Sin With Cuffs (13 page)

“The love I had for her was different than my love for you.”

 “But we were young and stupid. Did either of us really know what love was?”

He slightly shrugged. “I think we did. Sure, we hadn’t experienced a lot of life but we felt something.”

“Why did you marry her?” The question had weighed on her for years.

“Because she was pregnant by another man and I cared for her.”

Confusion filled her mind. “What? She was pregnant by
another
man?”

“He’d gotten her pregnant and when he found out, he rejected her. She was afraid that her parents would do the same when they heard the news. So, I agreed to marry her. They believed I was the father.”

“And where is the child now?”

“She had a miscarriage. And it wasn’t long after when she was diagnosed with cancer.”

Holly’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry to hear that. How awful that must have been for her, and for you.”

“Although Tiffany and I never loved each other passionately, we did have a good relationship—one of mutual respect and admiration.”

“You were a true gentleman. Who was the missing father?” Getting pregnant as a teen could have been Holly’s experience. She’d had a scare a time or two when she was eighteen.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“She never told you?”

“She said it wasn’t necessary.” He dropped the piece of hair he’d been playing with.

“Whoever he is, he must be afraid you know the truth.”

“If he is, he’s never come forward and said anything.”

“She was lucky to have you. Most men wouldn’t have stepped up and offered to take the responsibility of another man’s child.”

“At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do,” he said. “Tiffany had always looked at things from a positive viewpoint. I’d made mistakes too. I knew firsthand how she felt being with someone who didn’t deserve the time of day.”

Holly popped up on her elbow. “A mistake? You’re talking about me, right?” An ached crushed her chest. She knew the feeling well after having her heart broken a few times too many. When he didn’t answer, it drove the bullet home. Something snapped inside her and she jumped up out of bed, bringing the sheet along with her. Wrapping the soft material around her nudity, she felt all of the warmth vanish into emptiness. “Your lack of an answer is clear enough.”

“Come on, sweetheart.” He lifted himself higher against the headboard. “What’s wrong?”

“
What’s wrong
? Not a thing. I understand.” She clutched the sheet against her body, as if it were a wall of protection. “You married a perfect woman and that was the life you’d always wanted. I just couldn’t be perfect for you.” In every woman’s life she had a specific, mind-boggling moment when she realized she loved someone. This was Holly’s moment. She’d never stopped loving Liam.

“I never said I wanted perfection. Those are your words. Tiffany wasn’t flawless. However, she was a good person and loyal.”

Holly couldn’t catch her breath. Tears filled her eyes but she forced them away. Crying would only make her look silly. “And I didn’t know how to be those things, did I?”

He squinted. “Why are you taking everything I say as a personal jab? I’m not comparing.”

“And you think you haven’t given me reason to feel insecure?” Her heart plummeted. “As you point out your wife’s great assets, it feels a lot like you’re zeroing in on my faults.”

 “You’re being ridiculous. I think you even know you are.” His eyes slanted.

 “Well, I think you should leave because I don’t want to be any more ridiculous.” Stomping across the room, the material of the sheet caught underneath her feet, causing her to lose her balance. She caught herself on the edge of the dresser, not daring to look at Liam. She could almost hear his silent mocking. Grabbing sweats and cami from her drawer, she dragged them on. They fit her tight and she realized they were old clothes from her early teens, yet she wasn’t going to undress in front of him.

When she turned, he already had his pants on. All memory of their passionate lovemaking was gone and replaced with a cold wall. “Since I’ve come home you’ve given me a hard time about leaving. You act as if I left town to hurt you. Maybe too much has passed between us to ever mend. You married someone else and that can’t be erased, no matter what reasons you gave.”

He zipped his pants; his eyes were on her in question. “Are you mad because I married her, or because I didn’t come running after you like I did so many other times?”

Her hands trembled as her bottom lip quivered. The room wasn’t cold but her body was freezing. “Do you remember the argument we had before I went away?” she asked.

“Yes, I remember some.” His deep voice was full of emotion, making her stomach twist. “I can’t say what happened but it turned ugly and I stormed out. That was the last time I saw you.”

Holly could see the torment in his dark eyes. She swallowed back a sob. “Well, I do know why we fought,” she said. “In fact, I’ve thought about it every day. It’s haunted me.”

He stepped closer to her. “What was it?”

“You had,” she forced her voice to work, “accused me of cheating.”

His eyes hooded. “I didn’t mean that.”

“You didn’t? You seemed sincere when you said troublemakers liked drama. Problems are all I know, right?” Her throat hurt. Taking a short step back, her hip hit the dresser. The metal knobs dug into her skin and she didn’t care.

“I was a kid, sweetheart. We both said things to each other that we later regretted. It didn’t mean that we disliked or hated one another. We apologized and things got better.”

Turning her cheek, she refused to allow the tenderness in his voice and the sensitivity in his eyes to change what she felt now. For her to finish she needed to be tough, as she had been all her life growing up. “Yeah, we’d said things to one another, but not when life had gone sour.”

“I overreacted. You seemed different and you wouldn’t let me touch you, for weeks you’d pushed me away. Blame me for being an ass.” Reaching out, he must have realized she wouldn’t let him touch her, and dropped his hand to his side.

Feeling under control, barrier in place and rock hard emotions secure, she stood a little straighter. “I left. You knew where I went but you made no effort to find me, yet you did send me a letter to say that you’d found Tiffany.”

 “You really wanted me to follow you?”

“Maybe I did.” A cry broke through and she swallowed it. “I know I didn’t expect that you’d move on so quickly and then break it to me in a cold letter.”

Scrubbing his jaw, his muscles bulged. The vein in his temple enlarged “Maybe I’d hoped you’d come back and ask me not to marry her.”

“Would you have changed your mind?” she asked.

“Hell, I don’t know what I would have done.” He shifted. “I’d promised to help her. But we will never know will we.”

Now it was her turn to be honest. “I did call you the day I received the letter.”

His jaw clenched. “What? I didn’t know.”

“Tiffany had answered.” She hadn’t spoken a word about that call to anyone. Mentioning it now wouldn’t change the past, but she wanted him to understand her pain.

He squinted and paled, as if she’d knocked the air out of him. “She didn’t tell me.”

“I had a feeling she wouldn’t. She said the two of you were happy, content. I guess she believed that if I cared for you I’d leave you alone.” She sighed. “When you didn’t call me back I assumed she was right. You wanted me to cut the ties. I probably wouldn’t have told you either if I was her.”

“You wouldn’t?” he asked.

“Damn it! Yes, I probably would. A part of me would have needed you to make a choice. I couldn’t have married you knowing you possibly still loved someone else.”

He exhaled and his shoulders slumped as if he’d been beaten. “I didn’t know.”

“Yes, you said that.”

“I’m at a loss for words,” he admitted.

“You were happy. What could I have done but caused you more problems? I had left town. I had no more right to you. She was your fiancé.”

“We can’t make the past disappear. All we can do is live for the future. I don’t know what is in store for us, but what we just shared wasn’t a fluke—”

 “It was sex. We had a good time. We both know we’re like the plague when we’re together. Once we allow things to grow, people begin to run from us. You’re the chief of police now. I’m still the town troublemaker. You need another Tiffany to adorn your arm, and embody your safe life.”

He stepped forward and grabbed her arms, pulling her hard against his chest. “You have a harsh tongue, sweetheart. You make it sound like we fucked, and not once have I ever
fucked
you. Don’t you dare allow your tormented mood to destroy my intentions.”

“Damn you!” She wanted to be angry with him, which was better than pain. “Take your hands off me and leave.” If he stayed, she’d fall back into his arms—and maybe tell him everything.

He stood there for what seemed like a lifetime just staring at her, searching her until he finally backed away. Silence held her tongue as he threw on his shirt, then his socks and shoes. At the threshold, he stopped. “You need a good night’s sleep and solid reflections on who the hell you think you are and who I am. Until you’re thinking with a level head, the only relationship between us will be professional.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

He stormed off, much like he had during their argument years ago.

When she heard the door slam, Holly dropped to the bed and wept like a child. The house was quiet and she was alone.
Terribly alone
. She’d gotten used to not having anyone for support and for the sliver of time that Liam was back in her life, she’d started liking having someone.

So why had she pushed him away?

Burying her face deeper into the pillow, she moaned in pain. The truth taunted her with it’s evil voice. She’d wanted to tell him why she’d disappeared ten years ago, besides the fact she’d been young and naive. The Mayor had befriended her, only to take advantage. He’d manipulated her into believing he would help her become an attorney—a dream she’d never fulfilled.

Fear and anxiety clutched at her chest.

Working in Mayor Hartman’s office that evening, she’d been helping with paperwork when he came up behind her and placed his hands on her back. Holly stopped herself with the train of thought. Reliving it wasn’t necessary. She’d been through the details a thousand times and today wasn’t a good time for another stroll down that path.

How would Liam respond if he knew the truth? Did she belong in Raven? Mr. Hartman had suffered a heart attack a few years back. He was gone. She didn’t have to worry about him, although, she alone carried the burden of the secret. Would she take what happened that night to her grave? Somehow, some way, maybe she could tell Liam.   

CHAPTER EIGHT

LIAM SAT IN his office, feet propped on the corner of the desk and humming, which abruptly stopped when he saw Holly enter the outer room. He dropped his feet and sat up in the leather chair, watching her through the large glass window. She was talking to one of the officers before the man finally pointed toward Liam’s door. Each step that brought her closer, his heart beat faster.

Damn, she was sexy as hell. Her loose blouse didn’t hide the fact that she had nice breasts, and the tight jeans accentuated her slender body. She moved elegantly, hips swaying , and she caught the eye of everyone in the room. The  officers exchanged smiles.