10
W
alking into his home to the smell of supper cooking was something Marcus hadn’t experienced in five years. It sent him back in time to the days when Rayna’s work schedule allowed her to be home in time to prepare supper. That hadn’t happened often since her nursing schedule varied so much. They’d both appreciated the time when they could share a meal together.
He found her in the kitchen, removing cookies from a cookie sheet onto a piece of waxed paper. She wore an open, short-sleeved, blue blouse over a white tank, and a full skirt with brightly colored flowers splashed all over it. Combs held back her hair over her ears, gold hoops hung from her earlobes. He couldn’t see her feet from where he stood, but he’d bet money she wore the little strappy sandals she always preferred.
His heart swelled in his chest at the sight of her. This is what he wanted—to share his life again. He’d been so lonely the last five years without Rayna. He wanted to marry again, have another child. He wouldn’t hesitate to get involved with a woman if he could find the right one.
She must have sensed his presence for she looked up from the cookies. A welcoming smile spread across her mouth. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He stepped up to the island and peered at the round disks. “Oatmeal?”
Rayna nodded. “Do you still like oatmeal cookies?”
“Who doesn’t?” He picked up one and tore it in two halves. A generous amount of raisins and chopped pecans were scattered throughout the soft treat. He popped one of the halves into his mouth, then had to quickly move it around since it hadn’t had the chance to cool yet. “Hot.”
“You’d be hot, too, if you’d just come out of a three-hundred-and-fifty-degree oven.” She slapped at his hand when he reached for another cookie. “Supper before dessert.”
“I’ve always thought that a silly rule.” He ate the other half and grabbed another cookie before she could hit him again. “I’m gonna shower. Back in a bit.”
He returned to the kitchen a few minutes later, wearing faded jeans and one of his Dallas Cowboys T-shirts. Not seeing Rayna, he followed the sound of clinking silverware to the dining room. He rarely used this room, preferring to eat at the island, or on the couch in front of the TV during football season. Leaning against the archway, he watched her arrange wineglasses by each plate. He didn’t know where the snowy white tablecloth came from because he didn’t have any nice linens. A bachelor who never entertained didn’t need that kind of foo-foo stuff.
When she struck a match to light the two tall tapers in the center of the table, he had to speak. “Looks nice.”
She smiled at him over her shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Very . . . romantic.”
Her smile faded as she shook out the match’s flame. “It’s too much?” She turned to face him, her hands clasped before her. “I borrowed the tablecloth, napkins, and candleholders from Nana’s house. I wanted the table to look nice for you.”
“Did you hear me complain?” He ran one finger down her cheek. “I appreciate the effort you went to.”
Her shoulders relaxed and he could hear the relief in her voice when she spoke next. “It wasn’t any effort. I think food tastes better by candlelight.” She smiled again. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Come help me get everything.”
Marcus sat down across from Rayna a few minutes later. Not only had she cooked the teriyaki pork he liked so much, but had also prepared wild rice, broccoli, and crusty rolls. A nice Pinot Noir complemented the meal perfectly.
He moaned at the first bite of pork. “Wow, this is good.”
She gave him a pleased smile. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I always did.” He cut another bite of the tender meat with his fork. “Do you make this very often?”
“Actually, this is the first time I’ve made it since we sep—” She froze while reaching for her wineglass. Her gaze flew to his, mortification evident in her eyes.
Marcus finished the sentence for her. “Since we separated.”
Rayna nodded. “I guess I’d made it so often, the recipe was burned into my brain.”
“Lucky for me.”
His playful teasing seemed to relax her again. She scooped up a forkful of wild rice. He enjoyed watching her eat, enjoyed the way she savored every bite. She’d never dieted. With her naturally slim build, she’d never had to.
“Do you still walk every day?”
“Not outside. I do my walking up and down hospital corridors. My job is supposed to be mostly supervisory, but I’m always needed somewhere to help or answer questions or check on supplies.”
She’d never been a sitter, so walking hospital corridors would be an ideal job for her. “And you love that.”
“I do. I like it when I get out of my office and back out into the nursing world.”
“Why did you take that job?”
“Advancement. More money.” She shrugged one shoulder. “I thought I’d enjoy it more than I do. I mean, I
do
like it, but not as much as being with patients.”
“So go back to nursing. You shouldn’t spend the rest of your life in a career that doesn’t satisfy you.”
“I make a really nice salary, Marcus. It would be hard to give that up, especially with the cost of living in San Francisco.”
Marcus washed down his last bite of broccoli with a sip of wine. “You don’t have to stay in San Francisco.”
She laid her fork on her half-empty plate. “Do you have a suggestion as to where I could go?”
He could see eagerness in her eyes, and hope. She wanted him to ask her to move to Lanville. He didn’t know if he could do that. She’d torn out his heart when she left him. The fact that she’d blamed him for the death of their son couldn’t be pushed under the rug and forgotten. Something that cruel, that hurtful, stuck with a man for a long, long time.
“You kept saying you were sorry last night,” he said, changing the subject instead of answering her question. “Sorry for what?”
“For hurting you. For leaving you. For breaking the vows I’d made to you on our wedding day.” She picked up her wineglass, stared into the dark liquid. “I stayed at Nana’s house for a couple of hours after Rye Coleman left. I spent a long time looking at her special jars.”
“The ones on the hallway shelves?”
Rayna nodded. “When I saw the one holding the little mesh bag of bird seed from our wedding, I . . . lost it. It hit me then how wrong I’d been to blame you for Derek’s death.”
“Why
did
you blame me?” he asked softly. “You knew it wasn’t my fault.”
Regret and sadness filled her eyes. “I know that now,” she said in barely a whisper. She set her glass on the table without drinking any wine. “But at the time, I was in so much pain, I had to lash out at someone. Unfortunately, you were the closest one available.”
Marcus laid his napkin next to his empty plate. “Cindy had taken Derek for ice cream, something she’d done every time she stayed with him. Yet you said it was my fault Derek died, that I’d picked Cindy for our babysitter. You said I should’ve found someone older than seventeen, with more experience behind the wheel of a car. Cindy was a careful driver. If you were going to blame anyone, you should’ve blamed the drunk driver who’d done too much Fourth of July celebrating and plowed into the side of her car.”
“I know that. I know Cindy’s parents lost their child, too. But I couldn’t think logically then, Marcus.” She splayed one hand over her chest while tears filled her eyes. “I was in so much pain, I couldn’t think at all.”
“I lost my son, too, Rayna. Didn’t you think I was hurting right along with you?”
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t think anyone could hurt as much as a mother who’d lost her child.” She reached across the table, covered his hand with hers. “I’m so sorry, Marcus. I can’t put into words how sorry I am for hurting you, for pushing you away, for . . . everything.”
Rayna waited for Marcus to turn his hand over and link their fingers together. When he pulled his hand from beneath hers instead, she wanted to curl into a little ball and cry the rest of the night.
What did I expect? That he’d drop to one knee and swear his love to me? I destroyed him five years ago. It takes more than a night of sex and a special dinner to get over something like that.
Slowly, she moved her hand back to the side of her plate. “The cookies are to snack on whenever you want one. I made lemon mousse for dessert.”
“I’m pretty full right now. Maybe later.”
“Oh, sure. It’s in the refrigerator whenever you want it.”
Not knowing what else to say, Rayna stood, picked up her plate and wineglass, and headed for the kitchen. She heard Marcus’s chair slide across the wooden floor and knew he’d be right behind her. She kept swallowing to try and dislodge the lump in her throat. Later, she could give into her tears, but not in front of Marcus.
“Everything was delicious, Rayna,” he said as he set his plate on the counter next to hers.
“Thank you. I’d forgotten how good the teriyaki pork is. I’ll have to make it for myself sometime.”
“It’s a great midnight snack.”
No mention of her ever making it for him again. It shouldn’t hurt her so much. She’d come to Lanville to be with her grandmother, not reunite with Marcus. But being with him again reminded her of how very good they’d been together, and how very much she’d loved him.
Not past tense. I still love him.
More time in Lanville would only make her want what she couldn’t have—a second chance with Marcus. She’d pick up Nana at the hospital tomorrow morning, take her to her friend’s house, then go back to San Francisco on Friday.
“I cleaned as I cooked, so there isn’t much else to do. I think I’ll go say good night to Nana before I head to The Inn.”
She thought she saw disappointment in his eyes, but decided she’d imagined it since she wanted so much to stay with him. “Tell her good night for me, too.”
“I will.”
He followed her to the front door. “Thank you again for fixing supper. It was nice to have a home-cooked meal I didn’t make myself.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She reached into the pocket of her skirt, drew out his house key. “Here’s your key.”
Their fingers brushed as he took it from her. Rayna felt that simple touch sweep through her entire body. She prayed he’d take her in his arms, ask her to stay. She longed to feel his body against hers one more time.
“Thanks.” He took the key, slid it into his jeans pocket. “Take care of yourself, Rayna.”
“You, too,” she whispered.
Somehow, she made it out the door and onto the porch. She held the handrail going down the three steps, worried her legs would collapse and she’d fall in front of him. Tiny raindrops began to fall as she started toward her car parked in the driveway.
“Rayna!”
She turned at the sound of Marcus’s voice to see him running toward her. She didn’t have time to do more than inhale before he grabbed her, held her tightly against him.
“Don’t leave,” he pleaded into her ear. “Stay with me. Please.”
“Marcus—”
His lips cut off her words. Moaning softly, Rayna wrapped her arms around his neck and held him while he kissed her. All the pain, all the loneliness of the last few years seemed to flow out of her body, leaving nothing but her love for him.
“I’m so sorry, Marcus,” she whispered once he ended their kiss. “I wish I could take back all the pain I caused you.”
“I know you do.” He cradled her face in his hands. “Think we can start over?”
“Only if you can forgive me.”
His gaze passed over her face. “I do. I forgive you. I want a second chance with you.” He kissed her again. “I love you, Rayna. I love you.”
Tears of joy filled her eyes at his beautiful words. She wrapped her arms around his neck again, held him as tightly as he held her. “I love you, too.”
The clouds opened up as he kissed her. Warm rain quickly drenched them. Rayna didn’t care. She’d stand in the rain all night if it meant being in Marcus’s arms.
“It’s raining,” he said against her lips.
“I know.”
“We’re getting wet.” He pulled back enough to look into her eyes. “Are you getting wet anywhere else?”
The light spilling through the open front door let her see the hungry look on his face. If her pussy wasn’t already dampening from his kiss, that look would make it wet in seconds. She nodded.
He scooped her up in his arms and walked toward the house. After kicking the door shut behind them, he carried her to the couch and sat down with her in his arms. “The bed is too far away.”
Rayna agreed with that. She shifted so she could straddle his lap, feel the delicious hard bulge of his cock between her legs. Feeling it through wet denim wasn’t enough. She needed skin against skin.
She rose from his lap long enough to slip off her panties. She tackled the fastening of his jeans next. It delighted her to discover he’d gone commando. She slid her hand into the opening of his jeans, pulled out his hard shaft. Lifting her skirt, she straddled his lap again, ready to impale herself.
Marcus gripped her hips to stop her movement. “Wait.”
Wait?
He didn’t actually tell her to wait. “What?”
“We didn’t use any precautions last night.”
Rayna didn’t understand what he meant. “Precautions?”
“Birth control. I didn’t even think about using a condom.”
Neither had Rayna. She and Marcus hadn’t used condoms since the early days of their marriage while experimenting with different kinds of birth control. It had been completely natural for her to take him inside her body without anything to separate them. “I didn’t think of that either.” Still gripping his hard cock, she gave it a gentle squeeze. “Do you want to stop?”
Marcus groaned. “Hell, no, but I don’t have any condoms.”
Rayna did a fast calculation of her cycle. “It should be safe, Marcus. I don’t think I can get pregnant now.”