get it lit. Within
seconds, thin tendrils of smoke start drifting through the air, and he pockets
the lighter again.

He blows out some smoke.

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asks
after a few moments, and Theo glances away for a split second, before looking
back.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he says, and Max
chuckles.

“That’s not what I asked,” he says, moving
the cigarette up to his mouth again.

“Then, what?”

Max seems to hesitate, breathing out
another stream of smoke.

“You seem uncomfortable,” he finally says.
“These past few days.”

Theo swallows. So Max has actually
noticed. He has actually paid attention to Theo, and not just looked at him
like that to tease him.

“I wouldn’t say uncomfortable,” Theo says.

“Then, what would you call it?”

Theo hesitates.

“I guess I’m just not sure how to act,” he
admits. He doesn’t sound as shy and nervous as he suddenly feels. Instead, he
sounds rather sure and steady, which he’s grateful for. “I don’t usually hook
up with guys behind the school.”

He even adds that last part with some dry
humor, but Max still confuses him by looking just the tiniest bit surprised.

“You don’t?” he says, and Theo frowns a
bit.

“No,” he says, shaking his head slightly.
“I don’t. Why?”

Max just shrugs, that surprise on his face
gone. Maybe Theo just imagined it.

He pulls on the cigarette again, before
glancing at it, and then glancing at Theo. And then he holds out the cigarette
to him, and Theo glances up at Max's face. Max cocks his eyebrows, somehow
half-encouraging and half-amused, and Theo glances back at the cigarette. It’s
kind of embarrassing to admit, but he has never actually smoked before. You’d
think he would have, given other things he has tried, but no. He has just never
really had occasion, or wanted to.

He takes the cigarette from Max's fingers,
a bit hesitantly, and slowly moves it up to his mouth. He puts his lips around
it and inhales, figuring it’s just as simple as breathing in. It’s not. The
smoke travels down his throat and into his lungs, and the burning sensation of
it makes him cough, just a little at first, surprised. But he soon leans
forward, coughing louder and more violently, his body convulsing and
instinctively forcing the poison out of his lungs. He feels his eyes tear up,
and he can hear Max chuckle.

“I’m guessing you haven’t done this
before,” he says, a smile in his voice, as his hand moves to gently snatch up
the cigarette from Theo’s fingers. Theo takes a deep, rasping breath as the
coughing subsides, and slowly looks up. Max's blue eyes are on him, that
trademark smirk on his face.

There’s something different about it,
though, Theo thinks. That smirk looks just a bit softer than usual, more like
an actual smile.

Theo opens his mouth to reply, but decides
against it; his throat feels raw, at the moment. Instead, he just cocks his
head awkwardly, glancing away as he straightens up again. If anything is more
embarrassing than not having even tried something so common, and something that
Max seems to spend half his time doing, it’s this, his reaction to trying it
for the first time, himself. He feels very embarrassed, and so pathetically
inexperienced, somehow.

“It’s okay,” Max says, to his surprise,
and Theo glances back at him. He doesn’t sound teasing or mocking or sarcastic.
Instead, he sounds completely neutral, and he looks at Theo. “How about we try
something else?”

Theo frowns a bit, confused, as Max lifts
the cigarette up to his mouth and pulls on it. It’s a slow, deep inhale, and
Theo just stares as Max lowers the cigarette again, those blue eyes fixed on
his. Then, Max moves closer to him, until they’re only inches apart, and Theo
tenses up a bit. He doesn’t move as Max's hand moves up to his face, his thumb
gently sliding along Theo’s bottom lip, eye-contact unbroken, and
automatically, Theo parts his lips, just the slightest bit. And Max opens his
mouth a little, exhaling slowly, and as Theo feels the warm smoke against his
lips, he inhales, just as slowly, even though Max hasn’t even told him to.

This time, the smoke burns less, as Theo
slowly pulls it down into his lungs. It still tickles his throat a bit, but he keeps
himself from coughing, and he keeps his green eyes locked on Max's, as he
breathes in his exhale, Max's hand still by his face.

And for some insane, stupid reason, Theo
suddenly feels so turned-on right now, that he doesn’t quite know what to do.

Max's exhale ends after a few seconds, and
Theo breathes out slowly, traces of the smoke swirling out of his mouth,
dissipating into the air. Max's lips are very close to his now, so close he can
practically feel the warmth of them, the metal piercing just the slightest bit
cooler than the skin.

He barely has time to take another breath,
before those lips are pressing against his.

Theo closes his eyes as Max's hand moves
to pull fingers through his hair, reciprocates the kiss as his own hands
automatically find their way to Max's hips, tilts his head a bit and lets Max
slide his pierced tongue into his mouth.

They haven’t kissed again since the other
day, when they spent the better part of half-an-hour just making out against
the wall, haven’t even spoken since then. But right now, it’s like no time has
passed at all.

Theo feels his whole body tense up as Max
moves closer, pressing against him. It’s somehow softer, though, this time, not
as urgent. But Theo is still painfully aware of how it seems to make his skin
burn, how the feeling of Max's muscles moving beneath his clothes makes Theo
want to slip his hands underneath that black shirt and touch his skin.

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t dare to.

Theo’s head is spinning, though, just like
last time. Although, it takes a few moments before he realizes, as the spinning
intensifies, that it’s not just Max causing it, but rather a pretty intense
rush of nicotine. Not that he minds the two together; one seems to intensify
the other, and he’s not sure which is which, at this point.

Max is still holding the cigarette in his
other hand, but simply drops it limply to the ground, before slowly moving his
hand to Theo’s waist, his other hand still twisted into that light brown hair.

Neither of them utters a sound, a moan, nothing.
The kiss is slow and quiet and hot, a sharp contrast to the eager urgency of
their last one, and Theo feels a burning sensation somewhere deep in his
stomach, spreading through his body and carrying through every single vein,
making it hard to breathe.

When Max slowly, finally, pulls away, Theo
doesn’t open his eyes at first. It’s only when he feels that Max is still
incredibly close that he does open them, and he sees Max's eyebrows slightly
furrowed in a frown. Max is looking at Theo’s mouth, and he swallows hard, as
though thinking about something. Then he looks up into Theo’s eyes. His own are
intense and blue and framed by that black eyeliner that Theo used to try and
convince himself he hated.

“I should go,” Max says, but taking
another second or so before actually moving away, and Theo tries not to think
about how cold the absence of him feels. That burning inside is slowly fading,
the further away from him Max moves.