So Much It Hurts (37 page)
I stare at my phone, pleading silently for it to ring, hoping she’ll be on the other end begging me to come back and get her. But, I know my wish is hopeless, foolish even. I love her so much it hurts right now, but I know what I must do—what I
need
to do to make things right. I swipe the screen of my phone and call my manager.
“Beverly, I need a favor. I need you to contact my financial advisor. I want to set up an educational trust fund. I’ll give you the rest of the details later. But, just get the appointment booked for now, okay?…Uh huh…Yeah…Thanks.”
Listening to her jabber on and on about this or that is mentally exhausting. Most of the time I’m on the other end saying “uh huh, yeah, uh huh, right,” while she sounds just like that teacher from the Peanuts cartoon.
Wah, wah, wah.
I don’t even know what she’s ranting about today. Something about a switch in venues for an upcoming concert. I’m a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. It doesn’t affect me when or where I sing. Just give me a mic and a guitar, and I’m good to go! After a few minutes of drowning out her endless chatter, I finally manage to squeeze a word in edgewise. “All right, Bev, I need to ask another favor.”
I know I have to follow through on my decision, but I know what the outcome will do to my heart. Regardless, it’s the
right
thing to do.
Jesus, help me get through this.
“Listen Beverly, promise me there will be no questions asked about my next request, okay?” With a contemplative pause, I wrestle with the next few words, but manage to spill them out knowing my heart’s in the right place—I’m doing this for
her
. “I’m gonna need you to change my phone number.”
Are you or a loved one a victim of domestic/dating violence? You are not alone. You can break the cycle!
Domestic/Dating violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault and/or other abusive behavior perpetuated by an intimate partner against another. It is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community, regardless of age, economic status, race, religion, nationality, or educational background. Violence against women, often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior, is part of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic violence results in physical injury, psychological trauma, and sometimes death. The consequences of domestic/dating violence can cross generations and truly last a lifetime.
- One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
- One in three teens and young adults experience some form of dating abuse
- An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year
- 85% of domestic violence victims are women
- Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew
- Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of non-fatal intimate partner violence
- 58% of college students say they don’t know how to help someone who is a victim of dating abuse
- Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police
For more information or to get help, please call:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233
The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673
The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-800-331-9474
Additional information, please visit:
To my readers: THANK YOU! Words cannot express my gratitude. When I first started writing this book I never imagined the first person would read it. I’m so thankful that you have picked it up and given it a shot. I couldn’t do this without the support of my readers and fans! You make this whole process worth every minute!
To my husband: Thank you for always supporting me. Thank you for being such a good sport about listening to me drone on and on about my story even though you have no interest whatsoever in romance novels. Thank you for your patience when I locked myself up in our bedroom all day to write. Thank you most of all, for three beautiful children, twelve amazing years, and your unconditional love! I love you!
To my parents who have always been there for me: Thank you for your love, support, and encouragement throughout my life. Whether it was at the bowling alley, the Soap Box Derby hills, the recital stage, or watching from the stands while I cheered, you have always encouraged me to reach for the stars. Thank you for providing me with the opportunity to attend college and get my degrees. Thank you for supporting me when I made the decision to stay home with my children. Thank you for being the best parents a girl could ask for, and the best grandparents to your grandchildren! No matter what, you have always been there for us. I love you both so much!
Thank you to the ones in my life who inspired my characters for this story. I truly believe you were each placed in my life for a reason, and I’ll always be grateful for that. You have all touched my life in one way or another. I have been thoroughly blessed with love, friendship, and guidance through the years. While some of you might never cross my path again, the influence you had in my life will forever remain in my heart.
To my early readers and supporters, D.B., A.T., A.M., C.S., D.S., S.R., S.B., B.H., L.O., S.R., and V.R.: Thank you for encouraging me to keep going! Your ideas and feedback were invaluable!
To “My Girls”: Thank you for not telling me I was crazy to think I could publish a book! Thank you for your support and encouragement the past seven years! In one way or another you guys helped me get through the tough stages of the terrible-twos and potty training. You loved me when I was a sleep-deprived maniac, and encouraged me to get out for play dates even when sitting on the couch in my pajamas all day sounded more appealing. You have no idea how all those early morning mall walks and lunches in the food court got me through those rough days of having three little ones at home. You all deserve a medal of honor! But, for now, a tiny blurb in my acknowledgements section will have to do. I love you girls!
To my “Indie Chixx”, my “Indie Gals”, and all my girls in between; you girls welcomed me into the Indie Author world with open arms: Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough. I stepped into the Indie world, scared and alone. Thank you,
JC Isabella
, for encouraging me to take that first step and for always taking time to answer all those long elaborate messages I sent to you. Thank you,
Nichele Reese
, for welcoming me, introducing me to your circle of friends, giving me amazing feedback, and showing me the ropes! (And yes, I still use way too many exclamation points! Haha!) Thank you,
Kim Karr
, for believing in my story, taking a chance on me, and publishing my first chapter in the back of your debut novel. Thank you
Nacole Stayton
for reading my book and being huge encouragements to me when I was so close to hitting that delete button! I appreciate your friendship so much! Thank you,
Kimi Flores
, for being my personal cheerleader, with constant encouraging messages just to check up on me. I enjoyed every Vox conversation and every marathon chat session. I'm stockpiling beef jerky now for when I come to visit you. :) I can't wait to see the giraffes by the ocean! Love you bunches! Thank you for your friendship! To
Elaine Breson
, thank you for the many hours of chats that kept me smiling. Thank you for the beautiful photo mat and tote bag! To
Erika Ashby
, thank you for the many laughs and your hilarious sense of humor. Thanks for always being just one chat session away and for always answering my silly questions with such honesty. To
JL Brooks
thank you for those random, but strategically perfect, phone calls that talked me down off the “delete ledge.” Your support and encouragement are some of the reasons why
So Much It Hurts
is still here today. Thank you,
Tania Hernandez
, for making my amazingly beautiful and heartrending book trailer! To
JL Mac
, thank you so much for your adorable videos! Not only did they keep me in stitches, but they were also so incredibly helpful to newbies like me. To
Lisa Harley
, thank you for taking time to read my story and provide me with such wonderful feedback! I really appreciate all your encouragement! To
Rebecca Shea
, thank you for offering to meet me, a perfect stranger, on your business trip through town. I never imagined I would meet a total stranger and not stop talking until I said goodbye three hours later! I know I’ve found a lifelong friend in you! To
Jennifer Wolfel
, thank you for beta reading and giving me some great feedback!
E.K. Blair
, thank you for opening my eyes to something I hadn’t given much thought to. You may not even know it, but a single comment changed the course of
So Much It Hurts
for the better. To
Beverley Hollowed
, we still need that Skype date! Thank you for always being quick to encourage and keep me sane! Thank you,
Megan Hand
,
Ana Zaun
,
Jaime Guerard
, and
Laura Howard
,
for the many late night conversations and for answering my infinite supply of questions. Thank you,
Kelsie Leverich
and
Jessica Louise
, for helping me with my blurb for my back cover of my paperback! You girls are amazing with words! Thank you also,
Mel Ballew
, whose friendship and feedback have been invaluable! I’m so incredibly grateful to you for publishing my first chapter in the back of your book and for combing through my manuscript with a fine toothed comb, pointing out all my overused words! The hours we’ve spent on the phone have meant more to me than you can imagine! Thank you to
Jenn Besterman
for swooping in to beta when I was feeling defeated! Your feedback was so helpful and encouraging as well! Thank you to
Amanda Stone
for always being there to reply to any questions I had. I appreciate all of your honest answers and feedback! To
Anne Leigh
, you were a new author on the scene who always popped in to ask me about my day or give me encouragement. Thank you for reading my manuscript and supporting me with such an amazing review! Thank you
Lynetta Halat
and
Heather Gunter
, my newest author friends who are just all-around awesome! I love you girls like the day is long!
Thank you, Katie Mac of Indie Express, who spent hours supplying me with invaluable feedback over the phone and on the internet. I’m so thankful our paths crossed on Facebook, even though I feel certain we may have crossed paths another time in our lives while living in the same small town. ;) I’m so thankful to have found such a wonderful, talented group of writer friends!