Summer Sizzle (19 page)

“I tried to cope with my son’s death, but each day became more and more difficult to deal with.” His voice carried no emotion, not a hint of what was going on inside him. “I had to get away. About six months ago, I put in for a sabbatical. I sold my house close to the university and ended up here. Now they want me to cut my sabbatical short and return right away.”

He didn’t say anything else. He simply took the envelope, walked out of the room, and went upstairs, leaving her in stunned silence. She wanted to go after him, to say she was sorry for how unfeeling her comments must have sounded. But on the other hand, perhaps it would be better if she waited a while, gave him some time to himself. The letter from the university obviously presented him with a new situation and decisions he needed to make. She wanted to be supportive, but wasn’t sure what to do.

So she didn’t do anything.

She sat at her computer and stared at the screen saver until she heard him come back downstairs. She glanced at her watch, surprised to see that he’d been gone for half an hour. Then she looked up and saw him standing at the door with two suitcases in his hands. A sharp jolt of panic hit her, combined with an equally hard stab of fear.

“Are you going somewhere?” She forced out the words, her voice anything but firm.

He nodded. “I’m going back to the university. I can stay in my office until I figure out what to do about a place to live.”

Vicki rose from her chair, her legs trembling so much she needed to hang on to the edge of the table to keep from falling. Uncontrollable shivers raced through her body. “But why?”

“Why?” He seemed genuinely surprised by her question. “I thought that would have been obvious. Planning for the future, that’s what’s most important to you. It seems to be the criteria by which you judge everything. A solid job, hard work, a well-planned future.” His words became tinged with a hint of sarcasm bordering on bitterness, but not enough to hide the underlying despair and pain.

She stared at him, her mouth open but unable to force out any words.

“So, I’m returning to my job. If I work hard, perhaps I’ll be able to measure up to your standards, to eventually become acceptable and be the type of person who will fit into your neatly ordered, planned out life.” A sigh of resignation escaped his throat. “All I can do is try to be what you want.”

He gave her a moment of eye contact before turning and walking out the door.

Vicki heard his car start, then drive away. She went numb. Any form of logical thought eluded her. Nothing in her line of sight came into focus. She wasn’t even sure she was still breathing. She had never felt so alone…or so lonely. She closed her eyes in an attempt to prevent the tears from flowing, but it didn’t help. The moisture leaked out anyway and trickled down her cheeks. The cat, as if sensing its owner’s inner turmoil, jumped up on the table and rubbed its head against her arm. Her feet had turned to lead, preventing her from moving.

Wave after wave of unbearable pain surged through her veins. Not one corner of her reality remained untouched. All she wanted to do was lock herself away and cry until she had no more tears. The perfect man for her had just walked out the door.

Correction—she had chased him away.

****

Blake unpacked his suitcases and put his clothes away as best he could in the limited amount of space. As a department head, his office included a small back room with sleeper sofa and a bathroom with a shower. It wasn’t much, but it would do until he figured out his next move. He already had a lot of work piled on his desk. He wouldn’t be teaching any classes until fall, but there were many things that needed to be accomplished before the term started. That included hiring an additional faculty member and filling two staff positions.

Part of him had to admit he missed the job he used to enjoy. But another part didn’t want to answer questions or give explanations to his fellow faculty members. And then there was the part that wanted to be back at the beach with Vicki in his arms, recapturing the only truly enjoyable and carefree time he’d experienced since the death of his son. A time when he’d started to believe the future might hold something for him after all.

But now he didn’t know what he felt other than numb and empty. When he’d lost Bobby, there wasn’t anything he could do to bring his son back. Vicki, however, was a different situation. She was very much alive, and he loved her dearly. Could he be what she wanted? Could he fit into the mold of the type of man she deemed acceptable? He didn’t know, but he had to try.

“Hey, Blake.” A middle aged man with graying hair stuck his head in the door. “Good to see you back.”

“Thanks, Charlie. From the look of these files, I have a lot of catching up to do. How are Helen and the boys?”

An amused chuckle escaped his friend’s throat. “Summer has just started, and I’m already wondering when they’ll be going back to school.” Charlie glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to run. I have a class to teach. See you at the meeting Wednesday morning.”

The rest of the day dragged by. More people stopped by his office to welcome him back. He hid behind a friendly, out-going façade, all the while wishing everyone would leave him alone.
Let me wallow in my misery
. He immediately admonished himself for the unacceptable and stupid thought. Self-pity was not the answer. He had spent two years grieving for his son and wallowing in his pain, a process he didn’t intend to start over again, especially for someone very much alive. Somehow he had to get himself sorted out.

The halls finally quieted down. He locked his office door and retreated to the small back room. After watching the nightly news, he fell into a restless sleep. Dreams—no, more like memories—swirled through his mind. Vicki sleeping in his arms. Her face flushed from her orgasm. Sitting across the breakfast table from him. Next to him on the deck having a glass of wine in the evening and enjoying the sunset. Her excitement the first time she flew the kite. Every minute of the time they’d spent together, everything they shared.

Blake woke from his troubled sleep early the next morning, showered, dressed, and walked the few blocks to a coffee shop for breakfast. All he could manage was a few bites of an omelet and a cup of coffee. He didn’t return to his office right away. Instead, he walked around the campus, stopping by the reflecting pond and strolling through the flower gardens. He had always loved the university grounds. The place had an energetic feel that invigorated him and fed into his overall sense of contentment. At least, it used to. He scanned the beautiful landscaping and stately old buildings amid the modern ones. Would he ever be able to recapture that special feeling?

And more importantly, would he be able to work out his relationship with Vicki?

He finally returned to his office and set up a schedule for the rest of the week. The first thing was a department head meeting at ten o’clock the next morning. He disliked the monthly meetings. They usually consisted of going over the same old things again and seldom accomplishing anything new, but they were a part of the job.

The rest of his day dragged by as slowly as the previous afternoon. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep Vicki out of his thoughts. He loved her. Somehow he had to prove himself to her, show her he could be the type of man to fit into what she wanted out of life. But what about his own needs? He couldn’t be so focused on pleasing Vicki that he ended up losing himself again. Somehow he had to figure out how to handle both dynamics.

He slowly shook his head as he sucked in a steadying breath. Was that even possible?

Chapter Ten

Vicki managed to pull herself out of bed on Wednesday morning. She made coffee, fed the cat, and thought about breakfast. Unable to face the idea of food, she went to work in her office. A couple of hours later, she finally gave up trying to concentrate. All she could think about was Blake Callahan…the man she loved. The man she had stupidly managed to drive away with her unreasonable obsessions and impractical vision of life. The man she desperately wanted back.

She had never been so angry with herself or so ashamed of her actions. It had been mid-morning on Monday when Blake had walked out the door with his suitcases. Forty-eight hours ago. The most miserable forty-eight hours of her life. She had hoped he would call, but was disappointed rather than surprised that he hadn’t.

He’d trusted her with knowledge of the inner turmoil that had torn his life apart. And what had she done in return? She’d latched on to the fact that he had an impressive educational background with a good job and berated him for walking away from it. She could only guess how deeply she must have hurt him. And to have done it on top of the fact that he still grieved for his son. She had never thought of herself as being cruel, insensitive, or callous, but she didn’t know how else to describe her deplorable actions and words even though she had never intended to hurt him.

She grabbed her coffee cup, took it out to the deck, and sat at the table. A beautiful sunny day. The type of day to be enjoyed. When she closed her eyes, an image popped into her mind. Blake flying one of his kites. The look of pleasure and fun covering his face. The excitement and enthusiasm his actions conveyed.

Vicki sat bolt upright, her eyes wide open. A rush of excitement hit her. The answer to her dilemma had been right in front of her all along. Grabbing her purse, she walked into the village. After making a quick purchase, she caught the bus. Forty-five minutes later, after transferring to another bus, she got off at the bus stop in front of the university’s main entrance. She checked the campus map, then headed for the building housing the office of the head of the Sociology Department.

The doorknob turned, and the unlocked office door swung open. She wasn’t sure whether she experienced relief or disappointment when she found the office empty. She placed the package on Blake’s desk along with a sealed envelope. Nervous energy jittered inside her. She didn’t know if she was doing the right thing, but she didn’t know what else to do. Should she wait for him? No, his response to her note and gift had to be an honest one, not something prompted by her presence.

She retraced her bus route back to the village and walked to the house. Now the torturous reality of waiting. And time seemed to be at a standstill. Would he ignore her note? Would he call? Would he come home? Home… The sound of that word was very enticing. A home with the man she loved. An unlimited future that also included a marvelous
now.
A
today
she accepted as being every bit as important as tomorrow. The perfect balance. It had always been there, but she hadn’t recognized it until Blake forced her to see it.

A quick glance into her office confirmed what she already knew. No way could she concentrate on work. After pouring herself a glass of iced tea, she took it out onto the deck. It was a beautiful day, the kind that seemed perfect for taking a walk along the beach. But she didn’t dare leave. She couldn’t take a chance on missing Blake’s call.

If
he called.

One hour gone. Then two hours. Apprehension welled inside her, so much so that her anxiety had become almost palpable. Had her actions been too little, too late? Had he chosen to ignore her note? It would soon be dinner time, and she hadn’t eaten anything all day. She tried to stand, but her muscles refused to comply. It was as if her body had been drained of all energy, as if she had no reason to go on. Picking up her glass, she took the last swallow.

The sound of the glass door sliding open behind her grabbed her attention. The breath caught in her lungs. She closed her eyes in an attempt to compose herself. Had she really heard the sound, or had she only wanted it to be true so much that she had imagined it?

“May I join you?” Blake’s voice caused unfettered joy to swell inside her heart.

She slowly turned. “Yes, I’d like that.”

His face looked a little drawn. His eyes said he hadn’t been sleeping well. But in spite of that, she’d never seen anything as wonderful.

Blake took a deep breath, held it a second, and then slowly exhaled. Hesitantly at first, then with a fervor that couldn’t be stopped, he pulled her up from the chair and folded her in his embrace. He held her closely, his cheek resting against her head. She wrapped her arms around his waist. It had only been two days, but it felt like a lifetime since he’d last held her.

“Thank you for my present. It’s exactly the kind of kite I’ve been thinking about buying.”

“I know. The store owner is one of my clients. He said you’d looked at it a couple of times as if you couldn’t quite make up your mind.”

“The envelope you left me…are you serious? You really filled out an entry form for the adult beginner classification of the kite flying contest?”

“Yes. The more I thought about what you said, the more it sounded like a fun thing to do. Of course, I’ll need a lot of help and practice. I was hoping I could talk you into coaching me.”

“You didn’t do that because you thought I wanted you to, did you?” He wrinkled his brow into a frown. “I don’t want you to enter the contest unless
you
want to. Nothing is fun when you’re doing it because you feel like you have to, that it’s expected of you rather than doing it because it’s something you really want to do.”

“I really want to.” She brushed a soft kiss across his lips. “And what about going back to the university? I don’t want you to do that unless it’s something
you
want to do.”

“When I left here Monday morning, I did it because it was what you so clearly wanted.” He paused, trying to collect the rest of his thoughts and put them into words. “Having a responsible job and working for the future was what you needed from me, the thing that would make me acceptable so I could be part of your life. But now that I’ve gotten back into the swing of things, I realize how much I missed it.” He cupped her face in his hands and captured her mouth with a loving kiss. “And how much I missed you.”

“I’m so sorry, Blake.” She held him tighter. “I had no right to say anything about your decision to leave the university. It was none of my business. I was completely out of line.” She looked up at him, making eye contact. “Please forgive my selfishness. My callousness in trying to fit everything into some stupid, preconceived mold of how I thought the world should be.”