Stone Cold (3 page)

“I care.” She caught a tear trickling down her face with the edge of her tissue. “I know it sounds stupid, but I had this fantasy of what would happen when I finally saw him again.”

“Tell me about it.”

Phil always encouraged the residents of the shelter to talk about their feelings. He said burying them is what prompted them to turn to drugs in the first place.

“I imagined I might run in to him at some awards show.” She felt a little silly sharing the fantasy with him, especially since it couldn’t be any further from her current reality, but her days of blocking her feelings with drugs were over. “I’d be performing or maybe I’d be a presenter.” She smiled as she imagined the glittery dress, designer shoes and expensive jewelry adorning her tanned and toned body. “I’d be nominated for an award… naturally.”

She heard the smile in Phil’s voice when he said, “Naturally. Go on.”

“My hair and make-up would be professionally done. I’d look fabulous, maybe on the arm of some A-list actor or platinum-selling artist…” It was hard not to get caught up in the daydream. The vision seemed almost real to her, she’d thought about it so many times. Visualization and affirmation had become a big part of her daily routine. They helped her stay positive in spite of the fact she had no money, no home to call her own, no family, and only a few close friends to support her through the daily trials of being a recovering drug addict and wannabe musician in a city where it seemed everyone shared the same dream.

“You’ve got my attention.”

She knew Phil wouldn’t think it was silly. He was the one who’d introduced her to visualizations and affirmations, claiming her mind had the power to help her overcome her addiction. The last time she’d given up drugs it had been for Drake because she wanted a future with him. One night with her sister had set her back, almost stealing her will to go on without Drake there to give her a reason to fight the exhausting battle again, but with Phil’s help, she’d come to realize she was fighting this battle for herself because she was worth it.
To hell with what Drake Elliott thinks of me.

“You still there?” Phil asked.

When she realized she’d allowed her mind to wander to a place she tried to avoid going, she said. “Yeah, I’m still here.” Determined to refocus on her vision, she said, “Where was I? That’s right, at the awards ceremony. In my vision, he takes one look at me and realizes I’ve made it without him.”

“And how does that make you feel?” he asked quietly.

“It makes me feel good, proud, strong.”

“In your vision…” He paused. “Does Drake want you back?”

She knew she should say no, but lying to herself or Phil wasn’t an option anymore. Her life was all about facing the harsh realities now. “Yes.”

“You know you can’t heal your life for him, Cassidy. This journey is about you.”

“I know.” She scraped her nails over her scalp. “But letting go of him has been even harder than letting go of the drugs. It’s like he’s a part of me.”

“I can understand that. I feel the same way about my wife, but the difference is that she’s always been there to love and support me during the ups and downs. When she should have thrown me out on the street, she didn’t. She put up with me through the withdrawals, cried with me and held me through the nights I wanted to shoot up even more than I wanted her by my side.”

Cassidy had never had that with Drake. He sent her away to a posh rehab clinic thousands of miles away, and when she returned, she wanted him to believe that she was “cured.” Little did either of them know that she was always just one high away from the house of cards tumbling down around her.

“You have to remember that you’re rebuilding your life for you, Cassidy. Not for Drake. You made a mistake, you had a setback, and he couldn’t get past that.”

“Would you have been able to get past it?” she asked. “If you walked in and found your wife in bed with your brother, could you forgive her?” It seemed like an unforgiveable sin to Cassidy, even though there were extenuating circumstances Drake would never know about.

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “It’s not for me to say whether Drake should or shouldn’t have forgiven you. And it’s not for you to say. He’s the only one who could have made that decision and he did.”

“I know.”

“Do you need me to come?”

She knew he was asking whether she felt tempted to stray into the darkness of her addiction again. “No, I’ll be fine.” She took a deep breath and forced a smile. “I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening, Phil.”

“Man, if I’d known it was gonna be that intense, I never would’ve asked you to stop by for a drink tonight,” J.T. said, leaning over the bar.

“So you did ask me to come by ’cause you knew she was gonna be here. I thought you were my friend? You must have known she’s just about the last person I’d want to see.”

“Yeah,” J.T. said, leaning back. “But I also knew she was probably the one person you needed to see the most. You two need to put what happened between you to rest so you can both move on with your lives. Livin’ with all this anger isn’t healthy, man.”

“I moved on a long time ago,” Drake said, popping a pretzel in his mouth.

“I’ve known you a long time,” J.T. said, bracing his hands on the bar. “And I’ve never seen you more miserable than you’ve been this past year.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” Drake thought he’d been hiding it well.
Apparently not.
“I haven’t been wanting for female companionship, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

People were starting to file in to the bar and a man claimed a stool several seats away from Drake. He gave the bartender his order before shooting a side-long glance at Drake.

J.T. shook his head. “That’s not what I’m talkin’ about and you know it. Man, I used to be that guy. Hookin’ up with a different buckle bunny every night, dousing the loneliness in liquor, then I met Nik and everything changed for me. I didn’t wanna be that guy anymore. I wanted to be a better man ’cause she made me believe I could be.”

“I like myself just fine, J.T.”

“Really? You like the guy who said all those ugly things to a lady he once loved? Hell, I’ve known you a lot of years and I haven’t even heard you say shit like that to your worst enemy.” He leaned closer, looking Drake in the eye. “That’s the woman you used to make love to every night.”

That reminder felt like someone twisted the knife blade sticking out of his back. As if his mind would ever let him forget the intimacy they’d one shared. “That was before I knew what she was capable of.”

“She made a mistake.” He smirked. “Granted, as far as mistakes go, that one pretty much tops the list, but we both know she’s a good girl.”

Drake rolled his eyes. “She’s a junkie.” The word tasted foul, mainly because he’d never thought of her that way. He knew she’d had a terrible childhood and she was coping the only way she knew how.

“She’s a recovering addict, same as she was when you asked her to be your wife, the mother of your children.”

“Maybe I was naïve, but I thought she was capable of changing, getting her life together. That night I found her with my brother, I realized she’s never gonna change. Once an addict, always an addict.”

J.T. threw his hands up in the air. “I can see I’m not gonna get through to you tonight. You want me to call you a cab?”

“Nah, I’ll just call my driver. Thanks for the offer though.”

J.T. offered his hand. “I hope you don’t think I over-stepped, tryin’ to bring you two together tonight. I was just hopin’ you’d be able to talk. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

Drake accepted his friend’s hand. “No hard feelings. I know you were just trying to help.”

“The drinks are on the house tonight,” J.T. said, smiling.

“In that case…” Drake pointed to a bottle of eighteen-year-old scotch behind the bar. “Might as well haul out the good stuff.”

J.T. chuckled. “Whatever you want, Roy can get it for you. I’m goin’ home to my beautiful wife.”

Drake tried to ignore the pang of envy. “Give Nik a kiss for me.”

“Will do. I’ll see ya around,” J.T. said, coming around the bar and slapping Drake on the back as he walked toward the door.

The man who’d been sitting a few feet away from Drake moved closer. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with your friend.”

Drake brought his glass to his lips. “Then you weren’t trying hard enough.” The last thing he wanted was make small talk with some nosy stranger. He knew he should leave before Cassidy and her band took the stage, but there was a part of him that wanted to know if she still had it.

The well-dressed, middle-aged man extended his hand. “Name’s Phil.”

Drake glanced at the man’s outstretched hand a minute before he accepted it. “Drake.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said, smiling. “You’re Cassidy’s ex.”

Drake looked the stranger up and down, trying to ascertain whether he could be the man Cassidy referred to earlier. He looked too straight-laced to get involved with someone as colorful as Cassidy. “Who the hell are you?” He couldn’t keep the bite from his voice as he realized he was jealous. He didn’t want her anymore, but that didn’t mean he wanted anyone else to have her either.

“Let’s just say I’m a
friend
of hers.”

The way he said it made Drake want to knock him off that stool, but he held his temper, hoping to get more information about the nature of their relationship. He knew he shouldn’t care what she did or who she did it with, but logic often wasn’t a factor when his battered ego was calling the shots.

“Define
friend
.”

The man laughed, shaking his head. “I keep a roof over her head when I can and she helps me with… things.”

Curling his hand around his glass, Drake muttered, “I’ll just bet she does.”

He hated to think she’d stooped that low, trading the body he’d once worshipped for a roof over her head, but his conscience reminded him he’d given her little choice when he blacklisted her. Aside from J.T., everyone else who called themselves his friend or even an acquaintance hadn’t even batted an eye when he told them Cassidy was never gonna make it in this business.

His word was usually the last word in Nashville music circles and he’d earned that respect the hard way. No way would anyone take the side of a wannabe country singer who hadn’t even cut a record over a producer who’d been the talent behind two hundred and thirty million in record sales in his illustrious career.

“Things ended badly for you two, didn’t they?” Phil asked, bringing his soft drink to his lips. “You still seem angry… bitter. I don’t have to tell you it’s not healthy to live with so much resentment.”

He could scarcely believe her new lover had the audacity to lecture him about bygones. He would never, ever forget what Cassidy had done to him.

Relationships had never been easy for Drake. Being wealthy and powerful meant he always had to be on guard against women who just wanted to benefit from his hard work and reputation. He thought Cassidy was different. From the first time he met her, he’d sensed there was something about her…

As she claimed the stage, his mind drifted back to the first night he’d seen her, standing right there, in the center of the same stage. She was singing about heartache, and he felt every word as though she was singing directly to him. He assumed she was. At first, he thought someone must’ve told her he was in the audience, watching her show, that this could be her big break to play with the heavy hitters if Drake saw something special in her. But when he approached her later and asked if he could buy her a drink, she seemed surprised, as though she had no idea he was there… watching her.

“She’s something else, isn’t she?” Phil asked, propping his chin in his hand as he gazed at the stage and the gorgeous woman singing a heart-wrenching ballad Drake had never heard before. “I never get tired of listening to her. I remember the first time I heard her sing—”

Drake held his hand up. “If you don’t mind, I just wanna watch the show.” The last thing he wanted was to hear about how the man at his side had developed a bond with the woman who used to share his bed.

“Sure,” Phil said, shrugging. He looked at Drake intensely, as though he was trying to read his expression before he turned his attention back to the stage.

In spite of his attempts to block it out, her song got under Drake’s skin. He closed his eyes and listened to the incredible tone of her voice. If anything, she’d gotten even better over the past year. He couldn’t help but wonder what she’d traded for those vocal lessons.

“You still have feelings for her.”

Drake was shocked speechless by Phil’s assessment. By the time he finally recovered his voice, Cassidy and her band were gearing up for an up-tempo song. “No, you’ve got nothing to worry about, man. I’m done with her.”

“You sure about that?” Phil asked, smiling.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He expected the man to be jealous, over protective the way he had once been when Cassidy had been
his
woman. A lot of good it had done him. Even with his ring on her finger, she still betrayed him and with his identical twin brother, no less. That still stung more than anything else. What could Lee have possibly given her that he couldn’t have?

“You’re wondering why she chose him over you, aren’t you, Drake?”

He turned to face the man, praying he couldn’t read his thoughts.
What kind of game is this guy playing?
Determined to find out, he said, “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Phil smiled as he reached in to the bowl of pretzels. “Sure, you do. I can’t even imagine how you must have felt, walking in on them together.”

Knowing that she trusted this guy enough to share that with him cut Drake to the core. Was she in love with him? Planning a future with him? He looked at her, trying to establish whether she was wearing an engagement ring or, worse, a wedding band, but he was too far away to tell. Besides, wouldn’t Phil have introduced herself as her fiancé or husband? He said he was her friend. Not that Drake believed that for a second, especially if they were close enough that she would share the intimate details of her life with him.

“Are you surprised she told me?”

What was it about this guy? How could he read him as easily as an open book? “I don’t care what she told you—”

“Yes, you do.” He chuckled. “I’m a psychologist, in case you were wondering.”

“A psychologist?” He wasn’t naïve enough to believe Cassidy had been seeing him professionally. There was no question in Drake’s mind their relationship was of a personal nature. The way Phil watched her move across the stage with such respect and admiration in his eyes told Drake all he needed to know. “Then you should be smart enough to know that a girl like her is never gonna change.”

“On the contrary, my friend. She’s already changed. She’s not the same woman you proposed to.”

“Really? How the hell would you know that?”

“She was a shell of a girl when she came to me. Broken, confused, alone, feeling… worthless. I’ve helped her find her inner strength, something you didn’t have the tools to do.” He held his hands up, obviously feeling threatened by Drake’s body language. “No offense. It’s just that you would’ve had to be where we’ve been to understand how hard it is to make it to the other side.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m a recovering addict as well.”

Drake stared at the straight-laced man beside him, shocked that he shared Cassidy’s affliction. “You can’t be serious.”

His kind green eyes shone with amusement. “I can assure you I’m not joking.”

Drake looked up at the stage and started to see signs that maybe this man was right, perhaps Cassidy had changed over the past year. She’d certainly stood up to him earlier, instead of cowering in fear and shame the way he’d expected her to. She also seemed to have an inner confidence she’d never possessed before.

“What’s your story?” Suddenly, he found himself interested in learning how this man had turned his life around.

“I got hooked during college. I managed to hide it from my wife—”

“Hold on,” Drake said, looking at his left hand, hoping to find evidence of his marital status. “You’re married?”

Phil smiled. “For fifteen years. Believe it or not, my wife stood by me, even when she should have kicked me out on my ass.”

Drake felt a twinge of guilt. He had no doubt that barb was directed at his treatment of Cassidy. Sure, he’d thrown her out when she needed him most, but she’d slept with his
brother.
That’s not the kind of indiscretion a man can forgive or forget
. Ever
. “I’m willing to bet you didn’t sleep with your wife’s sister.”

“No, but I did a lot of things some may consider unforgiveable. Spent our grocery money on drugs, pawned her wedding ring…” He sighed. “The list goes on, I’m afraid.”