Skygods (Hydraulic #2) (28 page)

“Oh.”

“Yeah,
oh
. How could you, Alonso? Sofia?”

My entire life, I’d tried to prove how far from frail I was. I felt manipulated. I felt the grieving process I went through seven years ago was cheapened. So what, did I have to grieve all over again because the first time was a lie? Most of all, I felt bone-headedly blind for allowing it to happen.

“
Hijita
,” Alonso said calmly, “I do apologize.”

“No. Both of you betrayed my trust, and ‘I do apologize’ doesn’t cut it. Fucking hell, Alonso!” I hissed. “You’re his father! What did you possibly think you’d accomplish by keeping me in the dark…”

A shadow fell across the blanket. My vehement words fell away as I stared up at Samuel. His mouth was pressed into a thin, white line. His hands were on his hips, eyes burning, and I felt shame at my outburst.

“I forgot my wallet,” he said flatly.

“Oh.” Ooh, he was pissed. No one talked to
Mamá y Papá
that way.

“May I have the phone?”

I handed it to him, and he wandered several feet from the blanket. I watched his agitated pacing, his hand as it gripped the bill of his ball cap, his eyes squeezed shut. After long minutes, I grew nervous, then defensive. He lowered the phone and his eyes locked on mine.

“I’m sorry for my language,” I said when he returned, my anger still sizzling. “But your parents should have said something.”

“Why? We aren’t married anymore. They are under no obligation to tell you.”

“Like hell they aren’t!”

“And what if they had?” he snapped. “Let’s say they told you I had a mental disorder before I was in a place to talk about it, thereby forcing my hand? They’d either A: cause you needless pain because I’d still pretend nothing was wrong, or B: attach you to a man who couldn’t be honest with you.”

“Like now?”

“I have told you nothing but the truth since our talk at Button Rock Reservoir!”

“But only because I forced you!”

“You didn’t force me—it was my choice.”

He tossed my phone on my bag and stared at me, searching my hard eyes. Then the anger seeped from his face and he dropped onto the blanket, resigned.

“Don’t blame my parents, Kaye. Blame me. It will be a long time before things are right between us. Maybe this is all too fast. Maybe we shouldn’t…tonight…”

Rejection ripped through me. My phone started to ring again—the Cabrals. I jammed it into my bag. “So what, we’re
not
having sex now? This time you’re freezing up on me?”

“I don’t want to make a mistake with you, Kaye! We’re both angry—”

“You
gave
me this anger, now you should man up and take it away,” I spat, though I knew the instant it flew from my mouth that it was unfair. I braced my elbows on my knees and took a calming breath, then straightened. “That was low. But why can’t we
just have sex?
Why is this so difficult?”

He tucked a tangle of blond hair behind my ear. “Because there is no ‘just sex’ for us—that’s why it’s difficult. We still have the same problems we had a decade ago. Sex and a wedding didn’t fix them then, and it won’t fix them now. Frankly, Kaye, I believe there’s some unresolved trauma here, and sex is the
last
thing—”

I opened my mouth to argue, when my phone rang
again
. Argh, why wouldn’t they leave me alone? I answered. “What?”

But it was Molly who stammered on the other end. “I…I’m sorry, I called at a bad time.”

“Molly! No, geez.” I instantly filled with remorse. “I thought you were my in-laws.” She sputtered and I rolled my eyes, correcting myself. “The Cabrals.” Samuel snorted behind me. I gave him a warning point. “What can I do for you?”

“I have really, really exciting news. Ready? Derek’s going to let us help with the bills!”

“That’s…that’s great! How did this happen?” Another band took to the stage. I hopped to my feet and wandered away from the bandstand, away from Samuel. I mustered every ounce of enthusiasm.

Molly said that her sister, Holly, had made vast strides over the past few weeks, and her situation was slowly, but surely, improving. She was sticking to her meds and finally beginning to feel the results.

“Please tell Samuel thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

I froze. “Why? What did Samuel do?”

“I thought you knew,” Molly said, confused. “Ever since our spelunking trip, he, Holly, even Derek have been talking on the phone—which is kinda surreal because they never spoke much in high school. I don’t know what he said to her and Derek, but whatever it was, it’s working. He’s even hammered out some sort of financial assistance in exchange for their volunteering with the benefit concert. Oh, that reminds me. I know he’s been busy lately, but could you ask him to call her after you guys are done with Rocky Mountain Folks? She was worried last week…Kaye?…Are you still there?”

“Yeah…” I whispered. Her words had knocked the hot air out of me, and I rocked on my heels. “Molly, I’ll call you later. Thanks for calling.”

I said my good-byes, then closed my phone and wandered through the nighttime, the crowds, the lights, the music, thinking.

After a hard fall, resetting the bones in your body is downright painful. Even more painful is the anticipation of pain: the cringing, the gnashing of teeth, the tensing, just waiting for sharp stabs to shoot through your body before they actually do. When you have to set your own broken bones, then the anticipation is ten times as painful.

In the first aid training Hector and I did before we began to climb mountains, I learned how to reset a fracture by myself and…let’s just say I hoped I never had to in real life. First, remain calm (ha!). Second, check for skin tears around the break and clean away the blood and dirt. Next, create traction by wedging your hand or foot into a V-notch of a tree and then push
away
from the tree. After you have traction and can reset the bone, splint the break. There. You’ve just caused yourself tremendous pain in order to heal properly.

My bones had been broken not for seven years, but for twenty-seven. Mom left me for her gardens and squished heart. Dad left me for his new young thing. Samuel left me for his demons. And the Cabrals—they left me for Samuel’s demons, too. I’d spent most of my memorable life stumbling around with fractured limbs, checking them over and over for skin tears or nicked nerves and cleaning them as best as possible. But I’d been so busy hunkering down against the next break, I never let those bones heal. Like a little girl, I was so wrapped up in my fears, I’d forgotten the fears of others…namely, Samuel’s.

I knew what Samuel said to Holly, though Molly didn’t. He’d told her about his bipolar disorder. What else would have convinced Holly to take her meds, if not the personal experiences of someone who walked in her shoes? Samuel feared his disorder would become public knowledge. Yet he’d risked his privacy, his career, his mental well-being to help my friend’s beloved stepsister. What if she’d gone to the media for a quick buck? What if people saw the disease and not the man? He was brave enough to deal with those consequences, because it was worth the risk.

And I remembered, all over again, that loving Samuel was also worth the risk.

It was time to reset the breaks.

I stumbled through lawn chairs, beer bottles, and limbs until I saw our secluded little blanket. Samuel slumped there, elbows resting on his knees. His gaze was fixed on the musicians stomping the stage, but I could tell he wasn’t listening. His face was shadowed by his ball cap and stage lights, and I thought it was probably a sad piece of work. When he heard me, he jerked.

I dropped to my knees beside him.

“Kaye? I’m sorry—”

I put my finger to his lips. “You were right about the sex. We have a lot to fix. But you should know…” Pushing his ball cap from his head, I burrowed my fingertips into his matted hair and put my mouth to his, hard. His head fell back, eyes closed. I brushed my hands over his hair and kissed him again, slow and aching.

“What was that for?” he asked when we broke away.

“Because you are a good man.” My eyes bore into his. “And because I love you. I’m so sorry, Samuel.”

There. That wasn’t hard, was it? I smiled with the freeness of it.

“Kaye.” He enfolded me in his arms, his head buried in my neck. “I love you.” His voice cracked. “I never stopped.”

Beautiful relief liberated my body and I sagged into him. Breath came swift and deep between us, and I thought I could meld onto his heated skin like dripping wax. We stilled, not daring to move as the band ground out ragged chords and crowds swelled and swarmed the stage, leaving us alone in our dark corner of grass. When the music fell away and the fans with it, we slowly released each other. I’d held Samuel so tightly, I had to retrain my muscles to move. I stooped to pick up our blanket, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and swung me in again.

“Thank you for helping Holly and Derek,” I said unsteadily when he released me, minutes later. “Molly told me.”

He cupped my face, gently kissing my cheeks, my eyes. “I did it for you.”

“You did it because it was the right thing to do.”

Samuel pressed his lips to my hair, a quiet thank you. “So I take it you aren’t angry anymore?”

“I’m
weary
of being angry.” I sighed. “Your silence wasn’t the only thing that’s kept me in the dark. I didn’t try to find the truth because I was too busy being hurt. I’ve been hurt and angry for so long, they became my crutches.” My voice began to rise. “But I’m sick to death of being on crutches, Samuel. I’m done believing I don’t have a choice. There’s always a choice. And…and I’m going to choose not to be angry with you.”

He brushed away the wisps of hair that clung to my cheeks. “You are fearless, Kaye. Full of life. I’ve always seen it, even if you didn’t.”

A not-so-bright light bulb flickered. “Oh frick, is that what the nixies’ curse is in
The Last Other
?”

He laughed. “Yes.”

I slapped a palm to my head. “I wondered. I thought it would be something better, like the curse of lethal sex appeal.”

“You have that, too.” He raised my hand to his mouth. When he lightly nipped my knuckles, I vaguely pondered how
I
wasn’t the one with lethal sex appeal. Halfheartedly, he released my hand. “But not tonight. Let me show you how much I love you by
not
sleeping with you.”

“Hmm. Thanks, I guess?”

He chuckled. But then he grew serious, voice full of grit. “I want you to understand, there will be times when you’re furious with me, just like today. Earlier, you asked me to take away your anger. I wish I could, Firecracker. I can wait, though, and be patient, and as honest as possible. Will you do the same for me?”

I nodded. “Just don’t tell me if my butt gets big. That’s
too
honest.”

His head fell back and he laughed, exposing the brown scruff of his neck. A powerful ache ripped through my chest, all the way to my thighs. A single image—Samuel groaning and clenching our bedpost as my mouth playfully bit that scruffy chin—hit me with clarity. I wondered if that still drove him wild, and vowed I would find out, some day.

A distant “thank you and good night!” reverberated through the small mountain town, followed by a final swell of cheers as we made our way home. Here and there, a window peered at us with yellow eyes, and I wondered why anyone would still be home on such an exhilarating festival night.

My phone rang again. The Cabrals. They’d called twice in the last half hour, and each time I’d evaded them like hippies evade neckties. If there was an emergency, they could leave a voice mail. If Samuel noticed, he didn’t mention it.

“Will you sit with me tonight?” His fingertips reverently grazed the tendons in my wrist.

“Absolutely. Front porch of the farmhouse.”

Such a heady thing, the power a woman can wield. My heart slammed with the knowledge that, even after long years apart, I could bring this man—this brilliant, sought-after man—to his knees if I wanted to.
Oh yeah, Kaye, you still got it.

“Come with me. Or not.” He winked. Ooh, naughty. It seemed he could still weaken my knees, too.

Chapter 9

Cleared

When a diver has completed training,
they are cleared to advance
to the next level of certification.

“I’
M
G
OING
T
O
T
AKE
Y
OU
T
O
G
RACELAND
.”

“Whaa?”