Authors: Alison Pensy
Tags: #outback, #australia, #cowgirl, #sheep station, #jillaroo, #jackeroo
“What?” Sam said, trying to hide the
trepidation in her voice.
Oh, God. He thinks I kiss like a wet
fish,
she thought. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” He was looking to the heavens thinking
about something. He brought his gaze back to stare at her. “No,
sweetheart. Of course, you didn’t.”
“What is it then?” she asked.
“Something must have scared Humphrey to spook
him like that. I have trained him to be almost bombproof. The only
thing he still spooks at is…”
They heard it even before the word slipped
from his tongue. An ominous hissing sound resonated through the
tall grass.
“Snakes,” Daniel finished his sentence.
Sam and Daniel turned their heads to look at
the creature that was creating the spine chilling sound.
“Don’t move,” Daniel whispered.
“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” Sam
whispered back. She was petrified. She wasn’t going anywhere, her
whole body had frozen solid. “What are we going to do?”
“Well, I have a gun, but you’re lying on
it.”
“And I thought you were just happy to see
me,” Sam whispered with a chuckle, trying to hide her fear of what
was eyeing them intently just a few feet away.
“Sam, this is serious,” Daniel responded with
a hint of panic in his voice.
“Sorry.”
“Let me think,” he said.
Neither of them took their eyes off the
snake.
“Well, don’t take too long. I really don’t
fancy being bitten by a snake. I’ve just gotten over being kicked
by a sheep.” Sam admitted she sounded a tad whiny at that
point.
To their surprise, Brolga came to their
rescue. The beautiful mare had decided she didn’t like the snake
being so close to her rider and started stomping her hooves on the
ground. The snake, distracted by the sudden movement and noise,
turned to her, hissing angrily.
“Oh, God. It’s going to bite Brolga!” Sam
cried. She didn’t want to see her horse get hurt either.
“She’ll get out of the way quick enough,”
Daniel replied. He used the distraction to get the two of them out
of harm’s way.
Daniel grabbed hold of both of Sam’s arms and
rolled them over a couple of times away from the snake. When he
came to a stop, he was lying on top of Sam. In the blink of an eye,
he pulled out his gun and took a shot at the snake. Sam turned her
head. The snake lay limp and lifeless on the ground just a few feet
away from them.
“Is it dead?”
“Looks like it.”
“Whoa,” Sam breathed when Daniel looked down
at her. “You’re pretty good with that thing.”
“County champion,” he announced with an air
of smugness. He pulled a blade of grass from her hair. “Now, where
were we?” he continued, pushing her hair out of her eyes, his lips
finding hers once again.
Sam allowed herself to revel in the desire
building within for a moment, until the familiar uncontrollable
feeling of sheer terror reared its ugly head and she went rigid
beneath him.
Daniel stopped, raised his head and lifted
his eyebrows.
“Sorry,” Sam murmured, once again pushing him
off, averting her eyes to avoid his look of worry. “We better get
Humphrey back. The cattle are starting to roam.” As Sam got up to
walk away, Daniel grabbed her hand, stopping her from fleeing.
“Sam?” he said softly. “Look at me.”
Daniel was still sitting on the ground. Sam
turned to look down. She saw tenderness filling his eyes and bit
back the tears that pricked behind hers.
“I can only help you, if you trust me,” he
continued, softly rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.
Liquid warmth flowed from the spot he touched, snaking its way up
her arm, threatening to wrap her whole body in the security it
offered. She closed her eyes.
“Please tell me what happened. What made you
so scared to let anyone near you? Maybe I can help.”
Sam looked at her feet. “I really wish I
could... I just don’t think I can,” she stated blankly. “Come on,
we need to get Humphrey back.” Sam pulled away from Daniel’s gentle
grip. She picked up Brolga’s reins and wandered off towards
Daniel’s horse that was now munching grass several yards away as if
nothing had ever happened. With every labored step, she kicked
herself for being such a coward.
Luckily, Humphrey didn’t run from them when
they approached. Daniel walked up to him slowly, whispering calm
words as he did. Humphrey gave him a sideways glance before Daniel
picked up his reins without consequence.
Sam hauled herself back up onto Brolga.
Daniel did the same with Humphrey, although, with a lot more
elegance than the young jillaroo. Mounting from the ground was not
turning out to be her forte, but right at that moment, she didn’t
have the courage to ask for Daniel’s help. Not when she had just
rejected him, yet again, a few moments prior.
They turned their horses and headed back to
the herd. The cattle had scattered in all directions in the few
minutes they had been unsupervised. Sam was secretly relieved
because it would mean they would have to work away from each other
for a while, and that gave her time to collect her thoughts and
steady her emotions.
She took Brolga behind the herd, rounding up
the stragglers at the back until they had once again joined the
herd, then she continued to push them forward. Daniel took the side
position, rounding up the stragglers there until they also joined
the herd. It didn’t take long to push them back into the neat,
moving mass they once were, but it was long enough that Sam was
able to do some serious soul searching.
Once the cattle had settled back into their
relaxed amble, Daniel and Sam fell in behind them. They still had a
few miles to go before they would reach the watering hole. At the
rate they were moving, it was probably going to take several more
hours.
Daniel had gone very quiet. Sam couldn’t
blame him. Every time she let him anywhere near her, she panicked
and pushed him away again. Try as she might to be just friends, she
could feel herself falling for him. That made her face the decision
of either telling him what it was that terrified her so much, or
lose him. She may lose him, anyway, but decided that was now
becoming a risk she was willing to take.
Sam looked over at the handsome profile of
the man who had done nothing but try to make her feel good since
the first moment she laid eyes on him. It seemed so long ago that
she had inched her way down the aisle of the jumbo jet to be
greeted by his kind eyes and dazzling smile when she got to her
seat.
There was no choice. She had to take a leap
of faith and tell him why she was so scared of letting anyone else
near her battered heart. He then had one of two choices. He could
either accept that she was slightly damaged. Oh, all right then,
completely shattered, and try to help her, or he might decide that
she was more trouble than she was worth and not want any more to do
with her.
She prayed it would not be the latter, and
something in her heart told her that she could trust him.
Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath and
whispered. “Okay.”
He turned to her, his brow furrowed.
“Okay?”
“You have asked me to trust you. So, I’ll
try.”
Daniel’s face softened at her words. Sam felt
her insides melt a split second before they tied themselves in
knots. Her mouth went dry. She dropped her gaze to stare at her
hands, which were softly gripping the leather strips of Brolga’s
reins.
“Go on,” Daniel encouraged after Sam had
fallen silent for a moment.
His voice pulled her from her trance. Sam’s
heart hammered in her chest, but this time it was from anxiety, not
desire. She had never told anyone about the deep emotional pain she
was holding inside. She kept telling herself if anyone could help
her get over it, Daniel could.
Tears burned behind her eyes as she
remembered the hurt she went through at the hands of a man. She had
given her innocent heart away once before and got it handed back to
her in tatters.
She thought she would have been able to
repair it, but now realized it was still very fragile and could be
broken into a thousand pieces again just as easily. Sam prayed that
the man riding beside her now would protect it until it was
completely mended, if that were at all possible.
“I’ve only had one boyfriend,” she started,
voice shaky. She blinked back the tears as each hurtful incident at
the hands of another came flooding back in glorious Technicolor.
Each time chipping away methodically at her confidence until there
was nothing left. Why had she stayed with him for so long? Why had
she allowed another person to have that kind of control over her?
She had no answers, and that alone, made her feel ashamed of
herself. That she wasn’t strong enough to protect herself. It’s
everyone’s right to protect themselves against harm, verbal or
physical. Why didn’t she just leave? She gave a subtle shake of her
head.
“I was young and naive. I have no idea why I
stayed with him for as long as I did,” she whispered after a
moment. “But, stay with him I did, and the damage was done.”
Sam was looking out at the cattle, not
wanting to meet Daniel’s intense gaze that she could now feel
burning into the side of her face.
“Go, on,” he coaxed again when she fell
silent once more.
She had only been with her ex for six months,
maybe a bit more, but for Sam it felt like years. “For the time we
were together, he would take every possible opportunity to call me
fat and ugly. Whether it was in front of his family or his friends,
he didn’t care.” Tears stung her eyes as she relived the feeling of
complete humiliation she suffered in front of his friends.
Remembering the stupid lengths she went to to lose weight, only to
have him sneer at her when she would stand in front of him asking
for his approval.
Sam hadn’t notice them escape at first, but
the tears started streaking down her cheeks and were now splashing
on her saddle.
Daniel had gone silent, but Sam didn’t dare
look at him.
“One night we were out and I had a few too
many drinks, which was stupid, I know. He took me home as usual,
but this time there was nobody there. Everyone was out doing
something or other. He walked me in the house and then made his
intentions clear. I didn’t want to, not like that, but he didn’t
listen. He lost his patience and got really angry with me. I didn’t
even recognize him at that point. His eyes were full of anger and
hatred. He grabbed me, and dragged me to my room. I was so scared,
I’ve never been so scared in all my life. I had no control, no way
of stopping it.”
Daniel closed his eyes.
“After he’d finished, he got up to leave, but
he turned around on his way out and said ‘You need to get drunk
more often, that was the best sex I’ve had’. Then he left.” Sam
remembered the emotions that washed over her as she lay curled up
on her bed for the longest time, feeling used and dirty. Knowing
the culprit should be the one to feel ashamed, but she couldn’t
help feel it herself.
“It’s one thing to be attacked by someone you
don’t know, but to be attacked by someone who claims to love you
is… is…” she broke off.
Daniel looked over at Sam. His eyes mirroring
the pain she felt. Her eyes glistened, as tears slid down her
cheeks.
“Did you report him?” Daniel asked.
Sam shook her head. “Who would have believed
me? We’d been together for months.” She looked over at Daniel and
swallowed hard. “He stole something from me that I can never get
back.”
Daniel’s brow creased in confusion. “What did
he steal?”
Sam looked away and closed her eyes, trying
to shut out the memory only to have it blaze to life under her
lids. “It was my first time...” she looked back at Daniel. “My only
time.”
Daniel uttered a curse and dismounted. He
stood beside Sam’s horse and held his arms up.
“Come here, sweetheart.” He held Sam by her
waist and eased her down off the saddle, then wrapped his strong
arms around her like a protective blanket as she fell into his
embrace.
“I haven’t let anyone near me since. I don’t
know if I’ll ever have the courage to do so again,” she sobbed into
his chest.
“Shh.” Daniel whispered, laying tender kisses
on the top of her head while stroking her hair. “It’ll be okay now,
I promise.”
They stood in the middle of the pasture while
Daniel let her cry.
It seemed like time had stood still while Sam
let out all the pain and hurt she had bottled up inside.
Slowly, minute-by-minute, the tears abated
and the sobbing eased. Sam realized a feeling of relief started to
flow over her. It was like she had shrugged a huge weight off her
shoulders. She felt lighter. Sam pulled away from Daniel’s chest
and looked up into his kind eyes. His arms were still wrapped
around her, not wanting to let go.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For being there. For being you.” She smiled
and looked down at his arms. “I think you can let me go now.”
“What if I don’t want to let you go?” He
smiled back, his eyes full of love.
A moment later, he relented and released his
protective hug. He took a step back, holding Sam at arm’s length
and looked her up and down.
“I happen to think you are the most beautiful
creature I have ever laid eyes on, and from this moment on, that is
all that matters.”
Sam knew he was lying. She always looked like
Rudolf the red nosed reindeer whenever she cried, and she had done
more than her fair share of it over the past year. No more, she
decided. It was time for a change.
“Help me up?” she asked, turning towards
Brolga. Daniel leaned down and wrapped his hands under her knee to
give her a leg up.