Stranger and Stranger (8 page)

Later

Here is the Plan for Mom, as worked out by Me and OtherMe. It’s so simple, it’s downright Zen. We have hung up a sign on my our bedroom door reminding Mom to protect herself from what she obviously prefers not to see.

OtherMe felt this should be enough on our part, but I reminded her of Mom’s screaming hysterics, and we agreed that we will take turns leaving the bedroom, in the interest of family harmony.

We have also agreed to take turns on the Oddisee, since sitting in the same chair and trying to work on it simultaneously was NOT quite as harmonious as you might think it would be. OtherMe may be an exact duplicate of me, but she doesn’t necessarily want to type the right-hand letters for me while we code.

Later

We have not been able to duplicate Raven, or tapeworms, or balled-up spiderwebs, or anything else. Looks like circuits took some heat damage during last duplication. Not to worry. We will work out the kinks and get Raven duplicated some other night.

Oddisee—Cam shot of Me and OtherMe!!

Later

Sun is coming up, but neither of us really wants to go to bed because we are having so much fun discussing fascinating topics like:

1. Do we have the same thoughts? (Pretty much.)
   
2. Can we communicate telepathically? (Would like to say yes. Truth is…not so much.)
   
3. Can we make AnotherMe? (Experiment pending; duplicator temporarily out of commission.)
   
4. What happens if one of us gets hurt—does the other one feel it? (After several fun and painful experiments, the answer seems to be no.)
   
5. What happens if one of us dies? (Experiment pending, ahhhahhaah.)
   
6. Will we look the same in a year? 13 years? 100?
   
7. If we go to school on alternate days, will we learn different stuff and grow into different people?
   
8. Do we want to grow into different people or stay the same?
   
9. What kind of different people would we want to grow into? (MANY very fascinating and creative answers!)
   
10. Assuming Mom eventually accepts us the way we are, will she like one of us more than the other?
    
11. What about the cats?
    
12. Where ARE the cats and why haven’t they been upstairs all night?
    
13. Where do we go from here????????? (Rubbing hands together, much planning.)
    

June 7

Woke up about fifteen minutes ago, in the middle of the day, to find OtherMe wrapping me up in a rug. No, for real. And I’m glad I did all those experiments with liquid-liquid extraction last summer, cuz I knew right away I’d been drugged with ether.

Could barely croak out Raven’s name. It’s a frabbling good thing I built her with such sensitive hearing. She was there in a flash, and OtherMe jumped and dropped the rug, looking pretty disoriented.

O
THER
M
E
: What…where…who…

M
E
: [Croaking weakly.] What’s going on, OtherMe?

OM: Hhhhh…hmmmm…

M
E
: Why am I in this rug?

OM: Why ARE you in this rug?

M
E
: Did you drug me with ether?

OM: No, I didn’t drug you with ether. What, I’m gonna drug you with ether, as if you weren’t MY OWN SELF? [Long pause as I asked myself the same question. And it seemed we both took a moment to consider question #5, above.] Sure…OK, yeah, I remember drugging you with ether. But it wasn’t you, it was…uh,
hey, remember that golem I created, we created, last year, out of that decaying Tasmanian devil? The one that didn’t work out? The one that tried to eat the cats, and took a swipe at Patti, and smelled like putrid salami? The one we had to drug with ether, and wrap in a rug, and incinerate?

M
E
: [Not liking where this was going.] I remember that one.

OM: Well, I was having this dream about that golem, and in my dream I said to myself that I needed to cancel the experiment. So…I guess that’s what I was doing. Um…sorry about that.

Raven had unrolled the rug/Emily burrito, and I was starting to recover from the ether. I wasn’t feeling super happy about all this, or about the interruption to my nice nightmare about winning the jackpot on the tickle-torture game show by outlasting all the other contestants under the nefarious automated tickle-arms of Gregor the Tickling RoboCockroach, or about the disgusting smell of ether in my nose, or about the incredible headache the ether left behind.

And I’m NOT AT ALL happy about the fact that OtherMe might subconsciously see ME as an experiment, let alone an experiment that might need canceling.

She apologized about sixty-six times and then went back to sleep.

Later

OtherMe feels super bad about the whole sleepwalking episode and has offered to let me have the entire night to myself in the room while she spends quality time with Mom. Sounds good to me!!

Am now feeling more sympathetic about the whole unfortunate sleepwalking business. Have had similar episodes in the past, like the time I dreamed that Sabbath asked me if we could go to the beach, so I put him in his cat carrier and strapped it to my skateboard. Turns out, I did this in real life as well as in my dream. We were halfway down the block when his yowls (and the pain of broad daylight) finally woke me up. Am hoping there are no further sleepwalking incidents, or at least none that threaten my life. Will spend the day working on some kind of apparatus to wake me if I am being rolled up in a rug and dragged to the incinerator.

Quite a bit later

Have completed a sort of headgear contraption I can wear while sleeping that will sound a gut-wrenching alarm if moved. SERIOUSLY gut-wrenching—I used sound waves that nauseate the human gut, thinking I would hardly get accidentally murdered if everyone around was vigorously vomiting. I (brilliantly)
programmed a completely random code to disarm it—because, after all, OtherMe knows all of my usual passwords. Can’t risk a sleepwalking episode that involves successful disarming of alarms!!

I now have my first official secret from OtherMe. I feel kind of bad about it, but it’s all in the name of safety.

Just realized that I am ravenously hungry. OtherMe has obviously forgotten to smuggle up my food for the night. Will have to sneak downstairs and forage for myself.

Later

Am back with a sandwich I made very quietly in the kitchen while Mom and some of her new Silifordville acquaintances were sitting in the next room watching late night horror B movies. I snuck around behind the couch and ate my sandwich while eavesdropping. None of it was interesting except when Mom bragged to her friends about what OtherMe was out doing for the night, which involved a midnight shred at the skate park, a good rummaging through local junk-shop Dumpsters, and general unsupervised catting about town.

Man, that stuff sounds fun. And she told me she was going to stay in and spend quality time with Mom!

Am a little jealous.

Of myself.

How ridiculous!

Later

Am feeling unusually cooped-up in my room tonight, even though there are lots of lovely projects to keep me busy. Have already tried halfheartedly to get the duplicator working again. Lost interest after like 5 minutes and picked up the guitar instead. Played for maybe 7 minutes and put it down again. Tinkered with some modifications on my favorite slingshot—3 minutes. Then messed around with the Oddisee—13 minutes. Brainstormed Master Prank—2 minutes. Tried to psychically beckon OtherMe back from her nighttime jaunts—2 hours, 34 minutes. So far, unsuccessful.

Later

It’s almost daylight, so I am going to bed. Still no sign of OtherMe. Have put on my protective headgear and set the alarm. Caught a look at myself in the mirror, and I can tell you, I look pretty special-needs with this thing on. The cats must have thought so too, because they all ran when I snuck downstairs to get them. Had to catch each one individually and tiptoe them up to the room, being careful not to wake Mom. Do not know WHAT their damage is tonight.