Songs of Christmas (19 page)

With Gabriel gone, it seemed even more important to know whether she was leaving, too. She checked her email again, for the ten thousandth time. But there was still no answer from the Austin orchestra.

* * *

AMANDA HEARD HER PARENTS IN THE KITCHEN. THE TV WAS ON,
playing one of her little sister’s shows; she could tell from the music. Her mother was cooking dinner, and she guessed that her father was sitting at the kitchen island, reading the paper, as he usually did this time of day. Her first impulse was to run straight up to her room. But they had heard her come in, and her father called out her name, then came out of the kitchen to look for her.

“How’s it going? Any news?” he asked eagerly.

He stood in the doorway to the great room at the back of the house. Amanda remained in the foyer. She couldn’t answer at first.

“I didn’t get selected. They’ve picked other players to audition.”

She tried to keep her voice steady, but it shook at the end. She felt her chin wobble and knew she was going to dissolve into tears again. She had hardly made it home in one piece, and had pulled over twice to calm herself between bouts of crying.

“Honey, I’m so sorry.” Her father came toward her with his arms out.

Amanda froze in place, her chin tucked down to her chest. She was too old for this stuff. It was all right when she was in high school and hadn’t made varsity soccer or had failed a chemistry test. But she was twenty-five, with a graduate degree. She should be beyond crying on her dad’s shoulder, shouldn’t she?

And her mom’s? Molly clearly wasn’t going to be left out of the comfort-fest and trotted out of the kitchen right behind him, wearing her white cooking apron and waving a wooden spoon. “I can’t believe that! That is sooooo . . . not
right
!”

Moments later, they were both hugging her and patting her back. Betty appeared from somewhere and hugged Amanda’s leg, even though she had no idea what was going on—just that Amanda had come home feeling blue. Very blue.

Amanda let herself be comforted, and after a little while, they all stepped back. Except for Betty, who looked up with a puzzled but adoring expression. Her mother had taken out some boxes of Christmas decorations, and Betty wore a pair of fuzzy brown antlers.

“Do you want my Barbie?” she asked quietly, offering a fashion doll in mismatched outfit with hair that had been half chopped off. The doll’s remaining hair had been colored by a magic marker.

Amanda felt a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “Wow . . . she looks even worse than I feel. Poor thing.”

Molly rubbed her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. It sounded like it was a done deal. That teacher, Professor Sloan, she really got your hopes up.”

“She did,” Amanda agreed. “But it isn’t her fault,” she added quickly. “She only told me what she heard from her friend. I guess the committee was interested in other candidates, too.”

“I’m sure you were competing against many highly qualified musicians,” her father said. “I just wish they had called you in for an audition. Then they would have seen what a brilliant artist you are. You can’t tell anything from a tape.”

“And they liked the tape. That’s what kills me. They would have loved the real thing,” Molly added. “This is so unfair. You got so close. It’s so frustrating.”

Betty was watching and listening to the adults. Molly’s excitement got her excited, too. “That is so terrible!” With her embattled Barbie doll in hand, Betty gritted her teeth, then made a growling sound. “I wish I was a tiger! I’d bite them for you.”

She stared up at her older sister with a fierce expression, and suddenly, everyone had to laugh. Amanda rested her hand on Betty’s beautiful curly hair. “You would be a wonderful tiger, Betty. Especially with those antlers. But you don’t have to bite anybody for me. It’s all right. I’ll figure it out,” she promised.

“That’s right. You’ll figure it out. There will be other jobs, you’ll see,” Molly promised her. “Something even better will come along. When you look back, you’ll see this was a blessing in disguise.”

Austin’s wasn’t the most renowned orchestra in the world. She might do better in the long run. But it was hard right now to think she would ever look back and view this as a lucky moment. She was so deeply disappointed.

“Your mother’s right. This isn’t the only orchestra in the country. You’ll find an even better spot very soon. Just be patient. Keep looking and practicing,” her father advised. “You can stay with us as long as you like.”

She knew he was trying to comfort her, but his last phrase made her wince. Her mother must have noticed, because she jumped in very quickly. “Not that you’ll have to stay very long. You might hear about more openings after the holidays,” she suggested. “No one does much hiring right now. Even symphony orchestras,” she guessed.

“That’s probably true,” Amanda agreed.

“Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down? I’ll call you when dinner is ready,” her mother said. She patted Amanda’s back again and kissed her cheek. “You’ll feel better soon, I promise.”

Amanda managed a small smile of thanks, then gratefully went to her room.

Molly heard Amanda climb the stairs and Betty return to the TV. “I thought this was it,” she said to her husband. “I even checked the airfares to Austin, I was so sure we’d be going there to see her perform.”

“I thought it was, too,” Matt admitted, talking in a low tone. “I guess she got really close. That’s a good sign, don’t you think?”

Molly nodded. She was mixing a vinaigrette dressing with a whisk and held the bowl in the crook of her arm. “They’re going to face disappointments, all four of them. That’s life. That’s what makes you grow and mature.”

“I know. It’s just so hard to watch her struggle. But Amanda’s a fighter. She’ll work through this and push on. She won’t give up that easily.”

Little Betty had been working the remote and clicked onto the local weather channel. Matt quickly turned to her. “Wait, honey. We need to see this.” He glanced over at Molly. “They’re talking about a big storm coming up the East Coast this week. I hope Lauren and Jill aren’t stuck somewhere.”

Molly was chopping vegetables and slid them from her board into a sauté pan. Jill was just finishing her finals for the semester. Today was Friday the thirteenth . . . well, she hoped her younger daughter was having better luck than Amanda. At least Jill wasn’t planning to head home for the holidays until next weekend. Lauren was also heading home around that time; she was using some vacation days. There wasn’t much activity at the art gallery where she was working, and the owner was off somewhere in Europe.

“I heard about that storm on the radio,” Molly said. “Sometimes the forecasters get everyone in a panic, and it’s nothing. A few flakes here and there.”

Matt gave her doubtful look. “I don’t think this one is just hype, honey. We ought to prepare. Better get some staples for the fridge, as well as some flashlights, batteries, and bottled water. I’ll go downstairs later and look for the lantern and camp stove.”

“The camp stove?”

“We needed it last time, remember?”

She did remember. The camp stove had come in handy when they lost their power in a big storm last fall. She hoped that didn’t happen again; it was such an inconvenience.

“We still don’t have a generator,” he added. “I meant to get one but never got around to it.”

“It’s one of those things you don’t think about until you need it. I bet a lot of people are saying the same thing right now. Let’s hope it’s not that bad.”

“Maybe it won’t be,” he agreed.

“Just what I need on top of all the parties I have booked this week, plus trying to get ready for the holidays around here. I wanted to decorate and put up the tree this weekend, even if we wait for the girls to come home to trim it.” She turned down the heat under the vegetables and checked a pan of red potatoes roasting in the oven. “The supermarket is going to be insane.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Matt said. “Don’t worry. I’ll get everything. I know you’re busy.”

“I know you’re busy, too . . . but thanks. You seem to know what we need. I’ll leave it all to you.”

Molly had a feeling this weather forecast wouldn’t amount to much. Matt always took these things more seriously than she did. He was the more sensible and cautious one in their partnership. But he was right. Better to brave the supermarket madness and have what they needed on hand than find themselves stuck in a cold, dark house without any creature comforts.

* * *

IT WAS AWFULLY DEPRESSING TO GET UP EARLY ON SUNDAY AND HEAD
off to church. Amanda felt utterly hollow inside as she dressed and drove along the empty road to the village. She was glad now she hadn’t told anyone about the Austin opportunity—except for Gabriel.

She knew it would be hard to see him again and admit that she hadn’t even been called for the audition. He wasn’t the type to make her feel worse about it. Still, she had sounded so sure of it. She had even turned down his date, thinking she would be en route to Austin. That seemed laughable now. Or it would be, if it didn’t still sting so much to even think about it.

The service went smoothly. Amanda remembered all her cues, moving easily from the organ to the piano and back again, guiding the choir through their songs, and helping the flute soloist adjust her stand. The girl was quite poised and played very well.

Still, Amanda felt as if she were almost sleepwalking through the service. She looked out at the back rows a few times but didn’t see Gabriel. She wasn’t sure if she felt relieved or disappointed. She knew he wouldn’t be back again to work on the windows, but she did expect to see him on a Sunday. Maybe he would show up for the Christmas service. She would feel better by then and be able to put a brave face on this Austin episode. She hoped so, anyway.

For one wild moment, she wondered if she should call him. Just to let him know that she hadn’t left town, as she had expected. She didn’t know his home phone number, but could easily find the number for his shop. Then what? Wait for him to ask her out again?

Or I could ask him.

Amanda sighed. She knew that worked for some women. But she just wasn’t the type. She had tried it once or twice, and it always backfired somehow.

Maybe I’ll run into him in town one of these days,
she thought. He liked the Clam Box. She might even try eating lunch there sometime.

But I won’t tell my mother. She’ll never forgive me,
she decided with a secret smile. Molly had a rather low opinion of the food served at the Clam Box.

Amanda sighed, thinking about Gabriel. One way or another, she would figure out how to cross his path again. Lauren was good at these guy problems and was coming home very soon.
She’ll help me figure this out,
Amanda decided.
She’s exactly the person to ask.

* * *

“I CAN GO HOME TODAY? THANK GOODNESS.” IT WAS SUNDAY AFTERNOON
, and Ezra was sitting up in bed. His voice sounded strong and his color looked good, Lillian thought, despite the bleak hospital room.

“We needed to make sure your blood pressure was stable again,” Dr. Newton explained. “But I don’t see any reason to keep you here longer, Ezra. I’ve spoken to Estrella, and she’ll be watching you very closely for the next few days.”

“She watches me like a hawk, Doctor. If she hadn’t come in to check my blood pressure in the middle of the night like that . . . Well, I hate to think of—”

“She saved your life,” Dr. Newton said flatly. “No question.”

“She did save him. Thank goodness,” Emily said.

“I’ll never be able to thank her enough. You know what I call her now? My star,” he told the doctor. “That’s what her name means in Spanish.”

Dr. Newton smiled. He was leafing through a thick pile of forms and checking off boxes and signing his name here and there. “I’m not surprised,” he said.

“She handled the emergency very well. She’s a real professional,” Emily noted.

“Now, now, let’s not rehash all that again,” Lillian said briskly. “It was just a minor setback. Nothing to worry about.”

Lillian didn’t want to be reminded again of that awful night.

How many times did they need to talk about it? She hated to remember how terrified she was, riding in the back of that ambulance, not knowing if Ezra would be alive or dead when they finally reached the hospital.

And she had no desire to be reminded again of how Estrella had saved him. Ezra would probably want to pin a medal on the woman when they got home. Or write her into his will. She wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

“The ship has been righted. Now full speed ahead,” she urged all of them.

“Yes, full speed . . . as soon I sign all these papers,” Ezra said. The doctor had been checking off boxes on forms and handing them down to Ezra to sign.

“I never realized that being sick involved so much paperwork. You might as well have a job at the Department of Motor Vehicles,” Lillian said. “They have you filling out forms night and day.”

Ezra looked at her fondly. “And that’s hardly the worst of it. I’m sorry I put such a scare into everyone.”

“We’re just glad that it wasn’t that serious and you can leave so quickly,” Emily replied. “It’s good that you’re getting released today, before the bad weather moves in. They’re talking up this storm like crazy. Tomorrow morning we’re having a meeting of the village’s Emergency Readiness Committee.”

“Yes, I’ve heard the reports. Do you think it will be all that bad?” Lillian asked. “What should we do, get some flashlights? I can live without the phone and TV, that doesn’t make much difference to me.”

“I’ve already brought over what you need, Mother.”

Emily was so efficient and organized.
Takes after me,
Lillian thought proudly, though she would never admit such a thing to Emily.

“I am looking forward to going home, no matter what the weather will be,” Ezra said. “Will Estrella be there when we get back?”

Lillian felt herself bristle at the question, though she knew it was a perfectly logical one. On Thursday night, she had nearly fired the woman. Now here it was, Sunday afternoon, and Estrella was indispensable.