Summer Season (10 page)

Joel popped his head round the door with a plateful of sandwiches, while Kezzie went to freshen up.

‘Thanks for this,’ said Joel, ‘you didn’t have to.’

‘No, I didn’t,’ snapped Lauren waspishly.

‘Oh, no. Sorry.’ Joel felt wrongfooted, but then Lauren’s tone softened as she said, ‘So did you find anything interesting?’

‘Yes, it was incredible,’ said Joel, who was really feeling fired up by the morning’s discoveries. ‘There was a trunk with loads of letters in, and Lily’s diaries – that’s Edward’s
wife – and pictures they’d both done, but no sign of any plans yet.’

‘That’s a shame,’ said Lauren, but she didn’t really seem interested. ‘Come on girls, it’s time to go.’

‘Oh, do you have to go so soon?’ said Joel. ‘I was hoping to get back in the garden for a bit this afternoon.’

‘Well, you’ll have to hope won’t you,’ said Lauren, with exasperation. ‘I do have other things to do, you know.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Joel ploughed on. ‘Sorry. I thought maybe the money could be useful …’

‘The money is always useful,’ exploded Lauren. ‘That’s not the bloody point. I’ve got to walk the girls to their granny’s for a sleepover so I can work a late shift in the pub. I don’t have much of a life, but not all of it revolves around you and Sam.’

‘Oh,’ said Joel, ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t think—’

‘No, that’s the problem,’ said Lauren. ‘You never do. Come on, girls, time we were off.’

‘Oh,’ said Kezzie, looking embarrassed, as Lauren swept past her. ‘What was all that about?’

‘Me putting my size elevens in it again,’ groaned Joel.

‘Well, you do treat that poor girl like she’s a bit of furniture, sometimes,’ said Kezzie.

Joel looked a bit rueful.

‘I know,’ he sighed. ‘I don’t mean to. She’s so much better with Sam than I am.’

‘Not better, necessarily,’ said Kezzie. ‘Just different. I think you need to spend a bit more time concentrating on being a dad and not letting other people do it for you.’

‘So you wouldn’t help me by getting Sam up from his nap then?’ said Joel as a telltale sound of gentle wailing proclaimed Sam was waking up.

‘Nope,’ said Kezzie. ‘I’m nobody’s nursemaid. Least of all
yours
.’

1893

Edward Handford came home to a very different wife. The household was cold and bare. There was no joy any more. The Lily he remembered only two short years ago, laughing with him by the willow tree, the Lily who had had so many hopes and plans for the future – that Lily had gone. In her place was a silent, pale ghost who barely moved from her bed. She stared blankly into space, her skin translucent against the pillow, her lips pale and bluish. Sometimes he feared she was dying; her hands were so cold; she lay so still.

Many an evening, he sat at his writing desk, recording his thoughts in his diary.
Lily is not like other women
, he wrote in November of 1894,
she is more fragile than they are, less able to deal with the loss of her baby. Where other women accept it as God’s will, Lily rages against Him, in ways her parents both find blasphemous. Perhaps I should, but I cannot. Lily feels things more than others do. I cannot condemn her for it.

There were times when Edward had to stand up for Lily to his whole family – as the months wore on and still she seemed more and more enshrouded in her gloom, and less able to engage in the outside world, he even found himself quarrelling with his mother.

‘I will not hear of it,’ he said, when his mother suggested that he should have Lily committed because her behaviour was too extreme, too feverish, too hysterical. ‘Lily will stay here with me, and she will get better.’ Edward recalled with horror an aged aunt who had been locked in a sanatorium, and he had no desire for his beloved wife to be sent to one, however scattered her wits.

Later he wrote,
Perhaps it is wrong of me to have had
Mother live with us. She, who is so strong and steady, cannot understand the pressures the world brings to one such as Lily who flourishes in its light, but is bowed under by the dark. I know Lily will get better. She needs tender nurturing to take her through the winter of her pain. One day it will be spring, and she will smile again.

So Edward persevered that whole long dark winter, refusing her family’s demands to have Lily sent away, gently encouraging her day by day to re-enter the world once more. Until a day came, in the spring, when he was able to persuade her to join him in the garden to show her the agapanthus he’d planted in memory of Edward James, the son who had lived a mere six hours.

Lily cried in his arms then, and he rocked and cherished her and promised there would be other babies, and that he would never leave her again.

After Lauren left, Joel and Kezzie dragged the trunk, paperwork and pictures down the stairs.

‘You should really give Eileen a ring about some of this,’ said Kezzie, ‘I’m sure she’d love to have a look through it.’

‘Good idea,’ said Joel. ‘Lauren’s been nagging me about getting involved in the summer fete. I have to confess, it’s not my kind of thing really, but I’m beginning to change my mind. The more I find out about Edward Handford, the more I think the world needs to know about him.’

‘I think there’s enough here to mount an exhibition,’ said Kezzie. ‘Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing to do in his anniversary year?’

‘Just look at all this stuff,’ said Joel. Now they had it in the light, they could see just exactly what was there.

There were boxes and boxes of letters, files, paperwork and photos piled higgledy-piggledy into the trunk. They were loosely organized into piles of letters with neat handwriting, saying Lily to Edward/Edward to Lily, Connie to Edward, and so on.

‘I wonder who organized all this,’ said Kezzie. ‘Someone must have pulled all this stuff together.’

‘Hmm, I wonder …’ Joel picked up some of the packets of letters and compared the handwriting. ‘I think it may
have been Connie – see this letter here from her to Edward, the writing looks the same.’

‘Remind me who Connie was again,’ said Kezzie.

‘Edward’s daughter, I think, which makes her my great great aunt,’ said Joel. ‘I think she died just before I was born and Uncle Jack inherited the house from her. I can’t believe how much stuff there is here, it’s going to take forever to sort out.’

‘Where’s your sense of adventure?’ said Kezzie. ‘I don’t mind having a look through it, I bet Eileen will be interested in it as well. I’ll call in on her on my way home.’

Before she left, Kezzie turned to him and said, ‘By the way, you are going to apologize to Lauren, aren’t you? I know it’s not my business, but I think she deserves better.’

‘I know,’ said Joel with a sigh. ‘Claire always said I was a bit thick about other people’s feelings. I’ll apologize next time I see her.’

As he waved Kezzie off, Joel decided he’d have to try and make it up to Lauren sometime. Kezzie was right, he could be casual with Lauren, and it wasn’t fair. He appreciated what she did for him and Sam, and he barely ever said so.

‘You stupid sod, haven’t you learnt anything?’ he said out loud.

He thought back to that last catastrophic night with Claire, and how they’d argued because she felt he’d let her down and now here he was doing the same thing to Lauren. In the morning he’d go round with some flowers and apologize. It was too late to make it up to Claire, but it wasn’t too late to put things right with Lauren.

Lauren flew home in absolute fury with Joel. She snapped at the children, who trotted by her side like such frightened little mice till she got them home and hugged them, she
felt terrible. It wasn’t their fault Joel could be such an insensitive sod. Lauren felt immensely guilty that she’d taken her bad mood out on the twins, and made it up to them by giving them a cookie each. Lauren wasn’t sure what had annoyed her most, the casual way Joel had let her make everyone lunch, the fact that he’d assumed she’d be able to drop everything to stay and help him out, or the way that Joel and Kezzie made her feel so left out.

‘Serves you right for being such a soft touch,’ she murmured. This was the problem of course. She did have a soft spot for Joel. Partly because of Claire – Lauren felt she should help him for her friend’s sake – partly because of the situation he was in, and partly because it was impossible to stay cross with Joel for long. So by the time Lauren had walked the girls to her mum’s, had a moan about Joel and got home again, she was feeling better. She decided that what she needed was to chill out before work and banish all thoughts of Joel and Sam from her mind. She walked back home fantasizing about a nice hot soak in the bathtub.

But as she got home, all her previous irritations paled into insignificance. She approached the house and to her surprise saw someone was waiting on the doorstep. As she drew closer, she saw to her horror it wasn’t just anyone –
Troy
was lounging nonchalantly on her doorstep, smoking a roll-up. Her heart thudded in her chest and she felt slightly sick as she took in his sensuous good looks, the piercing blue eyes, the mane of slightly dishevelled hair, and incredibly sexy, unshaven look. She had forgotten just how good looking he was.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ she said. ‘I didn’t say I wanted to see you.’

‘Well, that’s a nice greeting.’ Troy got up laconically, stretching his long limbs in a languorous sensual movement.
He’d always reminded her of a predator – a lion perhaps – and she recognized that look in his eye. Bastard thought it would be a cinch. He was still so sure of his power over her.

‘Troy, I haven’t seen you in over two years,’ she said. ‘You’ve only seen your children once since they were born, and never paid me any maintenance. Why should I give you a nice greeting?’

‘Because you know, despite it all, you and me are made for each other.’

He leant over to touch her cheek, but she pushed him away, her heart pounding with a combination of anger and attraction. The knowledge that the attraction was there made her angrier than ever.

‘When did you have this revelation? The last time I saw you, I seem to remember you saying you were a free spirit, made to wander, not cut out for domestic life.’

‘Yeah, well. I may have got that a bit wrong,’ said Troy.

‘Latest floozy kicked you out?’ said Lauren. ‘Think I’ve been there before.’

‘There isn’t a latest floozy,’ said Troy. ‘I’ve just been through some stuff lately that’s got me thinking. I realize I’ve not been a good dad—’

‘You’ve not
been
a dad at all,’ snorted Lauren.

‘—and I’ve treated you badly. But I would like to get to know the girls properly. And you know I’ve always had feelings for you. I still do.’

‘Stop!’ said Lauren. ‘You don’t get to wander back into my life, declaring undying love and move straight back in again. You just don’t. And while I’m delighted you’re at last showing an interest in your daughters, they’re older now. I want you to have a proper relationship with them. You can’t wander in and out at will. You’ve got to be here for the duration.’

‘I can be,’ said Troy. ‘I want to be. Can I see them?’

‘They’re not here,’ said Lauren. ‘They’re at Mum’s for the night. And I have to go to work now, so please just go.’

‘Please, don’t shut me out of their lives,’ said Troy. He looked so woebegone, she softened. Damn his beautiful blue eyes. They were her Achilles’ heel. ‘I really do mean it this time.’

Lauren sighed. After her irritating morning at Joel’s, Troy was the last thing she wanted to be dealing with.

‘Why?’ she said. ‘Why are you here, after all this time? And how can I possibly trust you?’

For the first time Troy looked slightly less sure of himself.

‘There’s been some stuff going on in my personal life,’ he mumbled.

‘Stuff? What stuff?’ To Lauren’s knowledge Troy didn’t ‘do’ personal problems.

‘It’s to do with my dad,’ said Troy, in a manner that suggested every word he was saying was torture. Which for him, it probably was. Troy’s dad was among a number of subjects that Lauren had quickly discovered were taboo. For him to even mention his dad must mean something was up. Lauren took a deep breath. Perhaps she should give him a chance, but she wasn’t going to make it easy for him.

‘What about your dad?’ she said.

‘He’s – he’s been in touch,’ said Troy. ‘He’s not well at all, and wanted to meet me. I’ve been to see him, but it’s too late. He’s done nothing for me my whole life, I just don’t want to know now. And it made me realize what I’m missing. Please. I really do mean it; I would like to see the girls.’

He looked at her so plaintively she felt like slapping him. Arrogant Troy was far more attractive than this pleading version.

‘OK. I’ll think about it,’ said Lauren. ‘I would like the girls
to know their dad, but if you let them down I’ll crucify you – understand?’

‘Got it,’ Troy said. ‘But this time I promise I won’t.’

Kezzie spent the afternoon poring over some of the letters and diaries that she and Joel had found. It was fascinating stuff, full of the minutiae of other people’s lives. She’d been particularly taken with the letters Edward had written Lily when he was abroad in India. Astonishing to think of the journeys they’d made in those days, and all so Edward could collect exotic plants – apparently there was at least one rhododendron at Kew named after him. Kezzie had also been excited to discover a black and white photo in one of the piles of letters. It was obviously out of place, as it was dated 1905 and pictured the original opening of the Memorial Gardens, when it was still known as Heartsease Public Gardens. Edward and Lily were standing in front of the garden’s iron gates in the middle of a group of people, looking very stiff and formal, but maybe that was just the way photographs were done in those days. All the women wore light summer dresses with high lace collars and trim waistlines, and the men were in suits. Although the print was faded, it looked as though they were all squinting, so presumably it had been a sunny day. Kezzie liked the fact that Edward had done something for his community, it made her feel connected to him in some small way. She was beginning to feel connected in Heartsease, too.

When Kezzie had first moved in to Jo’s cottage, she’d imagined she’d be bored rigid living in the country. Flick would have laughed in her face had she known, but to her surprise, despite missing her friends in town, Kezzie was slowly getting used to village life, and being here was certainly making her feel more rational about the whole Richard situation. Yes, she’d been an idiot. He’d been right
to be angry with her, she could see that now, where before she’d thought he was overreacting. But he had been cruel. When she’d tried to make it up to him, Richard had reacted in such a coldly furious way that Kezzie had felt almost as though she didn’t know him. But then she thought back to his teasing comments in their early days together about her being a ‘Greenham’ and a dropout, when she’d thought he could be quite priggish and fuddy duddy. Kezzie had always felt their differences had made their relationship stronger, but perhaps she’d been wrong about that. Maybe they were just too different, and her actions had just highlighted the fact that they should never have been together in the first place.

Kezzie sighed, and put everything away. She wasn’t so over Richard that the thought of an evening on her own in the cottage, brooding about him, was at all appealing. There wasn’t much on TV, and although she still had to respond to Jo’s last email, and had lots to do on her new website, she wasn’t in the mood for sitting at home. She decided to go down the pub. Lauren had said she was working that night, and it might do her good to get to know some other people in Heartsease.

After a quick bite to eat, Kezzie set off down the hill and made her way to the village pub. The Labourer’s Legs was near the small village green, which formed the heart of the village. It backed onto the local pond where they drowned witches in medieval times, if the books in the little ethnic shop just off the High Street were to be believed. Now it was home to some ducks, a few moor hens and a pair of very bad-tempered swans.

She walked into the pub, which was quite small and cosy with its little nooks and crannies and an oak beamed ceiling. A large fire was crackling in the far corner, and she immediately spotted Lauren behind the bar, polishing glasses.

‘Oh Lauren, am I glad to see you,’ confessed Kezzie. ‘I couldn’t face the thought of an evening at home alone, but I was a bit nervous about coming in here on my own.’

‘No need to worry,’ said Lauren, ‘the natives are quite friendly. I’ll introduce you to some. What are you having?’

‘Lager, thanks,’ said Kezzie.

Several lagers and some introductions later, Kezzie found herself in the middle of a lively group of locals, including John Townley (whom Lauren had whispered she should avoid like the plague), the eponymous Keith of the café fame, who was an ex-fashion designer and full of outrageous stories about some of the rich and famous he’d encountered in his previous line of work, and a couple of cheery builders who tried it on, but cheerfully accepted the knockback Kezzie gave them. She’d have felt awkward being the only woman, but luckily Eileen arrived with a man called Tony. They seemed to know everyone, so Kezzie soon felt accepted into the crowd. She had a fun and raucous evening, and felt fairly sozzled by the time she left at the end of Lauren’s shift, which somehow carried on until gone midnight.

‘What time were you supposed to finish?’ Kezzie asked Lauren as they walked up the hill together.

‘Eleven,’ said Lauren, ‘but Andy and Sally are good at disappearing when I need them. They only made an appearance at the end because it got so busy.’

‘You shouldn’t put up with it,’ said Kezzie. ‘You’re far too nice. I told Joel so today. He takes advantage of you.’

‘Oh, you didn’t!’ Lauren looked mortified.

‘Well, he was out of order,’ said Kezzie. ‘I felt so embarrassed when I realized you’d made all those sandwiches for us. There was no need.’

‘Habit,’ said Lauren. ‘I was pissed off, I don’t deny it. The trouble with Joel is, he can be so hopeless sometimes it’s easy to fall into the habit of looking after him.’

‘Oh, is it now?’ said Kezzie, resolving never to do the same. ‘Well you shouldn’t; you should stick up for yourself more.’

‘I know,’ said Lauren. ‘Easier said than done, though.’

Kezzie thought back to how pathetic she’d become around Richard. ‘True,’ she said. ‘We should be women, not wimps.’

‘Yeah, right!’ said Lauren, laughing at Kezzie as she fumbled for her keys and brought out her lipstick by mistake. ‘Come on, let me help you inside.’

Kezzie giggled her head off as she and Lauren sorted out her keys. It reminded her of being out for the night with Flick. She said good night to Lauren and let herself in the cottage. For the first time since she’d been here, she didn’t feel quite so lonely.