Someone Like You (Night Riders) (32 page)

“There’s no one back in Texas.”

“So what does that make me? I feel like the pony you bought for Luis, like you’re using me to relearn how to be in a relationship before moving on to someone who will really matter.”

Rafe wasn’t any good at expressing his feelings—he didn’t even know what they were half of the time—but he suddenly realized one thing: He was in love with Maria. He probably had been in love with her for days, maybe even weeks. Broc had seen it. Why hadn’t he? How could he have planned on going back to Texas without knowing he wanted to take her with him, without knowing he couldn’t leave her behind? How could he have made such a monumental mess of things? He crossed the distance between them, took Maria’s hands in his grasp again.

“I’ve never thought of you as a substitute for anyone. You’re the most remarkable woman I’ve ever known. There’s no limit to your kindness, your willingness to give of your time. You never think of yourself, only of others, even when they’re unworthy and ungrateful. You have boundless energy and never back down from a challenge. You have so much tolerance and patience, you make me feel like I have no right to any of your time or affection. You’ve bent over backwards to put up with me and my bad moods. You never complain about the changes I’ve made even when they’ve made your work harder.”

Maria’s laugh was nervous and shaky. “Are you sure you haven’t mistaken me for someone else? Not even Luis thinks that much of me.”

“That would be impossible. There
is
no one else like you. I can’t believe I was so fortunate to find you.”

Maria swallowed twice. “I need to know what you’re going to do about all these wonderful qualities.”

Rafe decided he’d have to spend a lot of time studying how Cade related to his wife when he got back to Texas. It was hard to believe Maria had no idea he was in love with her. “Don’t you understand? I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That I want to marry you. I want you to go back to Texas with me.”

M
aria was just as inexperienced in matters of the heart as Rafe, but that didn’t mean she was inexperienced enough to believe hugs and kisses were the same thing as a proposal of marriage.

“No, I didn’t know you wanted to marry me,” she managed to respond at last. “Nor did I know you wanted to take me back to Texas.”

Rafe looked surprised. “What do you think I’ve been doing these last few weeks?”

Surely he must realize that if he wanted a woman to know he wished to marry her, it was necessary to say the actual words.

“I don’t know what
you’ve
been doing, but
I’ve
been allowing myself to enjoy the attentions of a man I found attractive and admirable. You may say that’s not appropriate for a respectable woman, but I’m not a young girl who needs protection or someone to think for her.”

“That’s not what I meant. I just meant, how could you think that I would act this way toward you, then simply walk away?”

She stamped her foot. “
Because you never said anything!
Not even a child would believe a few hugs and kisses constitute a pledge of lifetime devotion.”

Rafe’s faced clouded over. “I guess I’m a child, because I thought they did.”

She found it hard to believe a thirty-year-old man could believe such a thing. It was incredible unless…a surprising
thought occurred to her. “Have you kissed anyone but me since Dolores?”

“I was never interested in any woman before Dolores. After her, I didn’t want anything to do with women at all.”

“I can’t believe women weren’t attracted to you.”

“Some were, but I didn’t return their interest.”

“You’re a hard man to understand. You don’t talk about your feelings. Broc may understand you well enough to know what you’re thinking, but you have to put things into words for me.”

Rafe pulled her against him. “Then listen very carefully. I want to marry you and take you back to Texas.” His smile revealed both humor and desire. “Is that clear enough?”

She nodded. “I think I can understand that.”

She found it difficult to believe he actually wanted what she wanted. She felt stunned, unable to assimilate the change in their relationship. She had occasionally allowed herself to think of being married to Rafe, but she’d never once considered moving to Texas.

“Do I get an answer?”

Rafe was looking a little anxious. It was just like a man to drop something like that out of the blue and expect an immediate answer.

“I haven’t had time to think about it.”

Her answer apparently surprised him. “Does that mean you
don’t
want to marry me?”

“It means I haven’t had time to think about it.”

He looked perplexed. “I thought a woman would know something like that.”

She could hear the frustration in his voice, but she was so stunned by his proposal, she didn’t know what to say. It would mean uprooting Luis and leaving Dolores. What about the ranch? Would they travel back and forth, would he hire someone to run it, or would he sell it? Her head was swirling so, she needed to sit down. “How can I give you an answer to
that question without time to think it through? There are hundreds of things to be considered.”

He didn’t release her hands, but she could feel him beginning to withdraw from her. “It seems I’m not very good at this. Maybe I’m a fool, but I thought you loved me.”

“I
do
love you. I have for weeks.”

Now he looked really confused. “But if you love me, why won’t you marry me?”

“I haven’t said I won’t marry you, just that I haven’t had time to think about the hundreds of things we need to consider.”

He looked relieved. “I don’t need time. Knowing you love me is enough.”

“Have you considered all the changes that will occur in your life? In my life? And what are we going to do with Luis?”

“Take him with us.”

“What about the ranch?”

“I’ll let the lawyer manage it.”

“But what about—”

Rafe stopped her protest with a kiss that was so sweet, so filled with gentle passion, she forgot all her questions. Right now all she wanted to do was luxuriate in the knowledge that he loved her and wanted to marry her. She could loosen the restraints she’d put on her heart. She could set her imagination free, let hope soar, give wing to her happiness. Rafe loved her. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to take her to Texas so they would never be separated.

Buoyed by the feeling of happiness that enveloped her, by the sense of well-being that permeated every part of her body, by the physical need to be as close to him as possible, Maria allowed herself to kiss him back the way she’d been wanting to kiss him since the first time he’d kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressed her body against his, and covered his mouth with needy eagerness.

In her inexperience, she’d underestimated the strength of
the feelings, desires, dreams, hopes—all the things she’d buried inside because she thought she’d never need them. Everything came exploding to the surface. It seemed the force behind them was in direct proportion to the years she’d waited. The impact was making her a different person.

This new Maria wasn’t afraid to acknowledge what she wanted, wasn’t reluctant to demand that she get it. She didn’t wait for Rafe to deepen their kiss, ratchet up its intensity, or decide its length. Nor did she wait for him to pull her firmly against him so she could feel the hardness of his muscles, the breadth of his chest, the strength in his arms.

She tried to reason with this new Maria, to tell her that Rafe loved her, wanted to marry her, that they would have years to explore what it meant to be together as man and wife, but the new Maria wouldn’t listen. She wanted everything, and she wanted it now.

For a moment, she could feel Rafe hesitate, but she didn’t mean to let him pull away. With slow deliberation, she dropped her arms from around his waist, reached up and placed one hand on each side of his head. She brought his face toward her and let her tongue invade his mouth.

All hesitation on Rafe’s part stopped right there.

His arms closed around her so tightly, she wondered if her ribs would crack. She loved the idea that he held her so securely because he never wanted to let her leave his embrace, would allow no one to take her from his arms. She wanted to mold her body to his, every curve and angle fitted and matched, until she felt they had become one.

Until she felt she would never be alone again.

When Rafe first held her, first kissed her, she’d thought nothing could equal it. Now she realized that being held and kissed by a man
she
loved and being held and kissed by a man who loved
her
weren’t the same thing. Nothing she’d felt before could compare with the feeling of being in the arms of a man who wanted to make her his wife, who wanted to share his life with her, who thought she was the
most wonderful woman in the world. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t. It mattered only that he thought she was. That was more than enough to make her
feel
like the most fortunate woman in the world.

Her mind was nearly overcome with the abrupt change in their relationship, trying to cope with the changes at the same time it was cataloging all the differences.

The physical part of her had no use for thinking. It cared only how close they were, how passionately they kissed, how warm the feelings. It caused an ember of heat to ignite in her belly and begin its slow spread. Her nipples became engorged and sensitive to the pressure of Rafe’s hard chest. Her muscles knotted and spasmed, her nerve endings shot sparks to random parts of her body, her heart beat faster, her breaths became short and uneven. It was the physical part of her that whispered there was more to be experienced, something so powerful and so exquisitely wonderful it couldn’t be described.

Her mind overruled her body, declaring that she had to pull back and give some consideration to what was happening before things went any further.

Rafe relaxed his hold on her, leaned back until he could look into her eyes. “Have I scared or upset you?”

He’d done both but not in a bad way. “No. It’s just that I had no idea you wanted to marry me. I thought I had everything worked out, what I would allow myself to feel when you left, what I would say, what I would do. You just tossed all that out the window, leaving me with no idea what to do or say.”

His gaze narrowed. “Are you saying you don’t want to marry me, or that you’re not
sure
you want to marry me?”

“I’m not saying either,” she hastened to assure him. “I
want
to marry you. I have for several weeks, but I’d accepted that it was impossible. I worked hard to keep my feelings under control, to keep my imagination from creating fantasies that could never be, to keep myself from hoping somehow
you’d change your mind. Now everything is different. It’s going to take a little while to get used to that.”

He loosened his hold on her, let his arms start to fall away. “I don’t want to pressure you. I’ll—”

She gripped his arms, pulled them back around her. “How do I know this is real if you back away now?”

“I’m not backing away. I’m just offering to give you time to get used to knowing I love you and want to marry you.”

Maria wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to hearing those words. Or that she could ever hear them too often. They had transformed her world, changed her conception of reality. What had moments ago been a predictable future had now become a bewildering spectrum of possibilities she’d never allowed herself to hope for.

“It’s easier to believe you love me when you have your arms around me.” She clasped her hands behind his back and pulled him against her.

“I’m not sure whether I was reluctant to let myself fall in love because I was afraid what happened with Dolores would happen all over again,” Rafe said, “or whether I was just too bitter and angry. Once I realized I’d fallen in love with you, I was afraid you wouldn’t love me in return. I’ve held our
business
meetings in this room because it gave me a chance to be alone with you, to hold you, to kiss you, to convince myself that you loved me as much as I loved you.”

“Why didn’t you say something? I entered this room every evening trying to quell the hope that you did love me, that the only reason you didn’t tell me was because you found it nearly impossible to discuss your feelings. I left each evening telling myself I was indulging in a foolish infatuation.”

“I’m sorry. I fought it for a long time. Then when I didn’t want to fight it anymore, I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t I believe you?”

“There were times I was afraid you were only putting up with me until I left.”

Maria didn’t know whether she wanted to kiss him or give him a thump on the head. “Let me tell you something you obviously don’t know about women. When a woman does the things I’ve done, she’s not
putting up with you
. She’s not going to commit herself until you do, but she’s hoping for a commitment.”

“Dolores didn’t.”

Dolores had let Rafe do everything except make love to her and had still rejected him. That was enough to make a naturally reticent man virtually inarticulate. “Most women wouldn’t do what Dolores did.”

“Intellectually I know that. I’ve just had a hard time accepting it where it counts.”

The man couldn’t even say the words
my heart
. She had a lot of work to do. She gave him a coquettish smile. “You don’t have to worry about women any longer. Concentrate on me, and you won’t be confused.”

He returned her smile. “Is that an invitation or an order?” She sobered. “I’d never order you to do anything.” His smile grew broader. “It might be easier than you think.” Where had this man been for the last ten years of her life? She brushed his lips with her right index finger, gave him what she hoped was a sassy grin. “I’ll leave things up to you. I’ll issue invitations only if you run out of ideas.” His smile grew broader still. “Is that a challenge?” “No.” She couldn’t stifle a small laugh. How could a man so knowledgable of the world be so inexperienced when it came to women? “It’s an invitation.”