Streamline (45 page)

“Leo, are you with me?”

He jumped. Confused, he blinked rapidly, rasping for air as he tried to get his bearings.

“Does that happen often?”

Leo couldn’t seem to get enough air. “Does what happen, ma’am?”

“Did you relive something from the past? Or perhaps a voice was speaking to you just then?”

He smirked. “I’m not hearing voices, Dr. Hansen. I’m not that crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy at all, Leo. You looked frightened, and I think you were re-experiencing a past trauma.” She grimaced as she adjusted the angle of her knee. “I asked you how often that happens, and I want you to answer me.”

He tightened his jaw, overwhelmed by the psychologist’s questions and in danger of losing his tenuous hold on self control. His heart thumped, and he willed her to stop asking.

“What were you remembering?” she pressed.

He felt a rush of adrenaline and a flash of heat in his face.

“Has that ever happened before, Leo?” His fists clenched by his side.

“What’re you hiding from me? Tell me. Let me help you.” Leo leaped off the sofa. “Shut
up!”
Dr. Hansen shrunk back in her chair, shoulders stiff and eyes huge.

He towered over her, rage blurring his vision. “Shut the hell up!” he thundered. His arms trembled, and his chest heaved with each panted breath.

She slowly sat up, inch by inch, never taking her eyes off him.

“Sit
down
, Midshipman Scott.” Her voice was frosty.

Perplexed, he squinted at her. Then horror widened his eyes as he realized he’d lost control once again. His shoulders drooped, and he unclenched his fists. “Yes, ma’am.” He sank into the sofa.

He felt the heat from his flushed cheeks as he grabbed his face in both hands. “I’m sorry, ma’am,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

At some point he became aware that his body was rocking and he’d curled into a ball. Tears tumbled down his face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” When Dr. Ina finally spoke, her voice was gentle. “Someone hurt you.”

He stopped rocking. He might as well tell her everything since he’d probably be kicked out of the Academy for sure now. A plebe just didn’t get away with threatening a superior twice. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Who was it, Leo?”

“My father,” he whispered.

“He…beat you?”

“Yes, ma’am, but only when I was bad.”

“How were you bad?” she asked.

He still couldn’t look at her. “I did a lot of bad things. The worst was getting my girlfriend pregnant.”

“I see. You said Cam and Audrey had something in common…

Audrey had an abortion too?”

Leo looked up, expecting to see her enraged, but she looked at him with the same compassion she’d always shown.

He shook his head and felt tears again. “She miscarried.”

“What’d your father do when he discovered the pregnancy?” Leo looked away, his breath hitching. “He hurt my wrist, and my ankle got twisted too when I was trying to fight back — well, that was kind of more my fault, I guess. Then he kicked me, over and over, and…and, he whipped me. I passed out and had to go to the hospital.”

“I want you to take some deep breaths now, like we practiced.” Leo nodded and tried to focus on his breathing.

Once he felt a little calmer, she questioned him again.

“What happened at the hospital?”

“There was internal bleeding, and they performed a splenectomy.”

“Jesus.” She blinked at him. “When was this, Leo?”

“March, ma’am.”

“How long were you out of swimming?”

“Five weeks. Five miserable weeks. I was in a wheelchair.”

Ina cleared her throat. “You didn’t deserve that, Leo.” His eyes met hers.

“You did other bad things too?” she asked.

He sighed and felt even more ashamed, if that was possible.

Tears slid down his cheeks. “I got hooked on Oxycontin. They did an intervention and got me into treatment. But my dad found out.” Leo gave her a bitter smile as he pointed to the scar on his forehead.

“That’s when I got this.”

“Where’d you get Oxycontin?”

“My mother…She’s crippled, from a car accident. She takes them.

She used to be in the Navy too, before her accident.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing all this in our eighth session. So your father’s in the Navy?”

His voice was low and dark. “Commander Scott. He’s an air boss in Pensacola.”

“I see. Are you still using Oxycontin, Leo?” When he shook his head she asked, “Are you using any other substances?”

“No, ma’am.”

“How did you quit?”

“After my dad pulled me out of treatment, he made me pee in a cup every week. He said I didn’t want to find out what would happen if I tested positive, and I believed him. He also made me attend the Academy. He told me I didn’t know how to take care of myself and needed more structure.”

“It seems to me you know how to take care of yourself quite well, actually. Have you been tempted to use again?” Leo paused. “Not really.”

“Leo, do you currently have access to pills?” He hesitated again. “Benito has some Percocet under his bed, but I won’t take any, I swear.”

“I want you to bring those pills in to me.”

“But they’re not mine!”

“Tell your roommate it’s against regulations to have unnecessary medications lying around, and you bring them to me. That’s an order, Leo.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. Now he’d have to tell Benito about his addiction. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Did you go through withdrawal?”

“I had to go to detox.”

“The more I find out about this, the more serious this sounds. So you were physically dependent on the Oxycontin, then.” Ina frowned.

“Depression can occur during withdrawal from that particular medication…Were you depressed?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Did you think about suicide?”

His head whipped up, and his cheeks burned red. His tears started anew, and he withdrew into himself, leaning forward with his head drooping between his shoulders. He squeezed his eyes shut.

He’d promised himself never to tell anybody about that night — that awful night.

“It’s okay, Leo. It’s okay to tell me about it. Did you, uh, did you try to kill yourself?”

“I didn’t do it,” he sobbed. “I just took some p-p-pills into the woods, and I wanted to take them, but I couldn’t.”

“What stopped you?” she asked.

“Audrey.” He looked up again, sniffed, and accepted tissues from her. “I had to say goodbye to her first. She kissed all my cuts and bruises.” He remembered the feel of Audrey’s soft lips on his forehead.

“We made love. And then I didn’t want to kill myself anymore.”

“Do you think about hurting or killing yourself now?”

“No, ma’am. But when my dad finds out I’ve been kicked out of the Academy, he might kill me himself.”

“Who says you’re getting kicked out?” Ina’s forehead creased.

“Of course you’ll report me for threatening you, ma’am.”

“No way.” She shook her head. “You better not threaten me again, buster, but we’re just getting started with therapy. You think I’ll let you leave the Academy now? We can finally make some progress now that you’ve given me something to work with.” They’d have to talk about this stuff
again?
“Are you sure you don’t want to separate me, ma’am?”

“You’ve already
been
separated, Leo. Separated from the chance to have a father who knows how to love you, separated from feeling worthy, separated from understanding this abuse isn’t your fault…I don’t want to separate you any further. I want to
join
you to good things in your life. I want you to understand yourself and like yourself better. I want you to see yourself as an intelligent, competent, caring, and sensitive young man. Why do you think Audrey loves you and stands by you? You have a lot to offer, and it’d be a shame if you let your father prevent you from realizing that potential.” Leo gawked. Why was she saying such kind things, especially after hearing all his shameful secrets? Did she say those things to everyone?

Ina smiled. “Now, our time’s up. I want you back here next week, same time, same place. Good work today.” When he didn’t move, she gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Goodbye, Leo. Scoot.” He sat still for three more seconds. “Thank you, ma’am.” Rising, he plodded out of her office.

This was a different exhaustion than after his twenty-four-hour march, but exhaustion nonetheless. He’d never cried that much in his life. With a long exhale, he headed to practice. He’d have plenty to think about while he swam today.

“Thanks for helping me pack,” Cam said, smiling coyly up at Jason in the foyer of her house. She snuggled into his chest and kissed him. Then she angled back, rubbing her upper lip. “Ouchies.” Jason winked. “I don’t shave on the weekends, toots. Remember?”

“I guess I’ll get to know your quirks better now that we’re engaged.” She smiled at him again.

Drawing her hand to his lips, he planted a smooch right next to the glittery diamond on her finger.

“I
still
can’t believe you proposed to me in the vice principal’s office.”

He laughed. “It was so great when Mr. Morrison called you down from your classroom. You looked terrified.”

“Not funny!” She gave him a shove.
“You’re
the one who got called to the principal’s office all the time, not me. I thought I was in real trouble.”

“Yeah, I guess I wanted a familiar environment so I’d be at ease for the proposal.”

She snorted. But her smile faded when she turned to the closed door.

Jason nodded decisively. “Let’s do it.” He opened Mr. Walsh’s study.

After standing untouched for almost fifteen months, the small den smelled musty and mysterious.

Jason surveyed the framed diplomas on the wall, the bookshelf full of novels and aviation manuals, the tidy desk. He came up behind Cam as she reached for the flip-a-page calendar on the desk. It still showed July third of the previous year. Mr. Walsh had written: Barbecue at the Scotts 1800 

Jason squeezed her shoulders and pressed a kiss into the nape of her neck. He left and returned with some empty boxes, banging them into the doorframe despite his best effort to be careful. “So your mom hasn’t been in here since, since it happened, huh?”

“No.” Cam replaced the calendar. “Well, I guess they had to retrieve some papers — life insurance documents and stuff — but I think my uncle did that.”

“Why don’t you let me pack up this room, Cam? You don’t have to go through this.”

“It’s okay, I need to. My mom refuses to come in here, but I want his
family
to pack his stuff before we move. It’s only right.” Jason nodded and tossed a book in a box.

Cam circled the desk and plunked onto the leather chair. She sighed as she rifled through desk drawers, piling office supplies to be boxed up together.

Jason had filled three boxes with books by the time Cam moved on to the computer. When she leaned over the side of the desk to unplug the printer, Jason snuck a peek at her curvy bottom.

She must have caught his eyes darting away when she plopped back into the chair. “Like the view, Mr. Scott?”

“Oh,
yeah
, sweetheart.” He watched her wrap the power cord around the printer. “Hey, I just packed some unused paper in this box. Why don’t I add the paper from the printer?”

“Sure.” She handed him the stack of paper that had been queued up for printing.

When he took it, he noticed one of pages wasn’t flush with the stack. He tapped the paper against the desk, but the unruly sheet wouldn’t budge. He leafed through until he reached the offending piece and found blue ink covering the dog-eared page. “What’s this?”

Cam looked up. “That looks like my dad’s handwriting.” She stood and snatched it from his grasp.

Her hands began to tremble as she read, and Jason flew to her side.

“It’s a letter…a letter my dad wrote.” His brow furrowed as he read over her shoulder.

My dear Darnell,

Why the silence? Why the avoidance? I can’t take this anymore. I know that day was awful, and I’ll never forgive myself. I deserve your anger, your hatred, your punches, your slaps — anything but this gut-wrenching silence.

Please, please tell me what you’re thinking.

Dare I ask you if it’s over? Are we over? It was real, Darnell. What we had was real. You know what I promised — just one more year and we can be together. I stand by my word.

You can trust me.

The letter ended abruptly — no signature. He’d never had a chance to finish.

Jason said nothing, waiting for Cam.

She took a shaky breath. “He was having an affair.” She gasped.

“She was at our house! My mom made
dinner
for her!”

“Shh! You don’t want your mom to hear.”

“I don’t care.” Bitterness laced her voice. “My mom should know he cheated.”

“Who’s Darnell?”

“She worked for my father,” she spat. “Lt. Darnell Keaton.” Jason blanched. “She’s not at the Academy, is she?”

“I’m not sure,” she said thoughtfully. “I heard she left the base, but I don’t know where she went.”

“She’s Leo’s CO! Mom told me.” He clutched Cam’s arm. “Darnell was having an affair with your dad? That’s motive if I ever heard one.” Cam’s mouth dropped open. “Are you saying Darnell killed my dad?”

“I don’t know, but we gotta warn Leo. C’mon, let’s go.”