Souls of the Damned (Kat Redding) (13 page)

Solid warmth pressed up against me. An arm lay draped across my midsection—a midsection that was completely bare to the world.

I sat up violently, all vestiges of sleep vanishing in an instant. Jonathan’s arm fell from me as I yanked the covers up over my chest. I was breathing fast and hard, almost as fast and hard as I had been just a few hours ago.

Oh, God, what have I done?

“You okay?” Jonathan asked, propping himself up on one arm. He ran a finger down my spine, sending shivers throughout my body. It felt so damn good.

My gorge rose and I scurried from the bed, taking the covers with me.

It was no wonder Purebloods were such easy prey. I’d let my guard down in the heat of passion and now I was going to pay for it. Sienna was going to kill me when she found out what I’d been doing with her body.

I sank back onto the bed with a groan. My clothes lay on the floor next to me. I picked up my shirt and pulled it over my head, feeling about a hundred shades of guilty.

“What’s wrong?” Jonathan asked, scooting across the bed so that I could feel his breath on my arms.

“What do you think is wrong?” On went the underwear, followed by the pants.

“I know it’s strange, but we’ll get used to it.” A finger trailed down the back of my arm. I was up and across the room in a second.

“I can’t,” I said. “Not again.”

“Didn’t you . . .” Jonathan frowned and lowered his eyes. I could see the pain there, the knowledge that I was rejecting him.

“I liked it,” I said. And oh how I liked it. “A lot,” I added in case it wasn’t evident by my screams. “But this isn’t my body. I can’t do whatever I want with it. I can’t let this happen again.”

“You are going to get your own skin back, are you not?”

God, I hoped so. “Yeah,” I said with more confidence than I felt. I wasn’t even sure Beligral would make the switch if I did somehow make it back alive. “I am.”

“Then this doesn’t have to end here.”

I closed my eyes to stop the sudden urge to leap back into bed with him. I was stupid to think this might ever work. While I might not currently be a vampire, I would be again soon enough. When that happened, there was no way this could work. Our bodies were simply incompatible.

But this was what I wanted. Without all of the anger and hate broiling away inside of me, I could see it. I’d spent my entire life hunting and killing, never once worrying about what I was doing to myself. I’d lost everything I’d ever cared about because of it. It was time I looked into stepping away and finding a safe place to live out the rest of my days.

“Get dressed,” I said, turning away from Jonathan’s nude form. All of it was just a fantasy. You didn’t walk away from a life like mine, no matter how much you wanted to. The moment I turned my back was the moment someone would stick a knife in it.

The sound of Jonathan getting dressed was like torture. I wanted to turn around and marvel at him. I’d already experienced everything he could give me and I ached to experience it again, but I just couldn’t do it.

I fought so hard to ignore his movements behind me, I didn’t realize he’d come so close. He put his arms around my waist, hugging me to him. I leaned into his warmth for a split second before pulling away.

“I really have to go,” I said. “I don’t know when this is going to happen.”

Jonathan held on for a moment longer before letting me go. He walked to the door, rested his hand on the doorknob, and then turned to face me without opening it. His glamour—which he’d dropped while we were in bed—was back.

“This wasn’t a mistake,” he said. “I know this form isn’t yours, but the spirit inside is. You can’t walk away from what we’ve done and pretend it didn’t happen.”

“I know.” Goddamn it, I knew.

“Please, Kat,” he begged. His eyes burned into mine so fiercely, I could almost feel the heat. “Don’t turn away from me now.”

The way he said it just about broke my heart. I forced a smile, walked across the room, and put a hand over his own. I was going to leave it at that, but decided it wouldn’t be enough. I leaned forward and kissed him on the corner of the mouth.

“I won’t,” I promised him. And I meant it.

He opened the door, stepping aside so I could go first.

I headed straight for the bathroom. My hair was a mess and it was quite obvious as to what I’d been up to. I found a hairbrush lying in one of the drawers and ran it through my hair a few times before splashing water on my face. What I really wanted was a shower, but I didn’t think I’d have time. I was about to head downstairs when I realized I hadn’t put on my bra. I returned to the bedroom, slipped it on under my shirt, and then made my way down to meet with the others.

The stares were enough to make me blush.

Keira was smiling as if she’d been a part of the whole thing. Her entire face was lit up as she handed me a glass of orange juice. She looked close to laughter.

“You’ll need this,” she said with a wink.

Nathan snorted from across the room. Thank God, he didn’t say anything or else I might have to kill someone just to put things back to rights. His eyes gleamed, telling me he’d finally accepted me and Jonathan as a couple.

The glass of OJ stopped inches from my mouth.

Was that what we were now? This fling, or whatever you wanted to call it, couldn’t happen again, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t spend time together. Could we really call ourselves a couple after only a few hours together?

A few really, really good hours.

No. I refused to let it be that simple. I didn’t believe in boyfriends and husbands and picnics in the park. My life consisted of death and misery and living one day to the next, hoping to come out of each and every encounter alive with all of my appendages intact. That sort of life didn’t allow for relationships.

I knew I was fooling myself. This was just one more thing I couldn’t escape. The sooner I realized that, the better.

I downed the orange juice greedily. Needless to say, I was pretty damn thirsty after what I’d just done. I was hungry, yet felt oddly full inside. I eyed a piece of bread that was sitting on the counter and decided no one would miss it. I snatched it up and gobbled it down in a few quick bites. I set my glass in the sink and turned to face the room.

Everyone was still smiling at me, including Jonathan.

“What?” I asked, still chewing. “I haven’t had much to eat lately.”

Nathan snorted again and walked away.

Dick.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” Jonathan asked. “You deserve some downtime, you know.”

“I wish I could.” I actually did, which was somewhat surprising. If I could have stayed there forever, I probably would have. “But I have to do this.” I paused, remembering something I wish I would have forgotten. “There is something I do need to tell you,” I said, almost reluctantly.

Jonathan leaned against the wall, content. He had an air about him that said that nothing I told him would bother him in the slightest.

“It’s a message,” I said. “From Adrian.”

That got his attention. He straightened, his eyes flickering to the window. Keira quickly moved that way, pressing her back to the wall as she peeked out through the curtain.

“He’s not here,” I said, hoping Adrian hadn’t followed me from home. “He just wanted me to tell you he has a place for you if you want it.” The words tasted like ashes in my mouth. “I told him I’d tell you, but if you even
think
of—”

The heat in Jonathan’s eyes caused me to stop. He looked angry enough to break something. He watched Keira as she scanned the road.

“I don’t see anything,” she said. “I’ll go out and check.”

He nodded as she hurried out the front door to go on patrol.

“You aren’t going to consider it, are you?” I asked, feeling like a jerk for even bringing it up.

“No.” He left it at that.

We waited for a good ten minutes. I was just glad Nathan didn’t come in and ask what was going on. It was bad enough I’d set Jonathan on edge bringing Adrian up at all. I should have ignored the wolf’s warning and kept it to myself. Or at least waited until I was back to drop it on him.

But it was too late now. I could feel the clock ticking in my head and knew I needed to be going. I hated leaving him so soon after, well, everything, but what choice did I have? I didn’t want him to see me suffer if Levi’s call came.

“I have to go,” I said.

Jonathan frowned but nodded. “Okay.”

I felt sick as he opened the door for me. It was still light outside, but it was starting to get late in the day. Exactly how long had we spent in there?

“Let me know as soon as you are back,” Jonathan said. “I’m done with hiding away.” He scanned the quiet street. “But I’ll be here, waiting for your return. Just let me know, okay?”

“I will,” I said. “First thing.”

“Thank you.” He leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. Some of his worry about Adrian bled away as he smiled. “I really needed this.”

I blushed and looked away. I didn’t want to tell him that I thought I needed it as well. It wouldn’t be ladylike of me.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said instead.

I turned and walked on shaky legs to Jeremy’s car. I was sore in places I’d never been sore before. How could Purebloods stand being so weak? Just a few hours of fun and I felt like I’d been pummeled by a dozen pissed-off vampires, yet it was a strange, pleasant sort of ache, the kind you don’t really want to live without.

I slid into the car with a wince. Jonathan was still standing at the door to Doctor Lei’s house, watching me. A shadow moved behind him and my heart clenched, positive Adrian had somehow gotten in, but it resolved into Nathan’s face as he whispered something to his Denmaster.

Tension seeped from me and I smiled. I’d finally let myself go and it had felt good—really damn good. I hoped Adrian had felt every second of it through the Oath bond.

And that’s when it hit me.

I couldn’t feel Adrian.

There was absolutely no hint of him anywhere in my head. Did that mean we were no longer bound now that I was in Sienna’s body? Could I actually seek him out and kill him, ending his constant bid for me to become his mate?

It was almost laughable. I might not be bound to him anymore, but that didn’t mean I could kill him. His wolves would tear me to shreds before I came anywhere close to him. With Sienna’s eyes, I probably couldn’t hit a fucking house, let alone a moving werewolf. Even if I had my gun with me, I’d be practically helpless.

With a sigh, I started up the engine. This body had its advantages, but the disadvantages far outweighed them. I could run and hide now that Adrian couldn’t use the Oath to find me, could forget about Lady Death forever, but I’d never do that to Sienna. Just because I was free of oaths and bonds, didn’t mean I was free of responsibility.

I was just about to take the car out of park when a strong sickness rolled through my stomach. My gut clenched and searing pain scored through my middle. I threw open the car door just in time. Hot bile and orange juice shot up my throat and splattered on the grass. I fell out of the car, landing on my hands and knees, just missing my own sick.

I could feel him. Levi was out there, calling for Sienna.

He was going to get me.

The pain eased, but the need remained. Delai was all I could think about. I had to go, had to return where I belonged. I would stop at nothing to get there.

It was Levi’s influence, I knew, yet I was having a hard time separating it from my own thoughts. I rose to my feet, wiped a hand across my mouth, and turned slowly around, knowing what I’d see.

A row of houses was gone. In their place was a road that led off into the distance. Two yards away from where I now stood was a sign, one I’d seen many times before but never thought I’d see again.

Jonathan took a step toward me. I waved him off, not knowing if he could see the road or not. I didn’t want him to risk coming too close. I was pretty sure Levi would love to break the former Denmaster of the Luna Cult.

My legs started moving on their own accord. I took two staggering steps toward the road, knowing if I didn’t, the pain would come again and I wouldn’t survive it.

“Kat!” Jonathan shouted from somewhere behind me. I couldn’t tell if he was coming for me or if he was standing where I’d last seen him. Nothing mattered now but getting to Delai.

The last steps came in a rush. The world shifted, something I might not have noticed before, but seemed all too obvious now. The need to return and the fear of coming pain was washed away by a sense of welcome and relief.

All was right with the world.

I was back in Delai.

The town was just like I remembered it. People went about their lives, oblivious to pretty much everything. They stood in lines at the theater, pumped gas, and walked their dogs with blank, mindless looks on their faces. It wasn’t until I passed that they reacted. Each and every head turned my way, eyes tracking me. No one made a move toward me. No one called out or yelled at me to get home. They just stood there and stared.

Talk about creepy.

It was almost a relief when a pickup truck rumbled to a stop beside me. Levi leaned across the seat to shove open the passenger door.

“Get in.”

A flash of fear just about caused me to turn and run. Levi was an angel if Beligral was to be believed. Chances were good he’d be able to tell I wasn’t Sienna. He might take one look at me and instantly know who I was.

But this was what I was here for. Turning back now would not only be a chicken shit thing to do, but would destroy any chance I had at ending Levi’s experiments for good.

Levi sat in the truck, certain I’d do as he said. He was clearly angry, but was doing a good job at keeping it in check. His jaw moved slowly back and forth, as if he were grinding his teeth together. His hands were clenched tight on the wheel.

I climbed up into the truck beside him. I slammed the door closed and waited for the reprimand I knew would come.

Levi didn’t disappoint.

“That was a very stupid thing you did,” he said. The engine was idling, but we had yet to move forward. It wasn’t like anyone was going to care that he was blocking the lane.

“I know.”

“It’s dangerous out there. Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“No.”

He heaved a sigh. “Sienna, please. You know your mother is sick. She needs you at home. You can’t go running off like this, no matter how much you think it might fun or exciting.”

Relief washed over me. He didn’t know who I was.

“I’m sorry,” I said, careful to keep my voice low. I might sound like Sienna, but I still thought like me. I really should have taken more time to study how the girl talked, how she acted, so I didn’t give myself away by saying the wrong thing.

Levi studied me a moment longer before turning to the road. “At least you’re back now.” The truck groaned as he put it into gear.

We rode in silence all the way to Levi’s house. Even in the fading daylight, the town disturbed me. Now that I knew what was happening, every little thing seemed sinister. The little old lady watering her flowers could easily have come straight from a horror film. I expected her to turn a grinning face to us as we passed, but she seemed oblivious to me now that I was safely where I belonged.

I shuddered and focused on the interior of the truck instead. There was the normal clutter you might find in anyone else’s vehicle, which was disturbing in its own way. Levi was an angel. Why did he need to live like a normal person?

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His sleeves were pushed up, revealing thick, hairy arms. His beard looked thicker than I remembered it, as did his eyebrows. Tufts of hair stuck up from the neck of his shirt. It was as if he was slowly turning into a movie werewolf, where hair was the defining feature.

He pulled up into the driveway, but didn’t shut off the engine. My first instinct was to throw the door open and get as far away from him as possible, but it didn’t seem like something Sienna would do. She would sit there and wait to be dismissed like a good girl.

I rubbed my thumbs together while I waited for him to yell at me some more. It was hard to just sit there and take it. If I got the chance, I’d be sure to pay him back for every harsh word.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” he said after a moment. The heat was still in his voice, but it was diminishing. Could this man, this angel, actually care about Sienna in some way?

“I needed to get out,” I said, not looking at him.

Levi grunted. “I’m sure you did. But if I ever catch you leaving again . . .” He didn’t finish the thought. The threat was implied.

“I won’t.”

He rubbed at his chin and then nodded as if mollified. “Go in and tell your mother you’re safe. She was worried sick about you. I have some things I need to take care of. When I get home, we’ll have a serious talk, okay?”

“Fine.”

He nodded and reached past me to open the door. I could smell sweat on him. It was rank enough to make me sick.

He hesitated with his hand on the door. He took a deep breath and my fear of him increased. What if he could smell Jonathan on me? It had really been a dumb thing to do not to take a quick shower after we’d finished. How in the hell was I going to explain
that
to Levi?

But if he noticed, he didn’t say anything. He pushed the door open and leaned back into his seat. I slid out of the truck and closed the door before he could accuse me of anything.

Levi sat there a moment longer, studying me, before backing out and driving off. I had a feeling he wouldn’t go far. He would want to make sure I didn’t make another run for it.

As soon as he was out of sight, I turned toward the house. It had once been my sanctuary, the one place I could go to get away from the nightmare my life had become. The house itself had become a nightmare as well, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of calm that washed over me when I thought about entering the cozy little home once again.

I started for the door, uplifted by the fact I was about to see Eilene again. The woman had tried to warn me about Levi when I’d lived there. If I hadn’t had my head shoved so far up my ass that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, I might have seen it too. Living under these circumstances couldn’t be easy for her. I wasn’t even sure she knew what it was she was so afraid of.

The door was unlocked. I entered, doing my best to look ashamed. While I was there to put an end to Levi, I still had to be careful around everyone else, Eilene included. The angel had a link to everyone in town. I didn’t know if he could actually hear anyone’s thoughts, or just got impressions sent to him by those who wished it, but either way, I had to be careful.

Eilene stood at the foot of the stairs, frail arms crossed over her chest. She looked a thousand times worse than when I’d last seen her and my appearance only seemed to make her sag into herself more. She closed her eyes and dropped her head, which caused her straggly hair to fall and cover her frighteningly thin face.

“Why did you come back?” she rasped. She licked her lips with a tongue that was as dry as the rest of her. It looked like it took real effort for her to swallow. “Couldn’t you just stay away?”

For a terrifying second, I thought she saw me for who I really was. I took a step forward, ready to beg her not to tell Levi, but then she looked up, stopping me cold. There were tears in her eyes. They were probably the only moist thing left in her body.

“Why, Sienna?” she asked. “Was it really so hard to stay away?”

I nodded, too stunned to speak. Eilene looked like a corpse that had somehow gotten up and started walking. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, as if she’d given up all hope. The lines in her face were sunken, and instead of giving her character, they made her look cracked and broken. I longed to save her from whatever Levi was doing to her. From the looks of things, he was draining the very life from her.

And maybe that was it. He could be using Eilene to keep Delai going somehow. Was that why he needed Sienna so badly? Was she supposed to take over that role once her mother finally died?

The thought caused my hands to ball into fists. I wanted to punch something, or better yet, put a fucking hole in it with my gun—the gun that was sitting uselessly back home.

“I don’t—” Eilene erupted into a fit of coughing. I rushed forward and held her up. She looked as if she might collapse.

The fit seemed to last forever. Blood flecked her lips and her sunken eyes seemed to flicker, as if the very light in them was going out. How this woman was still alive was beyond me. It had to be Levi’s doing. He wasn’t just killing her, but rather, was torturing her, keeping her alive so he could continue ruining the lives of others with his so-called “cure.”

“Are you okay?” I asked as the coughing fit eased.

Eilene leaned against me and nodded. “I’ll be fine.” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “I just need to sit down for a little while.”

I led her into the living room. With my help, she eased down into a chair. I picked up the blanket that lay on the floor and draped it across her lap.

“Do you want me to get you anything?”

She glanced up at me and frowned. She studied me a long moment before she shook her head and looked away.

“No,” she said. “Just go upstairs and get cleaned up. You smell . . .” She made a disgusted face. “You smell like a man.”

I felt my face flush and turned away. I wished more than ever I’d taken a shower back at Lei’s place, though I wasn’t sure it would have mattered. Mothers always knew what their daughters had been up to, right?

I turned to walk away, but Eilene stopped me with an ice-cold hand on my wrist.

“If ever you get the chance to leave again, stay gone.”

I glanced back at her, unsure what to say.

“Please.” She very nearly sobbed the words. “Don’t ever come back if you get away.”

I nodded and she let me go.

I walked as if in a dream toward the stairs. I couldn’t believe I was back in this house, back where I could fall once more under Levi’s control. I didn’t have Beligral’s help this time. If the angel pushed his will against mine, there was no question who would win.

The only solution was to make sure he never felt the need to control me. That meant doing everything he said without complaint.

“Sienna?”

I stopped on the first stair and turned back to face Eilene. She was doing her best to adopt the stern parent role, but she was fading fast. It was a wonder she was still awake. I had a feeling that the moment I was out of sight, she’d give up the ghost and would fall into a deep, restless slumber. A part of me hoped she would never wake up again, simply so she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.

“Yeah, Mom?” I asked.

Eilene’s brow furrowed as she spoke. “After you shower, go to your room. You should spend some time there to think about what you’ve done.”

I attempted to look suitably abashed. “Okay.”

This time, she let me go.

I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I made sure to lock it, not quite trusting Levi or anyone else in Delai not to walk in on me. I went over to the sink and leaned against it, eyes closed. I was trembling all over.

Fear. I was fucking scared out of my mind and I had no idea how I was going to get past it. In this body, I was weak, defenseless. I could pretend to be Levi’s daughter for only so long. Once he realized who I was, I was as good as dead.

Tears filled my eyes and dripped into the sink. I clenched my jaw and squeezed my hands on the edge of the counter, trying to shut them off. I would not break down—not yet. All I needed was a little time and I was sure I could put an end to all of this.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was going to fail. I was no longer the vampire who terrorized unsuspecting supes. I wasn’t even Kat Redding anymore—not really.

I was just a scared little girl with no fucking idea how I was going to survive the next couple of days.

With a quick wipe of the eyes, I turned away from the sink and started up the shower. I might be scared, but damn it, I wasn’t going to fail. No matter what else happened, whether I lived or died, Delai was going to be no more.

And that was a promise I was determined to keep.