Steven Gerrard: My Liverpool Story (15 page)

If Liverpool had done well in the Premier League that season, I don’t think the calls would have come. Clubs knew my bond with Anfield and wouldn’t have tried to break that. But when you finish fourth and there is a sense of uncertainty, the vultures circle and look to feast on your insecurities and make the most of the opportunity that is before them.

No one had really called Struan before in my career, but now he had people telling him they’d give me huge pay rises and how great it would be for me to join them. The situation didn’t help my performances at Euro 2004 that summer with England. I like to be able to concentrate solely on playing football when I am away with England without any outside interference, but everywhere I went someone wanted to ask me about my future.

In my mind, it was simple. I wanted to stay at Liverpool, but questions needed to be asked. I wouldn’t say my head was turned by the interest from elsewhere, but I did want Struan to speak to Liverpool and see what their goals and ambitions were, especially in the aftermath of Gerard leaving. For example, would there be funds available for team strengthening? It was clear that we needed some new blood if we were going to get back to being competitive again.

As much as I love Liverpool, I want to win. I am a footballer and I want to do well in my career and savour as many highs as I can cram in. Of course, I want that to be at Liverpool, but if they could not offer me the reassurances that I was looking for then you naturally think about the future. Thankfully, the answers I wanted were forthcoming and in order to clarify my future I held a press conference at Anfield saying that I would be staying and leading the quest for new trophies.

It was a weight off my mind. I was 24 at the time, my first daughter, Lilly-Ella, had been born in the February of that year and I had moved to the outskirts of Liverpool.

I was settled off the pitch and to uproot everyone, and everything, would have been a huge commitment. There was also the fact that I had only been the captain of Liverpool for one year to take into consideration. Why throw all that away?

Being honest, there have been times since when I thought harder about leaving. Chelsea renewed their interest in me a year later, while the prospect of playing abroad has crossed my mind on a few occasions, more so at the ages of 28–30.

If I ever did leave England, and I can’t see it happening now, then Spain would have been my destination. I watch the La Liga games on television when I can and there is something about the football there that appeals to me. Barcelona have made contact in the past. There have been a few phone calls to check what the situation is with me, whether I am happy or not at Liverpool, but there has never been any concrete interest from them.

When Malaga were taken over by backers from Qatar a couple of years ago, they also sounded me out. They wanted to know whether I would be willing to sign up for their project and offered me all sorts of riches.

More recently Bayern Munich and Paris St Germain have also made it known that they were interested in signing me.

Yet the strongest interest from Spain has always come from Real Madrid, who were keen to take me to the Bernabeu. When you see the stands in that stadium towering towards the heavens it is awe-inspiring and Real are one of the biggest, if not
the
biggest, clubs in the world.

Back in 2004, they did raid Liverpool. It was for Michael Owen rather than me. Losing Michael was a huge blow for the club and also on a personel level. He was someone I had played alongside since we were kids at the Vernon Sangster Sports Centre just setting out on our careers. I knew his runs, exactly where he wanted the ball and I knew he was a player we would find hard to replace. Michael had one year on his contract and was more impatient than me for change. He wanted to get on in his career and found the lure of Real too hard to turn down.

As it was, I was starting to see things from a Spanish perspective as well. But in order to do so I didn’t need to leave Liverpool. It was all about the man who had taken over at Anfield and who I hoped was going to take us to the next level. That man was Rafa Benitez.

“In my mind, it was simple. I wanted to stay at Liverpool, but questions needed to be asked.”

HOLA, SIGNOR BENITEZ

Within half an hour of meeting Rafa Benitez for the
first time, it became apparent that Liverpool would be doing things differently from now on and that I would have to get used to some changes as well.

Gerard Houllier is a man-manager. Someone who loves his players, supports his players, embraces them and wants them to be close to him. Rafa was the opposite.

After being appointed by Liverpool, he requested a meeting with myself, Jamie Carragher and Michael Owen when we were out at Euro 2004 in Portugal. We met him one Friday night at the team hotel and straight away you could notice the difference. He was hands-off and there was going to be a bit of distance between the players and the manager. It didn’t matter who you were, a big player or just starting out, the team was all-important. Everyone had to pull in the same direction.

Perhaps that approach is exactly what I needed at that stage of my career, but when you are used to the love and a bit of TLC the change in emphasis was hard for me to accept at first. As it went on, I quite liked the fact that Rafa kept his cards close to his chest and didn’t involve me in things as much as Gerard had. I wondered what he thought of me and, as a result of that, it drove me on to impress in every training session and in every game. I wanted him to turn round and embrace me and I thought the breakthrough would come and we would grow close – that a close relationship between the manager and the captain would develop over time. It didn’t happen – though not in a bad way, and that’s fine.

I had a successful time under Rafa and as you get older you realise football isn’t about friends. It isn’t about being loved. It isn’t about everyone being nice to you. If the manager is distant and does things a different way from the manager before, but we are successful, then bring it on. I’m cool about that. If a manager doesn’t speak to me for four years but we win five or six trophies, I will happily take that over a manager who speaks to me every day but under whom we win nothing. It is about results. And I was sure we could get them under Rafa.

Liverpool had played his former club Valencia a couple of times in the Champions League and I liked their style. They were well organised, but played good football at the same time. I also liked the way Rafa looked on the sidelines. I like managers in suits and when they are out in the technical area trying to give instructions and influence the game. I just think it looks good and it offers a sense of reassurance to the players if a game isn’t going well.

Gerard had looked to France for a lot of his signings and despite leaving had put in place a deal for us to sign Djibril Cisse, who had scored lots of goals for Auxerre and who would now become even more important given Michael’s departure.

Understandably, Rafa turned to the Spanish market he knew well and signed Luis Garcia, Xabi Alonso and Josemi. Antonio Nunez came as part of the deal that took Michael to Real Madrid. Straight away I could see that Xabi had a touch of class about him. His passing range was great, but he was tough as well. He would have no problems settling into English football.

Luis was someone who could inspire one minute and frustrate the next, but he scored some important goals for us. Given the amount of changes that took a hold in the first months of the season – Cisse also broke his leg – it was perhaps no wonder that our form in the Premier League was inconsistent.

In a one-off game we were a match for anyone and that revealed itself in the cup competitions. We reached the Carling Cup Final against Chelsea in Cardiff and while it is an occasion I would rather forget it is one that will live with me forever. For all the wrong reasons.

Given that Chelsea had tried to sign me the previous summer, this was a game that had an extra edge to it even without the fact there was a trophy at stake as well. Then there was Jose Mourinho who had started to wind up the Liverpool supporters during the game by putting his finger to his lips and ‘sssh-ing’ them. It was a final that none of us wanted to lose. We had started well with Fernando Morientes scoring early on and were minutes from getting our hands on the Cup when I looked to clear a free-kick that had been pumped into our penalty area. Instead of heading the ball away, it skimmed the top of my head and flew into the back of our net.

Devastation. Total numbness. This. Cannot. Be. Happening. In that split-second the momentum of the match changed. Chelsea forged ahead in extra time and to compound my misery I was millimetres from getting an equaliser. The ball was played across the box and it just passed by in front of my toe. When the final whistle sounded and Chelsea’s players celebrated a 3–2 win, I have never had a worse moment in football.

I held my hand up in the dressing room straight away afterwards and my team-mates rallied round, but it was a long journey home and a long, long night.

You feel sorry for yourself, you sulk, you walk through the door at home and feel totally alone and that’s when you want everyone to fuss you.

The disappointment will never vanish and it still hurts talking about that moment all these years on. When I think of myself going up for that header and slightly mistiming my jump, a shiver goes down my spine. I was gutted for a long time after that game, but you cannot hide away. We lost on a Sunday, but by Monday night I knew I had to start fighting again.

There were a lot of fans at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium that day who went home realising that it was an accident. But there were also Liverpool fans in the ground who, given the link with Chelsea, saw my own goal as some sort of grand conspiracy and gave me the height of abuse.

I know because members of my family were in the crowd and were forced to listen to the vitriol. Driving into our training ground at Melwood in the aftermath I knew I couldn’t change the past, but I also knew I could make amends in the future.

Redemption proved to be around the corner.

“It is about results. And I was sure we could get them under Rafa.”

Putting the Laces Through the Ball

The red boots I’m wearing are a rarity because I prefer standard black boots. I don’t like putting any undue pressure on myself by having all fancy colours. But they didn’t let me down with this free-kick which flew past Portsmouth’s David James in front of the Kop. I’ve always been willing to step forward and take a free-kick. The confidence to do so comes from having the captain’s armband on, the trust of my team-mates and also not being scared to take criticism if the ball flies 20 yards over the crossbar.

I’ll Eat My Shirt!

Although I’ve been guilty of kissing the badge before, I don’t like seeing players do it – especially when they have done it at other clubs, too. This is a variation I have tried once or twice. On this occasion it was after scoring a free-kick against Everton. I suppose I’m just trying to show how much playing for Liverpool means to me. John Arne Riise looks like he is about to smother me. He is a great friend and was a really good player for Liverpool. I think we found it difficult to replace him when he left in 2008. He’s a player with great energy, great athleticism and is excellent on the ball. It was John’s cross that led to my header against AC Milan in Istanbul.

Power Play

The fact that I am so off-balance demonstrates the power that I have tried to put into this free-kick. Fortunately, it found the back of the net. Unfortunately, we lost the game 3–1 and it proved no more than a consolation strike. The players in the wall tell you how difficult the game was: Pires, Vieira, Gilberto, Van Persie and Fabregas.