Star Raiders (19 page)

Being with him, loving him—it had given her purpose, direction, sanctuary.

Even when their relationship exploded, casting her out into the blackness of space, alone again, he’d been calm—though that time she’d loathed him for it. He’d stood there as her father was arrested and in an emotionless voice told her who he was and what he’d done. In her rage, she hadn’t listened to the rest of his explanation.

She’d hated him for his composure. When he’d turned away, she’d bashed him over the head and run. For a long time she didn’t know if she’d kil ed him, and she’d lived with a confused mixture of satisfaction, guilt and grief. When she’d learned how he had survived and prospered, relief and anger took over.

“It’s over. No harm done,” he said.

“It’s far from over,” she whispered. And there’d been plenty of harm.

The warm weight of his hands eased the tension from her muscles. He moved closer until his chest pressed against her back, then leaned forward until his cheek touched hers. She caught her breath. The smel of sun-warmed male rising on his body heat fil ed her lungs. She fought the urge to lean into him, to al ow him to assume her burdens, to drink from his fount of tranquility.

Self-preservation stiffened her spine. She no longer needed an anchor to keep her steady or a star to circle. She had her own strength now. Others looked to her for security and protection.

Then, why did it take al her wil power to step out of his hold?

Lost in her thoughts, she needed a moment to realize a host of curious eyes were watching their exchange. Afraid of what Greyson might read in her face, she kept her back to him and suggested, “Since you’re my husband, you can come into town.” She just had to keep him away from the house, at least until she had Matha clear away any evidence of Rian.

Let him think he’d won this battle. Rian was out of town.

Chapter Thirteen

When the evening meal was over, Matha chased them both out of the kitchen.

Greyson fol owed Shyanne onto the porch, relieved and grateful. After they’d told the older woman about their matrimonial deception, conversation had become strained. Though she didn’t comment or argue, the woman’s sharp searching glances made him uncomfortable; the sweet-faced, plump matron made him feel as if he were ten years old again, caught stealing cookies from the pantry before dinner.

Shyanne seemed unaffected by the woman’s censure. Before dinner, under Matha’s disapproving glare Shyanne had helped him get settled into a spare room.

Now, as she leaned against the porch railing and crossed her arms over her chest, Greyson settled in a chair.

In the distance, past waving fields of ripening wheat, the last rays of the remaining sun disappeared below the horizon, throwing the world into a dusty shadow. Insects chirped. Birds twittered as they settled down for the night. An evening breeze, bringing with it the scent of salt water, cooled the air but didn’t lessen the tension between him and Shyanne.

If not for the brewing confrontation, replete with Matha’s delicious cooking as he was, Greyson would have enjoyed the peace of the evening. Shyanne was right to keep Uta’s location hidden. Even with its unstable topography, this world held smal bits of paradise. Without protection, Uta would stand little chance against an invading force bent on stealing her riches.

When the strain of waiting for her to speak grew too great, he asked, “Why did you tel Matha the truth?”

“I can’t lie to her!” Shyanne replied. “She and her husband, Tomas, practical y raised me. Up until my crew and I started bringing refugees to settle here, the three of us lived alone on this planet.”

“It must have been hard growing up so isolated.”

“Until I got older and Kedar brought Damon home, I never realized I was alone.

Children accept their lives as a given. You don’t miss what you’ve never known. But when Damon turned sixteen and left to join Kedar’s crew, I went crazy with loneliness. Easy pickings for a handsome, charming ASP agent.” Her tone was teasing, but he could hear the pain hidden beneath. Guilt hit him anew. Ten years ago he’d been so focused on bringing down Kedar and building his career, he hadn’t bothered to learn about the woman with whom he was fal ing in love. These were things he should have known about her.

“What happened to your mother?”

Her face hidden by shadows, Greyson couldn’t read her expression, but he heard Shyanne sigh. “I have only faint memories of her. I was four when she died, and Kedar found Matha and Tomas to care for me. Though at the time I didn’t agree, apparently he didn’t feel a smuggling ship was the proper place to raise a child.” She seemed to be thinking out loud. “After that, in a way he was more a beloved uncle than a father. He visited every few months, but Matha and Tomas acted as my parents. Stil , I adored Kedar. I used to cry and beg him to stay whenever he was leaving. Matha and Tomas did their best to comfort me, but I think I needed more than they could give.”

Greyson wanted to comfort the child she’d been, console the woman she’d become, but afraid of ending her commentary he stayed silent.

“As I got older, I enjoyed Kedar’s visits differently. I learned how to manipulate his guilt about not being with me to my advantage. Every time he visited, he showered me with gifts…but they never real y fil ed the void in me. Things never take the place of personal attention.”

Her revelations made his heart ache. What a lonely little girl she’d been, what abandonment she’d suffered. Though he’d lost his mother at a young age, his memories of her were clear.

“Every child needs the security of a parent’s unconditional love,” he agreed. “I don’t remember my father. He died when I was very young. My mother rarely spoke of him. When she died, my life shattered. Without Chalmer Dane I might have turned out a different person. I love him and owe him, but…” He hesitated to put into words his conflicted feelings about the man who’d raised him.

Shyanne didn’t say anything, so he found the courage to continue. Maybe by revealing his past doubts and insecurities, when the time came she’d understand his current deception.

“I’m always aware I’m not his blood kin. As a result, I’ve always worked harder to earn his respect. The only thing I ever did that he didn’t approve of was joining ASP.” Had his success in the agency always been intended to earn Chalmer’s approval for a choice with which he didn’t agree?

“Why?” Shyanne asked.

It surprised him that the inferno of rage in his heart he’d fed al these years at the death of his mother and little Anna no longer burned so hot or bright. “I vowed vengeance against the man I believed kil ed my mother.” He couldn’t bring himself to mention Anna. That pain was his alone to bear. Though logic told him there was nothing he could have done to save her, he stil bore the guilt of her death. He always would.

“Kedar,” Shyanne guessed.

“Yes. That was what I believed. Working as an ASP agent gave me the opportunity to get to him.”

“And now that you know he didn’t do it?”

He’d known the truth for years, since his first interview with the incarcerated Kedar. “I’d like to see the man responsible brought to justice. Of course, I learned the hard way that vengeance cuts both ways. I captured Kedar, but it cost me.” She didn’t press to see what he meant. Instead she asked, “What convinced you he wasn’t responsible for the attack that kil ed your mother?” Greyson sighed. “After he was in custody, ASP officials realized they didn’t have enough evidence to convict him of al the charges they’d been planning. Some of the testimonies didn’t add up, and they began talking to him about a deal. They were open to one al the way through the trial. He represented himself, you know.”

“No, I wasn’t aware of that. After his arrest, I was on the run. I didn’t exactly have an easy way to keep up with what was going on.” Shyanne glanced away. He heard bitterness creep into her voice.

“He did quite wel . If he hadn’t struck a deal, he might have even walked.”

“What kind of deal did he make?”

“A ful pardon for you, in return for his confession to select charges.” Though ELF hadn’t had any real evidence against Shyanne, Kedar had struck the deal anyways to spare her the ordeal of a trial. Neither the authorities nor Greyson had seen fit to inform him she wasn’t in custody. They’d used his love for his daughter against him.

She gave a smal gasp. “I didn’t know. Why wasn’t I told?”

“No one could find you. And by the time you resurfaced, you’d racked up a whole new list of crimes that nul ified your father’s sacrifice.” Shyanne was silent for a long moment. Final y she said, “That stil doesn’t explain why you believe him innocent of causing your mother’s death.”

“When he agreed to the terms of the deal, for some reason of his own he refused to give any further testimony to anyone but me.” Greyson suspected it had been because of his personal connection to Shyanne, but the man had never explained. “I spent months talking with him. It didn’t take me long to realize that this pirate—”

“Smuggler,” she interrupted.

He laughed. “Some of your father’s activities eventual y went beyond smuggling. But either way, I realized he was no slaver or murderer. And al evidence was absent regarding those charges. Against my wil , I came to admire him. If his life had taken another track, he would have been an important man on Earth. In fact, in some ways he stil is. While I was taking his testimony, I discovered some of his drawings of spaceship designs. With his permission, I showed them to Chalmer. Over the years Kedar’s designed dozens of ships for Dane Enterprises. When he gets out of prison he’l be a wealthy man. In fact, my prototype ship is your father’s design along with some C.O.I.L. technology.” Shyanne looked annoyed. “Then you knew al along who designed
Independence
.”

“I had a good idea,” he admitted. “She’s older, but her lines bear his mark.”

“It seems you know Kedar better than I ever did.” She looked sad, so he rushed to reassure her. “No, not better. Different. You knew him as a child knows a parent. I know him as a man.”

“I never got that chance.”

“Wel , when he’s released in a few years you’l have plenty of time to get reacquainted.” At least, Greyson hoped they would.

“Maybe. First we’l have to find a way to forgive each other. He lied to me—

betrayed my trust. And my stupidity got him captured and sent to prison. He didn’t want me to go to that school, but I insisted. It’s one of the best business schools in Earth space. I was determined to study hard so I could help him in his business ventures, so I could be with him. Ironic, no?” She gave a short, humorless laugh.

“You real y had no idea what your father did?”

“I was a blithering idiot. Al the evidence was there. How could I have missed it?”

Hearing the pain in her voice, Greyson went to stand next to her. The last remaining glow from the setting sun il uminated her face. Unable to resist the urge to touch her, he stroked a finger down her cheek. The satin softness of her skin was temptation itself. He knew he should pul his hand away, but couldn’t bring himself to do so.

“Isolated here, how could you have known? You were an eighteen-year-old innocent. I was the idiot. I should have known from the moment I met you that you weren’t involved in Kedar’s il egal activities. But I believed the bul shit my superiors fed me. I wanted—
needed
—to believe. To do otherwise risked everything I’d worked for, everything I was.”

She tilted her head so his palm cupped her cheek. Heat streaked through him, blurring his vision. Of its own accord his hand slid through her hair to hold the back of her head. Their faces were inches apart.

“Was it al a lie between us?” Her breath feathered across his lips. The soft plea in her voice tugged at his heart. Could they find a way back to each other?

Could she forgive his betrayal? Could he see past crimes she’d committed as a result, even if they were al wel intentioned? And what about his current fraud?

Would she forgive him that as wel ?

Suddenly aware of what he was doing, he jerked away and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Until he knew the answers to those questions, he had no right to touch her. Though he’d made love to her, it had been at her instigation, a mere physical connection, a way to affirm life after facing death. He found himself wanting more, but doubted he deserved it.

To avoid explanations, or seeing the pain of rejection in her eyes, he turned away. He would at least tel her this much: “I told myself I was just acting a part, that I seduced and used you to further my career, but deep down I knew different.” He took a breath and continued. “You scared the hel out of me. In the end I wanted you so bad I broke every code of ethics I thought I possessed in order to have you.”

The sound of her rich laughter startled him. “Who seduced who?” she asked.

“I seem to remember chasing you around campus for weeks before you final y succumbed to my dubious charms. You weren’t the only one with needs. I knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t a bit shy about going after it.” He chuckled at the memory of her determined pursuit. “It came as a big surprise when I discovered you’d never been with another man.” Some of his humor fled. “You might have mentioned it to me first.”

“And have you play the gal ant and turn me down out of some misguided sense of honor? I thought not. Virginity real y wasn’t my choice. There just wasn’t anyone around that I cared to have relieve me of it. Until I went off to school, the only men I came in contact with were Kedar, his crew and Damon. At eighteen, al but Damon seemed ancient, and Damon was more a brother than a possible lover.”

“What about the boys at school? I couldn’t help but notice their interest in you.”

“I wasn’t interested in them. They were…boys. Sons of privilege. Spoiled.

Vain.”

“As far as you knew, so was I.”

She shook her head. “From the first there was something that set you apart from the others. You carried yourself differently. I sensed the strength, both physical and mental, in you. That alone should have warned me you weren’t what you appeared.”