Authors: Ebony N. Donahue
“Chase, this weekend we can move her room from upstairs to the room next to yours. I love you and Francis so much, but for some reason this child doesn’t want anything to do with me or your dad. Maybe I should have listened to everyone when they told us that I waited too late to have another child. I don’t think my nerves are up to this. Every day while you’re at school or training it’s like…hell. I find myself counting down the hours, minutes, seconds, and milliseconds until your arrival. What mother does that? Hell, that’s the word I’m looking for.” Is she serious? I take a look at her deflated posture. I look over at Peanut who is sound asleep in her crib.
“I must admit that at first we truly were trying to teach you a lesson. That pretty much backfired.” She laughs at herself.
“You were so set on telling me off about not taking care of your sister and myself. Dad and I thought that by giving you more baby duties, you would realize that it wasn’t a piece of cake. I just don’t understand…how is it that she loves you more than her own mother? I...I don’t...I don’t understand!”
I did not interrupt moms’ explanation of why she and dad were handing over Peanut to me, a kid that just turned fifteen. All I knew is that it hurt my mom to her core that my sister seamed to not have a bond with her.
I walked over and sat on the bed with my mother. I wrap my arms around my moms’ shoulders and pulled her into the comfort of my arms. I cradle her as if she is the most precious of porcelain dolls. I’m fifteen now, six feet tall and one hundred and eighty pounds of muscle, from all my training. So, the comforting arms wrapped around my beloved, heartbroken mother are not those of an average kid, but of a man. My precious, precious, porcelain doll broke. She shattered into a million tiny pieces in my arms. I let her shatter, I let her break, and once she was done breaking, I carefully reassembled my beloved doll.
“Mom, don’t be sad. I don’t mind if Francis stay in my room for a while. We can set her room up this weekend if you like. Mom, look at me, please don’t be sad. I know you love me and believe me, Francis knows you and dad love her too.” My mother’s crying has slowed.
“She’s just a baby, it’ll get better - you’ll see. Hey, when she gets old enough to talk, walk, run, and kiss you every second of the day, you’ll be wishing that these days magically reappeared.” She chuckled and kissed me on the cheek.
“I hope so sweetie. I hope so!”
Peanut and I have been inseparable from that fateful day. I gladly took on the responsibility. As I said before, I thrived as a big brother. I love my sister with every ounce of my soul. She has solely owned my heart, lock, stock, and key since the day she was born…until now.
Chapter 7
(Chase Mitchell)
What a long weekend. I tried to consume myself with training and playing with Peanut, but that didn’t help. My thoughts kept traveling back to her – Amber Wallace. Yeah, she’s beautiful, but there is something that goes beyond looks and I want to be the person to figure out what that something is. There are so many questions. First, I never underestimate Peanut’s ability. When she begged me to take her to see Kinjy last Friday, I didn’t hesitate.
“Something is wrong Chase! I feel so much pain!” Peanut explained.
“Do you think someone hit him?”
Usually if I ask questions about what she’s feeling she can work through the issues better. Being this young and gifted, she doesn’t have the vocabulary to explain things correctly.
“I think someone hurt him, but I feel like he’s hurt in here.” She placed her small hands on my chest. “Can we go and check on him?”
How can I deny her? I couldn’t …and, that is how I ended up at the zoo holding Amber as she cried. Each tear that fell, pulled at the strings of my heart.
“Chase, it’s not Kinjy! I was wrong - she’s hurting - she’s sad.”
Those few words from my sister’s lips shocked me. I knew at that moment that there was more to Amber, than what everyone else sees. This girl, this beautiful girl, captured my attention as soon as I walked around the corner to Kinjy’s enclosure. I was all set to let my sister have it. No, I would never yell at her, I was going to sternly remind my sister of the dangers of running off.
I stood back and watched as she interacted with my sister. I watched, as she smiled and talked with the current occupant of my heart. I watched and appreciated this unknown girl for indulging my sister in conversation, when others would have gotten annoyed with her. When I finally decided to make my presence known and she introduced herself to me, I was hooked from that moment on.
*****
“Momma…momma, Chase met a girl!” Peanut announced as we walked through the door.
“He did, is she cute?” My mother asked playfully, as she bent and kissed my sister. I walked over shaking my head as I placed a kiss to my mother’s forehead.
“She’s cute mom, but you know me, looks aren’t everything. She goes to my school, I believe she’s a senior this year.”
“Momma, she was hurting bad in her heart. Chase held her and she cried. Chase…your feelings were weird!” She turned those all-knowing eyes towards me. “Why were you feelings so…so…momma,” Peanut turned to look at mom. Poor mom looked so confused. “You know how I tell you Chase feel for you and me? I think, he kind of feels for…for…Chase, what’s her name again?”
“Her name is Amber, Amber Wallace.”
I just stood there looking at my sister with sort of the same bewilderment plastered on my face as my mom. Leave it to my sister to understand my feelings before I had time to take a closer look at them myself.
“Chase, you feel for Amber like you do for us.” She points to herself and mom. “Can you feel it?”
“Yeah.” This was my exasperated response. Moms head swung around so fast I thought she just might get whiplash.
“Peanut, please! Please, stop for just a minute.” Mom has always been a little uncomfortable with Peanut’s talents.
Since the little rascal was born, she has consumed me. Her little talent never bothered me, matter of fact, her and her talent go together like peanut butter and jelly. I guess what I’m trying to say is, without her talents; she just wouldn’t be my little Peanut. I just wish that one of these days, my mother would jump on the bandwagon and realize that this is who she is. She also needs to get to the point where she can accept everything about her.
“Listen mom, I know you’re a little uncomfortable and you probably want to grill me right now, but I just need a little time to myself.”
I didn’t wait for an answer. I walked to my room, shut the door, and laid across my bed to go over the events of this weird ass day. I haven’t put a lot of stock into dating. I always thought of myself as being too young to get all serious with any girl. Don’t get me wrong, I do date. I am one hundred percent pure-blood-male.
What’s got my insides all tied up in knots is that, I’ve never felt for anyone the way my sister is describing the way I feel for Amber. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t given anyone a chance, or if it is as simple as, no one has sparked my interest until now. Poor mom, to have me agree without hesitating to Peanut’s untimely declaration of my feelings, has just thrown mom for a major loop. To be honest, I’m riding that loop of confusion right along with her.
*****
This weekend was torture. I tried so hard to consume myself with my everyday chores and my little sister. I had to quickly abandon the decision to spend quality time with Peanut. I was trying to get my mind off of Amber and hanging out with little sister is like spending your spare time at a shooting range. Her conversations has always been set on rapid fire and this weekend’s questions regarding Amber, were her ammunition. I’ll give you one guess, on who the target was. ME!
When Sunday finally arrived, Peanut sensed my frustration at all her questions plus, mom, was giving me “the look”; all of this, combined with my dwindling nerves did not help my situation. I know that they were curious and concerned, but I couldn’t handle all of the prying…not now. How can I explain what I’m feeling when I’m just as curious and concerned about my own feelings, as they are? So, I locked myself in my room once again to try and clear my head.
“Chase, can I please come in?” Peanuts voice whispered from the crack at the bottom of the door.
I lift my head to find my sisters little fingers poking through that space, where the bottom of the door doesn’t quite touch the carpeted floor. I smiled and remained silent, hoping that if I didn’t speak, she would think I was sleeping.
“Chase, please…please, let me in before momma finds me. She told me to leave you alone.” I remained quiet, while resting on my side watching her little fingers shoved under my door tugging at the carpeted floor.
“Francis! What the hell! Didn’t I tell you to leave him alone? Sometimes he doesn’t want to be bothered with you. Go to your room, NOW!”
I was up and the door was swung open before the thought to do so even registered. I was affronted with silent tears running down Peanut’s face.
“Come here.” I said as I opened my arms wide and bent to pick her up.
She flung herself into my awaiting arms. I lifted her as she wrapped her little legs around my waist and tucked her wet tear stained face in the crook of my neck. Automatically, I began that gentle rock that she’s accustomed too.
“She needs to go to her room!”
“She’s fine.”
“She’s not fine!” Mom shouted. “She needs to learn boundaries; you can’t rescue her all the time when I try to discipline her.”
Mom was pissed! She was so wrong, I would always be there for my sister. I would always rescue her from whomever and whatever that intends to threaten her…even from her own mother.
“I said she’s fine.”
I gave mom a look that said;
just leave it alone already.
I knew from the set of her shoulders and the look in her eyes that it wasn’t going to happen.
“I’m the fucking adult around here!” She exploded. Peanut clung to me; she pressed he face deeper into the crook of my neck.
“I make the rules around this BITCH! Me, not YOU! When I tell her to do something she’s going to fucking do as I say.”
“Sweetheart, go…go get in my bed.” I whispered in Peanut’s ear.
I gently set her on her feet. I squatted down to her level and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She flung her little arms around my neck.
“
I’m sorry
!” This was her pained apology whispered in my ear.
I gently pushed her back and cocked my head in the direction of my bed. As she turned to obey my silent command, I closed the door to shield her from what was about to become a heated discussion between mom and myself. The closing of the door was a false sense of protection, a false shield of protection, from the heated words that are soon to follow. Because of Peanut’s nature…her talents, you could not actually shield her from the negative; she will pick it up like a sponge soaking up water.
So, I imagine the shield was really for me. My nature is to protect her and as I said before in this matter at hand, it’s a false protection, but the protective alpha male that resides in me would not have it any other way. As I turned from closing my door I was immediately and uncomfortably nose to chest with my mother. I didn’t hear her move.
“Mom you need to…”
I didn’t get to finish that particular sentence. It happened so fast. I heard the crack of the slap across my face before it registered in my mind and my nerve endings, that she just hit me. As time slowed, as my brain receptors caught up with the stinging sensation on the right side of my face…
SHE FUCKING HIT ME!
I stood there in shock.
“NO…NO…NO…CHASE! Noooo, mommy! Don’t hit my brother!” (
Pound, pound, pound, rattle, rattle, rattle, sobs, yelling, crying
)
“Chase! Chase! I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to get you in trouble! Chase! Please, please let me out!” (
Pound, pound, pound, rattle, rattle, rattle, sobs, yelling, crying
) I slowly climbed out of my stupor.
“
WHO THE FUCK, DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! I’M HER MOTHER…YOUR MOTHER; I MAKE THE RULES AROUND HERE, NOT YOU
! Let go of the fucking door, so I can get
MY DAUGHTER
! She
will
be going to
HER ROOM
!”
I slowly looked down and realized that I had a death grip on my bedroom door. There was pounding and yelling coming from Peanut from the other side of my door. Mom has invaded my personal space and refuses to take a step back. My brain is slowly taking everything in, as if I’m a voyeur in this fucked up version of my life. When I look up from gazing at my bedroom door, mom and I were still nose to chest.
“I don’t like you NO MORE mommy! I don’t love you NO MORE! Don’t hit my brother NO MORE!”
I see the wince in moms’ eyes as Peanut’s words cut deep. I see the hurt of a mother who has lost control of her household. I see the realization in her face that she knows, she has lost the battle. I also notice the refusal written all over her face, to not go down without a fight. Her plans which are written across her face are telling me in a not to subtle way, that she will not be relenting tonight.
“I love you, but
never
…” I inhale to calm myself and only then do I continue in an icy tone. “Never, will you hit me again.” I take a couple deep breaths. “
YOU
, don’t have to keep reminding me whose daughter she is. I know,
I was there
!
You
fail to realize it’s not who conceives, it is the person who nurtures and loves, that’s the person who counts.”
I take a few more deep breaths and give her a look that leaves no room for discussion. Mom whips her hand back and unleash it, but before it lands on its target again, I intercepted and took hold of the offending object in my own hands.