Starla (The Ladies of Karnage Novella Series) (6 page)

T
hat night Jameson filled me in on everything that the MC was into. I swallowed down the fear as he told me about the guns, drugs, and the IRA. The natural reaction was to be scared, but deep inside I knew that I needed to be strong for Jameson and for the club. I wasn’t a weak person and I would be damned if I ran now. I took a deep breath as Jameson reassured me that he’d do everything he could to protect me and keep me safe, and as I exhaled I let out all of the fear inside of me. I knew I’d always have Jameson and no matter what, we would weather through it together. But nothing could have prepared us for what happened next.

I woke one night, my stomach was churning and my back was killing me. I made my way out of the bed as quietly as I could,
as to not wake Jameson, and down toward the bathroom. It would figure with that with the club leaving on a run this coming weekend that I would get sick. I flipped on the light to the bathroom and looked up in the mirror, my face was ashen and pale as I stared back at myself. My stomach kept churning, and I knew if I didn’t make it to the toilet quickly that I was going to get sick right here in the sink. I dashed across the bathroom and made it just in time to get the lid to the commode up.

My entire body ached as I emptied the contents of my stomach. My body was hot and clammy as I tried to stand. I heard the door come open behind me and tried to flush the bile as quickly as I could, but as the thought of throwing up in a toilet
that God only knows who uses in this house, I felt the bile rise once more. I couldn’t turn to see who was behind me, but I heard the sink turn on and then felt a cool rag against my neck.

“Honey, something has done a number on you
, aye?” I heard Johanna’s voice as she gently rubbed my back.

“
I think I’m dying,” my voice was shaky as I reached up and flushed the toilet once more. “I don’t know what came over me. I just woke up and knew I was going to be sick.”

“Wonder if any of the guys are feeling it? Might have been something bad you ate.”

I sat up and turned, leaning my back against the toilet as she pulled my hair up on my head and secured it into a messy bun. You know someone’s your friend when they hold your hair for you while you throw up. She handed me a cup of water and I took a small sip, testing to see if my stomach would turn sour once more. When it didn’t I took a large sip and the door to the bathroom came open once more, damn at this rate we’d all be partying in the bathroom. I looked up to see Jameson standing in the doorway, his face mixed with confusion and concern.

“I’ll go get you
something for your stomach, be right back,” Johanna said as she stood and gave Jameson and me some privacy.

“Went to reach for you and you were gone. You ok, love?” He made his way over to me, his hair up in the same messy bun as mine and I giggled.

“I think so. My stomach went sour and I got sick. Probably something I ate.” I smiled up at him, leaning into his knees as he took the seat on the edge of the tub that Johanna had just vacated.

“You need me to get you anything?” He rubbed small circles on my back and up to my neck, making me relax at his touch.

“No, I’m just gonna brush my teeth and then come back to bed.” He helped me from the floor and kissed my cheek before making his way back toward the bedroom. A few seconds later Johanna was back at the door with some medicine and a box. I didn’t pay much attention to it and began brushing the bad taste from my mouth. It wasn’t until I looked over and saw the words pregnancy test that I froze in place.

I turned to Johanna, panic in my eyes as I tried to think back to when my last period was. Jameson and I used condoms most of the time, but not as much as we should have. But getting pregnant wasn’t something that had ever really crossed my mind. Hell, I’d never even known a pregnant woman in my life, and I sure as hell never expected to be one myself. I took the tooth brush from my mouth and rinsed before looking back at Johanna.

“You don’t think I could be…” my voice trailed off as I asked, still trying to mentally calculate if it was possible.

“You two fuck like rabbits, and I know you aren’t on the pill. So yes. It’s possible.
I had this spare test, been trying to get Doc to knock me up for weeks and it hasn’t happened yet.” She grabbed the box and tore open one end, pulling out a long plastic package and handing it to me. “Lock the door, I don’t think you want Jameson coming in for this one,” she chuckled. “It says to pee on it for seven seconds and then we wait two minutes. If it’s a plus you’re preggo, if it’s a negative you’re not,” she explained in a low voice.

I made my way back to her slowly, eyeing the test stick in her hand as she held it out to me. I was afraid to touch it, like it would burn my hand if I did. I peeled back the plastic and examined the result window and the plastic cap covering the inch of cloth that I was supposed to pee on. Johanna stood and made her way to the door, “Don’t leave. I don’t think I can do this by myself,” I said to her and she stopped just short of the door.

“You want me to hold it while you pee or something?” she joked.

“No, but I want you to pick me up off the floor if I pass out.”

She hopped up on the counter as I proceeded to follow the directions on the box. When I was pretty sure I had hit the target, I put the plastic cap back on and carefully set it onto the paper towel that Johanna had laid out on the counter. I cleaned myself and flushed the toilet for what felt like the fiftieth time tonight before making my way over to the test strip. “I don’t think it’s been long enough.” Johanna was now standing directly beside me as we hovered over to see what the results would be.

We waited, and waited, and waited a little longer, “This is the longest two minutes of my life.” But as soon as I said that
, the result window began to fill in with color. First was a small window and then it started moving over toward the larger window and I closed my eyes. I heard Johanna let out a slight gasp and I knew immediately what it said. My heart fluttered and for a second I thought I might get sick again. I’d been in Ireland with Jameson for four months and I was pregnant.

I felt the tears running from my eyes as I opened them back up and looked over at Johanna who was beaming at me. Her black curly hair was sticking out in every direction as she wrapped her arms aro
und me. “You’re gonna be a mum!” I could hear the excitement in her voice as she whispered to me.

I was pregnant
.

I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready for that, but that didn’t matter anymore because like it or not
, it was happening. I felt the room spin and I grabbed ahold of the counter when the handle to the bathroom jiggled. I looked up at Johanna in panic, quickly she wrapped the test up and threw it under the counter and made her way over to the door and unlocked it. As she opened it I could feel a whole new flood of emotions coming over me and I couldn’t control the tears that were now flowing down my face. I tried to hold it together as Jameson came into view, but it was no use.

“Christ, Johanna, what did you do to her?” He made his way to me quickly, checking over me to make sure I wasn’t hurt and my stomach turned once more. “You ok, love?”

“Yes,” I lied, looking up at his beautiful eyes before they blurred behind more tears. He wrapped me in his arms and panic sank in further. What was Jameson going to say about all of this? I tried to take a deep breath to calm my nerves, but found myself rushing back to the toilet to keep from getting sick on the floor.

“I’m gonna go get, Doc,” Jameson said, and I could hear Johanna trying to deter him in the doorway. “What is going on? Something is wrong with her and I don’t like it,” his voice was stern as he tried to keep from getting loud with Johanna.

“She’s ok. Just trust me. Can you do that?” Johanna asked, her voice was soothing and the sudden silence made my stomach turn once more.

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here,” Jameson was at my side, kneeling on the floor as I cried into the toilet. I can’t say it was my best moment, but it was then
that I knew truly how much Jameson loved me. He knew without me having to say it, and he could reassure me of my worries without me having to tell him what they were.

After I got cleaned up, again, Jameson carried me into the bedroom; the rays of the morning sun were just starting to peek through the curtains. He laid me on the bed and covered me with the blanket and gently slid in next to, trying his hardest not to shake the bed. He brushed the hair from my face and looked into my eyes, a faint smile on his face as his hand skimmed down to my stomach and rested there for a moment. I could feel the tears that were burning at the corner of my eyes and I tried to blink them away. “Are you…” his voice trailed off as he tried to find th
e right words to say. “Did we?”

“I’m pregnant,” I choked out
as my body shook from the sobs.

“What kind of tears are these?” I felt his hand gently wiping across my cheek.

“The scared kind.” I looked up at him and saw a wave of relief wash over his face and that faint smile was back once more. It was then that I realized that he hadn’t been questioning it because it was something he didn’t want, but that he was worried it was something I hadn’t wanted.

“What do you want to do, love?” I could hear the hint of worry in his voice.

I took a deep breath and sat up on the bed, looking down at him as he propped himself up onto his elbow and stared over at my stomach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just thought I had gotten the flu or something. But then Johanna gave me the test and it was positive. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I apologized again, “I know this probably isn’t what you want…” I sucked in a ragged breath as his hand came up and gently covered my mouth and he sat up in front of me.

“Baby, how could I be upset about getting to have one more of you?” his voice was low and comforting as he spoke, “Wasn’t ever gonna be another woman after you, I was just waiting for the right time to put a ring on your finger.” His hand took mine and gently traced over my ring finger and my tears were no longer falling from fear, but
because of the love I felt for this man. “Love you, baby, and I’m gonna love this one too.” He cupped my hand and brought them both up to my stomach.

“Jameson, I love you too.” That was all I could get out as I jumped over onto him and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.

“Then stop crying, aye?” I could feel his body shaking as he laughed. “We will figure this out. I promise. Don’t you ever worry ok?”

“Ok,” I answered, smiling as the tears continued to fall. I didn’t know what I could have ever done in my life to deserve such an amazing man, but I knew with every fiber of my being that Jameson was the man that had been created just for me.

Three weeks later Jameson took me for a ride, ending at the cliffs overlooking the ocean. We walked hand in hand, finding a spot in the grass and laying down in the blanket of warmth from the sun above. We talked about baby names, where we would live, and then he turned to me and slipped a beautiful ring onto my finger and asked me to take his last name. I screamed, scared away a flock of birds, and said yes. When we returned to the clubhouse that evening the celebration had already started before we could announce our news. The shouts and whistles rang out as we pulled in through the gate. I got off the back of his motorcycle, smiling from ear to ear as Johanna came up and engulfed me in a hug along with Knox, Charon, and Doc.

“You’re officially gonna be part of the family now, love,” Charon said, patting Jameson hard on the back.

“She was already part of the family,” Johanna said, winking as Doc wrapped his arm around her.

We made our way over toward the rest of the group when Odessa jumped up onto the top of one of the table, stumbling drunk, and shouted out. “You shouldn’t have given her a taste of yer lucky charms!” I let out a loud laugh as he began dancing on the table top, “No one messes with me lucky charms!”

“No one wants any of your lucky charms, you dirty feckin’ leprechaun!” Jameson laughed out.

After everything the club had been through over the last few months, we all finally had something to celebrate. And life as we knew it finally seemed good. It stayed that way for a few months. We all fell back into our roles, Johanna and I cooking and cleaning, fussing at the guys when they were being slobs. The club going on their runs, new prospects coming into the club, and old prospects getting patched. Jameson and I would play catch up as soon as he’d get back from a run, and we’d lock ourselves away in our room for hours at a time.

That was until my stomach got so big that nothing was comfortable anymore. My feet hurt, my back hurt, and the heartburn was keeping me from wanting to eat anything. My blood pressure had been up and down with every doctor visit and that left Doc always lurking close behind me to make sure I was ok. But through thick and thin, Jameson stood by me and did everything he could to try and make me feel better. We bought a small flat a few blocks from the club house, something about not wanting to raise a baby around a bunch of gobshites. But those gobshites were there whenever Jameson couldn’t be and they always made sure that I wanted for nothing. William spent the afternoons with me and he became as close to me as a father. I could tell that he was excited about the baby, one of the first to be born in years for a club member.

William had dropped Johanna and
me off at the clubhouse, since I could no longer ride on the motorcycle with Jameson, so that we could get the last couple of boxes of baby clothes that the members and their old ladies had bought for our new arrival. William had wandered off to the garage to see the guys as we made our way up the stairs. I made my way to the fridge to grab a drink and Johanna took off toward her room to gather a few things, when I heard a knock on the door. I didn’t think to look, only opened it to see a large dark man on the other side with a black duffle bag.

“Can I help you?” I asked, looking down at the yard below to see no one in sight. I didn’t have a clue who this man was.