“We said no strings.” She changed the subject. She couldn’t go there. She just couldn’t. “How do you know Nate?”
“He and I served together in Afghanistan.”
“So you
are
military.” She found herself smiling. “I knew it.”
A dark eyebrow arched. “Oh, yeah? What gave it away?”
“You just have that look.”
The other brow arched. “What look?”
But there was something important she needed to say. “It’s good to see you again, Javier, but you should know that I . . . I’m not the same person I was in Dubai. Too much has happened since then.”
She hoped he understood what she was trying to tell him. This wasn’t going to be like last time. She wasn’t going to rip off her clothes and fall into bed with him. Even if she’d wanted a relationship, a lover, she couldn’t have one. She didn’t think she was capable of enjoying sex right now. Besides, her body had changed.
If they slept together, he would discover the stretch marks on her belly, and he would know she’d had a baby. She couldn’t share that secret with anyone—not yet, not until Klara was safely with her here in the U.S.
“I’m not going to make demands of you. I’ve got no expectations.” His lips curved in a lethal lopsided grin. “But it is good to see you, too,
bella
.”
Bella.
Beauty.
That was what he’d called her in Dubai.
She looked away. “So . . . what branch of the military were you in?”
“The navy.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I’m a SEAL.”
* * *
“YOU’RE A . . . A SEAL?”
“It’s not something I’m supposed to spread around.” Javier watched some of the tension leave Laura’s body and found himself feeling both pride at her reaction and annoyance at the fact that she seemed more at ease with him as a frogman than as the man who’d made love with her.
“I’m sure you already know this, but a team of SEALs saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her motions revealing dark bruises around her wrist where that bastard Tower had grabbed her.
Someone needed to deal with him.
But before Javier could give any thought to that, he found himself in the awkward position of listening as she described her rescue. How she’d woken up to screams. How hearing American accents had made her panic. How the other women had held her back, the one Javier later killed threatening to cut out Laura’s tongue if she spoke. How she’d realized with a shock that she was American, too. How the sight of “the tall SEAL” walking toward the helicopter had pushed her into shouting out.
And Javier realized she was talking about
him
.
“I didn’t think he’d heard me, and I knew Zainab would kill me, but then he turned. He shouted at me to stop and get down, and I thought he was going to shoot me, but he shot her instead. He killed a woman. He didn’t even hesitate. He tore off my burka, and the next thing I knew, he was carrying me onto the helicopter.” Laura’s hands balled into fists and pressed together tightly in her lap, the only outward sign that talking about this was hard for her. “He punched Al-Nassar in the face when Al-Nassar threatened me again. He was my hero.”
How do you like that, Corbray? You’re upstaging yourself.
Javier cleared his throat. “I bet he remembers that night, too.”
Oh, he did. Yes, he did.
“He and his men were all so kind to me. I never got to thank them.”
Javier wanted to forget he’d ever heard of OPSEC and tell Laura that
he
was the tall SEAL, that
he
had carried her out and punched that bastard in the face. He wanted to tell her that no mission had ever meant as much to him as that one, that rescuing her had been the highlight of his career as an operator. God, he wanted to tell her. He knew she wouldn’t run to the press or write an article about it, but he’d been ordered not to discuss the mission with anyone who hadn’t been a part of it.
He fought to keep his voice and his facial expression neutral, choosing his words carefully. “I was amazed to find out that you were alive—and damned grateful.”
Laura’s eyes went wide, and she stared at him.
You gave it away,
cabrón
! She knows. She figured it out.
“You could do it! You could thank them for me, couldn’t you?” She looked at him with such hopefulness. “Naval Special Warfare wouldn’t give me their names, but they’d pass on a message for you, wouldn’t they?”
“Uh . . . You want me to thank them for you?” Okay, this was too fucking surreal. “Yeah. Sure. I can do that.”
You bet he could. He had the surviving members of the team on speed dial.
She gave him a relieved smile. “That would mean a lot to me. Thank you.”
There was something fragile about her now that hadn’t been there in Dubai, a vulnerability that put an ache in his chest. He clamped down on the urge to walk over to her and take her into his arms.
“Hey, no problem.”
She looked toward the fire. “I pray for him, for all of them, every night. I’m not religious, but those men are out there somewhere in danger, putting their lives on the line. They risked everything to save me. Who knows? Maybe prayers help.”
She had no idea that some of the men she was praying for were already dead or recovering from severe wounds, and he couldn’t tell her.
His throat grew tight. “I’m sure they would appreciate that—if they knew.”
She looked away again. “I suppose we should get back to the party. Everyone must be wondering what’s going on.”
“I suppose so.” Javier got to his feet. “Hey, you want to grab some dinner, maybe catch a movie? I’m in town for a few weeks.”
He knew the moment the words were out that he’d said the wrong thing.
A shadow passed over her face. “I don’t know . . .”
“This isn’t me trying to trick my way into your bed. Don’t insult me,
bella
. I already told you—I’ve got no expectations.”
The wariness on her face eased a little. “Okay. I’d like that.”
CHAPTER
5
LAURA LEFT THE
Cimarron right after supper, making her way quickly and quietly to her car while everyone else was sledding down the hill behind the house. She felt bad about not thanking her hosts and saying good-bye, but she just had to get away.
It was harder than she’d thought to be around the children, especially the little ones. Sophie’s little girl Addison was about the same age as Klara. Every time Laura had looked at Addie she hadn’t been able to help but think about her own daughter, the one she’d never seen except from across a room. Then, when Tessa and Kat had nursed their babies, the sight had made something twist in Laura’s stomach, her mind overtaken by a confused memory of swollen, aching breasts, her nipples leaking milk meant for a baby she’d never held, let alone breast-fed.
And then there was Javier.
She’d never thought she’d see him again, and although a part of her had felt true joy at seeing him, he had served only to remind her of how much she had changed. The adventurous, sensual woman who’d enjoyed two days and three nights of crazy, passionate sex with a man she barely knew no longer existed.
Laura spent the rest of the evening swallowing her emotions along with a pint of Godiva white chocolate raspberry ice cream. Then, when it was late enough, she Skyped her mother, who was just getting out of bed in Stockholm. They talked about the trial, Al-Nassar’s threats, Derek Tower.
“He says he has sources in Pakistan who told him that an American tipped off the terrorists to my location that day, claiming to have gotten the information from me. Tower thinks I gave away my itinerary. I know that’s not true.”
“Of course it’s not.” Her mother let it go.
And then Laura told them about Javier.
“It was
him
, the postcard man? And he’s a SEAL? Oh,
älskling
, how wonderful!” Her mother’s smile faded. “Weren’t you happy to see him?”
Laura tried to explain. “I’m not the person he knew. He looks at me, and he remembers someone else.”
“The woman he remembers still exists inside you. You just need to set her free.”
Laura wished it were so simple. “He asked me out to dinner.”
“I hope you said yes.” Laura’s grandmother leaned in, her round face appearing in the onscreen image. “You need to get out, to be with other young people.”
“I did, but I wish I hadn’t. He said he wasn’t expecting anything. No sex or—”
“Too bad,” her grandmother interjected. “That would be good for you.”
“You know I can’t sleep with him. If I did, he’d see my stretch marks, and he’d know. I’d have to explain, and then he would think I was the worst—”
“What happened with Klara was
not
your fault.” Her mother’s voice turned to steel. “Unless he has no heart, he will understand that.
You
are the only one who holds that against you.”
“Did you say yes?” Laura’s grandmother was not letting it go.
“Yes, Gran.”
Her mother and her grandmother shared a smile.
“You are
not
going to back out of it and cancel on him.” Her grandmother’s blue eyes narrowed, as if she knew that was exactly what Laura had been thinking of doing.
“It is time for you to live again, Laura.” Her mother’s gaze was gentle, understanding. “This will be a good thing. You’ll see.”
Laura carried her mother’s words to bed with her and through the day on Sunday while she did laundry, cleaned the house, and transcribed interviews for her VA article—a mind-numbingly tedious process she’d never had to deal with as a broadcast journalist.
When her cell phone rang just before noon, she wasn’t surprised to find it was Javier. She’d known he would call sooner rather than later.
“You left without saying good-bye.” His voice was deep, warm.
“I’m sorry. I just . . . couldn’t stay any longer.”
There was a long pause.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Laura. If it’s too hard for you to be around me—”
“No!” Angry with herself for being so fearful, so timid, so transparent, she spoke more harshly than she’d intended. “No, it’s fine. I’d love to go to dinner with you. It’s just . . . I haven’t been out much since this happened, and I’m not all that comfortable around lots of people.”
As true as this was, it was an excuse. Being around him
was
hard for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit that.
They settled on tomorrow night. Javier would pick her up at her place at seven, and they would go around the corner to the Wynkoop Brewing Company, where she could have her favorite salad and he could sample some of the microbrews for which Denver was famous.
“I’ll be with you. It will be okay.”
She hoped he was right.
* * *
LAURA GOT TO
work early the next morning and was grateful to find that she was no longer considered news, the throng of reporters gone, off chasing other stories. She said a quick good morning to Cormack and crossed the lobby to the elevator. She had an interview scheduled first thing with a former soldier named Ted Hollis, who had answered her ad for veterans having trouble with VA claims. He was living with untreated PTSD and claimed he’d been trying to get help from the VA for more than nine months.
“Laura, wait for me!” Sophie caught her at the elevator, entering just before the doors closed, cup of coffee in hand, handbag over her shoulder, her strawberry-blond hair done up in an artfully messy bun.
The elevator car began to move.
“How was the rest of your weekend?” Sophie asked.
Laura could tell Sophie was trying to decide whether to ask about the barbecue. “I did some work on my VA story, transcribed some interviews I did last week with a couple of former soldiers.”
“I’m glad you came to the Cimarron. I hope you had a good time.”
“I did. The food was delicious. Thanks for inviting me.” There was no way to avoid the topic. “Sorry I left so abruptly. I felt a little . . . overwhelmed.”
Sophie gave her a warm smile. “As long as you’re okay. I can see how hanging with all of us could be a bit much. We’ve all known each other for so long. But we were all really happy you were there. I hope you’ll join us again.”
“I’m glad I finally got to meet everyone.”
The elevator came to a halt, and the doors opened.
They stepped out and started down the hallway when Holly hurried up behind them, her heels clicking on the floor.
“Hey, Laura! Hey, Sophie!” She fell in beside them, a colorful Altuzarra sweater and tight black Rag & Bone pants hugging her perfect curves, suede Prada pumps with three-inch heels on her feet. “I can’t believe that hunky SEAL is a friend of yours, Laura. If you tell me the two of you have slept together, I’m going to be
so
jealous.”
“Holly!” Sophie glared at her.
But that didn’t seem to deter Holly one bit. She looked at Laura’s face. “Oh, my God! You have!”
Laura had overheard enough conversations between Sophie and Holly in the newsroom to know that Holly had no filter. But how was Laura supposed to respond to that? Fortunately she didn’t have to say anything, as Holly went on.
“I’ve never met a SEAL before. I think it must take so much courage to do what he does. Five months ago he was almost killed, and he still wants to go back.”
Laura’s step faltered. “Almost killed?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Sophie asked.
“No.” He hadn’t even hinted.
But Holly and Sophie knew all about it. As they made their way toward the I-Team’s corner of the newsroom, the two of them told her how Javier and his team had been caught in an ambush, how he’d been shot four times and had barely survived. Now, he was eager to return to active duty.
“I don’t even want to go back to places where someone has been rude to me, like restaurants or department stores,” Holly was saying. “I can’t imagine wanting to return to a place where men were trying to
kill
me.”
Neither could Laura. “It takes a special kind of man to do that job.”
She set her handbag down on her desk, sat, and booted up her computer.
“So he didn’t tell you any of this?” Holly sat on Sophie’s desk.
Laura knew what Holly was really asking. She was trying to figure out if Laura and Javier were still connected. “He was concerned about me and didn’t talk about himself. But I’ll ask him about it tonight. We’re having dinner.”
Laura spoke the words with an odd sense of satisfaction.
And then it struck her.
You’re jealous!
She was.
Javier had told Holly and the others things he hadn’t told her.
You didn’t give him a chance.
She’d been so busy talking about herself that she hadn’t asked him how he’d been these past three and a half years. Clearly, she wasn’t the only one who’d suffered.
Holly heaved an exaggerated sigh. “The good men are always taken.”
* * *
LAURA HAD HEARD
stories like Ted Hollis’s before, but few had been so graphic—or so wrenching. His job through three tours of duty had included cleaning blood and human tissue from inside vehicles damaged by IEDs so that those vehicles could be repaired and put back into service. The gore he had seen was the stuff of horror films. Midway through his third deployment, he’d had a nervous breakdown and had spent three weeks in a military hospital before being shipped stateside again. Though post-traumatic stress had all but rendered him nonfunctional, he had yet to get treatment and was self-medicating with alcohol.
She’d been speaking with him for almost an hour. His story was one of the most compelling she’d heard so far. She felt sick for him.
“It’s the nightmares that bother me most,” he said. “They feel so real. When I wake up, I don’t even know where I am. But I suppose you know your share about nightmares, don’t you, Ms. Nilsson?”
She did, but she wasn’t accustomed to discussing such things with strangers. Then again, she was asking Mr. Hollis to bare his wounds for millions of strangers in the form of the newspaper’s readership. It seemed only fair to answer.
“Yes, I do.”
“I’ve read the articles about you and watched your interview with Diane Sawyer. I’ve always wondered what frightened you the most. The daily rapes or the idea of having your head cut off.”
Laura’s pulse picked up. She reminded herself that she was dealing with someone who needed treatment, someone who was probably trying to empathize with her, one trauma victim to another. “Mr. Hollis—”
“I think maybe being raped every day would be worse than being dead.”
That wasn’t how it had been for Laura. “I . . . I was more afraid of having my head cut off. I wanted to survive.”
“I’m sorry. Was that too personal? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. I guess I wouldn’t know. I’m a man. I’ve never been raped. It must be pretty horrible.”
“Mr. Hollis—”
A loud
crack
. A boom like thunder that shook the floor beneath Laura’s feet. An orange wall of flame. Shattered glass. Heat.
She was knocked sideways, her head striking the edge of her desk, one word flashing through her mind before she lost consciousness.
Bomb.
* * *
JAVIER FOLLOWED NATE
through the garage toward the mudroom, his stomach growling. It was just after nine in the morning, and he’d already been up and working for four hours with nothing more than coffee in his gut. “So Wilson starts handing out soccer balls to every kid in the village. One kid drops his ball in the dirt, kicks it, and accidentally hits Wilson square in the nuts. That dawg hit the dirt like he’d been shot.”
Nate gave a sympathetic groan. “No good deed goes unpunished.”
“Man, I felt for him, but I couldn’t quit laughing.” Javier took off his gloves, parka, and boots, and made his way toward the scent of eggs and bacon that was wafting toward them from the kitchen.
“Tell me you’ve got fresh coffee, old man,” Nate called to his father.
But Jack wasn’t in the kitchen, bacon sizzling forgotten on the stove. They found him in the living room together with Megan, who looked wide-eyed and pale.
“What is it?”
On the television screen was an image of flames and smoke.
Jack glanced over at them, his face grave. “VBIED. It happened just a couple of minutes ago.”
Megan turned to her husband. “Someone car-bombed the newspaper.”
Laura.
Adrenaline gave Javier a good hard kick, breath rushing from his lungs.
Al-Nassar, you
hijo e puta
!
“Any casualties?” Nate’s gaze was fixed on the flames, his jaw tight.
Jack shook his head. “No word yet.”
“I’ve tried Sophie’s cell phone and can’t reach her.” Fresh tears gathered in Megan’s eyes. “Marc’s on his way there with SWAT, but he hasn’t been able to reach her either. Oh, Nate, I’m so afraid for her—and for all of our friends there.”
Javier turned back toward the mudroom.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Nate called after him.
“I’m going to find Laura.”
Nate followed. “How did I know you were going to say that?”
* * *
“IT’S NOT AS
bad as it looks. Wounds on the face and head always bleed a lot.” Laura dabbed a square of gauze she’d gotten from the cafeteria’s first-aid kit to the cut on Holly’s temple, her own head throbbing, her stomach in knots, one thought running repeatedly through her mind.
It had happened. It had actually happened.
Someone had tried to kill her
here
in her new hometown.
That had to be it. This couldn’t be random. A few days ago, Al-Nassar had called upon his followers to hunt her down and kill her, and today a car bomb had gone off outside her window.
She had already called her mother and her grandmother to let them know that she was safe. Her mother had wanted her to pack her bags and return to Sweden, but Laura couldn’t do that. She’d tried to make her mother understand.
“If I let them frighten me away from the life I want, then Al-Nassar wins. I have to show him and his minions that I’m not afraid.”