Sunrises to Santiago: Searching for Purpose on the Camino de Santiago (27 page)

It
boggles the mind thinking about how many pilgrims have touched this
very stone over time. I wonder what a typical pilgrim in the 120
0s
was
thinking about while standing here in this very spot. Unfortunately,
you are no longer permitted to touch it for historical preservation
purposes. Small makeshift metal barriers keep us away from the
column.

Once
inside, we make our way to the tomb of St. James. We get in line and
slowly make our way down some steps into the heart of the cathedral
under the massive altar. I turn to the left and see a small silver
casket that contains the remains of St. James himself. You are
supposed to kneel before the casket and pray or say a few words. I
simply think,
Thank you, thank you for the lessons I have learned,
and just like that, my moment with St. James is over, and we walk
away.

“
That
silver casket thing was really small,” I whisper to Amy. “Were
people tiny back in the day?”

“
Maybe
it was because he didn
’
t
have his head?” Amy replies. “Who knows.”

We
take our seats in an absolutely packed cathedral, which seats 1,000
souls. In front of us, we see the giant incense-burning
b
otafumeiro
,
secretly hoping they will be swinging it through the air. This large
silver vessel, about the size of a large vase, is held in the air by
a giant rope that hangs from the very top of the church. The
botafumeiro was originally used to fumigate the dirty, smelly, and
sometimes disease infested pilgrims as they arrived.
³

Unfortunately
for us, the priests do not swing the vessel as often as they used to,
and sure enough they don
’
t
swing it during our mass. It is
a
moving ceremony, though, as a tiny nun begins to sing, filling the
cathedral
with her angelic voice. Many pilgrims are crying, resting their heads
on a neighbor as they weep.
Most of us
are simply lost in our own thoughts, listening to the sound of her
voice.

The
priest gives a moving message about the journey we have all just
completed and many prayers of thanks are read in a multitude of
languages for the international crowd. Eventually the ceremony comes
to a close, and we all pour out into the streets of Santiago. After
the mass, we decide it is time to check into our much-anticipated
five star hotel.

After
we soak our feet in the giant pool and steam our sore muscles in the
luxurious sauna, I try to sum up the experience in my mind. What did
I learn on this trip? Besides the meanings of life we discovered, I
think back to the rock my walking stick Dolores fell on during
day
four
which simply stated,
“It’s
about
the Way, not about the destinat
ion.”
The
parallels with life are unmistakable.

“
How
ya doin over there?” I ask Amy. We now sit in our insanely
luxurious room talking and enjoying a bottle of nice Rioja wine in
celebration. We have both been lost in thought for a while, letting
the lessons from the past 30 days wash over us.

“
You
know in yoga, they teach that all of us have something called
dharma,” she says.

“
Of
course you are thinking about yoga,” I joke. “What does dharma
have to do with our walk?”

“
Dharma
is basically your duty in life. Your calling. What you are supposed
to be doing,” she says.

“
Your
purpose,” I chime in.

“
Yeah,
I guess so. I will have to learn more about it when we get home.
Anyway, from what I have learned, in yoga your entire life is a
pilgrimage meant to help you understand and find your dharma,” she
explains.

“
You
have to figure it out over a lifetime? It is not something you are
born knowing?” I ask.

“
For
some it is easier of course. But yeah. The purpose of your life is to
find your purpose,” she says.

“
The
purpose of my life is to find my purpose. That is deep,” I smile
and hold up my wine.
“To
the
Camino de Santiag
o.”

“
To
a new way of life and to enjoying moments like this no matter what
tomorrow might bring,” my wise guru wife replies as our plastic
hotel cups tap together.

I
spent a lot of time over the past 30 days worrying about how and if
we would make it to Santiago. In the end, we did in our own way. I
started this journey wanting answers to my questions. I wanted to
find my purpose. But I have learned something far more valuable along
the Way. Maybe the purpose is the pilgrimage. I vow to return home
and enjoy the Way, enjoy the imperfect journey of life no matter the
goals I am trying to achieve or changes I am trying to make. I think
of all of the people we met along the Way. All searching, growing,
struggling. There is no future for them, no past for me. Only the
frustrating, humbling, wondrous, and beautiful now.

It
is time to start walking. I finally feel like I know how.

Day 22: Galician
Mountains

Day 27: Mystical Sunrise

Day 28: Wooded Trail
Galicia

Day 29: The Cathedral of
Santiago de Compostela

Afterword

As
with all life lessons, it is easy to forget. My
Live in the Moment
and
Enjoy the Journey
mantras quickly left me while waiting in
line at the airport in Santiago. My blood was boiling because of some
unseen delay, and I quickly realized how hard it would be to take my
newly learned lessons home with me.

Upon
return to the United Sates, physically I did not improve as quickly
as I had hoped. Hip stiffness I experienced on the flight home turned
into intense, lasting pain. I pushed my body to its limits and have
sustained some long-term injuries that remind me everyday of the
Camino de Santiago and the respect it commands. My Achilles’ heel
is still stiff and feels weak at times. My knee, which caused me the
greatest amount of pain, ironically has improved more quickly. For
the rest of my body, it has taken five months of rest and slow
rehabilitation to heal and to process this experience fully.
Thankfully, almost six months later, my muscles, tendons, and joints
are nearly back to normal.

Mentally
and spiritually, the Camino de Santiago has left a lasting change,
and after my initial airport tantrum, I now sense a monumental shift
in my being. Even if I have not fully processed what this means. As
is the case when you return from overseas, well-meaning friends and
family ask the standard question, “So how was your trip?” I
honestly respond with, “Life changing,” and a select few ask for
more details.

I
did not plan on writing a book about this journey until some months
after returning to the United States. The effort has been a great way
to share the lessons learned and inspire others to do the same. It
has also been a way for me to reflect and process these lessons,
which are easy to forget once you come back to the real world.

The
most important lesson is to live in the moment, and I
’
ve
set the lock screen on my iPhone to remind me of this everyday. A
picture of the rock I stumbled upon in Spain that read
“It
’
s
about the Way, not about the destination.”
When I look at it, I
remember that life is happening now, so you best enjoy the ride.

A
few days after the journey ended and I returned to the United States,
it was back to work and the daily grind of a predictable 8 to 5 life.
It was a shock to go from the daily adventure of trekking to making
copies in an office in the same week. My mind drifts back to Spain
and the call of adventure almost daily. I was looking for direction,
purpose, and the answer to my career crisis on the Camino de
Santiago, and I did not find an exact solution. Instead, I am
focusing on the life lessons I gleaned from our time in Spain to
cultivate peace, from which I hope I will find my answers.

Instead
of pursuing jobs working for others, I am now focused on creating my
own. For me, a huge shift in thinking. For purpose, I am finding
meaning in the little things. During days where I feel insignificant,
I remember how important small conversations were for me and how most
of the people I met on the Camino have no idea how they helped me on
my path. I remember that a simple charcoal pill can lead to a poem
and that small acts of kindness really do matter.

Interestingly,
Amy, who was not having a career crisis, has experienced a change as
well. From a deeper understanding of self, she has decided to pursue
a passion for yoga and enrolled in yoga teacher training a few short
weeks after our return. This has turned into a possible new career
shift. The Camino helped her see that the intense demands and
emotional drain of being a school psychologist were leading to mental
burn out, and she is giving herself permission to pursue other
interests.

Let
me offer a warning to anyone thinking about taking on the Camino de
Santiago themselves. This experience will change you. Whether you are
looking to heal from a divorce, getting over the loss of a loved one,
looking for a grand adventure, or experiencing a semi life crisis
like me, the Camino de Santiago has answers if you are open to
hearing its messages. They may not be what you are expecting but,
they are there now, waiting for you, and the souls you will meet
along the Way will be your guides.

Buen
Camino

Endnotes

Introduction

1.
Acts 12:1-2 (New International Version (NIV)).

2.
John Brierley,
A
Pilgrim
’
s
Guide to the Camino de Santiago: St. Jean – Roncesvalles –
Santiago
(Forres:
Camino Guides, 2014), 31-32.

The
Barista

1.
Brierley,
A
Pilgrim
’
s
Guide to the Camino de Santiago
,
67.

2.
Instituto Nacional de Estadística, “Navarra: Población por
municipios y sexo,” http://www.ine.es.

Walking
Stick

1.
Pilgrim
’
s
Welcome Office, “Statistics,” http://www.peregrinossantiago.es.

La
Rioja

1.
Pilgrim
’
s
Welcome Office, “Statistics.”