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I was about to doze off when suddenly a bright light invaded my vision. I squeezed my eyes shut tight to try and block out most of the light.

“Evangeline? What are you doing?” came Ryan’s voice, and then he was standing over me.

When my eyes finally adjusted, I opened them and turned to him. He looked terrible and not in a ‘just got out of bed’ way. The pain on his face was unmistakable. His eyes were red and puffy as though he hadn’t slept at all, but what got me was the look of fear he had in those tired eyes. That couldn’t be right, what could he possibly be afraid of? I was the one supposed to be afraid.

“Ryan, you have a game tomorrow night, you need to go back to sleep,” I managed to say.

“I can’t sleep without you,” he said quietly. “I can’t explain it but I need you there, Evangeline. Please come back to bed with me.”

All the air in my lungs escaped. I had to look away. I couldn’t look him in the eye knowing what I was about to say to him. I couldn’t handle seeing what his reaction would be. With a painful breath in, I began to speak, wishing I were somewhere else. “Ryan… I don’t think that’s a good idea―”

“I would never hurt you, Evangeline. You believe me, right?”

“I know you wouldn’t…” Did I really believe that? “It’s just that I want to be on my own right now.”

“You’re afraid of me…”

I finally forced myself to look him in the eye. I couldn’t let him think that because I wasn’t afraid. I was worried about him, yes, but not afraid. “No, I’m not.”

“Then please… come back to bed.”

The strangest thing happened when Ryan leaned forward and lifted his hand to reach for me. Duke shot to his feet and snapped at him. Ryan’s hand flew back just before the dog could sink his teeth into it.

I watched as Ryan’s eyes widened in surprise as the large Bloodhound took on a protective stance, growling and baring his canines at the guy who considered him his ‘brother’. “What the hell has gotten into you, Duke?”

The dog continued his stare down until Ryan finally gave up and spun around. “
Fuck
,” he muttered before storming off without saying another word.

I watched as he bypassed the light switch and marched noisily up the stairs. My eyes followed him until he disappeared from view then I turned back to look at Duke, who was now staring at me with that droopy face of his. He tilted his head and let out a low whine. I couldn’t help but smile at the look he was giving me; it was just so damn cute. “Thank you, Duke,” I whispered quietly, giving him another scratch behind the ears. “You’re the bravest dog I know.”

Just then a loud noise that sounded like an object hitting the wall, then shattering on the ground, came from somewhere upstairs.
Ryan.

Without thinking, I jumped to my feet and immediately raced up the stairs, with Duke right beside me.

I found Ryan on his knees with his hands covering his face. The ground around him was littered in tiny white fragments and the wall to his right had a massive dent in it. I quickly scanned the room and realized he’d thrown the large, white sculpture, now missing from on top of the dresser.

A strange noise escaped Ryan. I immediately realized he was crying.
Really crying
. His shoulders were shaking as he kept his head buried in his hands.

Without another thought, I raced to his side and dropped down beside him. Sensing I was there, he quickly reached out and threw his arms around me, squeezing me tight as if he were afraid of letting go. I wrapped my arms around him and said nothing as he cried on my shoulder. I felt Duke on the ground beside me. I could hear his soft whimpers. It was like he knew one of his family members was in deep pain.

Every part of me ached seeing Ryan like this. This was a man I never imagined to see this way. I’d always pictured him as a god, unaffected by the mere feelings that often controlled many of us regular humans but yet here he was― just as fragile and as easily broken like the rest of us.

“I didn’t mean it… I didn’t mean to kill him,” Ryan cried out, his shoulders now trembling.

“
Shhh
… Everything’s going to be okay,” I said gently rocking him from side to side. Nothing was going to be okay. Deep down I was scared as hell. I had no way of fixing this. How could I fix something when I wasn’t whole myself?

A movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I looked up to find Chiara’s wide and worried eyes on me. She had an arm around Annabelle who was leaning into her sister but her face was wet with tears, staring straight at Ryan and I. Chiara had her other arm up and I realized that she was holding on to Gabriella’s shoulder, who was a step in front of the two sisters. Gabriella’s face was pale and expressionless, but her eyes were locked on me.

Seeing the three sisters standing there hurt, but it was hearing the sound of Serafina’s voice that ripped apart my heart.

“What’s going on? What was that loud noise?”

“Mamma… it’s Ryan. He’s…” Chiara didn’t finish. She didn’t need to.

Sera pushed past her daughters and gasped when she saw us on the floor. Her hand flew up to her mouth and her eyes instantly filled with tears. She didn’t take another step forward; it was as if she knew not to.

“I need to see if he’s okay,” argued Gabriella, shaking off Chiara’s hand and stepping up to her mother.

To my surprise, Serafina reached out and grabbed hold of Gabriella’s arm. “Let them talk,” she said, her voice broken by the tears. “He needs to do this, Gabby.”

Gabby actually listened. She simply nodded and took a step back.

“Let’s go. We are only making matters worse by watching. Let us give them the privacy they deserve.”

Even though I’d lost my mother a long time ago, I could only imagine that what Serafina had done was one of the hardest things for a mother to say and do. To be able to see their child in pain and allow someone else try and take that pain away; that only meant Serafina was a much stronger woman than I took her for. The tears in her eyes were proof that she hated seeing her only son this way.

Ryan didn’t seem to notice anything happening around him. He just continued sobbing and muttering inaudible words. I managed to catch, ‘
sorry
’ and ‘
can’t lose you
’.

Once his family left and closed the door behind them, I lifted an arm free and began gently running my fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe him.

****

“Please don’t leave,” he suddenly whispered. He hadn’t said much over the last fifteen minutes. His heavy sobs slowly turned into light whimpers, and then eventually they stopped. He still clung to me tightly and I continued to rock him gently, praying that he was alright.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here,” I said reassuringly. That was the truth. No matter how terrifying this situation was, there was no way I was letting him face this alone. He was there for me when I bared my soul, to hell if I wasn’t going to be around when he bared his.

“Evie… I didn’t mean to kill him. I was so angry… I pushed him and he fell down the stairs…”
So it was an accident.

I kissed the side of his head. “I believe you, baby. Now, let me help you up. We can hop into bed and we can talk about it, okay? I’ll just listen, you have my word.” He nodded against my shoulder.

We rose and made our way towards the bed, careful not to step on any of the broken statue fragments. I tucked him under the blankets before getting the light, and then hopped on the bed beside him, wrapping my arm tightly around him, and resting the side of my head against his chest.

I let Duke sleep at the end of the mattress. Although, it was hard having a huge Bloodhound take up leg space, having him in the room comforted me. There was no way I was going to kick the poor dog out after what he’d witnessed and I doubt I’d be able to make him leave.

Neither of us said anything for a long time. I wanted Ryan to be the one to speak first. He needed to
want
to share his demons with me. There was no point forcing it out of him, that would only cause him more pain and I wasn’t willing to watch him fall apart again. It hurt enough knowing this perfect man had darker demons than I’d first imagined.

“Thank you…” Ryan said quietly, his voice cracking.

I squeezed him tighter. “You have nothing to thank me for. But I have a serious question to ask you, Ryan.”

“I have everything to thank you for.”

He didn’t respond to my other comment so I decided to go ahead and ask him anyway. It was an important question that needed to be asked. “Have you ever gotten professional help before? I mean, talking to someone about what you went through?”

I felt him tense before he spoke. “Sort of.”
Sort of?
What kind of answer was that?

“Ryan?”

“After it happened, Mom tried to get me to go to therapy but I refused to. I was afraid to tell anyone what happened because I didn’t want to be taken away from my family. I was nineteen when I started seeing Jessica. Only, I haven’t told her anything about it yet.”
Huh?

“So, this Jessica is your therapist?” I said with a little too much venom in my voice for my liking. I didn’t mean it to come out that way but I couldn’t help the growing jealousy inside my chest. I snapped myself out of it, cleared my throat and continued. “Why haven’t you told her about your father yet? Isn’t that why you went to see her in the first place? What do you speak to her about then?”

He stilled against me again. “It’s… It’s a difficult situation,” he finally said. “I’ve been afraid to share it with anyone because once it’s out, it’s out, you know? I won’t be able to go back and change it… And lately all I’ve been able to talk about is you, so I’ve been distracted.”

This time I was the one who froze.
Did I just hear him correctly?

He shifted so that he was facing me and placed a hand against the side of my face, gently tucking the loose ends of my hair behind my ear with his fingers. It was hard to see him in the dark, but I knew his eyes were on me. I could feel his penetrating gaze.

“I haven’t wanted to open up to anyone about my past as much as I’ve wanted with you. It gets harder and harder to hold back each time I have you in my arms. The only thing that stops me is the fear that you’ll hate me for what I’ve done, or worse, I’ll lose you forever. I couldn’t handle any of those things… I think I’m falling in love with you, Evangeline.”

My eyes widened with complete shock.
WHAT?
Impossible. I must’ve heard him wrong. There was no way
Ryan Fox
just said he was falling in love with a girl… falling in love with
me
for that matter.

I heard Ryan sigh. “I’ve scared you, haven’t I?”

Realizing that I needed to give him an answer and quickly, I took hold of his hand on my cheek and brought it to my lips, gently pressing a kiss on top of his knuckles. “No, you haven’t scared me. You caught me by surprise, that’s all. I mean, you’re Ryan Fox, New York Yankees star pitcher. Everyone loves and worships you; you have the world at your feet, and a different girl in your bed every night. I’m just me. I’m not anyone special. I just don’t understand what someone like you sees in someone like me. I’m just this useless―”

“
Shhh
, I won’t let you bring yourself down like that.” Ryan started, placing a finger to my lips. He leaned in closer, until our foreheads touched then moved his hand down to my lower back. “From the moment you walked into my life, none of those things mattered to me anymore. Jeez, I haven’t even been with anyone since you. I haven’t wanted too. You’re all I see, you’re all I crave. It’s like I’m possessed.”

Was he telling the truth? Was it possible that he felt the same way as I did? But before I was ready to admit my feelings I needed to help him. I needed to get him to talk with someone about what happened with his father. “Do you think if you told me about your father first it’d be easier to then tell your therapist?” The words came out so suddenly that he stilled again. “I’m not going to run. I’m not going to hate you either. I want to help you, Ryan,” I said reassuringly.

“Can you promise me that you won’t run?” he eventually responded after a brief silence.

I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes briefly. “I promise.”

He lifted his head and pressed his lips to my forehead before turning back to lie on his back. I could only imagine the torment going through his mind; I needed to be strong for him.